Greta took Keiko home, while Riley waited out in the hall for me. I didn't care about heading back to change, I just wanted to be there next to him. I wanted to look into his eyes like it was the first time all over again.
I only wish the encounter itself played out on the same way. Andrew was different, he was cold. I kept telling myself that maybe it was the medicine they were giving him, or that perhaps he was still tired after all this time. The harsh reality that I was still the problem kept encircling my mind.
He wouldn't even look at me and even when our eyes managed to meet it was brief and unsettling. I thought perhaps my actions would speak louder than words. I stood at his bedside soaking wet with Riley's coat over my shoulders, clearly in distress. Andrew never asked what was wrong.
"What are you doing here?" he finally said.
"I came here as soon as I heard." I old him as I slipped my fingers under the palm of his hand. There was a warmth coming back within them and that warmed my heart. "I was so worried you wouldn't wake up, every day I waited-"
"You should go home."
"What?" I didn't even get to finish expressing myself. Month's I had planned this conversation, all the things I wanted to catch him up on and more importantly my feelings for him. I wanted to apologies, but I thought him my presence would have been enough...at least a start. "There's still a lot that needs to be done. So many things that you are going to need."
"I don't need your help Cora," Andrew pulled his hand away from mine. Still looking away. "Just go home...and don't come back."
He was still mad at me, probably even hated me now. It was all too much to bare, I swallowed hard and it felt like I was choking. Something inside of me wanted to argue, but the last thing I wanted was another fight. Instead I once again, did as he told me to and ran out of the room...and kept going.
"Cora?" Riley spoke as I shot past him, "Cora wait."
I didn't want to face him either, if anything the only choice that felt desirable was running out into rush hour traffic. Smashing the arrow button repeatedly the elevator pretty much told me to go fuck myself as it continued to decline, doors remaining shut.
Hearing his footsteps echo louder, I ditched the elevator and slammed into the door leading to the stairs. Nothing like excessive exercise to make my already heavy beating heart short circuit. Damn Riley's long legs and swift acrobats in high school, he was able to catch up to me before I could pass the first sector.
I felt his arms wrap around me. I yelped and pushed back into him, which ended up through us into the corner when he didn't let go. Tired, heartbroken and beyond mentally stable, I gave into him and balled my eyes out.
"I should have kept you." my voice muffled into his shirt. "I should have just stayed and loved you more! "
"What happened?" Riley's voice was calm.
"He hates me, he still fucking hates me." I cried.
"He doesn't hate you."
"He told me to leave and never come back!"
Riley inhaled sharply and I felt his arms around me tighten. His hand forming a fist clutching the fabric of his jacket I wore, without looking at him I could still tell he was angry. I no longer had any other emotion left in me to feel.
"I don't want to see anymore," I spoke, my voice becoming hoarse from crying. "I'm tired of feeling this way, why does it hurt so much?"
Riley sighed. "Sometimes the best thing we can to to let go is to simple move on."
"That's easier said than done." I told him. "Everywhere I look I see him, everything I do he's there...there's too many memories."
"Then...leave with me." Riley said suddenly.
"What?" I asked, pulling away from him.
"Come back to England with me. Not as a courtship but as a business partner. I'm starting my own newspaper back at home as Great kicks off her new line of cosmetics. You've got a writing talent Cora, I'd love to have you on my team."
"Yeah right. look at what my writing has done to people."
Riley shook his head. "You have done nothing wrong, your words tarnished no one. Jasmine just saw something to hate and took it out of context...no one watches you hard than the person who wants to see you fail."
"I don't know."
"Keeping writing....painting, hell join the circus. Do what makes YOU happy. Just move on."
What makes me happy?
Riley offered me a job, a new change and scenery...a second chance. My home would be with them in a cozy cottage, apparently they had already talked with each other about adopting me as their pink pet in England. Greta wants me to help her as well with her new line.
People who barely knew my past wanted wanted me in their home, wanted my presence without no alternative. I couldn't tell if it was luck or a curse.
Still I hesitated, my life was here in the US. This wasn't about just switching up neighborhoods, I'd be going to a whole new country...I've never even left the city before. Then there was Andrew, through all the heartbreak and the rage I couldn't leave him like this and Riley was more than enough sincere to give me more time.
I closed down my account and quit my job at the cubicle ninja...even when Kim chased after me with raises and gifts like he was a billionaire at a country fair.
Month's passed, and I spent every other day with Andrew in his time of healing. His cold heart had become frigid towards me. In silences I would clean his home and help tend to his bandages while he flirted with the nurse and actually like I didn't exist. Samantha was her name.
She was a busty read head with a heart of gold and the purpose of saving others. He was sweet on her and didn't shy away with showing it, and she caved to his charm and helped even with his physically rehab. I couldn't hate her, she didn't know he was doing things out of spite...or perhaps he was trying to show that he was truly done with me.
That's what broke me. Andrew had moved on...Now it was time for me to do the same.
I kept my promise to myself and didn't leave his side until he was stable and I knew he would be okay. Which was sad because towards the end of our journey the cold became more civil. It felt like we were simply strangers who knew each other.
One the last day I finished folding the laundry and waited until after Samantha had left for the afternoon before announcing my news a well. Andrew was by the nook in his window with a book in his lap, something else he did a lot of while healing.
I cleared my throat to get his attention. He looked up.
"I'm heading out now."
"Okay," he sounded so mute as he went back to reading his book.
"You seem to be well enough on your own now with Sam so...I won't be coming back here...or to the states."
Andrew nodded along with me until that last part. Looking back up at me with more attention, this time closing his book and using his thumb as a bookmark. "The states?"
"Yeah," I said calmly. "Riley offered me a job in England...and Greta wants to use me as her make up lab rat sooo....it's gonna be fun."
"You're just going to leave? What about your job? your friends?"
I sighed. "I quit my job months ago, my friends think it's a great idea and I should see it as a vacation and try new things. I'll come back for visitations every six months...and to see mom."
"When are you leaving?"
I found this sudden urge to speak with me hilarious, this was the most we have spoken in months since he last told me to get out and never come back. Now, I wasn't planning to return and that seemed to hit a different cord.
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Andrew slammed his book shut. "What the hell Cora?"
"I was supposed to leave months ago, but I told Riley that I wanted to make sure you were going to be okay first...and now you are."
Making my way to the door, my hand lingered on the brass handle for just a moment more. "For whatever this is worth...I am sorry Andrew. For everything. I wish you nothing but the best in life."
"So this is it then?" Andrew wheeled his chair to me, only to stop in the middle of the living room.
"Yeah...this is it."
"Well," Andrew huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Good bye then, have fun in England."
"Good bye Andrew."
I left his apartment, pulling the door to a close behind me. In the movies this was usually the part where the leading lady felt an enormous relief - she was free and ready to take on the world. You want to know what I felt? Pain, noting but pain and heartbreak.
©L.E.Chesser