It was 4 in the afternoon the next day before Clifford came home, but he came home with Tyreek by his side.
Tati cried tears of joy and I thanked God for bringing them both home. It turns out that the shooting was non-fatal so the judge granted Reek bail, and Clifford posted it for him of course. His court date was a few months away but atleast he was out for now.
"Reek," Tati wrapped her arms around him. "Don't ever do no dumb shit like that again!" She pushed him. "Do you know how worried I was?!"
Tyreek chuckled and kissed her. "I'm sorry mami. I really am. That shit should've never happened." He shook his head. "I know I fucked up and I'm so sorry."
Clifford came and laid across the couch with his head in my lap. I stroked his face, finally able to take a deep breath. "Everything okay?" I asked him.
He looked up at me with worried eyes. "For now." This was the first time Clifford ever let me see him worried, and it shook me. In my eyes Clifford was always strong and unbreakable, but I noticed how much last night changed him.
———
I started to skip class, having my classmates send me their notes and assignment answers for free VIP entry to Gemini. I just needed to be near Clifford and so, I lived in his skin for the next few days. When he moved, I moved. I wanted to be breathing the same air as him at all times.
Days turned into weeks and I guess eventually Clifford had enough. He sighed as I opened his office door, still in my pajamas. "Chey I'm not paying your tuition for you to be sitting in the house up under me. What is going on?" He didn't look aggravated, he looked genuinely concerned.
"Clifford something is not right." I sighed. "I can feel it. I felt it the day of the shooting and didn't say anything, but I just need to be near you. To protect you."
"To protect me?" He looked confused. "Come here mama." He pulled me on to his lap. "Talk to me."
"I don't know I just been so scared. I can't sleep when you're not in the bed. When I close
my eyes I have nightmares. It's always something different but every time it ends in me losing you. Even either of us being in the shower is us being apart too long. I can't take it." I felt my anxiety rise just thinking about it. The night at the club made me realize how easily he could be taken from me and it had me on edge.
"Chey," He almost whispered as he rested his forehead against mine. "I am so sorry I brought you into this shit. Into my world. Into this life. That was selfish of me. You don't need to be worried like this."
"Don't be sorry Clifford, because I'm not. I love you and I need you. I just don't want anything to happen to you."
"Nothing is going to happen to me." He rubbed my cheek.
"I just keep thinking about Simone, your wife, and how if she wasn't there... what would've happened?" It almost sounded crazy coming out of my mouth, but she saved him. If she felt the way that I feel about Clifford then I completely understand why she did what she did. If it came down to it, I know I would pull the trigger behind him without a second thought.
"No Cheyenne. Stop. Listen to me right now. I'm not going to let you take on my burdens. This life I chose is on me. I got lucky enough to be blessed with a woman who would lie down for me twice in this lifetime. I lost the first one. I'm not letting it happen again. I brought you into my world, I'm protecting you. And that's it. But I promise baby, everything is okay, okay? We're good. You don't need to worry."
I nodded my head even though I knew that I would still worry. I don't know why I had this bad feeling in my stomach, but I had to trust my intuition. Tyreek never said why he shot the guy in the club, but if it wasn't for himself, Tati, Clifford or me, then why else? Regardless of why he did it, my gut told me to stay close to Clifford.
"Let's get out of the house. Maybe that'll make you feel better."
We got dressed and before we left I noticed him put his glock in the the waist of his pants. Clifford was normally strapped when we went out but it just stood out to me so much more today. Was I paranoid? Probably.
We went to the mall and walked around window shopping mostly. I didn't see anything I really wanted, especially since he had just gotten me everything I wanted for Christmas, but I gladly tried on the shoes and outfits he pointed out just happy to have a sense of normalcy.
"You look so good," he licked his lips as I came out from behind the dressing room curtain in a nude Fendi jumpsuit. "You want it?"
I blushed and nodded my head. If it kept him looking at me like that I definitely wanted it.
"But you don't think I look fat? I've put on so much weight these last couple months." I whined as I turned in the mirrors that surrounded me. Before college and Clifford I wore a small, now I'm in a medium and my medium shit is getting tight too.
"Ain't nothing fat but that ass." Clifford chuckled as he rubbed on my butt slowly. "You're perfect baby." He looked me up and down. The look in his eye let me know exactly what type of time he was on and it took everything in me not to strip him in this dressing room.
"You ready to go home?" I blushed. He smirked at me and nodded his head. "Let me pay for this first." He stated as he stood behind me and unzipped the bodysuit slowly letting his hands roam my body, from my thighs, to my titties. Luckily we were in the dressing room area by ourselves with no one to witness his antics.
I rolled my eyes and bit my lip to keep from laughing. "What you smiling at?" He chuckled. He grabbed my neck and pulled my head back to look at him.
"Baby come on." I pleaded with him to stop teasing me. There was about to be a puddle on this floor in a minute.
"Okay mama, we're going, relax." He grinned.
"You ain't right." I rolled my eyes as I put on my clothes.
"I'll meet you out front." He grabbed the bodysuit and exited the dressing room area. After I dressed myself I met him at the cash register as he was being handed the bag.
When we got to the house we barely got the door closed before Clifford had his lips on mine and his hands unbuttoning my jeans.
He backed me against the wall and slid my panties to the side. I was already dripping and he chuckled as he picked me up and carried me to the couch.
He sat on the couch and unbuttoned his pants as I stepped out of my jeans before straddling his waist. He was rock solid and I knew we were both ready, no foreplay needed.
I pulled him out of his boxers and he pulled my panties to the side and rubbed my clit as I balanced myself holding the couch behind him, feet planted firmly on either side of his thighs.
As I lowered myself onto his tip my eyes rolled to the back of my head. It didn't matter how many times we had sex, it just felt like he kept getting bigger and bigger. He stared at me intensely as I started to ride him before he began to thrust to meet my motions.
"Fuck. You are so beautiful." He moaned as he caressed my face, going deeper with each thrust. He rubbed on my back with one hand and held my hip with the other. He fucked me slow, but hard. He was gentle but aggressive at the same time. I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and leaned down to kiss him.
"Don't stop baby," I cried out as I felt my legs start to shake. His grunts turned into low growls and he was pushing my hips down on to him as he dug into me, as if he could get any deeper than he already was.
I moaned as I felt myself getting to release. "I'm going to cum." I whispered.
"Hold on." At first I thought he was telling me to stop riding him, but he literally meant to hold on as he stood up, still inside me. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he proceeded to fuck me mid-air.
I buried my face in his neck unable to hold my moans. I felt my stomach get tight as I orgasmed. My body shook as I rode the wave that took over me, but Clifford held me tightly and did not stop stroking.
"Shit Chey," He grunted as he held my thighs and slid me up and down to match him. I could tell by how deep his moans were getting that he was getting ready to bust. His eyes were closed and his mouth was wide open. The look on his face was pure bliss and I was in awe.
"Cum for me daddy," I whispered in his ear. And under my command, he instantly, released the orgasm he was desperately holding on to inside of me.
He sat back down on the couch with me still in his arms.
"Fuck Cheyenne..." He laid his head back on the couch and started to chuckle.
I felt my face turning red as I smiled. "What?"
"You are everything to me, you know that?" He gazed at me. Seriousness took over his face as he grabbed mine. "I would do any and everything for you."
I kissed his cheek and laid my chest on his. Both of our bodies were sweaty, and we were both out of breath, but neither of us moved.
———
The front door slamming closed woke me out of my sleep. I reached out for Clifford's arm, but I grabbed nothing but sheets. He wasn't there.
I slid out of bed and slowly opened the bedroom door. It was so quiet in the house that I could hear the front door lock.
I tiptoed down the stairs until I got a view of the front door. I could tell it was Clifford, but he looked different. There was a look in his eye that I've never seen before. It was dark and distant, almost as if he wasn't physically here.
He stared off into the distance as if he didn't even see me walking toward him. "Baby?" I rubbed his arm. "Hey, look at me. What's wrong?" I grabbed his chin.
He snapped out of his trance and looked down at me. "My bad baby, I ain't mean to wake you."
I pushed the hood of his sweater off his head and unzipped it for him. "Where you been? What's going on?" I could tell it was early because the sky was still black, but I could see the sun starting to rise.
"The questions. Not right now." He kissed my forehead and walked passed me up the stairs.
I stood downstairs for a minute, trying to comprehend what was happening. It was clear that Clifford was off, and even though I was curious, I felt like I didn't even want to know where he had been and what he had been doing.
I followed behind him up the stairs and could hear the shower running. I opened the bathroom door to see Clifford just standing underneath the stream from the showerhead with his eyes closed.
I got in the shower with him. I noticed his hands were dirty and bruised, and he was tense all over. "Fuck... what happened to you?" I whispered in shock. I wasn't expecting an answer but Clifford turned and looked me dead in the eyes.
"I told you I would do anything for you." He mumbled. I could see the pain in his eyes which caused mine to water.
"Baby, what did you do?" Tears started choking me up so bad that I could barely get the words out. In my mind, I knew the answer, and it was the worse possible thing I could think of.
"That night in the club, that nigga wanted me. And Reek tried to handle it for me. I got word that his people had been following us, following you, for months Chey. I had to take care of it. I had to protect you."
"Clifford." I felt a tear fall down my face as I rubbed his cheek. He didn't cry, he didn't show much emotion at all but I could see it all in his eyes.
"I know, Chey. You don't have to say it. I already know."
We just stared at each other, naked and vulnerable and for the first time I felt that Clifford was letting me see all of him. I didn't have any more words to say and neither did he. I grabbed his wash cloth and body wash and started to clean him. I scrubbed him three times as if I could wash away the sin he just committed. I knew that I couldn't, and he would have to answer for it one day. But he did it for me and I had to show him that I would stay by his side.
When we got out of the shower Clifford went into his office. I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better, but I didn't know what to do. I was still trying to make sense of everything and I didn't want to worry him by freaking out.
I leaned my head against the bed and closed my eyes praying this would all be a dream when I woke up. I knew this was going to be the start of a whole new situation and in this moment I wished so badly that I could turn back the time and change everything.
But, what's done is done and now it was time to face it.