Finally, that son of a bitch was dead.
The man who made my life hell, bossed me around and controlled my every move, had fallen.
And at the hands of me, his worst enemy.
I didn't even attend the funeral, I mean I put the monster down, that was closure.
However the fall was harder to commute than expected, so I insisted on a fellow killer to help me.
"Your almost-husband is insane! I can't pee without him yelling at me!" I whisper yelled, "We need to kill him!"
"I'm not gonna murder Sam, then there wouldn't be a wedding.
"We're not killing Sam, we're killing the groomzilla inside of him!" I explained.
"Okay I'm in-"
"Great so grab him and relax him, do some moves, bedroom moves-"
"I'm not gonna fuck him into being calm!" Bucky argued.
"Well, that was my plan!" I yelled back.
"How do we calm people down? I mean we're literally fixing Sam!" He yelled.
"I don't know, should we WikiHow it?" I asked.
"That's smart do that!" He agreeable yelled.
After a WikiHow search, we had our eyes opened to how to probably calm down a stressed-out individual. I'd say we were pros at it.
"Hey, sam-"
"Y/N I am very busy right now!" He snapped back.
"Well I thought you should um, take a few deep breaths, maybe to-"
"I will breathe when this wedding is finished!" He yelled back.
"Well, the jokes on you because if you don't breathe, your gonna die!" I yelled as I ran away, scary groom Sam was well, scary.
We decided that I should avoid Sam for the minute, so Bucky decided to have a crack at him.
"Hey dear, do you wanna go for a walk?" He calmly asked, approaching the beast.
"Do I look like I have time for a walk?!" He yelled back.
"Okay, bye, I'm too pretty to deal with you in this state.." Bucky said as he left their room.
Our final hail mary was a joint confrontation, using something called aromatherapy.
Basically snorting lavender like it's a drug, for relaxation I guess.
"Sam, will you please sniff this lavender?" Bucky asked, basically shoving the bottle in his face.
"You want me to sniff lavender?! Go away!" He yelled.
By know your thinking, how did Sam finally feel relaxed? Well, the next morning when I was eating breakfast with Nat and Wanda.
"Good morning ladies.." He smiled, you heard me right, smiled.
"What's up to your ass this morning?" I asked, then seeing a happy Bucky stroll in, "Oh, never mind.."
"Wait what-" Nat said almost spitting her coffee out.
"Groomzilla is gone, we now know peace.." I said in a relaxed tone.
"Peace at last.." Wanda muttered back.
"I stan the murder of stressed-out Sam, long live normal Sam.." Bucky said, raising his glass.
"Wait you were behind that?" Nat asked.
"I thought if he got laid, all his problems would go away.." I shrugged.
So when the man who everyone hated went back to normal, we were all grateful.
Rest in peace stressed out Sam, you will not be missed.