tw: anxiety
hands shaky, san presses a finger onto the doorbell of wooyoung's grand house. it'll be okay, darling. i won't let anything go wrong; repeating his boyfriend's words from earlier today, san exhales a deep breath, yet it's no use, because his body instantly tenses up when he hears a rhythm of footsteps approaching from the other side of the door.
and before he can recompose himself, the entrance is being swung open, an unfamiliar face revealing themselves.
"hello! you're choi san, aren't you?!" the little kid at the door asks cheerily, a lopsided grin on his face as he stares up at the older's confused expression.
"uhm—" san clears his throat. "y-yes, that's me..."
the child's face brightens at the information, before pulling the door further open for san. "ooh, that's good, wooyoungie hyung is waiting for you~ but he's still getting ready, which is why he sent me to get you! i you can come in, now, by the way!"
while the young boy rambles on, san finds a comforting sense of similarity in his twinkling eyes, the realisation causing his own to eyes light up in excitement. "you- you're kyungmin, right?"
"you know who i am?!" kyungmin gasps, jumping up in his spot a few times.
san chuckles, amused. "of course i do! wooyoung-ah talks about you a lot, you know?"
"i think i like you already! but don't tell yeosang hyung that, he'll be mad!" kyungmin says, a slight giggle in his voice.
"got it! my mouth is zipped." san then steps forward, cautiously placing a hand on the kid's shoulder. "we should head inside now, hm? youngie's probably waiting for us."
kyungmin eagerly nods in agreement, before stepping inside, san deciding to mirror his movement. "youngie? is that your nickname for my brother, san-ssi?" he questions out of curiosity, as he leads the blond through his living room and up the stairs.
"yeah, it is..." san laughs nervously, lifting a hand up to hide his red cheeks from kyungmin, who luckily doesn't notice anything. to change the subject — and because he feels his anxiety rising rapidly at the lack of knowledge — san asks, "er, kyungmin? where are your parents?"
"oh, they went grocery shopping! but they'll be back soon, i think!"
unconsciously, san releases a relieved sigh, the news calming him down slightly. it isn't that he doesn't want to meet wooyoung's parents; if anything, that's the reason he's here in the first place. instead, it's the fear of being unaccepted, or even worse, wooyoung being unaccepted that's causing san to grow uneasy. that's the last thing he wants, and he can't imagine the amount of guilt he would feel if that becomes the case.
"we're here, san-ssi!" kyungmin's exclaim pulls the boy out of the monster that is his mind.
"wooyoung's room?" san makes sure, receiving a nod of the head from kyungmin in confirmation. lips naturally forming a smile at the thought of seeing his lover, san pulls on the door handle of the room, kyungmin trailing after him.
"sannie!"
said-boy's eyes dart across the room to where the sweet voice came from, feeling all of his worries disappear at the sight of wooyoung. "hi, youngie," san greets shyly, hoping the blush appearing on his face isn't too prominent.
"hey..." wooyoung looks at san, at kyungmin, and then back at san with his lip caught in between his teeth, before hesitantly murmuring, "come here."
san's eyes widen, unsure as to if that's a good idea or not. "but- a-are you sure? because—"
"i know, darl- san," wooyoung corrects himself, internally cursing himself for being so mindless. "i understand why you might not agree with me, but there's no reason for you to worry. so please..."
as san stares into those hopeful eyes that are looking right back at him, he feels as if he's been put into a trance when he walks over to wooyoung, wrapping his arms around his torso and resting his head onto his chest. the younger holds onto san's waist in return, nuzzling his face into his golden hair.
after a few moments, san leans back a bit, delicately brushing a few strands of hair out wooyoung's eyes. "we-we'll be okay. we have to be, d-don't we?"
"we will be okay, no matter what," wooyoung says, nerves evidently calming down as san contently smiles at his words. and for a moment the younger forgets about the pair of eyes inspecting their intimate behaviour, his hand reaching out to san's cheek.
but before wooyoung's fingers can make contact with the smooth skin, san holds onto his wrist, shock written all over his expression. "w-wooyoung, what are you—"
"wooyoungie~" kyungmin huffs, arms crossed over his chest and eyes squinted in observation as he steps closer to the two boys. "why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend?! i thought you trusted me, you say you do all the time!"
san's grip on wooyoung's wrist loosens, mouth agape in surprise, whilst he blinks furiously a few times to make sure he'd heard correctly.
"k-kyungmin, i- u-uhm..." wooyoung trails off, looking at the older for something — anything, even. san just gives him his usual warm smile and reassuringly nods his head, slipping his hand into the latter's, which prompts him to continue, "how would you feel i-if san was my... my, er, boyfriend? w-would you be okay with that, or...?"
"yeah, i'd be okay with that, i like san-ssi a lot!" kyungmin makes grand gestures with his arms to express how much. "and if you are together, that means he can come over all the time!"
"i guess you're god's favourite, then, because san and i... we are dating."
"i knew it!" kyungmin yells, punching his fist in the air victoriously, causing san to giggle at the child's cuteness.
then, slightly startling the three boys, a deep, and somehow honey-like voice comes from below them, though still being loud enough for them to hear, "kyungmin and wooyoung, my sons, we're back!"
the youngest of them gasps excitedly. "have fun, you two, i need to see if mom bought my cheese sticks!" and with that announcement, kyungmin dashes off, door slamming shut behind him.
san almost immediately brings his gaze back to wooyoung, the widest grin sitting on his features as he brings his hands to his boyfriend's shoulders. after bringing san's body closer to his own by his waist, wooyoung raises an eyebrow questionably. "what? why are you so smiley all of a sudden?"
san shakes his head, smile never fading. "i'm just proud of you, that's all."
"of course that means a lot to me, darling, but we've still got to tell my parents." wooyoung chuckles, leaning forward, nose now brushing against the other's. "i'm sure that'll go well, too... we can't get our hopes up just yet, though, you know?"
"who says?" san grumbles, hands finding their way behind wooyoung's neck before intertwining his fingers.
"i say, that's who." wooyoung closes the gap in between them to gift san with a short, open-mouthed kiss. "but it'll be okay, just like i've said a hundred times before, yeah?"
"mhm... we should go down now, shouldn't we? i mean- i would love to stay with you up here and hide away from the rest of the world forever, but i think it'd be best if we got this over and done with..."
wooyoung hums, placing one last peck onto san's pink lips before reaching down for one of his hands. "come on, sannie, let's do this."
after receiving a hesitant nod, wooyoung begins leading the way downstairs to where he presumes his parents are due to the smell of food in the air. san occasionally squeezes onto the latter's hand as a source of comfort, grateful for his confidence, because it's certainly the only reason he's managed to keep himself from breaking down after this long.
the pair come to a halt much faster than san wants, in what seems to be a kitchen, giving the boy no time at all to plan what to say.
"hi, dad!" wooyoung starts. "sorry for taking a while, san and i had to, uhm... talk."
at his son's voice, wooyoung's father spins around from his place at the stove, eyes meeting the stranger standing in his home. the man, whose features are fierce and intimidating, looks san up and down, before turning back to wooyoung. "this is... san, i'm assuming?"
wooyoung gives his boyfriend an encouraging nod as he steps forward. "er, yes, i-i am san — choi san. it's nice t-to be meeting you, mr j-jung."
"ah, it's nice to finally be meeting you, as well!" wooyoung's father returns, voice gentle. "i've heard a lot about you from wooyoung, here, he never seems to stop talking about you."
"dad~" wooyoung whines, turning his head the other way bashfully. "you didn't have to mention that..."
mr jung chuckles, clearly finding his son's embarrassment entertaining, whereas san just stares at wooyoung with large, doe eyes, surprised to say the very least. wooyoung talks about him! and not to just anyone, to his parents... if that isn't one of the best things he's ever heard in his lifetime, what is?
after turning back to work on the food on the stove, mr jung speaks up again, "you two can head to the dining table now, lunch will be ready in a few!"
"of course, dad!" wooyoung tugs at the hem of san's sleeve, taking his hand in his own, before guiding him through an open door and to the dining room. "here, darling, take a seat."
san obliges, but refuses to let go of wooyoung's hand as a way to silently ask him to join. the boy doesn't seem to get the memo, though. "a-aren't you going to sit with me?"
at san's quiet, fragile voice, and the pout that settles into his lips as he looks down at his shoes, wooyoung giggles, grinning. "you're so cute~ and of course i'll sit with you, i would've done so even if you didn't ask."
kicking his feet back and forth happily, san watches as wooyoung lives up to his words, taking the seat besides him. playing with the younger's fingers with both of his hands, san lifts his head up at the sound of a joyful voice entering the room, "san-ssi! are you eating lunch with us?"
"yeah, i think so, kyungmin-ah," san answers softly, watching as the child climbs up onto the chair opposite him.
after a few minutes of kyungmin asking san all sorts of questions — varying from his favourite disney movie, to his favourite colour — a woman enters the room, assisting mr jung in bringing a handful of trays to the table. san whips his head in her direction, mouth falling open at who she must be.
whilst placing the assortment of delicious food onto the table, mrs jung's eyes land on san, confusion held within them. "...are you the guest wooyoung-ah was talking about?"
a couple of seconds of silence pass, san attempting to verbalise his thoughts but humiliatingly failing, not even a single word daring to leave his mouth. therefore, wooyoung takes it upon himself to speak for the older, "yes, mom. this is san... he's, um, a little shy right now, but please just give him some time."
mrs jung nods her head, giving san a side glance before busying herself with cutting kyungmin's food into small pieces for him.
afraid to meet wooyoung's gaze that's lingering on him, san lets go of his boyfriend's hand and begins to fiddle with his own fingers. "san, are you—"
"i'm sorry," the blond intervenes, words only escaping as a choked whisper. "i didn't- i didn't mean to embarrass you, youngie, i-i i'm so, so s-sorry. i tr-tried to say something, b-but it didn't- i-i didn't- i'm really sorry. p-please don't be mad... please..." san forces his eyes shut, head hanging low and nails digging into his palms, as he attempts to shut out everything around him.
but the hand that gently clutches onto san's stops him. "fuck, sannie, i... please stand up for me," wooyoung pleads quietly.
san's eyes flutter open, yet he still doesn't meet wooyoung's eyes, keeping his gaze on his lap instead. his breathing has become so uneven over the past few moments that the most he can do is whisper, "b-but why? your p-parents—"
"sannie-ah, please. please just come with me..."
"o-okay..." san grabs onto wooyoung's arms with his trembling hands, and if it wasn't for his tight grip on the other, he would've stumbled due to his shaky legs.
"um, mom and dad? san needs to use the washroom, so i'm going to show him where it is. we, uh, won't take long," wooyoung blurts out in a hurry, instantly leaving the dining room with san latched onto him. as soon as they get out of the area, wooyoung pulls san into his chest, arms wrapping around his frame.
san fists the thin material of wooyoung's shirt, practically gasping for air at this point, as a number of tears stream down his cheeks. and he feels so pathetic for letting his anxiety get the best of him over something that must be so effortless for anyone else, that he begins to murmur a spew of incoherent apologies in between silent cries. in san's eyes, wooyoung deserves it for having to put up with him.
"hey, hey, darling, please stop it," wooyoung starts, tenderly stroking san's hair. "you don't need to be sorry for anything — you did nothing wrong. and no, i'm not mad at you. i know this isn't easy for you, sannie, and i could tell that you were trying so, so hard back there. and that's all that matters..."
"b-but, wooyoung—"
"no talking just yet, san-ah. you need to breathe. i want you to take long, deep breaths for me, okay, darling? i know you can do it, so please try."
and san did just that, squeezing onto wooyoung's shirt while he breathes in, pauses for a tiny moment, before breathing back out. he continues to do this, but unfortunately it seems to be of no help; a frustrated sob leaves san's lips, followed with even more tears relentlessly rushing down his cheeks.
"youngie, i-i cant—"
"no, san, you can," wooyoung interrupts the latter again. "you can do it. believe me, you were doing such a good job just then."
"a g-good job?" san questions, sniffling.
"yes, darling, a really good job. you might not think it, but you were making progress, you know? and we don't want that progress to go to waste now, do we? so keep going and you'll make it."
san nods his head, biting his lip as he reaches for wooyoung's hand.
intertwining them, wooyoung smiles, small. "it's okay, sannie, i've got you... and i always will."
———
a/n: soooo deja vu happened? just got back from skl and have yet to process a single thing from that mv so all i will say is, stream <3
ANDDD thank u lots for 4k muah i love u