Caidence's POV
"WHAT?!" Heather exclaimed after Siam told them what we did last night.
"I didn't kill your brother. Don't overreact." I said as I continued eating my lunch.
"You should've told me your plan first!"
"And what? Let you tell your brother about it?" I staidly asked while raising a brow.
Hindi siya nakasagot kaya pairap akong suminghal.
"I don't need your permission if I want to hurt your brother because first of all, he and your father ruined my family."
Uminom ako ng tubig atsaka tamad na tumayo.
"Don't worry, I'm not a crook like your kinsfolk. I have no intention to kill him but if he crossed the line once again, advance condolence." Then I walked out.
"Caidence!" Tinawag pa nila ako pero hindi ko na sila nilingon.
Umakyat ako sa rooftop atsaka pinanood ang mga estudyanteng naglalakad sa baba.
Alam kong hindi maganda ang sinabi ko kay Heather pero sana naiintindihan niya ang sitwasyon ko. Nawalan ako ng dalawang kapatid at nasa kanila ang nanay ko dahil mismo sa tatay at kapatid niya. Nasira ang pamilya ko dahil sa isang makasariling rason. Sisiguruhin kong magbabayad sila.
They were never aware of it. They didn't see how my father cried every night after what happened to my mother and brothers. They have no idea how hard I tried to live stronger so that Dad could have a chance to live as well. They had no idea how much we had suffered because we had lost not one, but three family members! Nobody knows it better than me and my father. They didn't know how empty it was for the two of us.
"Hey."
Even without looking, I already know who it is.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked as he stood beside me.
"No. Why would I?" I seriously answered.
"You're not answering your phone yesterday and you didn't reply to all of my messages. I'm wondering if something's bothering you." Dire-diretso niyang sambit.
"Is it my responsibility to response whenever you call or send a text?" I put an innocent act. "Hindi naman, 'di ba?"
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Do I have to smile everyday?"
"You're not like this, Caidence."
"You're now deciding how I should appear."
"That's not what I'm trying to say."
"I'm tired, you know? Nakakapagod na."
"Then take a rest."
Matunog akong napangisi bago siya nilingon sa unang pagkakataon, "Why are you talking to me, by the way?" I arched a brow.
"Because you're not responding to my calls and texts."
"What do you want to say, then?"
Hindi na naman siya nakasagot. Nanatiling nakatitig ang mga mata niya sa mata ko. Nagpapalit-palit ang kulay non, from black to blue to black again. It was like flicking. Siguradong kinokontrol niya ang sixth sense niya.
"I guess you forgot." Umiwas ako ng tingin at bumuntong hininga. "Balikan mo 'ko kapag naalala mo na." Malamig kong dagdag habang nasa malayo ang paningin.
Narinig ko siyang huminga nang malalim bago naglakad paalis, bago ako iwan ulit.
Natawa ako nang mahina dahil napagtanto kong ilang beses niya na akong iniiwan. Kahit sa ganitong sitwasyon, siya pa rin ang unang umaalis at ako ang laging naiiwan mag-isa.
Tumingala ako para pigilan ang pagbagsak ng luha ko pero huli na, I cried like a kid for the nth time. Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong bumagsak sa sahig dahil sa sobrang lungkot at sakit.
Ayoko siyang kausapin o maski lapitan pero nasasaktan ako kapag wala siyang ginagawa para gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Nakakatanga pero hindi ko mapigilang umasa. Akala ko makakatanggap ako ng yakap pero wala. Gusto ko siyang ipagtabuyan pero nasasaktan ako. Gusto ko siyang paalisin pero nami-miss ko siya.
Miss na miss ko na 'yong dating kami. Miss na miss ko na siya.
"What the hell is happening to me?" I whimpered as I tried to hit my chest.
My phone suddenly vibrated. Kinuha ko 'yon agad para tignan kung galing ba kay Ishmael pero nanlumo lamang ako nang makita ang pangalan ni Avia. Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko bago iyon sinagot.
"Oh."
"Where the fuck are you? Nag-aalala kami sa 'yo rito, Caid."
"Pabalik na ako sa room. 'Wag niyo na akong hanapin." Then I ended the call.
Bumaba na ako gamit ang fire exit para wala akong makasabay sa hagdan. Nang makarating ako sa room ay hinayaan kong lumipas ang oras hanggang sa mag-uwian.
"Are you okay? Nag-alala kami sa 'yo kanina." Bungad sa akin ni Asher nang makapasok ako sa front seat.
"How's Heather?" Hindi ko na napigilang magtanong.
"She cried but Royalty consoled her. Kahit ano pang mangyari, kuya niya ang sinaktan mo."
"Tss, I didn't even hit his chest even if I could. Crybaby." I murmured.
"Coming from you. Your eyes are all swollen, just so you know." He smirked.
Umirap na lang ako saka sumilip sa labas ng bintana.
"Can we go for a drink?" I asked out of nowhere.
"Yeah sure, may alam akong bagong coffee shop malapit sa village namin-"
"I prefer 7/11. Can we?"
"You're acting weird again. Okay, fine." Wala na siyang nagawa kundi pumayag.
Nang makarating kami sa 7/11 ay kumuha agad ako ng isang latang beer. Inabot ko ang bayad sa counter atsaka naupo sa tapat ni Asher.
"What's bothering you?" He asked.
"Just read my mind. I'm tired of explaining myself." I faked a chuckle.
Nakita kong magkulay dilaw ang mga mata niya kaya nilakihan ko nang kaunti ang mga mata ko. Pasinghal siyang tumawa bago inagaw ang beer na hawak ko.
"You miss him, huh?" Binuksan niya iyon at ibinalik sa akin.
"I can't understand why. Maybe I still love him?"
"You obviously are."
Ilang segundo kaming binalot ng katahimikan habang nakatingin lang ako sa beer na hawak ko at siya naman, sa akin.
"Have you... tried to talk to him?"
"He tried to talk to me. Funny how I pushed him away." I chuckled with disappointment at myself.
"It was because you're scared to know the truth." Inagaw niya ulit ang beer ko at ininom 'yon.
"Tss, ano ka? Love expert?" Natatawa kong asik.
"Even if I'm not a love expert, I know that I'm right. You're scared to know that he doesn't feel the same way anymore."
Natahimik ulit ako at hindi nakasagot.
"You don't have to worry, he cares." At ininom niya ulit ang beer na dapat ay akin.
"You read his mind?"
"Even if I don't, his action speaks louder."
"He cares but he doesn't love me anymore. That makes him feel the opposite way of mine."
"I can only read minds... I can't read hearts." Makahulugan niyang sabi dahilan para mapatingin ulit ako sa kaniya. "It will be better if you two will talk. You have nothing to lose if you'll tell him what you feel. Just say everything out and then walk out before he could even turn his back at you again."
"Meron kaya." I pouted.
"What?"
"Dignidad ko. Nakakahiya magmukhang assumera, 'no."
Matunog siyang ngumiti at napasinghal.
"Then don't assume and just talk to him."
Muli akong napabuntong hininga habang nasa lata ng beer ang paningin.
"And don't drink something like this. It's not good for your liver."
Inirapan ko na lang siya. Paano ko pa iinumin kung inubos niya na? Baliw rin 'to, e.
***
Ala-syete na nang mag-dinner kami ni Dad. Nagulat pa ako nang tanungin niya ako kung bakit nakabukas ang bintana sa kwarto nina Clayton at Kuya Chance, nagrason na lang ako na nakalimutan kong isara nang minsan akong maglibot doon. Nang makaakyat na ako sa kwarto ay agad kong binasa ang mga text ni Ishmael.
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From: Ishmael Fier Light
Still awake?
Can we talk?
Morning, are you free today?
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Tinext niya rin pala ako kahapon ng umaga pero sinadya kong hindi mag-reply. Nakokonsensiya na tuloy ako ngayon. Nagbukas ako ng IG at nagulat nang may direct message din pala siya sa akin doon.
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IshFier08: r u ok?
IshFier08: u mad at me?
IshFier08: talk to me
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Kahapon naman ito ng hapon. Hindi ako nag-online dahil nag-movie marathon kami ni Siam at naghanda para sa plano. I was about to type for a message when he started typing too. Tumigil muna ako at hinintay siyang mag-send.
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IshFier08: what
Itsme_Caid: can we talk tom?
IshFier08: now its u whos talking
Itsme_Caid: i'll treat u, student cafè
IshFier08: how bout Asher, he's ur new pair
Itsme_Caid: then
Itsme_Caid: lets exchange again
IshFier08: fine.
//.