A/N:Holy Moly! Chapter 21. And I just reached 11K. Thank you guys so much for supporting me and patiently waiting for each update. You have no idea how appreciative I am for all of it. Honestly. You guys are the reason why I like to write now. :) So thank you for sparking my creativity.
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Your POV:
What was that?! What was I about to do???
I was mentally punching myself in the face over what had just occurred no more than a few minutes ago.
All I wanted to do was go and clear my head for a moment and the next thing I know I am close to kissing the one person that I had planned to avoid the entire tour. Okay. I knew that was going to be impossible. I was going to be on tour with them for a few months. But come on! I was about to kiss her?! Kiss her. On the lips. With my lips.
That was impossible. Well... I thought it was, anyways. Now. Not so much.
"What's wrong?" Harry stopped walking and turned towards me noticing that I was silent throughout the whole time. Concern was washed over his face. That was a constant nowadays and I felt guilty knowing that I was the reason every time I saw it in his eyes.
"Nothing," I brushed off and tried to continue our stride back to my hotel suite.
"It's not nothing," he stopped me and held onto my shoulders. "And you know it." I stared down at the floor ashamed to stare into his green eyes. "Let me in, Alex," he begged, trying his best to make eye contact with me.
I continued to look down, unable to meet his gaze as I tried to battle the thoughts in my mind. I couldn't tell him the truth because I didn't even know what the truth was anymore. My reality was merging with my fantasy and my fantasies were merging with my reality. It was all blurring into one and it was slowly making me going crazy.
So what should I tell him? Because he wasn't going to quit worrying if I stayed silent now.
Should I tell him the things I see in my dreams? That I starting dreaming about this perfect, beautiful, happy little girl who had the perfect and loving family that I had always longed for. To turn out to be a real family named the Cabello's and it just so happened that little girl I was imagining myself to be was in fact the Camila Cabello's little sister. Or should I tell him that I still see Tyler? Tyler who should be dead but feels so real whenever I close my eyes. That I wished I never would open my eyes again if it meant that I could stay with him in this carefree bubble my mind would make up for us.
I couldn't tell him any of that. The moment I let the truth leave my mouth would most likely be the moment my parents decide to place me in a "rehabilitation" center to cope with a mental breakdown. Yeah. No thank you.
As if sensing my internal turmoil, Harry released me from his hold and took a step away.
"Just let me know when you're ready to talk," he turned and started to walk away.
Ugh. Great. I was pushing away the only person I could trust in my life, other than Charlie of course. Harry has always been one to look out for me. He wouldn't judge me or call me crazy. So why was I so scared to let him in? Let anyone for that matter.
"Wait," I called out needing him to hear me out, finally. He turned around but didn't walk back towards me. Instead, he waited until I said something more leaving the ball in my hand. I stepped forward and stopped right in front of him, holding the gaze of his green eyes. "I'm sorry," I started, not knowing where else to start. "I hate that I burden you and Charlie with my troubles."
"You're not-" I held my finger upon his lips to stop him from interrupting me further. I needed to get this off my chest before I completely freeze up and scare myself out of it.
"I know that I may not seem like a burder to you or Charlie, but to me that's how I feel. Ever since the accident, I feel different. I am different. I know I am. Hell, if you told me that I would be one of the founders of a this new foundation, I would tell you that you were crazy and ask what pills you were taking so I could take some," I chuckled dryly at how I used to be, who I didn't want to turn back into. "I know that ever since the accident, things are going to change. Things have changed. You have become a constant in my life now and I thank you for that but I can't shake the thought that you see me as this fragile China and I hate that I am a constant bother for you and Charlie."
"Hey," Harry pressed his hand against my cheek and made sure to keep constant eye contact to make sure that the next words he said got through to me. "You are not a bother to me, nor to Charlie. Nothing has changed other than the fact that you are. You're choosing better choices. You're becoming a better person. But I have always worried about you," he stated. He paused, now having his own internal dilemma. He looked down on the floor now, not able to stare into my eyes. "Yo-you're always on my mind, Alex. You're important to me," he brought his eyes back up and I saw true sincerity in them. Love was evident. "And when I heard that you were in the accident with Tyler. I couldn't bring myself out of my room. The lads can vouch for that," he chuckled but turned serious once more. "You're important to me and I can't lose you again." He stressed before bringing me into a tight embrace.
We stood in each other's embrace for what seemed like hours but when we finally pulled away Harry did something that I did not see coming. His confession was something that I was used to. Harry always wore his heart on his sleeves and he was a loving person, even to friends, but when he brought his lips upon my cheek, centimeters from my lips, I instantly froze. I had no clue how to respond to that!
"Sweet dreams, Alex."
With that, he walked towards the elevator in almost a hastily manner. I stood there, still frozen, as I watched him escape into the elevator and vanish once the door closed on him. Not once did he look up from the floor.
I was able to function after a couple of minutes, standing alone in the hallway was a little awkward, I opened the door to my room to find Charlie fast asleep on the couch. The TV was still on as he snored the night away. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of his mouth wide opened, drool cascading down the side of mouth.
It was an adorable, and embarrassing, picture moment for him.
I took a few pictures before I grabbed a blanket from the closet and draped it over his body gently. I placed a chaste kiss upon his forehead and whispered a goodnight. I walked to my room and closed the door behind me preparing for the night.
"Sweet dreams, Alex."
His words echoed in my head.
Oh how his words carried way more weight than he imagined. After the events that happened in the past few hours, I was sure my subconscious had dreams set in store for me once I closed my eyes. I kind of had a gut feeling that the spitfire Sofi Cabello was going to visit my night sleep.
"Wakey, wakey. Eggs on bacey!"
I stirred from my sleep to be met by the chocolate brown orbs I knew belonged to the young Sofi Cabello. She sported a cream sundress as she leaned down on me while she sat on top of my stomach. Thankfully this was a dream, otherwise I would be begging for air. Though, I still could feel the pressure against my lungs so I gently nudged her to the side as I sat up to stand. I helped Sofi stand up once I was firmly on the ground.
"Aww, I've missed you," Sofi hugged me from the side and pulled me along the vacant green landscape to an empty park. "Come on, let's go on the swing."
She raced me to the swings even though it wasn't really necessary. No one was going to beat her to the empty swing set. We were in my dreams and no one else was occupying the park. But who was I to burst the bubble of an eight year old cutie so I ran along with her just as fast as she was. Of course, I let her beat me in the end. Sort of. She was a speed demon.
She laughed in victory as she sat down upon the first swing she got a hold of and waited for me to sit beside her before she began to push herself back and forth with her feet, eventually gaining enough momentum so she didn't need to touch the ground anymore.
"I'm flying," she exclaimed as she closed her eyes and felt the wind push against her face and blow through her hair. "I love this feeling."
I did the same and took comfort in the way swinging up and down brought me. It reminded me of the times when Charlie would bring me to the local park and would push me as high as he could, bringing those butterfly feelings to my stomach when I would go down. I smiled at the memories.
"You should do that more often," Sofi commented, interrupting me from my thoughts and bringing me back to reality. Well. Sort of. I was still dreaming after all.
"Do what?" I turned to her but we still continued to swing back and forth.
"Smile," she said and to add to the answer she smiled brightly towards me. "You don't smile as often as you used to. Well, according to Tyler anyways. I haven't known you that long but I hoped to see you smile more," she rambled.
"I smile," I shot back kind of taken back from her accusation. I mean, I smiled. Maybe not as often as but I smiled.
"No," she sang in disapproval. "You pretend to smile," she stated before showing off a faked smile herself. "See, pretend. Your smiles don't reach your eyes anymore."
I was about to rebuttal but closed my mouth almost within seconds because I had no rebuttal to say. She was slightly right. I mean, I would smile when approached as it was off of instinct. It was polite, my parents told me. It was to show strength, my mother expressed. It was show people I was happy even when I was not. My smiles, according to my parents, were to make other people happy.
I held my breath hoping that silence meant the topic was dropped. I felt Sofi's eyes upon me but I forced myself not to turn towards her. Her brown gaze could easily trap me.
"Why don't you smile that anymore?" she wondered. Nope. I guessed the topic wasn't going to be dropped.
"I don't feel the want to smile," I breathed, not really knowing where the answer had come from.
Whenever it came to the Cabello sisters, I always had the compulsion to be honest with them. It must be their gazes. I would never reveal this to anyone. Not even to Charlie. Not even to Tyler. Damn those dark chocolate orbs of honesty.
They were going to be the death of me.
"Why?"
"I don't know," I huffed.
"Why?" Oh hell nah. Not this again. Ugh. There was only one way to stop the whys.
"Because," I sighed. "There's nothing for me to smile about anymore especially now that Tyler is gone."
"Yes you do," she pushed. She completely stopped swinging and gave me her full attention causing me to stop as well. "You are just too scared to open up again."
What was I scared about?
"You are scared to let people in because you started to believe that anybody you allow close to you would leave you eventually. Newsflash. Tyler didn't choose to leave you," she pointed out. She was pulling out all the stops and not pulling any punches to get me to see. "Anyways. You are pushing people away, especially those who care for you, because you are fed up getting your heart broken by those you care about. Stop pushing people away. Stop guarding yourself."
I sat their in awe by her words of wisdom. Seriously, this little girl is too smart for her own good.
"I don't want my heart to break anymore," I confessed, surprised to feel tears streaming down my face. "After Tyler, I don't think my heart can take any more heartache."
Sofi stood from the swing and stood in front of me, removing the tears with her soft hands.
"That heart of yours is stronger than you think," she smiled. "Let those who want to be in it in. Who knows, maybe you'll feel more complete than you would think." She winked before leaving me to my thoughts.
Ugh. Great. Now left to my own thoughts to contemplate over things.
But what she said was true. I had to let people in.
I just needed a reminder that I had to stop letting fear get to me.
But who would I let in?