Episode 1 - part 1
*Cha hyun-su's pov*
(it will remain in his pov unless i state otherwise)
August has been such a dreary month so far. I mean, what month isn't filled with dread. A dread that i have grown accustomed to and practically welcome. Here I am walking to my new apartment slowly but surely, even though I'd much rather have stayed put in my old place. Well, i guess since this is all that i can afford for now, i might as well just deal with it. It's not like I'll have to live here much longer. Well, it's not like I'm going to be living anywhere much longer.
On my walk, I noticed a lot of signs were up, people protesting about different things. Things that if I'm honest with you, I don't care about. Why should i put effort into caring about things, when it never works out for me. No matter my intentions, things always go south so it's better to just not care in the first place. Suddenly, something goes flying past my face a strikes the sign to the right of me, narrowly missing my face. I then slowly turned in the direction that it came from in confusion.
I was met with a security guard holding a grass cutter that happens to be missing a blade.
"Oh, my goodness. That was close," he begins exasperated from almost killing me. He almost seems ingenuine, but that could be my lack of a will to live speaking.
"I don't know how that flew all the way over there. I'm sorry. This isn't my job, but they said nobody else could work on the weekend. People here think security guards are here to do everything..." he then begins to walk passed me towards where the blade had stuck into the sign. I still had not spoken a word to the man mostly due to a mix of shock and me being an introvert.
"Well, anyway... Excuse me. I haven't seen you before. What brings you here?" he begins prying. Damn... I was hoping to get out of this conversation without having to say anything.
"I moved..." i began quietly beginning to look down as to hopefully show how uncomfortable with this conversation, hoping that he would leave me alone soon. This horrendously backfires for me as he continues to pester me.
"What? You moved? I can't hear you. Can you speak louder?" he questioned.
"Uh yeah," i continued glad that he had heard me so that I didn't have to repeat myself. I quickly looked up at the man questioning me.
"Yeah? Oh!" he exclaimed as i tried to walk away from him. I really just wanted this conversation over as fast as possible. "I heard somebody was moving into Room 1410. I guess that's you. Are you living alone?" He continued pulling me back into the conversation.
"Yeah," i responded again. he looked back over at me confused.
"What did you say? I can't hear you." he questioned.
"I'm all alone," i suddenly answered hoping that it would finish up what we were talking about.
"Right," he responded nodding. Maybe I should have worded that differently. That makes me sound like a total loser, which doesn't really bother me, but that could cause me to draw peoples' concern and attention. That is not something i want.
Once i get into the building I see a few people standing around and mingling in the lobby. To avoid any further distractions from getting to my apartment, i put my hood up. That normally is a universal symbol for leave me alone. hopefully they understood that. That security guard was enough social interaction for the rest of my life. okay, so my apartment is on floor 14 room 10 so i just need to get into the elevator and get to my apartment with as little social interaction as possible. I mean... why would anyone want to talk to a loner like me. Someone who doesn't even deserve the air that he breaths. I kept my head down as i walked towards the elevator and hit the up arrow. once I heard the ding, I boarded the elevator and briefly looked up at the buttons so that I could select my floor, before looking back down.
I took out my phone as the doors began to close. Suddenly, a foot was placed between the doors, halting them from closing. This slightly startled me since no one was even near the elevators when I arrived at them. Curiosity getting the better of me, and a little bit of anxiety if I'm honest, i looked up at the stranger. He was slightly taller than me and had grey/silver hair styled neatly on his head. He was dressed as if he was straight out of a movie and was worth way too much to be in this building. It's falling apart, just like i am. People like me should be in a building like this, not like him.
I guess you could say that he and i made a funny juxtaposition. He had almost this dark aura around him, that made him appear very mysterious and dangerous looking. this sort of unlimited confidence radiating off of his posture. I had this aura of someone on their deathbed, ready to give up at any second. The slouch in my shoulders gave away how little confidence i had, especially compared to the man standing right next to me. I don't know if man is the right word to be using, seeing as how we both appear to be around the same age. Snapping out of my inner monologue when he turned around to look at which floor I had selected he moved back towards the wall. I got a glimpse of something on the back of his neck, just above the collar of his dress shirt. It looked like the beginning of a tattoo but of what, I had no idea. Maybe he's apart of a gang? Maybe I should stand farther away from him? I mean... I want to die, but on my own terms not somebody else's. I hadn't realized that i was staring at the man, until his eyes met mine. They were captivating. Telling me a whole story with no words, a story that i couldn't understand. I broke the eye contact as soon as i came to my senses. My eyes finding a spot of the floor interesting.
The rest of the ride to the 14th floor was very silent. when the doors opened, i waited for him to get out of the elevator before following after him. I think i was pretty spot on with my assumptions earlier, the way he carries himself is something that i admire. In a world like this... how can someone still have no cares. He turned quickly which caught me off guard. He had come to his room... room 1408. So he's only a few rooms down from mine, good information to know, i guess. I quickly walked faster to my room so that I could enter the room faster and not have to deal with my wandering brain asking millions of questions regarding this intriguing and admirable yet terrifying man.
*trigger warning, talk of unaliving oneself*
I walked over to a box that i hadn't yet unpacked. Slowly sitting down right in front of me, I felt my reality slowly creep around me and consume my previous train of thought. The sound of cars passing by lulling me into a state of consciousness that I am very familiar with. My previous distraction at the far corner of my mind, hidden behind years of guilt, hatred and unworthiness.
"Should I just die?" I asked out loud. To whom I was asking and where I expected a response from, I have no clue. Speaking this out loud made it feel more real, maybe i should take it one step further. With such a bleak existence is it even worth it to continue on like this? Just day after day of longing, wondering if things could be different, if i could be better... if maybe one day i could amount to something, maybe even have people that genuinely care for me?
"It's better to leave these types of fairy tales in the books," I tell myself as i briefly collect myself and grab my phone and other necessities and throw them in my pockets. Standing up with the strength that i have left after such a depressing episode. Is episode even the right word if that's the void that i spend most of my time in? Less thinking more walking.
I walk out of my apartment, closing the door behind me as i look for the stairs that lead to the roof. It's good to plan these things out, it helps me to commit to it. When I found the stairs, i began to ascend to the place where i might meet my end. Looking through the window that the open doors gave me to the roof, i could see two green chairs placed directly in front of the ledge of the building. It's almost like they were calling out for me to use them. Maybe today's the day after all. I walked towards them, placing a shaky foot on one chair before placing my other foot on the ledge.
Looking over the city view, i could see a murky lake, busy roads with less cars then normal. I feel like at this time of day, there should be more cars then this? Never mind that, focus on what you're doing Hyun-su. Imagine if you're so worthless that you can't even die properly.
I slowly look up to the sky, trying to mentally prepare myself before i do what I came up here to do.
'If you can't even think the word, how are you going to go through with it," i ask myself. I guess i have to agree with my dad on this one, i really shouldn't have been born. The sounds of the birds cawing feels like, i mocking agreement to my mental anguish. Even birds can't stand my existence. Brining one foot forward dangling it over the edge, building up the courage to do anything else began to draw me into this deep void of unconsciousness before i heard a loud thwack which drew my attention away from my inevitable fate.
I turn around to see a very poised girl with her leg up on the ledge stretching it so that she could better perform in what i believe are pointe shoes. They require a lot of strength and stability in order to be used properly so one can never be too careful when preparing to go up on pointe. She had this delicate and graceful aura to her and it brought me more and more out of my trance. After she had finished stretching her leg she grabbed the outside of her left foot with her left hand and raised it behind her until her toes were slightly higher than her head. Slowly she then tilted her head back to almost touch her foot. There was a small sliver of space between her pointe shoe and her hair, a space so small that it would go unnoticed by many people. carefully, she brought her head up to turn to face her left shoulder as she placed her foot on it.
She then continued with more of her warmup routine by rocking and ponying back and forth from foot to foot in her shoes to make sure that she got the proper stretch before going up on pointe. Next thing i knew, she was gliding across the roof as if she were floating through the air. It was a beautiful sight to see, the amount of discipline that someone is required to have in order to hold themselves up like that for so long is commendable. She switched between swirling, leaps and arabesques just gracefully covering all of the stage placed before her as if she was giving the best performance of her life. However, there was this small presence of sadness in her face that I almost missed from all the way over her, it was almost as if this was not just her best performance, but also her last.
She is suddenly brought out of her focus when her foot gets caught in some gum. She gasps in annoyance as she removes the gum from her shoe, but then looks up when she hears the sound of clapping that seemed to originate from the door to the roof. This also gained my attention, causing me to slightly turn my body to face the man from the elevator.
"You look as graceful as ever, Eun-yu," he says smiling at her. The uplift of the corner of his lips caught me a little off guard. I had only run into him once before this and, he had remained stoic during the whole encounter so this was a confusing yet welcome change. It did raise a few questions. What was their relationship? They seemed close, but how close?
"Hey! Was this you?" she asked him as she held up her shoe to show the gum stuck to it.
"No, it's not mine," he said his smile faltering. "It's like you don't know me, Eun-yu!" he chuckled a little. She then turned a bit to look around the roof in annoyance at the gum ruining her shoe. When she spotted me her face grew colder.
"Was it you then?" She questioned practically glaring into my soul. For such a short person, she somewhat intimidated me. I shook my head cautiously before answering with a quiet no.
"No."
"Maybe it was the gangster guy," she begins confusing me since I had no context in this part of the conversation. Did she maybe mean the man standing on the other side of the roof? No, she definitely means somebody else since he said that it wasn't him.
"Did you see who did it?"
"No," i quickly responded wanting to get this conversation over with so that i could focus my attention on the man currently left out of our conversation.
"Do you want one?" She pestered me.
"No," i said looking down as i stepped down from the ledge. I noticed a brief movement in the corner of my eyes that drew my focal point over to the mysterious man. This was quickly cut short when i realized that we were making eye contact which made my eyes self consciously return to their previous, and extremely interesting place.
"Are you a loner?" She questioned me out of no where. What's with all of the questions? Can't she tell that there is nothing special or interesting about me? Is she just that bored?
"Leave the poor guy alone, Eun-yu," he scolded approaching the girl before taking the cigarette from her and stomping it on the ground. She scoffed before returning her attention to me. They seemed to be close, probably really good friends. He's definitely older than her by the lack of honorifics when speaking to her.
"I thought handsome guys couldn't be loners," she begins with curiosity and a small laugh. "Well, not including you Jun, you just don't like people," she continues to laugh.
"You've met the people that we live with Eun-yu... why wouldn't i hate them. Also, respect your elders," he says with a faux stern tone.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she dismisses him. "Maybe you're just an asshole," she says to me. Seeming more and more curious about me with every passing second. Don't get too attached to me, I won't be around here for much longer. Her next statement which was almost a demand caught me off guard.
"Don't die here. You'll just cause trouble for a lot of people here. Find somewhere else to die," she states blandly as if she sees the worth in me that all the others that i have crossed paths with has. The Jun guy grabs my arm after she says that, as if trying to keep me from leaving.
"Ignore her, she tends to take out her own problems on those around her. While that doesn't excuse her actions, which are shitty, don't get me wrong... just know she doesn't actually mean it. While you might not agree with what I'm about to say, I'm just going to say it, all life is precious until it harms innocents," he begins before hitting me comfortingly on the shoulder. I go to remove his hand from my shoulder, but once i touch his hand i want to keep it there. Luckily for me, he almost seems to sense my discomfort and removes his hand on his own before walking towards the girl. I take this as my opportunity to leave.
"Here Eun-yu, this should help you cover everything," I hear as i slowly walk down the stairs trying not to listen in on their conversation. Hey, I'm not being nosy, the conversation is happening right in front of the entrance to the roof.
"I don't want your money," she snaps back.
"I don't care, take it," he responds with a bit of venom laced in his tone.
"Where do you even get this much money?" She questions. "I knew you had money, but not this much!"
"That's for me to know and you to stop questioning me on," he says already done with their conversation. I walk a bit faster down the stair as i hear him begin to descend down on his own. I hear a loud thud followed by a string of curses in what seems to be multiple languages. A few that i don't recognize. The sound causes really small goosebumps to form on my arms due to the startling nature of the situation. It causes me to pause in my trek down the stairs as a shiver rushes up my spine. I can't tell if he is nice or if he is someone i should stay away from. The differences in his moods is something that puts me on edge. He did not seem very happy with how Eun-yu was acting while on the roof. As i continue down the stairs i hear the footsteps become louder and faster as if he were trying to catch up to me.
"Hey, wait up," I hear behind me causing me to pause again.
"So, what's your name?" He asked me as soon as he caught up with me, which honestly didn't take that long since i hadn't made much progress getting down the stairs.
"Hyun-su," i responded briefly while staring at this really interesting crack in the stairs.
"Nice to meet you, Hyun-su! I'm Jun-seo," he replies. "What year were you born, are we friends?" he asked me. When he asked me that i quickly looked up at him and saw a curious look on his face, with his head tilted slightly to the side.
"2001, I'm 19," i responded meekly. He didn't seem too surprised by my answer, but i was just awaiting him to state his age.
"We are not too far off in age, i was born in 2000, I'm 20," he responded with an unreadable face. One that reminded me of our ride in the elevator earlier. I could no longer read his face, but this was a good look on him. We walked down the stairs together discussing what had happened with my encounter with the security guard earlier. He said that the guy tended to be on the weirder side but he wasn't a bad guy. this reassured me a little but after almost being killed do to his neglect, i am still a little wary of the man.
When we got to our floor we noticed the security guard standing in front of my door eerily staring through the peephole, probably trying to figure out if I'm in my apartment.
"What are you doing?" i called out from down the hall.
"Get away from his door, sir, if someone doesn't answer when they ring then they are busy and you should come back at a later time, instead of pestering them," Junseo hyung said slightly approaching the security guard but still remaining near me.
The security guard looked at him before turning his attention towards me, "I asked you to come by the office, but I guess you got distracted," he says with almost a knowing look. "You need to fill out a registration document," he tries to hand it to me as Junseo hyung and i try to walk closer to my door.
I dismiss him walking around him to put my code into my door, "I'll go later," i state quickly as the door unlocks. I pull Junseo hyung in with me in order to try and end this conversation faster but also because i don't really want to be by myself right now. As i go to close the door, suddenly its path was blocked by something. Junseo hyung and i turned around to see the security guard is still here and holding the door open while sticking his head through the crack.
"I'm sorry about earlier," he states panting heavily while handing me a bottle of juice, "here."
"All right, " i say after taking it while trying to close the door again but he stops me yet again. This causes me to get really nervous about what his intentions really are with this visit. He looks like he has been bleeding a lot from his nose and really shouldn't be here. i feel an hand rest on my hand that is on the door handle. Suddenly, another hand removes his hand that's blocking the door, before the hand holding mine, slammed the door shut and locked it.
"I wouldn't recommend drinking that," Junseo said from my side as i threw the juice gently in a bin. I grew very curious if the security guard was still standing outside of the door so i walked closer to the door and quickly stared out the peephole to see him creepily staring back at me. It startled me a little bit causing me to take a step backwards bumping into Junseo who was behind me. He caught me in his one free arm as i felt warm breath on the back of my neck. It wasn't until now that i realized that he and i were still holding hands. My cheeks became a very light shade of peach as i stepped slightly forward, detaching myself from Junseo to continue looking out the peephole.
A woman walking through the hallway catches my attention. She was on the phone with her mother where they were arguing about her future.
"Yes, Mom. I'll go back if I fail this audition. How many times do I have to tell you? This is the last one. Don't take back your word. I'll get accepted for sure this time. A sponsorship? I'm not going to be a prostitute. Okay? Hello. Right. I'm so hungry. I'm doing all this to earn a living, but I might starve to death. What? Why am I suddenly getting a nosebleed?" After her final question, the security guard's attention seemed to shift to her, leaving the front of my door. This causes me to relax more, stepping away from the door.
"How are you feeling, Hyun-su?" i was suddenly asked, pulling me back from my cluttered thoughts and grounding me in my current surroundings.
"I'm okay," I responded not ready to be completely open and honest with my feelings. I mean, we just met earlier today, and while this man looks like he could be an idol, that doesn't make him trustworthy with all the baggage that comes with knowing a worthless person like me.
"I'm glad to hear that you're alright after that strenuous event," he said slightly unconvinced. He walked slowly over to the door before quickly checking the peep hole for any unwelcome visitors.
"I'm sorry to cut this adventure short but I need to get back to my apartment. I've been gone for a while and Daisy probably misses me," he said before grabbing the door handle.
"I'll see you later!" He says with a small smile before leaving without giving me a chance to reply. My posture wilted after this dialogue before i walked over to my mattress slowly sinking in to the uncomfortable bedding. The reason for my unhappiness unclear to my still foggy mind, after such an eventful first day in this apartment building.
"I mean, it's not like things could get much worse," i say not realizing how wrong i was.
*Author's note*
all i did was edit this, fix a few minor mistakes here and there.
Part of me wonders if anyone can tell that I'm a dancer haha
4174 words