I woke up with a gasp, a scream threatening to escape my throat. My body jerked up so violently, my hammock nearly tipped, almost sending me tumbling onto the ground.
Once my head cleared and my ears stopped thrumming, I looked around, getting a feel for my surroundings. Slowly, the events from a few hours ago came back to me. The sleeping crew members hadn't stirred, nor did anyone around me. In fact, the only noise I could properly identify was the water dripping from cracks in the ceiling and the low snoring of drunken crew members.
I exhaled, bringing my hands up to my hair and running a trembling hand through it. My braid must've fallen out, I thought, a feeble attempt to distract myself. Rarely did I have my hair down. It always proved a disadvantage against enemies who enjoy yanking it to overpower me. Still, I praised my hair, one of the numbered similarities my mother and I shared, so I hadn't ever found the strength to cut it.
My hands were shaking too bad to re-braid my hair at the moment, so I carefully slid down from my hammock, being careful to avoid Sorin, and reached for our chest. It creaked open loudly, making me pause, my heart skipping, to make sure no one woke up. A body shifting was the only thing that moved.
Sliding my coat back over my shoulders and lacing my boots, I quietly made my way up toward the deck, remembering the way Amir and Nia showed us the night prior. The chill immediately grasped at my exposed skin as I stepped onto the vacant deck, and I found myself cussing at the weather. Sailing in general wasn't for the faint of heart, but sailing in winter was another story. At least it was at the beginning weeks where warm days were still possible. Just not today apparently.
I surveyed the deck, spotting only a few crew workers, most drunk. Besides their voices, the deck was eerily quiet. My hands brushed the blades in the waistband of my pants as silent reassurance that I wasn't completely defenseless.
It was still dark out, but I saw the sun slowly beginning to peek out from the horizon. It sent out thick, bright rays of light and emitted pastel hues that began blending into the dark night sky. At this sight, my stomach dropped. I'd only gotten a few hours of sleep. Again.
Sighing, I moved to the railing, folding my arms on the edge and looking up at the tangle of stars, immediately identifying at least a dozen constellations. I loved astronomy, always had. Father was the one who sparked that admiration in me, the one who fueled the flame that now always burned. I didn't know what drew me to them, why they gave me comfort, why I admired such a cliche thing to love, but I did.
I've read countless stories about young girls looking up to stars as if they were the only thing keeping them rooted to the ground, but I never felt like that. Stars were the only thing that kept me dreaming, kept me floating. They understood me in a way, and maybe I was really just going crazy as everyone said I would; but it seems like they listen to me when no one else will.
Boots clacked next to me, the sound of jewelry clashing against each other growing near. I twitched for my knife until I realized it was Devolan. She joined me at the railing.
"I'll never tire of this view," she said, looking out onto the ocean. I scrunched my face.
"I'm already tired of this view," I grumbled. "I hate sailing."
Devolan snorted. "So I remember." She glanced at me, searching my face.
"Over your crush on Rafe?" I asked before she had the chance to ask whatever she was cooking up in her mind. Devolan smiled, her gold tooth shining in the first light of morning. She played with one of the necklaces resting on her chest.
"Oh, I saw the way he looked at that girl when they first stepped on, and I just wanted to raise some hell. But I was shocked when I realized she was the princess," she bit out her last word.
"I'm assuming you're still mad about that," I said with a small eye roll. This was about the last conversation I wanted to be having now.
"Of course I am," Devolan snapped. "Gods, Vera, what were you thinking? Bringing her on my ship? Bringing her at all? You know, you've done some stupid things while I've known you, but this really takes it." She shook her head. "I stuck my neck out for you after you deliberty slapped me across the face. I was the only one that was willing to complete this journey with you." I could tell she wasn't done, but I cut in anyway.
"Why did you?"
Devolan shrugged. "The money was good, and my crew is better than it was the last time. We were planning to sail to Targaryen soon anyway, so we had everything stocked."
"The money was mediocre, and you hate Targaryen," I said. "Why did you really agree?"
Devolan inhaled deeply. Some of the sea sprayed in my face, the salt sticking onto my face. "'Cause I missed you, jackass." She shook her head. "You've screwed me over so many times, I've lost count, but we grew up together. Shit, we've been through hell together. I guess I just missed your bitchy comments and insults."
I bowed my head. I wouldn't go as far as to say we were best friends growing up, but we respected each other. And after the war, Devolan and I had helped mold each other to the people we were today. We helped each other survive when everyone else had given up on us.
"I missed you too," I told her, surprised I meant it. My voice was hardly a whisper.
We fell silent, watching the sun steadily rise. Eventually, Devolan turned to me, and I finally noticed a bundle of clothes tucked under her arm.
"Here," she handed them to me. "You need to at least look the part just in case we are attacked or run in with a mercenary ship and also just for my pure entertainment. I'll make sure your associates get theirs once they wake up." Carefully, I took the clothes from her.
"I refuse to wear an eyepatch, I hope you know."
She snorted. "No problem." I gave her a weak smile before turning away from the sea and walking back down the steps.
Eventually, I found one of the storage rooms to change in. Privacy wasn't a luxury on ships, especially without being an officer and having your own cabin, so you have to make due with what you had. And I had a storage room.
Devolan had put together clothes I suspected were mostly from men. The tunic was baggy on my skin and was plagued with stains I hoped were from rum. Trousers made of thick wool rested on my legs, matched with a thick belt and a sash underneath. She even slipped me a few golden rings which -with a chuckle- I slid on.
The boat swayed, jerking forward slightly, and I had to grab onto a crate to stop myself from sliding. A wave of nausea hit me. I quickly made my way up to the fresh air.
God, I hated sailing.
__________________
It didn't take long for me to grow bored out of my wits.
Everyone but me had something to do. Carter spent his day drawing the ocean landscape and any animals that passed his quizzical eye. He stayed out of everyone's way, almost invisible to the crewman who hadn't even learned his name. Sophie, mid-day, joined him -Rafe close behind her- and asked Carter to look at his drawings. He'd blushed but showed her, even lending her some of his paper and charcoal. Rafe opted out of the drawing yet seemed perfectly content on being Sophie's model. She really was awful at drawing, but it got a laugh out of the three of them.
Sorin had of course made friends with most of the crew, offering help whenever they needed him. He always had a natural way of getting people to like him. I hated that about him.
I hadn't known he knew so much about ships. Even if he didn't, he effortlessly followed along with the lingo and made his way through the chores with his new friends, only taking a break for rum or food.
Ace scarcely left the orlop, rarely coming to the deck. She was working on her inventions while she still had time, and that alone kept her busy all day.
Eventually, I grabbed a book I'd packed and gone to a semi-quiet place on the ship where crates had been stacked. I sat on one and leaned against another, squirming until I found a comfortable position. The sun was out, and I realized it was the first time I'd seen it in a while. Usually, it was covered behind Ravaryn's smog and clouds, but now it was radiating brightly down on my body. The warmth soaked through my skin and beat down on me as I began flipping pages to my book.
Sometime, I looked up, feeling the odd sensation that someone was watching me. After a scan, my eyes landed on Sorin, leaning against one of the masts, head turned to me. He glanced away when he noticed me looking and simply walked down to the direction of the berth, and I went back to my book.
I didn't know when I fell asleep, my book still sprawled on my lap, or when I felt the sensation of water being thrown on me. Jerking awake, I reached for my knife and shook my head to get the water from my eyes. Booming laughs rang through my ears, ones I immediately recognized.
I was on my feet in seconds, whirling around to Sorin and shoving him back. "You fucking assholes!" I yelled, turning to Rafe and pushing him too. Both of them were rolling in their laughter, the bucket Rafe had used, dropping to the floor. "What the fuck was that for?" I wiped my face with my sleeve.
"We... you... your... face," Rafe gasped out in between snorts. He clutched at his side, his face beginning to turn red. I looked down and gasped at the sight of my book drenched, the pages soaked and dripping onto the already damp deck.
"You ruined my fucking book!" Sorin's laugh heightened. My head snapped up. "It's not," I stepped forward, hitting Sorin's shoulder, "funny! I'm going to fucking kill you two!" From slightly behind the two, Carter stood shaking his head.
"I told you not to," he said, tentatively. We all ignored him.
"That was amazing," Sorin gasped, holding out a fist which Rafe bumped. I grunted my disdain and tried wiping my head again, but with my shirt being wet, it did nothing.
The boys looked up, and their faces dropped. I furrowed my brows. "What?" Carter, eyes wide, covered his face and turned away. Before he did, I saw his face had turned a deep crimson red. Rafe shook his head.
"Now that's just wrong," he mumbled, turning and walking away. Carter followed.
I scoffed, still confused. "Ah, yes, my memory is coming back," Sorin said with a smirk. I followed his eyes down and felt my face flush. The water had made my white shirt transparent and was now showing my entire chest. I ran my tongue over my teeth and sighed.
"Are you done, pervert?" I asked with a forced smile plastered on my face.
Sorin's smirk widened. "Not nearly, little assassin, but I don't want the whole crew looking at the milk crates." I scowled at him as he took off his jacket and handed it to me. When I grasped it in my hand, he pulled me toward him. "Besides, I'm the only one who can look."
I cocked a brow. "Don't flatter yourself," I muttered, ripping the jacket from his grip and sliding it over my arms. It was baggy, the arm sleeves falling over my knuckles and the end going nearly to my knees. Sorin laughed.
"Attractive."
"I'm glad I could be of some assistance," I said sourly, wrapping the front around my body. As I passed Sorin to get back to the berth, I slammed my ruined book onto his chest before saying my parting words. "You owe me a new book."
When I made it to the berth, I found Sophie and Rafe, smiling and talking casually. Sophie was the first to see me, raising her brow and clearing her throat to announce my presence.
"Why are you wearing Sorin's jacket?" She asked with a smirk. I glanced at Rafe.
"Ask your fuck-pal." Not caring about modesty -and to prove a point- I dropped the jacket. Rafe cussed under his breath and looked away. Sophie's mouth dropped. She turned to him.
"Mind explaining why Vera's shirt looks like the glass of my windows?" She asked with a mock smile. Rafe scratched his head.
"We, uh- we may have thrown water on her." Sophie shook her head in disbelief.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Come on, princess, it was a harmless joke."
"A harmless joke? What if I threw hot coffee on your dick? Would it be a joke then?" I bit my lip to stifle a smile as Rafe stumbled for words. When he couldn't find any, he turned and began his climb upstairs. Sophie scoffed at him.
"God, they're children," she spat. I still faced away from her.
Throwing off my shirt, I grabbed an extra tunic from the bin and began putting it on. I felt Sophie's question before she asked it.
"A few days ago you said my father wouldn't care if I went missing or died." Her voice was strong and smooth, but I could still hear the hurt. "Did you mean that?" I turned to her and strapped my knives back onto the baldric.
"Yes," I told her, bluntly. "He's a narcissist and has a fetish for power. You're a threat, so sooner or later, he would have to strike you down." She bit the inside of her cheek and nodded.
"People say you're a narcissist," Sophie said.
"So?" I shrugged. "People say you're a faint-hearted bitch, but I don't believe that." At this indirect compliment, Sophie's eyes widened slightly.
"You don't?" Shaking my head, I began walking back up to the deck.
"No. You're stronger than you think." A small smile took over her lips.
"That's the first time you've complimented me," she whispered. Clenching my jaw, I didn't respond.
Sophie was still grinning by the time I made my way up to the deck.
After another awkward dinner -thankfully with no drama- I was leaning against the rail again as I had started my day. I watched the sun dip down. The night sky began to peek out. Most had already gone to bed, but the thought of sleep... I didn't know if I could.
"You look tired," Carter said from beside me, his voice the clearest I'd heard in days. I didn't respond to him even as he looked at me, studying me. "I, uh, saw you get up this morning. It was before the sun had risen." The salt from the ocean burned my nose, the wind blowing through the loose hairs of my braid.
"Did you now?" I asked, an unintentional edge to my voice. Carter swallowed and started fidgeting with his hands. He looked away.
"I've known you for long enough to know that you don't like talking about your feelings," he whispered and shook his head. "But I wanted you to know that I'm here for you anyways. You know, in case you ever want to talk." My jaw clenched tightly.
"Isn't that what we are doing now?" This got a small smile out of him.
"You know what I mean." Cocking a brow, I turned to him.
"Well, lucky for both our sanities, there's nothing to talk about."
He sighed. "There's always something to talk about. Life isn't all smooth sailing, and there must be some catastrophic reason you became-."
"What?" I asked, my voice smooth yet firm. "An assassin? A gang-leader? A heartless narcissist? Whatever other pathetic insults people say about me?" Now when Carter stared at me, his gaze was strong, no longer the innocent boy that fled to Raveryn escaping persecution from his father.
"I was going to say closed off," he said, nodding, "but I guess those work too." Then he was gone.
Devolan came up from behind me, joining me at the railing.
"That boy -Carter-," she started, "he's cute as fuck. A little quiet for my taste but his quirkiness is sweet." I glanced at her.
"Making your way through my team?" We were silent until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt she had something to ask, and I had another feeling that I wouldn't want to answer it.
So, I silently turned and began walking away.
"You still have them, don't you?" Devolan asked, loud enough for the entire ship to hear. I stopped in my tracks for a brief moment, a small hesitation, before continuing my way down to the berth.