My eyes open as the morning rays awaken me. The frosty winter morning sends a chill through the opened window, refreshing my hot body. The noise of a flock of birds quietly floats in reminding me it's late morning.
My morning stretch loosens me up from last night dreams. The constant nightmares have always been part of my life. No one knows this, it's my secret. I live in two realms. One: here on planet earth with Gerard by my side. Yes my demons are still present but he helps to loosen their grip slightly, he weakens them so much I forgot they are there. I feel free when he holds me tight or when he kisses me, away from my own messed up head. In a frightening mental war zone I have my own peaceful paradise.
However, my other world is dark and ruled by those demons that cause me pain. They dominate everything; block out all reasoning. My unconscious body unable to escape. I cannot control that world, I cannot control my dreams. That's why I love mornings. I don't have to be in my self built hell. I can use my own judgment and feel in power again.
Some mornings are hard. Even if it is the fictional demons teasing me I still think about the bad stuff I have done. I wish I was one of those people who can't remember most of their dreams; like a normal person. However, it's more than dreams to me, it's a world I can't forget. I re visit some dreams a lot. It's difficult but I get by. You don't really have a choice anyway. Many people have bigger problems than me and they actually happen in what is called 'the real world' Hunger, thirst, disease, death, grieve, abuse. I'm luckier than most in a way.
If I could only tell Gerard about the other side. Although he has watched me for centuries he can't see into my brain. He's clueless to all of this and I'm scared I will frighten him away with my secret demon friends who I hate, who make me hate myself. I can't lose him as he's the only one who makes me love myself.
I watch him sleep peacefully. I wonder what sweet dreams dance around in that amazing head of his. I wonder if I'm in there somewhere. I sure hope so. I hope I give him happiness in his dream world as well as real life; for I know we all spend half our life in the non physical dimension. I want to love and care for Gerard, for more than half my life.
The glimmer of light shinning onto,his face lightens my mood. Today is going to be a good day, I'm going to make sure of it. I'm taking control myself. I quietly leave the warm bed, goose bumps forming on my arms. I grab my oversized red hoodie from the side which by now has small holes at the bottom from ten years of use.
I descend down the spiral star case which still makes me giggle at the thought of Gerard wanting to buy a fucking spiral staircase and jog into the kitchen away from the cold marble floor. I switch on the lights and they flicker on with a quiet buzzing sound. I haven't baked in a while, I used to all the time when I was a kid.
I open the tall cupboards, perching on my toes. I grab the ingredients I need and start to mix them in a bowl. The smell makes the kitchen feel like home. I then rummage through the messy draw to find the human cookie cutter shape. I make sure they are all perfectly uniform and cut some cute hearts before placing them in the oven.
As they cook I tidy the mess I have created. Mom always used to clean up after me while I finished my masterpieces, she actually used to tease me about my secret hobby but I never cared.
The kitchen is spotless just as the cooker beeps. I grab the red oven gloves and open the country kitchen door open, feeling the heat radiate onto my face. I lift them out carefully and place them on the side, inspecting my work. I must say they are all perfectly golden biscuits. You my not aspect me to be a star baker, you may even laugh but obscurity is beautiful.
I create different coloured icing and place them in small pipping bags. Picking up two of the biscuit men, I laugh as I realise one is a lot small than the other. It kind of makes my heart jump in a way. I put them on a square plate and place them together, hands touching of course. I pipe locks of onyx inky hair around the head and add the hazel eyes.
I draw in a smily face that always elates me, not forgetting the crystal white tiny fangs that lay beneath. I cloth him with a long black jacket with a white shirt and charcoal skinny jeans.
I then draw my own dark hair, covering one of my eyes. I draw on a giant grin on my face with a little lip ring on the right. I pipe a red shinny shirt and decorate my bare arms with dots of colour, representing my tattoos. I make sure to get my scorpion just right as I know how much he loves it. Black skinny jeans come next along with red converse shoes.
I grab one of the small hearts and cover it up with bright red icing, placing it above our heads. I choose the yellow icing bag and write ' Be the Gerard to my Frank xxx' in my best handwriting. Quickly, I decorate the other biscuits in the rich colour before placing them on a separate plate which I place on the sunny counter for later.
I then return to the bedroom were Gerard is sleeping tranquilly, looking as divine as ever. I climb net to him over the red sheets, I watch him stir lightly. He makes a cute purr noise as he diggs his head into his soft cushion. My heart melts onto the fucking floor.
'Gerard. Baby wake up.' Shaking his shoulder he makes a noise of protest but a smile forms as he opens his cute eyes. 'Frankie.' He hums my name like a prayer, looking deep into my eyes with a morning glaze.
'I've got something for you.' I giggle as I look down onto him, stroking some hair out of his face. 'Is it in those hot pants of yours?' He asks with a giggle, bitting his lips. I shake my head, me makes a pouty face. Gerard sits up next to me with a smile on his face. It grows as I gently place the plate onto his lap. 'IVE WAITED SO LONG FOR FRANK IEROS FINE DINNING!' He laughs looking at the figures.
"This is the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me. I love you.' He tears his gaze away from the cookies and onto me. We kiss lightly before he studies my produce more. 'Aww you drew my fangs and everything.' I see him run a tongue over them as he giggles. 'The tattoos as well oh my god. I don't wanna eat them.'
He picks mini Gerard up, watching the icing shine in the light. 'They taste good.' Gerard shrugs before bitting his head off with one bite. He makes an over the top orgasm voice. 'So good.' I smile as he eats the body. 'Success. But Franks lonely now, you'll have to eat him to...'
I pick up mini Frank and wave him about. 'We can't have that can we!' Gerard says sarcastically before holding Frank gently between his thumb and finger. 'He's as adorable as the real thing.' He bites into the cookie with a snap. 'Tastes as good to.' He winks and I blush.
He picks up the heart from the plate and places it to my lips. 'Morning my love.' I smile and let it slip into my mouth, the sweetness intoxicating me. Once I swallow he re connects our lips, using his heavier weight to push me down flat onto the soft bedding. His curious hands explore my body, giving my bum a firm squeeze making me laugh.
He takes his opportunity and attacks my neck. Humming against my pale skin. 'Gerard it's early.' I whisper, sounding loud in the quiet room. 'So.' His hands make there way back away from my back and round to my front. I'm putty in his hands.
I grab the dirty hands and bring them to my face. 'Can we get breakfast.' I plead with puppy eyes. 'Are you really denying my pee pee attention?' He asks with raised eyebrows. 'YES. NOW DOWN STAIRS YOU PERV.' He laughs and lends me a hand up. 'Come on princess I'll make you eggs.'
_____
It's now 5:00 pm and we are huddled on the sofa on a movie marathon. I'm laid on top of him, feeling the rising skin and pounding heart. My arm draping over the side and off the sofa. The blanket covering us both. One of his hands is buried in my hair, massaging the strands like I'm his puppy. I feel so loved right now and my demons seem to be chained away by my Gerard. He's protecting me.
The dark room is only illuminated by the television that reflects on the nearby window that's pitch black, the winter sun has disappeared. Rose is trying to wake up the already departed jack and I feel a tear roll down my cheek.
'Jack. Wake up Jack.' It's so sad, two young lovers torn apart by tragedy, never to touch again. It makes me clutch onto Gerard harder. 'I love you Frank.' His voice is cracked a little. 'I'll never let you go I promise.' He sounds like he is crying. I turn to face him. 'Darling, I'm not going anywhere.' I kiss his damp cheek. I kiss the tears away.
'Do you believe in a heaven Gerard?' My voice is a whisper that is only slightly audible over the tv. 'I'm not sure. I do believe you should create your own heaven on earth instead of wasting your life following rules to get to a heaven which may not even exist.' I push into his hand which is still petting me.
'Can I be part of your heaven.' I ask, peering up. 'Frank, don't ask that. You are my whole heaven, believe me. We can have our own heaven right here right now.' I grin with all the happiness in the world. I don't care what hell I enter tonight, for I'm in heaven right now.
I feel him play with the bottom of my shirt and I let him take it off, it goes flying across my room along with his. I run my hands over his chest which glows in the light. I undo his button and remove the tight jeans skilfully. I'm getting way to good at this. He does the same with mine and with a shaky breath our under wear is removed to.
The blanket still lays on top of our naked bodies, sheltering us from the outside. Gerard guides my hand to his mouth, he gently sucks my index finger never taking his eyes off mine. I slide them out and softly back in again somewhere else. Gerard moans under me, it makes me feel good myself.
We make love under the blanket. By now the film has ended and we only have our selfs for entertainment. It's slow, soft but full of passion. Gerard pulls me closer so I become deeper in him. His warmth becoming mine.
'Goodnight my love.'