Chapter 12 Home
As the German winter in November announces the darkness already in the afternoon,
YU and Sam see the setting sun at 4:11 p.m. when they arrive at Plötzensee.
They stand at the pier of the pedal boat rental and look out over the tree-lined, 740-meter-long lake. On the left shore is a light-colored beach. There are covered beach chairs at Strandbad Plötzensee.
A retreat for two.
Diagonally opposite on the other shore is a stone pavilion.
YU sighs softly and retreats back into his shawl.
"What's wrong, turtle?" asks Sam, noticing YU's disappointment.
"I hadn't thought about that. I wanted to show you the park.", YU's voice sounds muffled through his scarf, "I haven't gotten used to the dark in winter yet."
"Well, we can drive here after Monday's session. Then we'll have the midday sun with us. Is there a good place to eat? I'm hungry," Sam says, coaxing YU out of his cottage.
"I can make us some ramen soup. Got everything here and my place isn't far," YU gushes. As soon as he speaks, he hears a flicker of his heart. He feels the urge to retreat back into his little house. To make himself invisible.
He interrupts his seconds-long stupor and adds, "I mean, if you want. But there are also many delicious dishes of international cuisines here. I can show you everything and you decide," YU suggests.
"A ramen soup.", Sam says thoughtfully, "I haven't had ramen soup since I lived in Germany. In fact, I'll pass on any food that makes me feel a longing for home."
YU's expression is one of wonder.
He looks at Sam with his widened cat eyes and raised eyebrows.
Words finally follow from his astonished mouth:
"This longing. I only cook traditonal at home. To satisfy this longing, you must satisfy its hunger. Let the taste tempt you and relive memories. I'll go with you."
Sam's grin is instantaneous.
Wider than ever.
So wide his cheek muscles hurt.
Throwing the inner ache of longing outward.
Blasting his heart out of his chest.
He feels his inner stirring.
Locates the inner knot and wants to untie it with YU.
"Mhmmm, so the turtle can cook. Such a smart turtle. But you don't have to show off like that," Sam says mischievously.
YU's eyes sparkle in the darkness that has now arrived.
He faces Sam and looks him in the eye.
He is happy.
He will cook for Sam Lin.
He will accompany him home.
"I have every reason to show off. Wait and see!" he replies quietly, smiling sheepishly, "Let's go. I'm getting cold."
Sam nods and tugs on the end of the shell that's on YU's jacket.
They spend the walk to YU's apartment in silence.
They walk into Kameruner Street and walk past the old buildings.
YU unlocks the front door and walks with Sam through the stairwell of the front building to get to the door to the small backyard.
Sam looks around as he follows YU.
YU walks around two strollers and opens the door to the courtyard. He holds the door open for Sam and earns a nod.
The small, planted backyard with different colored trash cans is quickly crossed.
They enter the back house and climb the high steps to the 3rd floor.
Outside the front door, they both take off their shoes and enter YU's one-bedroom apartment.
They stand in a small hallway with three doors leading from it. The first one on the right leads directly to the kitchen with a small table by the window. Next is a narrow bathroom and finally YU's 24 square foot living room and bedroom.
When Sam enters the room, he sees a small single bed at the back right of the window.
Otherwise, only piles of books.
Scattered around the room, YU has created various retreats for reading and lounging on the floor.
Two short stacks of books support a thin wooden tabletop.
The self-constructed small tables are distributed around the room.
Each is accompanied by a cushion on the floor.
Tall shelves support numerous books on the walls of his old apartment.
Sam looks around, taking a close look at each little retreat in the manageable room.
Some books lie open, some lean against each other, others belong to a stack.
Sam notices a special atmosphere in this room.
Each small table surrounded by books houses a secret passage sprung from the mind of YU.
Sam feels a raging curiosity, a flaming interest rising within him.
His world.
He is in YU's world.
"Even your place is like a turtle. What are you doing here?", Sam expresses his amazement.
YU smiles sheepishly.
"Welcome to my little house. My retreat. Make yourself at home. I'm going to the kitchen. Make yourself comfortable." he says shyly, escaping into the kitchen.
Sam is still standing by the door, looking around.
"You want me to make myself comfortable. You don't even have a couch." he says to himself turning around and walking the ten feet back to the kitchen.
He squints into the room and sees YU just putting on a black apron.
"Do you have a system with the books?" asks Sam curiously.
"You have to look at the tabletops. I always scribble my thoughts on the focus of the books on them. On the shelves are books I've already read. From their collection, I expand or deepen the current focus.", YU casually explains and starts washing the leeks after washing his hands.
Sam watches with fascination the man cloaked in black, whose bright face and delicate hands are the only parts of his body that shine brightly in contrast.
YU's black hair lies in full strands on his cheeks. Each of his quick but smooth movements make the black strands slide around on his head.
His petite figure looks even more fragile because of the black veil.
"Why do you have to dress up in black? Don't you have no-black clothes either?" asks Sam in a slightly concerned voice.
"Black is known to retain heat. And I'm a cold person all the time. It's only logical.", YU casually replies again while cutting the cabbage into strips.
"You could really get a little more weight, though. Then you wouldn't be cold all the time.", Sam counters still concerned but mentally taken by YU's answer.
YU seems to be a master at not wanting to be seen. And so gallant and smart about it.
"Then you should let me cook.", YU replies and smiles.
Sam smirks, "Mhmmm, such a smart turtle."
"Get something to drink from the fridge and make yourself comfortable over there," YU says, getting out the pan to fry.
"Over there, I'll only go with you. I want a tour. If you agree, I'll keep you company while you cook," Sam says.
YU chuckles softly to himself.
"That room creeps you out, huh? That's where the man in black lives. Uhhh," he breathes eerily as he puts on cooking water.
He then chuckles to himself again.
Sam just grins and shakes his head.
He admits to himself that YU is a rather shifty person who has an admittedly dark aura.
But Sam just sees him glow. He glows in the darkness of himself and makes Sam see the world with new eyes.
"You're not scary, you're more exciting," Sam says in a deep, serious voice.
And YU stops everything casual. He puts his hands on the kitchen counter.
Finally stands still.
And YU's skin tingles all over from the deep sound of Sam's voice. He puts down the knife and keeps up his outward appearance.
And YU feels Sam's gaze. The way he looks at him from the window.
He would only have to go through a short angle to move his head in Sam's direction.
Finally returning his gaze.
And again, YU is surprised to feel his blood grow hot.
As a deep blush settles over his skin, he feels warm for the second time that day.
His normally cold body feels warm.
Sam warms him.
And this Sam looks at an embarrassed YU, who holds on to the kitchen counter with a flushed face.
And this Sam enjoys the sight extensively.
The smart turtle doesn't dare to look at him.
As much as this moment delights him, incites him to trigger more such moments, he doesn't want to annoy YU.
With a sly smile, Sam walks to the refrigerator and opens it. He inspects the contents and briefly considers what to choose.
Water, juices, beer, and a large white pitcher. A cork does not allow him to look inside.
Sam reaches for the pitcher, pulls it out and points it at YU.
"What's in there?" he asks curiously.
YU turns around. His cheeks are still slightly flushed.
His eyes rest on the jug for a while.
Sam's eyes widen with each passing second.
He takes a slow step toward Sam and places his hand on the jug. Both of them are now holding it together.
He slowly shifts his gaze from the pitcher and finally looks Sam in the eye. With half-open eyes and a breathy voice, he says:
"This is sake. I chewed the rice myself according to the rites of the Shintō and then spat it into this jug." He slowly raises an eyebrow and smiles gently. "Would you like to drink it with me?" he asks softly.
And Sam's overwhelmed look makes YU lose his composure. He snorts and laughs loudly and heartily until tears come to his eyes.
Sam is still frozen as he watches YU shake.
His heart is racing and every muscle in his body is tense.
The hot feeling in his lap is cooled by YU's laughter.
"What are you laughing at, you nasty turtle?" he finally finds his words.
YU rubs the tears from his eyes, moves back to the kitchen countertop, picks up the meat knife again, lets his head get past the low angle to Sam, and says seriously:
"That was payback for your slime trail just now, slug."
And YU's smile makes Sam's lap glow again.
Sam suddenly feels exhausted and sits down at the small table by the window, still with the jug in his hand.
His usually clear mind is befuddled.
As if he could only act out of affect.
As if he had lost control again.
His physical reactions irritate him. The emotions that appear out of nowhere are unpredictable and deep.
And Sam shakes his head slightly, lost in thought, as he realizes again the influence YU has had on his experience and behavior since he entered Sam's life.
This loss of control.
Sam listens within himself.
The loss of control is usually accompanied by anger.
Now, however, he just feels woozy.
Dizzy.
Drunk.
YU gets a guilty conscience at the sight of Sam. He has been disrespectful.
Sitting at his kitchen table is Sam Lin.
The Sam Lin to whose thoughts he has also dedicated his own little table in his room.
The Sam Lin he admires and feels so at home with.
He disrespected.
"Please forgive me, I didn't mean to be disrespectful," YU says, bowing briefly, "I always get the jug filled with sake from a Japanese store in Treptow. I stole it from my father when I emigrated to Germany. It was the only jug my father drank from every day when my mother was away. The store imports really good sake. Shall we have a drink?"
YU opens the top cabinet and takes out two sake cups.
Meanwhile, Sam is brightly lucid again. YU's initial formal bowing had shaken him awake, his casual mention of his parents then brightening.
While YU pours them sake, Sam pulls out his voice recorder from his shirt pocket.
"Tape 5: 11/14/2021, Wednesday, 5:23 PM.
We are in YU Teng's apartment. YU is cooking a ramen soup for us. This is the first time I will open up to home cooking after moving to Germany 11 years ago. YU accompanies my journey.
We are in the kitchen and YU casually mentions his parents. He took his father's sake jug with him to indirectly express his protest about his drinking problem. The reference of daily consumption since his mother left is also important. I will return to this in the coming session.
For now, however, I will drink sake from this said jug with YU.
YU himself chewed the rice according to the rites of the Shintō and then spat it into this jug. It is my honor to drink YU's sake now.
Should this be my last shot, YU Teng poisoned me," Sam speaks into the voice recorder, grabbing his filled sake cup and holding it out to YU for a toast.
YU stares expressionlessly into Sam's eyes.
He doesn't know how to react. But also can not turn away.
Sam mirrored and analyzed YU's weak points and at the same time gave him to understand that he would surrender to the rite of the common sake vow.
And this vow takes away his fear.
Takes the responsibility.
Lightens the heaviness.
"You're a smart slug." says YU mildly, toasting with Sam.
They drink their sake and silently make their culture's ritual promise to stand up for one another for life.