#84
" Rose, don't you wish ever what would've happened if you had accepted that acceptance and moved to the US to pursue your higher studies." I had to ask her. Now that we all know that Aman had chosen his dreams and passion over her and all of us. I needed to know whether she regretted not putting herself above everyone else.
" Hmm, I do think about it sometimes. I wonder whether things would've been any different than they were then or are now." She replied after thinking.
" Did Aman know that you were accepted into one of the best schools for designing? And you didn't think twice before rejecting it." I noticed a somber look pass over her friend's face but then she smiled. It wasn't sardonic but wistful.
" He didn't. I'm sure if he did he would've pushed me away for good. I'm glad I didn't tell him or else it'd be his decision and not mine. " I was confused.
" What do you mean?"
" I'm proud that it was my decision to not go. I hadn't even applied to be accepted. It was just a stroke of luck and a chain of events. Just a scholarship. Well, I was proud but it wasn't something I wanted. But, I knew if Aman was made aware he'd make me go. He'd convince me otherwise. "
"So, to be with him was not the primary reason? Even now? When we all know he..." I stopped. It was too painful to continue.
" Why stop, Aavya? When we all know he left me, left us. To be with him must've been one of the reasons for sure. But, I don't think I was ready to leave anyone of you or my family behind. It's a blessing to have one. Truly, I'm grateful. I know we'd have survived living far away. So many do but I didn't wanna. I was happy and contented here. I had everything. And you can see I've not done that bad, did I?"
" Oh! No. You did far too good, Rose. But are you happy and contented now?" As I glanced at her I realized what an ass of a brother I had for losing a girl like Rose.
" Ha, One might not always be in a state of bliss. But with all you here, with me. It's comforting. "
That's all she said. It's comforting.
And I think I do understand what she meant when she said that. No one makes us feel more comforted in our skin than the ones who love us unconditionally. Our family despite everything.
Hence, despite everything I love them, all of them even one of my ass of a brother, very much.
~ Aavya, reminiscing her conversation with Rose.
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Parenting is a full-time job for a lifetime. It's one job that no one can resign from and despite being parents to now-adult children, these three couples were facing the toughest time of their lives. Just when they thought that with their teenage years the worst was over, adulting hit them hard. But, sometimes talking and opening your heart soothes everyone ad everything.
It's comforting just to know that there is someone out there who'll always watch your back and you can always trust them with your happiness - - your family, your parents, your siblings, and if you're lucky your friends. No one else in the world can do that but they will always be there for you. And that's why you need them.
Time flies and it was just a week ago when all the cards turned to face them. Not all but most of them.
Aman was languishing himself behind the closed doors of his restaurants, trying as much as possible to stay from facing anyone and everyone. It was as good as he was off the grid.
It was a surprise he had stayed such and it had been only 3 days since he had that confrontation with Thea. It was brutal and exhausting and moreover, it had forced him into thinking the inevitable, something that he did not at any cost wanted to even fathom. He could not concentrate, he could not work and all he could think was the if nots, would nots and what ifs...
He had lost the count of the number of times the conversation must have replayed in his mind. It was stifling and brought absolute misery, more so because it was all true. All that Thea said was true and nothing could change it.
" Aman, you gotta confront yourself and everyone you so dearly love..." She paused.
He didn't have a reply.
" We're leaving and I'm glad you've decided to stay. But, there are things you need to do. People, you need to see. If you don't you'll be miserable and so will they. So, why not share the affliction. It might lessen the pain."
" Thea, you know I can't. She'll break... "
" Why don't you let her decide that? "
" No! I can't... " He was stubborn.
" Aman! One day when you'll look back you shall only wish for the time you didn't share and you will regret that. I don't want you to do that.
Love brings pain, but all the happiness, pleasure, and content it gives us, nothing can replace that. Alas, only you can decide how you wish to change your life. " It was a plead.
" It will kill her... She'll be living dead! "
" Who is to say that she is alive at this very moment? " It was a question that had been bugging him forever.
And she was gone. Leaving him and his thoughts alone. No answers just questions.
And that hit him, hit him like a bolt of lightning.
Everything he had thought, everything he thought was correct, everything he believed to be right was nullified. It was zilch, nada at that very precise second. All his theories were rendered futile. In vain.
Every minute he spend thinking he was giving her life, he forgot to consider at what cost. And that all made the difference.
Wow! Rose had left him in a void that he never believed he could fill. But, one thing he surely missed more than ever was her. Only her. His dire heart yearned nothing for her. And despite whatever lies he told himself he knew he wouldn't go on like this for a long time. If he even planned to live for some more time.
He missed her voice, her constant nagging about stuff, her soft scent, and most of all he missed her cheerful company.
One of the reasons he didn't go to the office was he couldn't tolerate her absence.
Man! He knew what has to be done but he lacked the courage and it was killing him.
While Ayan was trying to keep up his appearances with his usual chubby self but then there's a limit to how much one can confine those blemishes behind a smile so pure. It was gnawing him weak. There was only that much burden one can carry on one's shoulders and every day he left he would stumble.
Aavya was fighting her own demons and trying to cope with that heated night she had with Miher. It was embarrassing how she ran away from his house that morning. Although 8 days have passed and it still feels so fresh as if it was this morning when she saw Miher's sleeping form beside her side, on a chair slouching on the bed, drooling and it made her smile. She was happy just looking at him. She knew he had been up all night changing her wet sick towels and she vaguely remembered what had happened.
" I love you..."
If anything she remembered vividly was that he confessed. He confessed his love and she was dozing away, absolutely in no capacity to make a retort but a part of her was glad that she couldn't. She had a reason, he might think she hadn't heard him at all. But, she knew she did.
A part of her knows he meant it but she there was this lingering doubt that troubled her the most - was she strong enough to love or harbor someone's love?
Gosh! It was infuriating. Frustrating even.
On top of that, Miher had been frequently trying to reach her since she ran from his home when he was fast asleep. The last call he made was 2 days ago and it bugged her even more now that he had stopped contacting her.
Then, she had that befuddling conversation with her Papa, the morning she crept into the house like an imposter.
" Aavya..." She knew the deep voice and she shuddered.
What was she gonna say? Where was she all night?
" Papa, good morning." She gave her lopsided dimpled smile.
" Good morning, sweetheart. Are you alright?" He asked just the right amount of concern.
" Oh, yea... What is to happen to me?" She shrugged.
He didn't say anything else but watched his daughter, his princess shuffle in her steps.
" I'll get going then... " She didn't know what else to say given her father might be expecting some explanation.
" Aavya... " He stopped her just as she was about to climb up the stairs.
" Yes, Papa."
" You know that no matter what happens you will always, always be my little baby girl, right? Your Mumma and I love you so much and will always do so. Nothing, absolutely nothing would change that. We'd want you to know that. We'll always care, worry about, and of course, annoy you. " He smiled and in a second her already fragile heart was filled and Ansh noticed tears brimming in her eyes.
" Papa... Last night - - " She sniffed but Ansh interrupted her.
" I know you were at Miher's place. He was kind enough to let us know. "
" Oh! " Is all she could manage. If it had been some other time she would have been furious with Miher for doing so but this morning she was glad he did that. She'd never want her parents to die worrying about her and for once she was relieved that Miher was with her.
" He is a good person. He cares about you and most importantly I see that when you're with him you are yourself and I would never want you to be someone you're not. We're sorry if in these past few months you felt like we don't care about you or Aman's return has changed everything, it hasn't, or perhaps not everything.
How we feel about our kids will remain the same. It's just that we've always been so accustomed to being involved in Aman's life that when it sees a major transformation, all of our lives change drastically...
But you gotta know that no matter what you do, what you wanna be, we'll always be proud of you..." It was just the thing she'd wanna hear but even she wasn't discerned enough what she wanted.
" Oh! Papa..." She broke and ran to hug him.
" My little baby..."
Aavya felt blessed that she had such a heartfelt talk with her parents in the past few weeks and it was comforting. She genuinely understood how it was so comforting. She never doubted their love, she never could and never would. They have always been so in love and devoted to each other and their families that it would be a grave insult to even think otherwise. They've never let their children down and Aavya knew she couldn't ask for more.
The only thing amiss was with herself and her heart. Everyone in her family has mentioned and hinted their approval of Miher and he might be the only thing or a person who would complete the puzzle but why was she so scared?
Why was she so reluctant to let me in and for god's sake be happy?
It was so much easier to just revert his feelings as she knew she felt the same. Not exactly the same but somewhat.
Yet, something was pulling her back and she had no idea what.
✿✿✿
Kyra wasn't having a great day either. She has been avoiding her parents, her brother, and everyone else. In short, she has locked herself in her studio and rarely left the place. Mir called her multiple times and Kyle and Naomi came in to check on her as well but she pushed all of them away.
It was disconcerting and pushing them away was so much easier than just talking her heart out.
It was stupid of her to think that coming out like this would comfort her disturbed self. Instead, she was troubled. She didn't want it to turn ugly and now it was her fault. When her parents tried to reach out she shut herself out. All she ever wanted was their support and now she wasn't brave enough to ace them.
✿✿✿
It was past midnight and any moment now would have been a good time to head home but the sheer thought of leaving the only place where he found absolute solace was frightening, yes frightened was the word he'd use. He was scared to see those familiar faces again and then again. He knew they despise him. It was as if they'll know, they'll pinpoint his weakness and look through his soul and hate him. Forever. It was worst than dying.
Perhaps, he could defer a bit more, an hour or so. His father was an owl and if there's anyone he should avoid it's him. So, he scurried around the kitchen making sure it is spotless and clean for what must have been the 9th time to pass his minutes. He thought he might fix himself a supper even though he had lost his appetite for days but then he heard someone get in through the door. It spiked his senses up. For a second he was glad he had not resorted to his drink for the night.
He was pretty sure he had locked it.
" Who's there?" It was a shout, a startled one though.
Aman might have been anything but a brawler. It would have been a good idea to pocket a knife or something but he was way past that drawer.
" Hey... Who's..."
" Gosh! Aman... It's us!" Came in the heavy husky voice, he'd last expect to hear at least at this time, at this place.
" Holy! Papa, Mumma... What are you doing here?" He slumped back relieved against the door as he saw them enter.
Ansh couldn't help laughing.
" We scared you, didn't we. You thought we were intruders, didn't you?" He laughed more.
Ahana followed.
" Well, yea. Why did you have to be so furtive? You could have called. " He suggested.
" We could have but then we would not have seen your blood-drained face. And we don't think we have to call before coming to our son's restaurant." Ahana added.
" You don't if you leave the house after checking the clock. Ayan gave you the keys?" He asked after his statement.
" At first he was having his doubts but then he can't say no to us, can he? " Ansh said.
Aman shook his head," So? " His eyes threw the most obvious question.
" So? " Ansh knew he was unnerving his son but it was fun.
Aman sighed, " What can I get you? Coffee? "
" I don't think it would be as good as your mother's... " Ansh prompted.
" The only thing no one can beat me that." Ahana beamed at her husband.
After decades of marriage and they still could hint at their love for each other through their eyes, Aman noticed and he adored them in every possible way. He was so grateful that they made up after their fight, which was his fault and he had not even apologized. But he had only a tiny bit of doubt. He knew his parents loved each other too much to not make up. It was another thing that he could never have in his life.
That kind of love... It was tragic to witness such love and want it so much and then not being able to have it.
" What about some dessert?" He questioned.
" If it's a dessert you're offering I'm worried we'll be served the leftovers." Ansh retorted.
" You eat what you get. Besides, I had a long day and I'm in no mood to cook." He fussed.
Ansh looked at Ahana and both of them settled on the nearby table while Aman went to fetch whatever he could. It wasn't much but it was scrumptious.
" If one is tired then one should head home and sleep in one's bed. " It was Ahana.
Aman looked at his mother and he would see her eyes filled with motherly affection. As if she saw his pain and it was hurting her in turn.
" I was just leaving." He lied and they knew.
" What are you doing here? " Aman drew out the courage to ask the question after 5 long minutes of silence.
Ansh and Ahana looked at each other, trying to figure out where should they start.
" Sweetie, you're never home. We never see you." Ahana said.
Aman looked away.
" Why?" He mumbled.
" What why?" Ansh gave him a quizzical glare.
" Why would you want me around? After all that happened, it's for the best." He replied as softly as he would.
" Wow! That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard." Ansh was pretty loud when he said that, his expression showing how much irk and pain that one line caused him.
" Oh, Aman... Why would think that, sweetie? You'll always be our son and we'll always love you no matter what. " Ahana held her hand to hold Aman's and he looked away trying hard to avert those tears from falling.
He couldn't speak, the words didn't form, and even if he wanted to protest against his parents he couldn't. He was terrified that he'd choke on those unshed tears. Worst of all was that his parents understood he was hurting and tonight all they wanted was to relieve some of that pain.
They wanted answers, they deserved them but more than that they needed to ensure he was comforted.
" Aman, we won't know what is hurting you unless you tell us. We also understand you wanna man up and handle everything yourself, but you gotta know that we are here for you. We'll always be here and sometimes it's okay to let go of that burden." It was Ansh who spoke because more than anyone else he understood how the repressed feelings ache. He had been there.
" I-I am fine. " He tried to smile.
Ansh look a second's glimpse at his wife and his heart broke when he felt her pain transpire through her eyes.
" Okay! If you say so but there are definitely people who are not fine, because of you..." He added and Ahana threw him a stern look.
Aman shot his head up to face his father. Confusion was apparent but it wasn't that oblivious of what Ansh was insinuating. Aman understood the gravity of that statement.
" Jaai and Zara came over to our house this afternoon..." He started and Ahana allowed him to do the talking. Any other day Ansh would have been happy to give her the reigns as she was better than him but tonight he knew she'd break and that would be the last thing he'd wanna see.
Aman knew what it was about. He will be a fool to not know.
" Rose, she has been gone for some time now and that has them worried. We all are. We also understand sometimes you need a time out but Zara has her apprehensions, after all, going awol kinda runs in the blood but it isn't like Rose..." He paused to drink some water.
" Isn't it astonishing how parents who pride themselves in knowing their child so well fail at times? Rose is a strong woman and we trust her with her safety but we can't trust the world enough... "
Aman could feel his heart racing. His mind was at peace because he knew her parents must have known her whereabouts, it's not like her to go off the grid. His father was right, it wasn't at all like Rose. She was the responsible one.
" You know it's not like her to be like this, right? " Ahana asked and he nodded. It was like stating the obvious.
" Before anything else, you two have been the best of the friends and that is something no one will ever be able to take away from you. And best of our friends know our deepest secrets, desires, and feelings... " Ansh went on.
" Papa... I don't know. Really... I can't... "
" Aman, we don't expect you to know but we know that you'll figure out where she might go," Ahana conveyed.
" Mumma, trust me... I-I don't, gosh... " He held his face in his palm. He felt the pressure when someone is expecting you to have answers that you believe you'll never have.
" You don't, you can't, or simply you won't... "
" Ansh! " Ahana exclaimed when her husband nearly yelled.
" He can't face her, can he? Despite, knowing where she might go to take refuge, he won't."
" Papa, no..."
" All you've done is hurt her. I pity that you have even lost the chance for her forgiveness. But the sad part is that you're not willing to even try. That's the least you can do. This chasm in your heart, you know what drives it. You know what you need but you won't budge. " Ansh went on.
" That is not the case. " But he knew it was all a lie. The fact that he knew the truth was convulsing and when his father told him Rose might never forgive him, it was all too much to take.
" Ansh, C'mon. Enough, already. Sweetie, we didn't come here to poke the wound. "
" But you did..." He whispered.
" High time it needed to be done," Ansh replied softly but anger was evident at his son because he always believed him to be better than he was. His story with Ahana was an adventure of his doing but in the end, he didn't let her go and his son was ruining all his chances with the love of his life. His only love. He wouldn't want that not when he didn't know why he was throwing it all away like this.
" We don't need you to go, okay. If you remember anything Rose might have said that would help Jaai and Zara, they will be grateful." Aman looked at his mother when she said that.
Why would anyone need to be grateful to him?
All he did was bring despair and misery. If at all he is one who needs to have gratitude for they didn't kill him after his deeds.
" Don't be so hard on yourself, okay? " Ahana patted his cheeks and he nodded.
And then both of them were gone, leaving him to ponder. He wished they took him with them but they knew he'll need some time to think. He needed to think.
He wasn't yet over with his conversation with Thea and now this.
Perhaps, it was the universe telling him that he needs to do what his heart is shouting at him.
If he does so, he might regret it but if he doesn't he would die, and then now he had an excuse to hide his own desire.
He had to find Rose and in that second's time, he knew exactly where she might be.
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Hey Guys!
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Luv... ♥
Vruksha.