CHAPTER 11
Zayn's Perspective
The meeting was dragging along longer than usual and I had had it up to my eyeballs in do's and do not's. Management had finally come down hard on us for, and I quote, 'Screwing up and around.', basically saying in simple words that they were trying to stop us from clubbing, drinking, getting tattoos, being caught with girls and the like. The operative word being 'trying' here.
Looking over at Harry, I could practically see him drifting off to sleep, trying to keep his heavy eyes open, most probably due to heavy partying the night before. Scanning the faces of the rest of the boys, I could tell they were just as unaffected by the managements little speech as I was.
"And so I really hope you boys fully understand what all these things can do to ruin the reputation of One Direction. Are we all clear? Is there anything that needs clarifying?" Simon asked from the head of the long conference table. Louis slammed his palm down on the wooden table, startling us all. "It's all crystal clear Simon, I'm quite sure we have no further questions. Can we please be excused now?" He asked in his most professional voice. Simon nodded and gestured to the door, giving us permission to leave.
I bolted up and tried my best to refrain myself from running out of the building. Today had been Amanda's first shift at the pub and she had shot out of the house at 11, leaving no time to talk. Yes, I wanted to be home to ask about her first day, but I also wanted to ask about what had happened last night. The word had slipped out, THE word, and not only was I scared that she didn't hear it, but also that she didn't feel the same way.
I pulled up outside my small house and quickly pushed through to door. "Amanda?" I called, listening for a response. No answer, meaning she wasn't home yet. Lazily dragging my feet, I entered the kitchen and emptied my pockets onto the table top, shedding my coat and dumping it on a kitchen stool. Just to check, I had a quick look for Amanda in the bathroom, just so I knew she definitely wasn't here and doing...something.
Thankfully, she was no where to be found, so I went back into the kitchen and pulled out the ingredients for spaghetti, knowing that Amanda loved the dish. Huh, loved, I wonder if she felt the same way about me as she did pasta. But how was I to ask her? Just come straight out and ask, or just wait for her to say something? I had absolutely no idea.
I was almost finished the pasta when I heard the front door slam, followed soon after by Amanda's arms circling my waist. "Welcome home babe." I greeted her, still stirring the pasta. "Mhm." Amanda replied, attaching her lips to my neck. She slowly kissed up to just below my ear before nibbling my earlobe. A lazy smile crept its way onto my lips as my eyelids became heavy.
Letting a growl escape my lips, I turned and grabbed Amanda's face in my hands, slipping them around the back of her neck and pulling her closer. I walked her backwards until she hit the bench opposite the stove before grabbing her thighs and pulling her up on top of the table, never once breaking our kiss. Her small hands travelled from the nape of my neck, down my back and stopped at the hem of my thin black tee. Not wanting her to be the first to make the move, I slipped my hands up her shirt and swiftly unclipped her bra, pulling a gasp from her lips.
As Amanda slowly started to lift my shirt whilst nibbling my bottom lip, the scent of pasta caught my nose, snapping me back to reality. I hesitantly pulled away from her, pecked her on the forehead and turned to the pasta, quickly shutting off the stove and moving to drain the pasta. "Awe, I was enjoying that." She groaned, watching me finish dinner while swinging her legs from the bench. "Believe me, so was I." I laughed, serving up her dish.
I nodded my head over towards the dining table, carrying out plates over to the already set scene. I placed my plate at the head of the table and put Amanda's down in the seat diagonal from me, pulling out her chair and curtsying with a wide grin. "Why thank you good sir." She batted her eyelashes at me as she sat down.
I moved towards my own seat and sat down with a sigh. "Bon aput-" I was silenced by Amanda clearing her throat. I looked up to her blushing face and frowned slightly. "What is it babe?" I asked, confused at her red cheeks. She held up her finger before reaching back under her shirt and clipping up her bra. "Oh...sorry." I apologized, holding back the urge to grin. "Don't laugh! NOW we can eat." She mumbled, jabbing her fork into some pasta, the blood slowly receding from her face.
"So how was work?" I asked around a mouthful of pasta. "Ugh, it was so tiring! All these people just drinking and screaming at the tv or making out in the corner! But it was alright I guess...and I chatted with a few customers. And, oh look, I got paid!" She pulled out an envelope from her back jean pocket and showed me the stack of bills nestled inside. "Woah, way to go! That's a lot for the first day though."
She laughed slightly, scratching her cheek. "One hundred is in tips...you know, being new and all..." My fork halted inches from my mouth and I dropped it back into my plate. "Is it JUST because you're new, or does it have something to do with you being absolutely gorgeous?" I asked with a slight raise of my eyebrow. "Did you just say I was absolutely gorgeous?" Amanda asked with a surprised smile.
I opened my mouth to protest before shutting it again. "That's beside the point! I just don't want other guys, you know, drooling over you at the bar." It was Amanda's turn to raise her eyebrow at me, and I realized too late what I had just said. "Just as you did when you first saw me? Come on Zayn, loosen up a bit and be happy for me! I'm really enjoying having a job!" She exclaimed with a sigh. "That's different, you weren't on the other side of the bar and you were definitely not sober! And I am happy for you, don't throw that at me!" I retorted, clenching my jaw.
Amanda physically pulled back, my words obviously hitting a soft spot. "So that makes it okay, does it? Drooling over a girl because she's drunk is the exception?" She asked in a small voice. I started to panic, hating my big mouth. "No, you know that's not what I meant! I'm just a bit scared for you, okay? You're mine, I don't want others eyeing you or worse. I KNOW what I thought about you when I was intoxicated, and I can't help but realize that that's what all those other drunkards are probably thinking. I'm just wanting to protect you."
I quickly reached out to grab Amanda's hand but she pulled back with wide eyes. "I'm YOURS?! I'm not a possession, Zayn! You don't have to be so protective, Johnny was keeping an eye on me, I was fine! Why are you reacting this way?" She shouted, our quiet dinner all but forgotten. "I'm reacting this way because I don't want to lose you! I'm reacting this way because I LOVE you!"
I instantly felt sick as the words slipped from my mouth and I could feel the pasta threatening to come up again. Amanda looked stunned, as if she hasn't fully heard what I had said. "Wha-what did you say?" She stuttered. My heart was racing wildly in my chest as I scrabbled for words, any words! "I said that I loved you." I whispered, staring into her huge green eyes. Her eyes became shinny and she blinked back the tears, abruptly standing and running into our room, shutting the door behind her.
I slammed my fist down on the table, wincing slightly at the pain. How could I have been so stupid? I should've seen that she would've reacted that way, we had only known each other for a little under a month and I was already saying that I loved her!
Collecting the plates, I stacked the washing machine and started it, trying to occupy myself. I knew, however, that I would have to go in and talk to Amanda, no ifs ands or buts. With a shaky breath, I walked over to the door and knocked once before pushing in. There I found her curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, her shoulders shaking slightly. "Amanda? Amanda, I'm so sorry." I slowly walked over to the bed and slipped under the covers behind her, slowly wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her close.
She let out a loud sob, clutching at my arm with both of her tiny hands. I turned her in my arms so I could see her face and properly talk to her. "What's wrong babe? Why are you so upset? I'm so sorry, I take it back, I hate seeing you like this." I murmured, tilting her face up so she could look at me. "No, please don't take it back! No one has said they loved me in a long time and actually meant it." She exclaimed, her breath hitching in her throat.
Her words pulled at my heart strings and I hugged her close, letting her tears soak into my thin shirt. "Please don't take it back, please Zayn." She kept repeating in between sobs. "Shh, it's okay baby, I don't take it back. It's all okay." I soothed, stroking her hair.
A thought snaked itself into my mind and persisted to be asked, and I decided to ask it, my curiosity getting the better of me. "Babe...what did you mean when you said that it was a while since someone meant that they loved you. Didn't your parents or your boyfriend say it?" I felt her tense up in my arms as she slowly tilted her head so she could look into my eyes.
"Um...I ran out on my parents when I was seventeen, it's actually five years tomorrow since that day. And my ex never really meant it...he always wanted something back." She whispered, looking down. I frowned slightly, calculating her age in my head. "Wait...you're only 22? I thought you were 24 after uni?" I asked, slightly confused. Her blush was evident and my frown deepened. "I didn't finish uni...I pulled out when I was 20." She spoke barely above a whisper.
I hooked my thumb under her chin so she was looking my in the eyes. "Why did you lie about getting your degree?" I asked softly, watching as her eyes watered. "I wanted to impress you and your friends, I didn't want to be seen as a failure." A single year rolled down her cheek and I swiped it away with my thumb, pulling her into me. "You didn't have to try to impress me, I wouldn't have cared." I replied simply, kissing her hair.
There was a silence filled with quiet sobs from Amanda before I spoke again."So why did you run away? And where did you go?" I asked her, breaking the silence. She hesitated, I could see it in her body language, before she relaxed with a sigh. "My parents used to...hurt me. If I didn't listen to them, if I complained, if I didn't do well in school. It was vile how they would both attack me, leaving me bloodied and bruised. I became an expert at mending myself, but after a while I couldn't handle it anymore. So I ran out on them, never going back." Her voice caught and her tears left wet trails down her cheeks. I lightly gripped her shoulder, softly urging her to continue.
Amanda cleared her throat and pushed on, wiping away her tears. "Soon after I met Dan. He was soothing and caring, having gone through a similar thing. When we got close, I moved in with him, and we were together ever since. But his parents really scarred him, he was so insecure, always wanting contact and affection. He was into all of that...bad stuff. Drugs, alcohol, fights. When I had gotten sick of it...he went to someone else for it, someone who wouldn't mind like I did.
"And now...well I guess now I'm here. I would hurt myself all the time, not knowing how to deal with the emotions I was going through...and it's only now that I feel I don't need to anymore. That's because of you." She finished, looking back up at me. I could feel my emotions getting the better of me as my tears welled up and my chest tightened. I pulled her into me, rocking her as we both silently cried. "You're okay now, I'm here." I cooed, holding her tightly as her small hands fisted my shirt.
We lay like that for what seemed like a lifetime, soon leading to Amanda falling asleep, or so I thought. "Zayn? Did you really mean what you said?" Her small voice echoed through the quiet room, making me jump a little. I swallowed and looked down at her face, her giant green orbs staring into my brown ones. "Every word, love." I whispered, softly kissing her head. Amanda sighed and snuggled deeper into my side, nestling her head in the crook of my shoulder.
I held my breath, waiting for her reply, for her to say something, but it didn't come. I looked down at her sleeping state, her long eyelashes fluttering on the tops of her cheeks as she dreamed. With a sigh, I closed my eyes and rested my head on top of hers. "You changed me without trying. If you had been any other girl I wouldn't have thought twice about not letting you stay, but I didn't. Thank you, thank you for helping me feel like this for someone else again, thank you for coming into my life."
I hugged her tighter to me, even if she couldn't hear my words. "I promise I will look after you, I promise I'll never hurt you...I promise that I love you." I breathed, before letting sleep claim me and pull me under it's dark folds.
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AUTHORS NOTE
So Amanda's story has come out and now Zayn has been let into her private world....that takes a lot of trust.
But she still didn't say she loved him, so what's the hesitation?
I'll be loading up a chapter right after this as this one was a bit short. So please, don't forget to comment and vote on both of them.
Thank you for all your support! <3