When the following week started, everything felt like it was going to be okay. It was the first time Holly had felt that way in a long time.
Instead of waking up and going straight to ranch work, she surprised the family when she joined them for breakfast and then handed some of her responsibilities back to the workers.
Mermaid was ecstatic when Holly resumed teaching her how to ride a horse. It wasn’t as easy as it seemed for a professional rider like herself but Mermaid did impressively well.
When they were tired from riding, Holly went to get some water and came back to find Mark talking to Mermaid. She knew they liked each other and Mermaid seemed very comfortable around him, but it made her wonder if their friendship might have had a chance of going further than that.
She watched as Mark leaned forward and touched her cheek and Mermaid laughed, closing her hand around his. Holly wasn’t sure how seeing them together like that made her feel.
She told herself she didn’t want to interrupt and headed to her cottage, unsuccessfully trying not to let Mermaid’s close friendship with Mark get to her.
“Holly, I thought you were coming back,” Mermaid said when she got inside her cottage.
“I was thinking about going to the office to work a little. I’ve neglected my responsibilities for far too long today,” she said as she walked past Mermaid, who stopped her by closing her hand around her wrist.
“Holly, what’s changed?” she asked, as though she noticed Holly’s attitude change towards her.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Holly said.
Mermaid raised her eyebrow as though she didn’t believe her. She took a step closer to Holly and reached out to remove her cowboy hat. After dropping it on the couch, Holly watched her, silently wondering what was going through her mind.
She didn’t wonder for long because Mermaid slowly raised her hand and lightly ran her fingers over the opened buttons of Holly’s blue shirt, which was exposing some cleavage.
“What happened? I was waiting for you to get back,” Mermaid said in a low voice as she raised her chin and met Holly’s spellbound gaze.
“You were talking to Mark and I didn’t want to interrupt,” Holly said, feeling like some greater power was controlling her.
“What made you think you’d be interrupting?” She tucked a lock of hair behind Holly’s ear while her other hand continued to play with her buttons.
“He was flirting with you.” She felt like she was in some sort of trance. Mermaid was so controlled, so calm and innocent.
“Was I flirting back?”
Holly tried to think. She couldn’t remember. She could barely think. “Yes, no, I’m not sure.” She felt like Mermaid had hypnotized her.
“I’m not interested in Mark. I already told him that. If he was flirting with me, I can assure you I wasn’t encouraging it,” she said, then bit her lower lip as her fingers ran over Holly’s belt around her waist.
“Words at times feel so inadequate.” She leaned closer to Holly, who feltlike she was drowninginMermaid’s deep blue eyes, as her soft sultry voice sang a seductive song to her, holding her captive.
If Mermaid had continued her alluring innocent play, Holly would have obediently played along but she released her at once and broke physical contact, making Holly feel like she’d been whipped with a lash of cold air.
Mermaid turned to leave but Holly stopped her and pulled her into her arms, pressing her lips against Mermaid’s in a breathless kiss. Mermaid immediately responded to her and a stroke of excitement traveled through Holly as she released the sexual tension that had built up within her from Mermaid’s play.
Mermaid may have lost her memory but the way she kissed made Holly feel like she’d never been kissed before because she awakened desires in her that for years, Holly had learned to ignore.
The powerful sensations Holly provoked in Mermaid were a little more overwhelming than Mermaid expected. She wanted more from Holly, more of what she couldn’t understand.
She moved her hands from Holly’s belt and slowly trailed them up the delicate curves of her waist, to her stomach, up her ribs and settled lightly over her breasts, which made Holly sigh against her lips.
She trailed her fingers over the buttons of Holly’s shirt and started undoing them, one after another while her lips continued to explore Holly’s sweet mouth. When she reached the last button, she untucked the shirt and pulled it apart.
She broke the kiss to look at the beautiful exposed flesh and then, as though possessed by a disastrous hunger, she crushed Holly’s lips and ran her hands over her smooth skin. A little surprised by the consuming lust that overcame her, she stopped and pulled away.
She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands as an unexpected pain pierced through her head, then as though she was no longer in her body, she turned away from Holly as an image sparked to life in her mind.
She was on a bed in a dark red room and there were two other naked women there with her. The image was brief but it played itself out like a film and then suddenly, she was back in her body again and Holly was in the room with her.
“Mermaid, are you okay?” Holly asked, placing her hand over Mermaid’s shoulder.
“I’m fine,” she said, feeling as though she was about to hurl. Was that a memory that had flashed through her mind?
“What just happened?”
Mermaid wanted to tell her, but she wasn’t sure she understood it herself. “I just felt this sharp pain in my head,” she said.
Holly sat her down and quickly buttoned up. “Would you like some aspirin?”
Mermaid shook her head. “I think I just need some rest. I’ll just go up to my room and take a nap,” she said as she sat up. Not wanting to give the impression that something had changed, she placed a soft light kiss on Holly’s lips and left the cottage.
When she was alone in her room, she replayed what had happened in her head, trying to make some sense out of it. What had she been doing in bed with two other women? What kind of life had she led before she’d washed up on the beach?
The memory had not been long enough for her to figure out what had been happening, but it was certain it had been triggered by the excitement that had coursed through her when she’d been kissing Holly.
Afraid to recover the truth rather than embrace it, she closed her eyes, wishing she could somehow summon the memory back with the details that had followed. It was unclear due to the dark red illumination in the room, but it frightened her. She wondered if the rest of her memories would be quite as unsettling.
*
“Holly?” Adele’s voice was unmistakable as she impatiently knocked on the door.
“What’s going on?” she asked as she opened it. She’d just gotten out of the bathroom and had just finished dressing up.
“There is a gentleman in the house here to see you.”
“What?” Holly asked in an unexpected jolt of surprise. “Who?”
“I’ve never seen him before.” Inwardly praying it wasn’t who she thought it might be, she walked out of the cottage and followed Adele to the house.
The whole family was seated in the living room, including Mermaid. Her gaze momentarily settled on her and Holly wondered if her headache had eased.
She turned her attention to the gentleman and her heart almost stopped when her gaze fell on the familiar looking face everyone was looking at in both curiosity and suspicion.
It was unbelievably convenient that Cassie would also happen to have passed by the house on the same day this gentleman came calling.
“Hello Holly,” Nicholas Blackburn said.
She forced a smile as he walked up to her and surprised the whole room when he took her in his arms and kissed her. She pulled away in embarrassment and turned to find her whole family staring at her as Nick took the opportunity to close his hand over hers.
“Would one of you please explain who this is?” Joshua said impatiently.
“His name is Nicholas Blackburn,” Holly said, unsure she wanted to tell them who he was to her.
“I’m Holly’s husband,” he said and the whole room fell silent.
“Her husband?” Michael asked, as he got to his feet and walked over to Nicholas as though he was about to knock him out.
Holly stood between them, barricading Michael from Nick.
“Honey, is that true?” Lori asked what the rest of the family was too shocked to.
“Yes,” she said, unable to meet their gaze. “It’s true.” She didn’t know what he was doing there. She wasn’t ready to deal with the mess she’d made out of her life in New York and the last thing she wanted was added pressure to reveal the truth to her family.
“You got married?” Joshua asked in what sounded like betrayal.
It broke Holly’s heart. She had to tell them something in order to explain the situation. “We’re actually separated,” she said, though it didn’t do any good.
“When did you get married?” Cassie asked.
“Three years ago,” Nick answered when Holly failed to.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him, momentarily forgetting that all eyes were on them.
“I thought you’d come back,” he said.
“I told you I’d never return,” she said.
“It was in the heat of the moment. I thought you said it out of anger,” Nick said.
“Excuse us,” Michael interrupted and they turned their attention back to the family.
“You never told them?” Nick asked with a tone of accusation and Holly shut him up with a stern look.
“Could you tell us how this happened?” Lori asked, disappointment evident in her voice.
“I met her in jail,” Nick said, surprising everyone again and Holly elbowed his ribs, making him cry out in pain.
“You were in jail?” Joshua asked as he got to his feet.
“Police came to stop a riot in school and arrested me along with several other students because they thought we had started it. That was where I met Nick. He was a cop in the police department,” Holly said, wishing she’d at least prepared the family before Nick’s abrupt arrival.
“After I bailed her out, we ran into each other a couple of times, and I asked her out. She said no every time until she got tired and decided to give me a chance and we went out on a date,” Nick said.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Michael asked, with the same look everyone else had in the room.
“It was never the right time,” she said hopelessly.
“So if he had never bothered to show up, you never would have told us?” Michael asked.
When Holly failed to answer, he stormed out of the room. Quietly, everyone else followed one after the other, until it was just the two of them in the room.
“Thanks again for ruining my life,” she said as she headed for the door.
“Holly, wait, I’m sorry for showing up unannounced. I wanted to see you. I haven’t heard from you in a long time. I was worried,” he said as he followed her.
“You couldn’t pick up the phone and call? What am I supposed to tell them now? They think I lied to them.” She stopped and turned to face him. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“I came to take you back home.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you. Our marriage is over. If I haven’t sent you my lawyer, it’s because I’ve been busy and forgot.” She continued walking towards the door and stopped when he spoke.
“It wasn’t my fault,” he said.
She remembered the personal demons she was trying to battle and a warm gush of tears burned her eyelids as she hurried out of the room.
Once in the cottage, she went to her bedroom and went through her luggage is search of something. When she found it, she held it to her face and released her tears.
*
“Michael?” Holly said the following morning as she hurried to catch up with him on his way to work.
“What?” he snapped.
“Okay, I deserve that.”
“What do you want Holly? I’m in a hurry.”
“I know you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you,” he said as he stopped then softened up. “I’m not mad at you. I’m completely and utterly disappointed in you.”
That only made her feel worse and she doubted there was anything she could say at that moment to change how he felt.
“I’ll see you later,” he said and walked off.
She went to the house and found Lori and Mermaid in the living room.
“If you’re looking for your husband, he slept in one of the guestrooms,” Lori said and Holly wondered what Mermaid thought of her.
“I’m sorry you found out the way you did. I did not intend to let this happen,” she said, but got the feeling her apology fell on deaf ears. “When I got married to Nick, I was trying to force myself to be what the world termed socially acceptable. I wanted to come back here a different person from who I was when I left this family in shame,” she said.
“You did, Holly. You did come back a different person and I love you, but I am yet to figure out if I like you,” Lori said as she left the room and Holly felt like she’d been punched right in the gut.
She waited for Mermaid to leave the room too, but was surprised when she got up, walked over to her and embraced her. It was almost like she knew how much Holly needed it.
“You should have told them,” Mermaid whispered against her ear.
“I know,” she said as tears started falling down her cheeks again.
“It’s going to be okay. They’re your family. They’ll come around,” she said.
“How come you’re not mad at me?” she asked when Mermaid pulled back and gently started wiping away her tears.
“I guess I’m waiting for you to help me understand.”
Holly wished everyone else could be as understanding as Mermaid.
“What’s going on?” Nick’s voice echoed through the room and Holly swiftly wiped away the tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name last night,” Nick said as he extended his hand to Mermaid.
“I’m Mermaid,” she said.
“Mermaid?” he asked.
“Yes,” Mermaid said.
“Mermaid who?”
“Mackenzie, her name is Mermaid Mackenzie,” Holly answered for her.
“I’m going to leave you two alone,” Mermaid said, reassuringly patting Holly’s back before she walked out.
“What are you still doing here?” Holly asked.
“I want us to work things out.”
“Which part of I don’t want to be with you do you not understand?”
“Holly, a lot of bad things happened between us but I’m not to blame. Why can’t you accept that?” he asked, seemingly sincere as he expressed vulnerability.
Holly tightened her jaw as she pushed the pain away. She did not need a reminder of all the bad things that had happened. “Do you not see what is happening? My whole family is upset with me. Stop making this about you and leave. Our marriage ended when I walked out of that house.”
“I can see you’re upset, you’re right, I should have called. I just assumed your family knew about us.” He was as stubborn as a mule. It was like he interpreted what she was saying in a whole different way.
“I want you to leave.”
“I have no intention of leaving until I get what I came for.”
“Well then prepare yourself for disappointment.”
*
“Mrs. Mackenzie?” Mermaid said as she went to sit beside Lori. “I know this is none of my business, but can I talk to you about Holly?”
“You’re part of this family now, Mermaid,” Lori said.
Mermaid was always touched by her kindness. They all made it so easy for her to love them. “Thank you.”
“What did you want to tell me?” she asked.
Mermaid recalled Holly’s story right before she’d left for New York.
“Holly told me why she went to New York,” she said.
“She went to study,” Lori said.
Mermaid shook her head. “She left because she wanted to get as far away from this place as she could. She resented the way everyone was treating her and left believing what she was and what she’d done was unforgivable because neither you nor Joshua tried to stop her,” Mermaid said, hoping she wasn’t overstepping.
“I think she got married to Nick to try and make things right because she felt she had shamed the Mackenzie family. I haven’t known her for long and I am in no place to say this, but I believe she has her reasons for not having told any of you about him.”
Lori shook her head as she said, “I’ve never understood that child.”
“If you could just listen to her and let her explain, I think it would help clear up the misunderstanding. She hasn’t told me what happened to her in New York. I didn’t know about Nick, just like the rest of you, but I think something bad happened to her. I think that is why she’s been so distant since she came back home,” Mermaid said.
“It’s a whole lot easier to see things clearly when your mind is not so full,” Lori said.
Hoping she’d given Lori something to think about, Mermaid got up and went to look for Holly. The workers were tending to their usual livestock duties among other things and it was such a beautiful day, she wished she could go down to the beach.
When she didn’t find Holly in the stables, she headed to the cottage. On her way there, she saw Nick watching her. He tipped his cowboy hat at her and she felt a bit odd.
“Holly?” She softly knocked on the door.
When she got inside, she searched the room and her gaze settled on the spot where she’d been on the verge of making love to Holly. She remembered how possessively she’d touched her and how badly she’d wanted more, right before that disturbing memory had awakened.
Rather than focus on it, she remembered how soft Holly had been in her arms. She remembered her gentle sighs, her sweet silky mouth, her smooth flawless flesh and her own untamed desire.
Her past persona must have been attracted to women otherwise how could she explain the way she’d felt, or how she’d known exactly what to do, the playful teasing just before Holly had kissed her and everything else that had followed? And how could she explain the two women in the dark red room?
“Mermaid?” Holly’s soft voice pulled her back to reality.
“How are you doing?”
Holly appeared more troubled than she had been a few hours earlier.
“I’m okay, just wondering if I’m going to mess things up again and make everyone hate me more.”
Mermaid walked over to her. “They don’t hate you.”
“They’re all disappointed in me and I keep making one mistake after another. I don’t know how I do it. I never usually plan to, it just happens.”
“Holly,” Mermaid gently ran the back of her hand over Holly’s cheek. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“If I had never gotten involved with Lana, if Hanna had never found out and told everyone, I never would have gone to New York, or met Nick. None of this would be happening.”
“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“It’s true. All this started with Lana. Maybe that was where it should have ended.” Holly took a step away from Mermaid. “I was young and stupid. What I did, what I was, its all influenced by that. Being with Nick was supposed to change things. Why didn’t it?”
“Because maybe that was never who you were,” Mermaid said.
“I just can’t, anymore.”
“You can’t what?” Mermaid asked in confusion.
“I don’t think I can handle another scandal. My family is already upset with me enough. I can’t let them down again. This time I don’t think the damage can be repaired.”
“Holly, I don’t understand.”
“Mermaid, you’re no ordinary woman. You’re part of the family now. We can’t do this.” She gestured to the situation.
Mermaid took a step towards her. “Holly,” she could see the fight going on behind her eyes. “Let me help you,” she said.
Holly moved back, revealing the struggle in her eyes.
“Please, Holly. Don’t do this,” she whispered, moving closer so that they were just a breath apart. She slowly stretched out her hand and touched the soft tresses of Holly’s hair, then leaned forward and tenderly pressed her lips against Holly’s. “Don’t push me away too,” she said against her lips.
Holly recoiled and physically withdrew from Mermaid. “I’m sorry, Mermaid. I can’t do this anymore,” she said and walked out of the cottage.
The piercing sensation that went through Mermaid at Holly’s rejection was overwhelming. She might have been on a journey of self discovery, but this was a feeling she never wanted to reminisce over if ever she’d experienced it in the past.
Why was Holly doing this? Why was she pushing Mermaid away? Was it because of Nick? Was she considering working things out with him? Mermaid pondered as she walked out of the cottage.
Was Holly afraid of history repeating itself? Was that why she didn’t want anything to do with Mermaid? There were so many possibilities it was hard to pick a single one. On her way to the house, she saw Holly riding off on a horse and a tremor of sadness crawled through her.
She almost bumped into Nick on her way inside, which startled her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t checking where I was going,” she said as she looked at him to find that odd look on his face again.
“It was my fault,” he said.
“Why do you look at me like that?” Mermaid asked, realizing he looked at her almost as though he knew her.
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like you know me or something.”
He met her with a puzzled expression. “I’m sorry. It’s just that Holly never mentioned you before.”
“That’s probably because when she met you, she didn’t know me.”
“What do you mean?”
His interest and curiosity made her wonder if it was his way of trying to get close to Holly. “Holly found me washed up on the beach a few weeks ago. They call me Mermaid because I have amnesia.”
“You don’t remember who you are, how you ended up on the beach, where you came from or where you were going? Your family, childhood, anything?” he asked.
She looked at him questioningly. “No, I don’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. It must be very confusing.”
“It is, but the Mackenzies have been wonderful to me.”
“So what happens once you remember?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about that.” Hoping to turn the situation around, she asked, “Why did Holly leave you?”
He suddenly looked like he was at a loss for words. “It’s uh, complicated.”
“Not too complicated if you came all this way looking for her.”
His expression grew a little more serious. “I don’t think she’d appreciate it if I went around telling everyone our personal issues.”
She raised her eyebrow in indignation. “I’m not everyone, but you’re right. She wouldn’t appreciate it.” Mermaid walked away from him.
*