Since he knew about the Internet, a virtual world where people communicate with letters instead of voices, Mer had been able to find his peaceful land. On the Internet, he could chat and laugh. He could have many friends without being afraid of their judgments and teasing. The Internet was the only place where he felt free.
"Is that why you are less willing to see me at school than on the internet?" I suddenly asked.
"No! I'm just afraid if you often meet me at school, people will think you are gay..."
I took a deep breath, then typed: "It's okay! Because actually, I'm gay."
My mind became hesitant a bit, but my heart still forced me to continue: All my thoughts over the past few days gathered into shapes, which were waiting to explode after Mer's answer.
However, contrary to my prediction, there was a dreadful silence from the other side. I buzzed him, but there was no response. Did Mer think I was just joking? A picture of him abruptly popped up in my mind: A boy whose eyes were as deep as an autumn lake's surface while his soft hair slightly covered his forehead.
Then, I looked down at the keyboard and typed carefully like cosseting each letter as if I was speaking out my words: "I like you."
Mer still hadn't replied yet. The anxiety in my heart multiplied again. I should have taken another and more appropriate time to open up the emotions that had been hidden in my heart all this time - which had arisen since the first day I saw him studying on the stone bench. Maybe Mer would think I said that just because I condoled him? Maybe he thought I enjoyed teasing him like my friends before? I stood up, left the computer there, then went back and forth like a madman. Suddenly, a new chat message was announced, I quickly stared at the screen. I couldn't believe it in my eyes when I saw the words he had just sent: "I'm sorry. I'm not gay."
"It's impossible! How could it be possible? My heart was racing. I didn't believe it. Everything about Mer told me that he was like me. He didn't like sports, just enjoyed reading books. He's an emotional, fragile, and vulnerable boy. The most obvious hint was his voice! But now he's telling me he's not gay?"
Thinking back on those days when I was older, I also found myself at that moment too childish, and selfish, being a guy who arbitrarily imposed my thoughts on that boy and forced him to love me as I did...
"Fleuve, you were so bad."
"Don't you believe me?" Mer typed a smiley face, but why did I feel that smile was so sad? "Everyone thinks I'm gay because of my voice. But the truth is... I'm not. I have a crush on a girl, bro... "
By the time I read the last words, I felt like the ground under my feet was collapsing. It was like being sucked into an abyss, falling perpetually into the deep darkness.