(a/n): hello everyone, apologies for not being able to update for weeks. If you're following me on Twitter, you know why but for those who don't, I had writer's block for weeks!
But anyhow, enough with my dily dally. Enjoy this long update.
***
Jongin looks up from the countertop he'd been wiping for minutes now — all because BamBam decided to be clumsy enough to spill sugar and powdered cream while he was grabbing stirrer sticks in a hurry — when the chimes went off, signaling new customer.
"I see you've turned into a wiper and a goldfish now." Lisa laughs when Jongin's mouth goes open and close like a fish, unable to utter a word. "Hello."
It's been just 6 days, she should be working or be in Seoul by the 8th day and she did not mention anything about going back early.
So this reaction should be acceptable.
"Ya—" Jongin was about to scold her when BamBam literally sprinted out of the kitchen when he heard Lisa's voice.
"Lisa! Oh my God!"
Mina winces at the loud voice, fortunately to them, there's only one customer who has his earphones on and just don't give a damn around him or else Mina would be throwing things to inflict pain at any cost.
But doesn't mean she won't say something though.
"BamBam! Can you tone that voice down?" She grumbles, making her way back to the countertop after serving the customer his second shot of coffee. "Hello Lis, sorry we have a hyena in this establishment. Welcome back."
Lisa laughs, so did Jongin, at that. BamBam's arm winded up around her shoulders and she did not even bother removing it. She misses them too no matter how much she wants to shove BamBam's face right then and there.
"Hyena? A hear a penguin talking."
"I am not a penguin!"
"I did not even drop a name?"
"You've been calling me a penguin ever since you overheard the conversation with my sister. Geez! You're so annoying!"
BamBam laughs and was about to retort again but he heard the chef calling his name so he excused himself, of course not without teasing Mina again. Mina could only let out an irritated sigh.
"How to literally unfriend someone?"
Lisa laughs. "He's getting into your nerves huh?"
"Tell me about it. Jesus Christ, just because he got dumped doesn't mean I'm not going to tear him into pieces."
Lisa frowns then looks at Jongin. "He got dumped?"
Jongin hums whilst discarding the used paper towel to the trash. "Yep, he said something about another man. Not really sure."
Lisa winces, her attention moves back to Mina. "Third party huh?"
"Yep. Bad break up too."
"Yikes."
"Totally. He was all over the place for like two days and I think he still is. He's just diverting everything." Quips Mina.
"He'll be fine. Just let him be." Jongin quips.
"Isn't that his shortest relationship, no?" Lisa asks.
Mina hums. "If my memory is correct then yes but he seemed to be serious about her though." She shrugs. "Anyway enough talking about that wild hyena." Lisa laughs again.
"You're early than your scheduled arrival." Mina continues.
"Faith and her family flew out of Seoul to Japan for a vacation. They wanted me to come but nah, next time plus I have no time."
"Right. Don't feel so pressured reporting back to work though. You have one more day, technically, so spend it well."
"I'll spend it on my couch." Mina and Jongin chuckles.
"You and me, both." Jongin replies.
"Anything I could help?"
Mina rolls her eyes. "And that's how my reminder gone to waste. Why did I even bother?
Lisa laughs. "So dramatic. I just wanna help plus you're gonna close in an hour anyway. Let's eat something after shift, my treat."
"Well, if you say so. We need you to go to the pantry and storage room to do the inventory. Call?" Jongin replies.
Lisa hums, pats the countertop. "Aye aye captain." She says before walking away.
***
"Bam, I need creamer please."
BamBam gestures a salute before making his way to the pantry. Lisa is back behind the counter and has been very busy since the start of the shift. Their shop just started accepting deliveries so she and Jongin had to divide assignments. Jongin is in charged for the in house orders while she handles the deliveries.
Fortunately for the establishment and unfortunately for Lisa, the delivery option is a hit. She had not taken a single minute or two worth of proper downtime since she clocked in, they guessed that the order must've been mostly from students around the town who either had gone back from vacation or just too lazy to visit the shop.
"Here you go." BamBam says, setting another tube of creamer he took. "You wanna switch for a while? The orders keep coming in."
"Speaking of which. We have another one." Says Jongin as he grabs the receipt from the machine, slides and pins it in front of Lisa.
"Thanks for the offer but the house needs more labor than this. Go give Mina some help. I can manage."
"You sure? We don't have much customers."
Lisa waves her hand while the other one slides the shop's receipt copy of the order she just finished into to paper bag. "I am sure."
BamBam looks at Jongin for confirmation but received a shrug. "She's in her zone and if you help her out, her rhythm will be messed up and she'll be all over the place. Go help Mina. There are two newly vacated tables."
"If you say so." And he disappears to the awaiting task.
"How many orders left?" Jongin asks, he didn't hear any response as he hands the paper bag to the delivery man before facing Lisa again. "So?"
"I am doing the last one and I'll be empty."
Jongin did not disturb her any longer as new sets of customers came in which totally grabbed his full attention. When he was done preparing the orders and called BamBam to serve them, he saw Lisa slumping and sitting herself on the floor at the far corner of the counter area which made him laugh.
"You look like you got ran over by a truck!"
Lisa grumbles. "Give me a damn break. This is my first rest of the shift and please turn off the order availability. I need a rest."
Jongin did so while chuckling. "You'll have more of these soon. It's been growing steady for the past two days and if we get good results by the end of the week, Noona might keep this option."
"Oh God. This the time we should ask her for new hires. We need manpower."
"Totally agree."
"I'm going to take a breather. Be right back." Lisa says and he nods before Lisa disappears inside.
Jongin hears the familiar chime few moments later and immediately moves back near the register to take the orders of the new customers. He comes right face to face with customers he didn't see for quite some time.
"Good to see you all back. How's the break?" He asks.
"Never productive but interesting, that's why I'm here. Hello Jongin." Jisoo says.
He smiles. "Hello. What will you have today?"
Jisoo returns the smile before turning around to face the other girls — Chaeyoung, Joohyun, Seulgi and Jennie — for their orders.
"15 minutes." Jongin says.
"Awesome. Thanks Jongin." Jisoo says.
"Pleasure. Do you want to take the beeper or have either Mina or Bam take the order to your table?"
"We'll have latter. I'm afraid we'd miss it if it's the former."
"Sounds like a plan. You'll get your orders soon."
"Appreciate it, Jongin."
They nod with a smile before making their way to an empty space just few tables away from the counter. Joohyun isn't in the mood to see people walking by so they avoided the huge glass windows at all cost.
They are all in the middle of random talks and basically just catching up — Jisoo just arrived few hours ago from a short vacation in Jeonju — until Chaeyoung pokes Jennie.
"What?"
Chaeyoung nods forward which automatically got 4 heads turning towards the direction. "She's here."
Jennie suddenly couldn't breathe. Just by seeing Lisa this close brings too much emotions — regret, longing but most importantly, she feels very happy no matter how angsty that unrequited feeling is for her.
Lisa's hair is on high ponytail when she started to take care of orders Jennie had no idea to whom. Is it too pathetic to wish to have Lisa be doing her own drink? Probably but she thought she's already one lately anyway so why not push it to the edge so yes, she wished that.
She didn't even know she was holding her breath for far too long until her lungs started screaming for mercy.
She felt dizzy yet relaxed.
Jennie realized how much Lisa could affect her without even doing much. She missed her, no, she misses her way a lot more than she thought and it hurts to not being able to say or act that.
"You okay?" Seulgi asks. She probably noticed the quick breathing or maybe, she felt sorry for her because Jennie knows Seulgi must've seen the way she looks at Lisa.
Jennie turns her attention to her friend and smiles. "Yeah. I just feel weird but I am okay."
"Are you sure?" Everyone around the table except her are now wearing concern in their eyes.
"Absolutely. Don't worry."
"It's Lisa, huh?" Joohyun asks.
Jennie could only smile.
Joohyun sighs. "Talk to her."
"I will. If I get the right chance to do so. That's the main reason why I cut off my vacation. I want to fix this before the start of the next semester."
Chaeyoung smiles. "Good luck, Jen."
"Thanks, Chaeng. Don't worry, if she happens to reject me again, I am pretty sure she will still talk to all of you. One thing I knew from our last talk, she does not bottle hatred. I wish she would but I'm glad she wouldn't."
"Girl, the negativity is so stinky." Jisoo winces before gently pushing Jennie's shoulder that was near her. "We will all be fine."
That conversation stopped as soon as they see BamBam making his way to them with their orders.
***
"Are you sure you just want to walk? Either of us could easily drive you home." Chaeyoung says while holding the door frame of her car.
Jennie offers her a kind smile. "I am good, Chaeng. Thank you. I wanna walk around for a while, that's the reason why I did not bring my car."
"Jen, it's late at night and you're a woman, alone. That screams disaster to me." Jisoo complains, she too, is holding her door frame.
"I've walked way too many times around here plus there are patrols everywhere." She nods at the parked automobile with red and blue head lights spinning.
Their heads turn to the direction for a quick second before looking back at Jennie. "Okay. Text us when you are home." Joohyun says.
"I'm still speed dial number 1?" Jisoo asks, still frowning.
Jennie couldn't help but chuckle at that but nods anyway. "Yes ma'am."
"Good. Call me whenever."
"Will do, mother."
"I am serious."
Jennie laughs. "I know. Geez, relax."
Jisoo was about to retort but Seulgi beats her. "Okay okay enough. Let's all go home because it's already late. We're one call away, okay?"
"Call or text us when you need something." Joohyun continues.
Jennie nods before dismissing her friends and cousin off by waving her hand with a smile.
Jennie's still smiling even after they turned around the corner and disappear. She soon starts walking along the sidewalk.
The area isn't that noisy nor quiet tonight so it's perfect for her to feel at peace and safe. There are several people either walking around or sitting on the benches, after all, this is around the campus and a lot of students are slowly coming back from vacation.
She adjusts her scarf when the cold night breeze of autumn hits her neck and immediately sent shivers down her spine. She adjusts the scarf until her mouth area to keep it from drying — because of course, out of all time of the day she'd forgotten to slid her lip balm inside her purse, it was tonight.
She slides both of her hands inside the side pocket of her black trench coat and keeps walking. She plans to keep doing so until the second bus stop. Walking has been one of her coping mechanisms when she's stressed, or even too relaxed for her liking and when she has a lot of things bottling in her mind.
Right now, it's the last one.
Lisa never spared her, them, a single glance when they were there earlier. She seemed to be very busy and occupied, or at least it's what she wants to believe because just by thinking of Lisa purposely ignoring her breaks another piece of her heart and it's not a good feeling. She never even had a chance to ask her if they could talk like what she initially planned.
Maybe next time.
Yup, she still has several days before the new semester starts. She could still do s—
She heard a soft honk, but it surprised her nonetheless.
"Jesus Christ!!!" Jennie literally jumps, hands against her chest and immediately felt the loud and fast beating of her heart.
She was about to storm off straight to the car to give the owner a little piece of advice or a scare, who knows but of course she couldn't do that when it was Lisa who immediately emerges out of it.
"Oh my God. I am so sorry!" Lisa says, Jennie didn't even notice how long she was silent but Lisa is already right in front of her after she blinked. "Are you okay?"
Jennie has no idea if the loud beating of her heart is due to the jump scare earlier or is it because Lisa is near her and looking at her with full of concern and.. a hint of playfulness.
Okay that's it.
"You scared the shit out of me!" She couldn't even stop herself from slapping Lisa's unsuspecting arm, too late to change her mind because Lisa already winced at the contact. She's about to apologize but stops when she sees a grin, the grin she'd been missing so much.
"Sorry. I may or may have not thought it was fun to do that." Playful. That's very obvious in her tone.
"You little—" she was so ready to punch her this time but Lisa's laughs stopped her. She won't punch her anyway.
"Sorry sorry." Lisa chuckles. "Why are you walking alone anyway? It's dangerous out here."
Jennie shrugs, her heart is still beating fast. "I just want to."
"Good try. You forgot you told me your reasons why you walk around. Which one?"
She remembers, Jennie's heart could burst. "None. I just really feel like doing so."
Lisa turns quiet and continues to observe her for a hot minute — yes, hot because damn it she's feeling a blush creeping. "Okay. I won't insist. Did you even get a proper dinner? All of you only ordered drinks, muffins and cake."
Jennie raises her eyebrow at that. Wh—
"I know you and the others were there. Just couldn't find time to say hi because of the bulk orders I had to take care of."
"You saw us?"
"The shop isn't that big. Of course I did."
Jennie turns quiet. Too many thoughts running through her mind.
"So?" Lisa continues after getting no response.
"Huh?"
"Dinner? Did you get a proper dinner?"
"Oh. Uh.. yes. Before we got here, we had dinner. You?"
"Good to know and yes I did."
"Ah. Good."
And both of them turn quiet this time around. Jennie rehearsed her spiel a lot of times for the past week but her mind literally gone blank at this point. Lisa could do this to her, only Lisa has this effect on her.
But if she won't say anything, would she be able to get a chance to be this close to her? So whatever she practiced, fuck it. She'll improvise. It's now or never.
"Can we talk?"
"Can we talk?"
Well apparently, both of them want to.
***
None of them talk throughout the ride. Both too engrossed in their own thoughts — the what ifs and just don't want the other party to grow uncomfortable and change her mind.
Too cautious.
Too shy.
Too nervous.
Too much longing, that's for sure.
Lisa didn't drive that long, it's late and both of them are tired from what they did throughout the day so she parks her car near the Han River.
"Wanna go out?" Lisa breaks the silence.
"Uhm." The area isn't that crowded but it is to Jennie. It's too crowded for the talk they're going to have.
"I'll take that as a no. Can I roll the windows down then?"
Jennie nods and Lisa did so. The cold night breeze hits their skin which effectively makes them relax even just for a little bit.
"Did you go on vacation?" Lisa asks, eyes staring straight ahead.
Jennie appreciates the small talk, the warm up. "Yes. How about you?"
"Yes. Went to Gwangju for a bit."
"No wonder."
That probably caught Lisa's curiosity because the woman turns her head and attention to Jennie. "Huh?"
Jennie can't even dare to make an eye contact so she kept her eyes staring in front. "I said, no wonder."
Silence.
"Did you.."
Jennie hums. "I came back few days early and wanted to talk to you."
Another silence.
Now Jennie could feel herself sweating.
"I see."
Silence.
Just how many silence.
"We both wanted to talk to each other so I guess it's fine if I go first?" Lisa inquires.
And Jennie knows if she won't do it first, she'd probably lost her will to do so if by any sort of bad luck, Lisa would still want her out.
"Since I am the first one who arrived, can I instead?"
Lisa playfully snorts. "What is this? First come first serve?"
Jennie couldn't stop glaring at the now grinning woman. "Hush!"
Lisa laughs. "Okay okay. Go ahead."
"Please don't interrupt? I need to say it in one full go or else I won't even know if I'd be able to say it again. Please listen?"
Lisa nods, her smile is so gentle and encouraging and Jennie could've sworn that made her heart stops from beating for a while. "I promise." Lisa replies.
Jennie takes one deep breathe before she finally starts talking, eyes looking in front though, afraid she might get drowned in Lisa's stare and won't be able to utter a word.
"I mean everything I've said to you that night weeks ago. I was petty enough to let my ego and pride take over me. A handful of people, you know all of them, told me it wasn't a good nor a right idea to begin with but I did not listen."
Jennie starts to absentmindedly fiddles her fingers. "A part of me wanted it to stop but the egoistic side of me wanted to have fun, to see how things would go, to see how far I could go — we could go, before I break it. More so, Break you. And it won, not so much of a landslide but it won enough to bring us in this situation."
She clenches her jaws, her chest is starting to hurt and she knows this is because of all the things that she did, guilt, longing, regret and hatred towards herself.
"I'll be honest, I never even once thought I'd fall in my own trap. Hurting you was a plan, but hurting myself? Definitely not. That part of me knows I am in the point of an absolute no return when I started seeking for you, when I started to look forward to meeting you, when whatever made you smile made me smile too, when just the thought of you, no matter how childish this is, makes me giddy but I ignored all of it."
"When you finally, albeit forcefully, sat down and talked to me, I was beyond ecstatic. Pathetically and desperately if I may add. I just wanted to talk to you, to be able to hear you talk to me, to be able to have you within my reach but that night, I found myself getting eaten by karma."
Jennie stares at the couple walking hand in hand and she feels envious, she probably would never have that with someone she wanted to be with the most.
"All I wanted was to fix what we had no matter how long it'll take me to gain your trust again but I would be lying if I said I expected you to completely cut me off."
"Because you thought I'm that easy." Lisa says, her voice still has the same tone she had been using throughout the night. Jennie is not sure if that's red flag but she's going to take everything as long as she could get all of her turmoil out.
Jennie hesitantly nods. "Yes, and with that I apologize. Other than intentionally hurting you, I was also looking down at you." She sighs. "I'd also be lying to say that, that talk brought closure to me because it honestly did not. It raised more questions."
"Like, will you be able to give me another chance despite not forgetting my stupidity? Or.. Are you willing to give me yet another chance? Or.. what if I just told you I knew you all along since the beginning? Will there be "us" along the way? Under different circumstances, are we going to make it work?"
"There's a lot of questions but those are the only ones I am not able to answer. But one thing I am sure of is to be able to peacefully close this chapter no matter what the outcome will be. With all the things I've said, I'd understand if you still want nothing to do with me."
Silence.
The low but definitely noticeable noises from the crowd ahead of them sucked in the dead air between the two inside the car. Jennie could've sworn she's sweating bullets.
And after a minute of silence, longest minute in Jennie's life, Lisa finally speaks.
"I appreciate the honesty, Jennie. It takes courage to do that and I want you to know that I acknowledge it."
Jennie gulps, Lisa's voice is still as calm, gentle and soothing that she suddenly feels so unworthy of it. She refuses to look at her, she can't.
"But before I say my own piece, will you look at me? Please?"
Jennie feels a pinch in her stomach, her chest feels like being hammered — it hurts, but it hurts so good. She gulps, Lisa's voice could literally make her do and feel anything and everything.
She reluctantly but still turns her head to look at her and meets a soft, comforting and safe gazes that she had missed so bad. She suddenly feels like tearing up and it would've been so fucking embarrassing to do that in front of her. But of course, emotions got ahead of her logic.
"Oh no. No. Please Jennie. No, please don't cry. Please."
And yup, her tears won't stop falling.
"C..crap... I.. am.. s..so... sorry. I d..didn't mean to be like a cry baby." she continues to wipe her tears off her face, cursing herself at how weak she had become all thanks to the same person who's now handing her a handkerchief.
After a few moments, she's finally able to get her emotions in check again. "T..Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
A sniff.
A hiccup.
A newly opened water bottle.
A huge chug.
A chuckle.
A glare.
A sigh.
A stillness, comfortable one too.
"You okay now?" Lisa inquires.
Jennie nods, her eyes will absolutely be swollen tomorrow. "Yeah. Sorry about that."
Lisa smiles. "Nothing has changed. Still the same cry baby."
"Excuse me?"
"I just remember something I am not very fond of remembering." Her smile gone in a blink.
Lisa takes a deep breathe and a heavy sigh. Her eyes looking straight at Jennie's. "Before anything else, I also have to formally and properly apologize for terrorizing your vacation back then. I have no valid excuse to save my young jerk ass from humiliation other than I was in a phase."
"After several weeks of thinking and days of getting myself together, I have to tell you that I mean it when I said that I understand why you did all that though apart of me was very resentful of the fact that it had to go down like this. I, myself, had to be blamed too. If I came clean the moment I recognized you, it would've been different."
Lisa smiles as she looks away briefly before looking back at Jennie's observant and hopeful eyes. "You were not the only one who had someone constantly nudging you to tell the truth because I had Jongin's nagging and Nayeon's for a while."
"And I figured that she knew what you were planning too. When I recalled one of our conversations, I could've sworn she'd warned me about this, subtle but I just realized the intent there. Don't worry about me disliking Nayeon, I could never do that and I am over the stage of resentment. Like I said, I understand."
"It was so unfair and childish of me to do what I did and let you shoulder all the blame and what ifs when I should be carrying half of it. I only thought about my own feelings without considering yours. I guess, you turn selfish and unreasonable when you're being flash flooded by emotions."
Jennie's cute sniffing somehow made Lisa chuckle, it's too adorable to see her do that while her cheeks turning into like a fluff of cotton balls. Jennie had a questioning look on her face but she decided not to directly answer that.
"I, too, have a lot of what ifs but I guess those will be answered someday. But for now, I could answer one of yours. You said, will I give you another chance? Is that still valid?"
Jennie gulps but nods anyway. "Yes."
Lisa smiles. "Nice because yes, I will be willing. However, I don't think it'll be right and appropriate for the two of us to jump straight to that. We broke each other's trust and we started off so badly, both in two instances that we had."
"What do you propose?"
"How about we start off the right way? The clean way? Let's be friends, no pretentious personas and different agendas because we were not able to experience that. How's that?"
And Jennie agrees though it's not what she wanted, it's still better than having none. That's for sure. "Deal."
Lisa smiles. "Awesome. Well then.." Lisa rubs her palm against her pants and offers a handshake. "Hi, I'm Lalisa Manoban or Lisa, freshman taking Film and Media Arts. I'll probably major either photography or film making. Still juggling which one. I am Thai, not pureblooded though but I like to think that I am, and I came here in this country to both be away from my parents and pursue my love for arts."
Jennie follows suit, rubbing her palm against her jeans and meets Lisa's hand in the middle for a gentle handshake. "Pleasure to meet you, Lalisa."
"Oh please, call me Lisa." Their hands didn't even let go of each other with smiles on their faces.
"If you say so." Jennie grins. "I am Jennie Kim, Junior taking Design and Arts and majoring in Textile Designs. I am a pureblooded Korean though with all the history of people being a hoe, I doubt..."
Lisa snorts and starts laughing. "You just said we all came from hoes."
"Just saying, but back to my introduction. I've always been so passionate and interested with fashion for as long as I could remember, so here I am, pursuing my dream."
They couldn't stop smiling.
They couldn't let go of each other's hands.
A brand new start.
They hope it's a nice one this time.
"Let's be friends?"
"Absolutely."
"And Lisa?"
"Hm?"
"I'll ignore that one interruption earlier when I said don't interrupt."
"Aw, give me a breather woman!"