"Should I take these blue jeans or these blue jeans?" Dean was laying on my bed while I packed, legs hanging over the side with a soft smile on his face as he watched me.
"Why not take them both?" He offered. He looked more relaxed than I would have thought, especially after my embarrassing meltdown the day before.
"You're a genius," I sighed, tossing them both into the hand-carry Dean let me borrow. I wasn't finished packing but I had the urge to hold him, walking over and crawling on top of him so my cheek rested against his chest. His left arm came around to hold me, my hands playing with his hair in soft scrapes. "What would I do without you?"
"Everything," He laughed softly. "You don't need me."
"Is this your way of breaking up with me?"
"I didn't know we were together."
I smiled at that, pulling his hand against my cheek so I could lean into the palm of it knowing he was just teasing. After my final exam we celebrated by ordering out and watching Tangled, a movie that I could now say was my favourite after Princess and the Frog. It was at that moment did Dean confirm that we were going on the trip— if I wanted to of course. I was so excited that I accidentally fell off the couch before worrying over if he truly did want to go.
I knew Dean didn't like hanging out with big crowds for extended periods of time, getting overwhelmed and overly tired. The only reason he could do it with his friends was because he was comfortable around them, however he still had a limit. He had once told me that as a kid, his anxiety made it so hard for him to even go to school and I didn't want him doing this for me if it would make him feel awful.
Though, after minutes of reassurance Dean told me that he wanted to go and that in Vanessa's cabin were several rooms so we wouldn't be rooming with anyone else. Plus, Vanessa said I could bring Alex to make me more comfortable.
"Don't worry about me, Soph" He had said last night, holding my hand the way he knew comforted me. "If I ever do start to feel overwhelmed, I can easily lock myself in our room for a day and collect myself."
"Is that what you did when you went on vacation with them in the summer?" I asked back, remembering that it was the first time I had met his friends.
He nodded, telling me he had only gone for two weeks but since it was secluded he mainly stayed in his hotel room for the majority of the time.
"You're right..." I murmured trying to contain my grin. "Maybe I should take Alex up on that offer."
Dean stilled, the arm around me tightening. "You should."
My face was giving me away but I tried so hard to not laugh, playing along. "Okay, I will right now." I tried to pull away from him but he secured me further, leaving me to struggle.
"Yes, do that." He agreed, but didn't let up his hold.
"Dean," I laughed, trying to pull his hand off.
"What's the matter, Soph? Go call her." His voice was calm but I could hear the amusement behind it. He was easily holding me down like I weighed nothing, no sign of struggle on his face.
"Let me go." My smile finally broke and Dean flipped us around so I was laying on my back, him on top.
He tilted his head, blinking down at me in confusion. "Why aren't you calling her? Your phone is right there, you know."
I playfully hit him. "You know why I can't call her right now."
He feigned innocence, "I do?"
"You're on top of me, you...you ugly nerd."
"Oh," He mockingly frowned. "That wasn't very nice, baby."
"Suck it up, pretty boy."
We stared at each other for a few seconds, our smiles widening by the second before I covered my face in my hands, embarrassed.
"Uncover that pretty face," He leaned down and I shook my head.
"Sophia," He laughed, shaking me slightly.
"No, I can't."
"Why not?"
"You're too close."
"Hmm," I can hear the amusement in his tone, feeling his face near mine. "Does that make you nervous?"
I didn't reply, feeling Dean lean down further to press gentle kisses along my neck.
"You smell so good it's driving me fucking crazy." He murmurs against the skin. It sounded like he was talking more to himself than to me.
I don't let up, pressing my face further into my hands as I mumbled out a response.
"I've been using your body wash."
"Mine? I may have to take it away from you before I go insane."
I let Dean tug my hands away from my face. His hair slightly fell over his eyes from leaning over me, and I reached up with one hand to push it back. The two necklaces he wore lightly dangled near my eyes, the silver chains clinking together with his movements.
"You suck," I whispered.
"You—" I covered his mouth with my palm, shaking my head at him.
His eyes lit up with laughter and I used this to flip us over, so I was now on top. My hand was firmly against his mouth, this time I was looking down on him.
"You're awful,"
He pulled my hand away so he could speak. "You're mean."
"You're the mean one!"
"No, I'm pretty nice actually."
"I need to finish packing," I huffed, moving off of him but his hands anchored me once again to his lap.
"Dean."
"Sophia." He said back in the same tone.
"I need to finish—"
"Kiss me."
"What?"
"I really want you to kiss me, please.'"
I shook my head, thinking about how he was so adorable and I complied, kissing him with the same force he always tends to kiss me with.
He beamed once I pulled away, eyes shining as he moved to sit up. He wrapped me in a hug, which I gladly returned, his head on my shoulder.
"I love it when you kiss me." He whispered. "It feels like my brain short circuits whenever you do."
I pulled away, this time he let me get off as I walked over to the hand-carry. "Are you confirming that you are, indeed, a robot?"
He dodged my question, laying back against the bed again to watch me. "Finish packing, Sweetheart."
"Nerd," I mumbled under my breath, sitting down to fold my clothes neatly.
"Baby," He mumbled back.
- - -
"Three hour drive?" I exclaimed while Dean loaded our luggage into his car. I stood behind him, throwing question after question at his face and rather than telling me to be quiet, he answered every one.
He looked back at me, entertained as he shut the trunk closed. "Yes."
"What will we do? We can't possibly talk the whole time...no that would be too much and I'd probably lose my voice by the end of it. And you know I can't have that happen to me, Dean. You know how much I love talking. Can I sleep? Am I allowed to do that? Or eat?"
"Sophia...what?"
I ignored him, continuing on with my rant.
"Can I read? No, probably not that would be rude. I should stay silent. Yes, that feels like the best option. Staying silent and maybe adding in if they talk...or not I don't want them to think I'm in their business. Or I could—"
Dean grasped me by my shoulders, slightly shaking me so I stopped and stared at him.
"Sophia, breathe."
I didn't realise that I had stopped, taking in a large handful of air while he watched, only talking once he saw that I was calm again.
"You can do whatever you feel like." He said simply.
"What does that mean?" I exclaimed, following him into the car.
"It means if you feel like sleeping, you sleep. If you feel like talking, you talk."
"Are you sure it's that simple? I don't need to google any tips like I did last time, right?"
He paused from buckling his seatbelt, looking over at me to confirm. "It's that simple."
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me that before?!"
"I tried," He rolled his eyes. "But you have select hearing."
"You're mean."
"I know."
Dean started up the car after I had put on my seatbelt, the car in silence for a moment before I spoke up once I realised I didn't know the entirety of the carpooling situation. "Are we meeting them there?"
"No, we're picking up Alyan and Vanessa. The rest are going with Brandon."
I nodded, staring out of the window as we pulled up outside of Vanessa's apartment complex. Out in the open we could see Alyan's face millimetres away from Vanessa, looking like they were in a heated argument which was a surprise to me since Vanessa always looked happy. Something must have irritated her terribly if she was visibly upset. I sent Dean a cautious look, not knowing if we should intervene.
My thoughts were cut off when Vanessa noticed us waiting, pushing against his chest roughly. Yanking up her luggage, she started walking towards us. Dean got out of the car to help her while I stared at Alyan, feeling bad. He sighed into his hand, rubbing it down his face before turning towards us.
Neither Dean or I asked what was going on when we all were seated back inside. The awkward tension grew in silence as Dean started the car up again.
"So how was—"
"The weather is—"
Me and Dean spoke up, stopping to stare at each other nervously. I cleared my throat, continuing. "How was your day, you two? Do anything um...interesting?"
Clearly that was the wrong question to ask.
"I don't know, Alyan. How was your day?" Vanessa said sweetly, looking over at him expectantly.
"It was great, thanks for asking." He mumbled.
"No, go on! Give us the juicy details. Tell us all about this great, magnificent day you had. I'm all ears."
"Vanessa don't you think—"
"'Don't I think' what? Why? Am I controlling this conversation too much? Go on, tell me what, Alyan."
"I..." He started, looking at me and Dean for help but Dean just shook his head, making him sigh. "How many times do I have to apologise, V?"
"Until I believe you."
"I'm sorry."
"Did you guys hear something? I didn't hear anything. Wow, it must be the sun or something. So! Dean, Sophia, how are you guys? Not going around being assholes, right?"
I was anxious to answer, looking at Dean seeing him composed and calm like always.
"We're fine, Vanessa. How are—"
"Wow! That's so great. I'm so glad you guys are fine. I wish I was fine, I mean I was having a great day before some jerk came along and ruined it all."
"Vanessa..." Alyan murmured. "Quit it."
"Quit what?" Vanessa feigned innocence. "I'm just making conversation. Or is it too much for you to handle, Alyan? I'd be happy to push you out of the car onto incoming traffic if you're overwhelmed. Here! Let me—" Alyan pulled her wrists away from the door handle, shooting her a glare.
"Vanessa," Dean called out, trying to diffuse the argument, probably knowing I was starting to feel uncomfortable. "What happened?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all. Everything is great! No—amazing. Everything is amazing."
"How about we listen to some music?" I offered, reaching over to turn the dial on the radio.
"Are you sure you wanna do that, Sophia? Alyan here might be overwhelmed by how controlling you are over the music."
"Or...not." I retracted my hand awkwardly.
"Vanessa, stop." Alyan huffed, leaning his head against the car seat.
"How about I switch seats with Alyan. Is that okay with you?"
Alyan practically jumps up in his seat when I offer the idea, and Dean pulls over for the switch when Vanessa agrees. Alyan gets out of the car first and I start to move as well when Dean holds onto my hand.
I look up at him confused, but he just pulls me in to press a quick kiss on my forehead. "I'll miss you."
I laugh, smiling wide. "I'm going into the backseat, Dean. Not moving to Mexico."
"I don't like being away from you."
My stomach fluttered and I opened my mouth to say something when Vanessa spoke up.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Dean. Suck it up or I'll push you out too."
I laughed at that and finally got out of the car, getting a look of relief sent to me by Alyan before I climbed back inside beside Vanessa.
"Hi Vanessa." I smiled at her. She instantly smiled back, her annoyance washing away.
"Hey, Sophia. Sorry for...this whole mess."
"Oh, don't even worry about it." I waved off. "I understand. I'm here if you ever need to rant. Or if you want me to beat up Alyan."
"Hey!" He exclaimed from the passenger seat.
"Sorry Alyan but you shouldn't of fucked up."
Alyan looked to Dean for some assistance but he shrugged at him. "I agree with whatever Sophia says."
"That's because you're—"
"Anyway," Dean cut off. "It's going to take us a while to get there so let's either shut the fuck up, sleep, or listen to music. Argue later, my head is starting to hurt."
"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Alex gave me some music to listen to, can I play it?"
"Yeah of course. Alyan, give her the aux cord."
Alyan helped me plug in my phone and I put on a random song from the playlist Alex shared with me.
Vanessa and I soon started to converse and I could hear the murmurs of Alyan and Dean's conversation.
"Look, I don't know what you did to piss V off but you need to fix it. I want Sophia to be relaxed this entire trip, not to become a mediator for you guys."
"Come on, man. You're supposed to be my best friend," Alyan groaned. "How come you think I messed up?"
Dean gave Alyan an incredulous expression which made him sigh. "Yeah, okay. I fucked up. I didn't mean to, alright? Sometimes words just slip out."
"Well either duck tape your mouth closed or think before you speak. I haven't seen her this angry since Lucas."
"Don't mention that fucker."
"Now is not the time to get jealous." Dean shook his head. "Fix it."
Alyan sighed once more. "I know." He says quietly, looking more heartbroken than ever.
- - -
After a long, excruciating car ride we had finally made it to the resort. Dean parked outside of the fairly large cabin and we pulled our luggage inside. The rest of our friends were already there, and upon seeing me Alex shot up and ran over.
"Sophia, don't ever do that again!" She exclaimed.
"Zayn, what did you do?" I glared at him.
"Hey, why do you think I had something—okay fine it wasn't even anything bad. All I did was ask her about her ex."
I winced, turning back to Alex. "Ah," I nodded. "Well if it makes you feel any better, Vanessa was this close to tearing off Alyan's head."
"I don't know who Alyan is but I will beat him up if he messes with Vanessa."
"Thank you!" Vanessa squealed, pushing me gently to hug Alex. "I knew I'd grow to like you."
"Enough talking, guys." Brandon interrupted, clapping his hands. "Let's get settled in before we start doing stuff."
We all agreed, going to our cars and pulling out our luggage. From what it looked like, Vanessa and Alex were the ones with the most suitcases, having claimed that they needed an outfit for every occasion which made sense. Besides, that only meant more clothes I could borrow from either of them if they let me.
"How many rooms are there?" Brandon asked as we followed Vanessa to the designated cabin. She had her keys in her hand, flicking through them in order to get to the right one.
"Four."
"Okay, me and Zayn will stay in one. Alyan and—"
"Vanessa." Alyan cut in.
"What? No!" You already know the saying: if looks could kill, Alyan would be six feet under right now.
"Sophia and Dean. Alex and Ayesha. Everyone happy?"
"No!" Vanessa exclaimed as Ayesha stole the keys off of her, opening the door to get us in knowing she was too distracted to do so. "I didn't agree to this!"
"Good," Brandon nodded, ignoring her. "Let's go to our rooms then."
We split up immediately, pulling on our luggages to our respective rooms. I struggled to pull mine up the stairs, genuinely not being strong enough most likely due to being defiant in many vitamins. Though, was it really my fault if brown girls are regularly iron deficient and anaemic? Anyway, Dean simply saw the struggle and lifted mine up by the handle, gesturing for me to go ahead while he carried it up.
I pushed open the door, stepping inside and peering around while I waited for Dean. One large bed sat in the middle of the room, side tables on either side and a hanging light which only further confirmed my suspicion of Vanessa being rich. I heard Dean behind me, watching as he pulled our things over to the corner where the closet sat, leaving it for now as he turned to watch me. With that, I ran towards the bed, falling face first on it with a relieved sigh.
"That was the worst car ride ever." I whined, voice muffled by the bed.
"Tell me about it," Dean mumbled, falling to lay beside me.
I turned my face to the side, cheek pressed up against the cold sheets so I could clearly look at him. He was a pretty sight, hair slightly mussed due to the constant travelling. "Do you know what happened?"
He shook his head, sighing. "I know he fucked up and has to fix it."
"Hopefully, them staying in the same room will force them to patch things up. Unless he really fucked up. Then I don't know."
"Yeah," Dean agreed before moving to sit up again. "Come on, Sweetheart. It's time to go unpack so we can start doing stuff."
"I don't wanna do anything." I groaned. "You do it."
"Okay."
Dean moved off and walked towards our luggage as I watched him tiredly.
He opened the closet door, unzipping his bag first and pulling out stacks of folded clothes before placing them inside on the shelf. He repeated this action until his suitcase was empty, moving to mine and doing the same.
My heart felt heavy, for some reason. Seeing our clothes on the same shelf, looking almost perfect and normal sitting right next to each other. When I had to move my clothes back into Devon's closet, I felt trapped. Suffocated. But this wasn't the same feeling.
No, this was something more. Something positive. Something that I wanted to keep feeling. This was something that made a smile grow on my face. Made the sadness in my soul more bearable. This was something that I wanted to learn more about.
I felt an overwhelming need to cry, but I tried my hardest to hold it in. My heart was so full with whatever this feeling was, so immense, that I could almost not breathe with how happy I was feeling. I stood up silently, walking to the bathroom and locked the door.
Bracing my hands on the sink, I took in a few deep breaths before looking at myself.
I didn't recognize who that was, staring back at me so happy in the mirror.
Her hair was messy, in the best way. Eyes glazed over, face flushed with care. She looked like she could overcome anything. She looked so pretty and beautiful and present.
She looked free.
•••