WARNING;
trauma, child abuse, panic attacks.
I wake up to an empty bed, it shouldn't surprise me, but it still does.
I should've known she would flee first thing in the morning, she may never even talk to me after this, even though I did nothing.
My head throbs as I think about what happened last night, I only remember the feeling of Lilith's lips -on my face, on my nose, under my eye- the rest is a blur. I lift my hand and scratch the back of my head, taking my head off the pillow only for it to be met by the burning sun.
I groan and position my hand on my eyes, couldn't she have closed the curtains before she left? Where the fuck did she even go?
Rubbing my eyes and sitting on the bed, I try to puzzle over what happened last night. Lilith indirectly told me I'm a monster then kissed my face, which doesn't make any sense. Then, Noah applied something on my chest scar and...
I can't remember, I conclude as I rub my temples. Trying to remember is making my head hurt more.
Don't you just love waking up with the biggest headache ever?
As I stand up, I grab the wall in front of me for balance and close my eyes till the dizziness goes away. Then I loosen my grip on the wall and walk over to the bathroom.
I look like shit, as expected. I'm still sleepy, my eyes are bloodshot with black circles under them. Wishing to curl up in bed and sleep all day, I ignore these thoughts and splash water on my face.
The water feels cold on my skin, making me get out of my sleepy state and making me remember more of what happened last night.
"Fuck, you're too hot."
"I meant you're burning up,"
"You don't know anything about being sick, do you?"
"You fell?!"
I vaguely remember Lilith saying these words. I close my eyes, and dry my wet face with a towel as I brush my teeth with one of the dispensable toothbrushes and get out of the bathroom.
Upon reaching the bed, I freeze.
"Why?"
"It's because you're a weak, unlovable creature."
The memories of last night's flashbacks return to me, I remember the agony that ruled me that night, the fear that Lilith may witness one of my panic attacks and the terror I lived through having to relive the old memories of my childhood.
I sink on the ground and pull my knees up to my chest, resting the top of my head on them, as I remember my flashbacks last night, it feels like I'm reliving them all over again.
Once again, I'm back at my father's mansion. I could still feel the stinging of the belt as he hit me, again and again. As the Alpha at that time, he never had mercy; mercy was known to be a weakness.
I never understood why he detested me that much as a child. Why didn't he hate my older brother too? I used to wonder. Now as I'm older I know why.
Even though I killed him with my own bare hands, I still had to repeat the words as a sense of reassurance. "He's gone." I keep chanting, hoping that it'll make it stop.
I tug on my hair harshly, my claws descending uncontrollably. I let them dig into my scalp slightly, hoping that my physical pain would stop mental pain. I know it was wrong to hurt myself in this way, but I didn't care at the time; all I wanted was for the pain to stop.
Sweat escalates down my back as I breathe heavily and continue chanting to myself. And just as I was sure this pain would stop, I feel the eyes of someone examining me.
Still breathing heavily, I lift my head only to find Noah in the middle of crouching to sit next to me. Fuck, he saw everything. "How the fuck did you get in here?" I say, my eyes glowing neon blue as anger flares in my glare.
Noah stares back, no sign of emotion in his eyes...no pity, no sadness, nor surprise. He doesn't even seem scared that I will rip his throat out after this. He now knows my biggest secret.
I realize my cheeks are stained with tears. I mentally slap myself for not realizing that Noah came into the room and that I was also crying. Quickly, I wipe the tears using the palms of my hand on each cheek.
"Do you mind getting hugged?" Noah's question catches my attention, my tear stained cheek long forgotten. His head is crooked to the side with an intrigued expression on his face.
I furrow my eyebrows, "What does that have to do with anything-" Before I could finish my question, Noah had wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug.
I sit there, frozen as he rests his chin on my shoulder. My eyes widen; no one had ever hugged me or even laid a hand on me without expecting a punishment or getting scared. I don't know what to do. Should I wrap my arms around his back too?
I let Noah's arms linger around me for a few minutes. It feels good to be hugged. I wish Noah was my brother instead of Andrei... brothers are supposed to hug and comfort each other, right? Or is what Andrei did to me normal? Why didn't Andrei confront me?
"Do you want to talk about it?" Noah murmurs while I'm lost in thought. I ignore my fears and wrap one arm around him while resting my chin on his shoulder.
"No," I answer.
"It's fine," Noah points out and removes his hands from around me, and studies my face. "I won't tell anyone about this, don't worry," he places a reassuring hand on my knee.
"You better not," I say as I rub my eyes, "But you need to tell me one of your secrets so I can trust you," I command.
"I'm an open book," Noah points out.
"That's what people with secrets say," I roll my eyes, glad to be back to normal and forget about my state of panic ten minutes ago.
Noah lets out a breath, "I actually came here to tell you that I did it." He says, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
"Do what?" I furrow my eyebrows, grateful for the subject change.
"I came out to my parents, the air witches," Noah explains.
"And how did it go?" I ask.
Noah smiles, "I didn't really think they would support me because they're Egyptian and stuff but..." he continues. "They said they don't care unless I date a banshee."
"What's wrong with banshees?" I ask in an offended manner, even though I don't really care about banshees.
"Because my mother hates weeping," Noah explains. "If you want to cry a little that's fine, but crying forever? That's a big no."
I understand where his parents are coming from, most banshees are crazy and can't control their screams. Good thing they don't exist in QandaLand.
"Don't think your smooth," I roll my eyes. "You need to tell me a secret of yours."
Noah takes a deep breath and starts talking, "I don't actually mind if you know this but I don't want anyone to know." Noah explains. "Even my parents."
I nod.
"When I was little my mother, she was one of the survivor witches in the Witch land. She was alone, my father left us when I was five years old." He starts talking then slaps a hand on his forehead. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this, I just need to let it out if I don't I'll explode."
"You don't have to say anything if you want," I point out.
"No, I want to." he says, "My mother was crazy, that's what they all said, that's why no one really cared about us. One time she decided to leave the land, she hated that everyone thought she was crazy. She took seven-year-old me with her, we were supposed to go to ZeniLand but Faries attacked and..."
He took a deep breath, "Maybe they didn't see me with her, maybe she hid me... it's all a blur. All I remember is passing out then waking up in here with Randa, my mother now, she adopted me with Micheal."
I wait a few minutes until Noah continues, "After a few years, I had really bad headaches... like the ones my real mother had." He took a deep breath, "So I left the Witch land and went to the best doctor in ZeniLand to diagnose me. I was scared that maybe my mother was actually sick and that the sickness transferred to me."
"I never told anyone about my visit, I came up with an excuse to Randa. Turns out my mother wasn't crazy," he says.
I can spot unshed tears in his eyes, "She actually had a brain disorder that transferred to me." He looks me straight in the eye as he continues, "I might lose my memory at any moment, the doctor said it's most likely to happen in my twenties and I'm twenty-three."
He takes a deep breath, "That felt good to let out," he continues, "I'm sorry if I made this about me, I just needed to tell someone and I hate almost everyone in this land because they all thought my real mother is- was crazy."
I think he's using magic to make the tears in his eyes disappear, "Now that I think about it, I was in shock I don't even remember the name of my disease,"
I don't know what to do, I want to hug him again as a way of confronting him as he confronted me, but I don't know if it'll be the right move so instead, I ask a question, "Why didn't you tell Randa and Michael?" They were his adoptive parents why would he keep such a thing from them.
"They would view me differently," he answers, "For example, they would stop training me and sending me to missions. Randa, would not even let me leave this place." He scratches the back of his neck again.
"I mainly wanted to tell you this because if I ever lose my memory just get me the vault under my bed," Noah requests.
I immediately nod.
"Again, I'm sorry for making this about me, I feel awful but also good because I got this off my chest," Noah says.
Wanting to confront him, I hold out my hand in a hug-like position but I don't move, waiting for him to get close.
It's going to be really awkward if he doesn't.
Noah chuckles at my weird hand placement and hugs me back, as I rest my chin on his shoulder and hesitantly place my hand on his back.
After another few minutes, we pull back apart and Noah announces, "Get ready, everyone is eating breakfast in the main cabin."
After all the talk about Noah's past, I wonder that if I tell him mine I'll maybe feel better, maybe a weight will be lifted off my shoulders.
What will I lose? I already know Noah's secret and he knows one of mine.
"Wait," I say before Noah gets the chance to stand up, "I want to tell you some stuff too... maybe it'll make my mind relax for a bit if I tell someone."
Noah focuses all his attention on me, "You can tell me anything but if you feel indebted because I told you my past then don't. You don't need to tell me anything if that's the case-"
I cut him off, "I'm not."
Noah slightly relaxes at my answer and waits for me to continue, "Have you ever heard that rumor about me?"
He furrows his eyebrows, "The one that says you have one ball? Or is it the one that claims you're a virgin-"
My eyes widen, "People say that-"
Noah looks at me as I'm crazy, "Yeah, don't you hear them?"
I never notice any gossip or care about it but the one I want Noah to know about can't be ignored, I shake my head, "The one that says I'm not Artyom's real child."
After years of searching, I found out that my mother had an affair with a wolf from the moon pack which explains her hatred towards me.
It explains everyone's hatred towards me.
Artyom, the former alpha of Shadow and my supposed father, knew about this and wanted to get rid of me the second he found out the child in my mother's womb wasn't his.
But he knew this would take away that pack's respect from him and they'd realize that Mila, my mother, is a cheater.
"Wait-" Noah furrows his eyebrows, "If that's true... How are you the Alpha?"
I sigh, "You definitely heard about it."
"No,"
"You hear rumors about me having one ball but don't know that I killed my supposed father?" I furrow my eyebrows.
His eyes widen at the casual mention that I killed my father. Truth is, I don't regret it one bit. If I didn't kill him, I'm afraid I'd be the one dead instead. "Well, I heard a bunch of girls talking about it in the kitchen before and it didn't make sense because how would they know you had one ball if you never had sex?"
I sigh again, how did people come out with rumors? Can't they use their creativity elsewhere?
"Anyway," I dismiss Noah's question, "I had an older brother which was supposed to be alpha,"
"Why isn't he?"
"I kicked him and my mother out of the pack after I killed Artyom at sixteen," I explain as he waits for me to continue speaking. "As you would expect, no one wanted me to be a part of their family... they would act nice to me when guests were around but when they weren't I used to rot around rogue camps,"
Noah doesn't say anything, his face doesn't show any kind of emotion. I feel better because I'm telling someone. I feel better because someone is listening to me, but I don't know if I could continue talking. I take a deep breath once again, "My brother- Andrei wasn't keen on me either. He used to..."
I take another deep breath as I hope it'll calm me down, "He used to beat me up pretty badly. Who am I kidding, they all did. But I wish he stood up for me," I stare down at my hand as I fidget. "He used to tease me about my mate all the time with my mother, turns out they were right." I give a small laugh, "They were preparing me for the future."
"When I became sixteen I just couldn't control my werewolf urges, these urges wanted me to kill Artyom and gain the Alpha position, proving them all wrong. I couldn't control it and I killed Artyom, a day before Andrei was supposed to become Alpha." I continue. "When I became the new Alpha I banished my mother and brother from ever entering the pack. The pack didn't really take the news of me gaining power over them well, I was a sixteen-year-old boy at that time, but with some violence, they learned to respect me."
I look back at Noah, his face not giving any emotion. He then opens his arms again, the same action I did a few minutes ago, and waits for me to embrace him. I roll my eyes and leap into his embrace. I am proud of myself for telling someone about this and for doing it without crying.
I won't have to worry about Noah telling anyone because I also know his secrets, plus what would it benefit him if he told someone? And I'm also sure that no one would believe him if he did tell someone. Who would believe the most vicious Alpha doesn't actually have Alpha blood?
I did get Alpha blood when I killed Artyom but nonetheless, I didn't have it in my veins from family.
We pull back from the hug with smiles on our faces. I feel as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, Noah stands up, "Get up, Eugene probably finished all the meat," he points out.
My eyes widen and I quickly get off the floor and snatch a black turtle neck from the closet and some black pants. Noah laughs at my reaction and leaves the cabin, waiting for me to get dressed.
It feels good to know that there's someone that listens.
By the way one of the rumors Noah heard is true hehe
The next chapter is from Lilith's POV and we're going to get hungry, angry, scheming Alexander and a bunch of Aiko and Eugene banter
And a new character...
As if we don't have enough.
Any guesses about the new character?
HINT (because I'm nice today even though the heat is making me melt):
Someone from the Light pack.
REMINDER: this chapter happened for a reason.