"This is the fourth package in six days," I informed Andrea as I placed the unopened box on her desk. After Lina's accident, I stopped opening them and even though I'd rather just not open them at all and throw them all in the garbage, I needed to collect them all for evidence.
"I'll add it to the pile," she told me. "Anything other than the packages?"
I shook my head at her. "No, just these. Has there been anything that I should know in the letters?"
"Not if you don't want to know," she said with a shrug. "No threats, no mention of planning to meet up with you at all."
"Okay, good. I can't stay, I have a show tonight," I told her before thanking her for her hard work on my case and I left the station. It was getting exhausting to have to drive to the police station every time I got a strange package, but I knew that I had to. If he sent me another threat like the one about Lina, I'd want to know about it right away.
As I found a good parking spot on the street by The Jackroller, I was feeling good. I felt like I was taking control of the situation by working with Andrea to find out who this person was. They weren't able to find any leads to find out who drove Lina off the road, and I felt like it was pushing me forward to use the packages and any other clues I could get to figure out who Mrs. Lamb was so that I could get justice for Lina.
I felt like I finally had some hope, knowing that each package he sent me was being analyzed by a team of detectives, and he had to slip up eventually. Not only that, but I installed security cameras inside of my apartment that faced the front door so that I would be alerted if there was any movement in the apartment while I wasn't home.
Once inside the bar, I wanted to talk to Sev. I got to the bar early just to talk to him about what happened on Saturday. After leaving my guitar on the stage, I felt a little bit disappointed when I didn't see him behind the bar.
Henri was the only bartender working the nearly empty bar, so I approached her instead.
"Hey, you're here early," she observed with a smile. "You want your drink now?"
"Um, no I'll wait. Is Sev working?"
She gave me a suspicious look and a wide smile slowly started to spread across her face. "Why are you looking for Sev? Did he reel you in?"
"No," I said quickly, crossing my arms over my chest. "I just have to talk to him about something."
She continued to smile, obviously not believing me as she nudged toward the back hallway and said, "He's in the stock closet."
"Oh, okay," I responded in a quiet, dumb voice. Before last weekend, I wouldn't have had a problem going to talk to him in the stock closet, but there was a paranoid voice in the back of my head telling me to keep our conversations public. That was probably a good rule of thumb for me in any scenario right now, with any person. I didn't know where, or who, Mrs. Lamb was. I wasn't safe with anybody around me in a private setting.
"That closet doesn't have a lock," she warned me with a cackling laugh. I ignored her and began to patiently wait for his return.
Sev appeared from the closet just a few minutes after I arrived and I politely waved when he saw me at the bar.
"Hi," I greeted him with an awkward smile when he approached from the other side of the bar. Henri was having a conversation with a regular further away, paying no attention to me or Sev.
"Hey," he smiled back at me, grabbing some dirty glasses off the counter to place them near the sink to get washed. "You're early. What's up?"
"I actually wanted to thank you for Saturday," I said quickly.
"Oh, it was no big deal," he said with a small shrug, looking at me with those intense dark eyes. "I was happy to help. Did you find the guy that was freaking you out?"
"No," I admitted, my fingers starting to fidget with each other. "But I'm feeling okay about it right now."
"Is this a serious thing?" he asked me curiously.
"Yeah," I nodded, the rest of my words started getting caught in my throat because it was hard to talk about. Not only did it feel weird to talk about this with Sev because I didn't know him very well, but also because I didn't want him to become a part of this mess and then he could be in danger too. I was so terrified that anybody I talked to could become more collateral damage. "It's pretty serious."
"Well, if you ever need help again, I'm here," he assured me in a smooth voice.
"It's okay," I told him. "I don't want you to get involved in my mess. We barely even know each other."
"I know," Sev agreed with me. "I'm sorry if I'm overstepping, you just looked so freaked out that night. If I was in that situation, I'd want somebody to be there."
"Thank you for the offer," I said in an attempt to be polite as Sev scribbled down something on the corner of a napkin and slid it across the counter toward me. I tried to study his chiseled features to judge if his concern was sincere or not. Was he really just a nice guy, or was he guilty, and just trying to get closer to me to watch me suffer?
"Here, just in case," he said and when I looked down at the paper, I read his cell phone number in messy, barely legible writing.
"This better not be a move," I said with a forced smile. Although I didn't think that I'd ever use this number, I put it in the pocket of my dress just to be polite. I appreciated that he was so kind about the situation, but also felt reserved and I knew that I couldn't fully trust him. I couldn't really trust anybody.
"Oh no, definitely not, you are way out of my league," he assured me in a smooth voice, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I'm out of your league?" I repeated, feeling confused. I didn't want him to make a move on me and was only joking, but I wasn't expecting him to say that I was out of his league. I felt confident in the way I looked, but Sev was drop dead gorgeous. In no universe would I consider myself out of his league. He did mention something about having confidence issues when we were driving home Saturday night, and I wondered if that had to do with him feeling that way about me.
"It feels like it," he confirmed with a shrug. "Anyway, I should go take some orders and actually do my job. Do you want your mojito?"
I felt like I should say something to let him know that I disagreed with him, but I wasn't sure what kind of purpose that would serve. Would it sound like I was trying to convince him to hit on me? I didn't want that, so I just said, "Sure" and left him to get back to work.
I wanted to believe that if I looked in his eyes long enough, I'd be able to understand him. Were his intentions genuine, or was it all just an act? I didn't want to believe that Sev could be Mrs. Lamb because his voice was so soothing and although he was a flirt, he could also be really nice. I didn't want to get sucked into a trap just because I was blinded by my lady bits, so I'd stay cautious.
"So, what was that about?" Henri asked me curiously as she came over after Sev handed me my mojito and then continued down the bar to make other drinks.
"Just something about the party on Saturday," I informed her with a small shrug and then when she continued smiling at me, I added, "Stop looking at me, it's not like that. Really, he just did me a favor and I wanted to say thank you."
"Okay, whatever you say," she said teasingly. I didn't want to debate about my barely existent relationship with Sev, so I walked away with my mojito to get on the stage.
For my performance that night, I was wearing a casual green floral dress that was not very appropriate for the cold November nights. I brought a thick leather jacket with me to help bear the cold, but left it at the back of the stage to avoid getting too hot under the stage lights. My white sneakers did very little to keep my legs or ankles warm, but I was having a hard time letting go of my spring and summer clothes.
I did have winter clothes packed in some totes in the back of my closet, but I loved the warm seasons so much better that I found it difficult to say goodbye to the sunny days and starry nights.
I felt proud of my performance that night because of my relatively good mood and because I'd found that no matter what Mrs. Lamb tried to do, I always felt safe on stage. There were no packages, no big blue trucks, creepy messages or threats. There was just me and my guitar; we couldn't be touched. I could feel myself wanting to stay on stage even after my set was over, but dragged myself toward the bar anyway because it had to come to an end eventually.
At the bar, I order a second mojito from Sev. He was really getting used to making my drink the way that I liked it, so I didn't hesitate too much when Sev was the closest bartender to me and I had to ask him to make it for me.
Andrea did tell me that routines were a stalker's wet dream, so I felt like it could help if I just mixed up my routine a little bit. Even if that meant leaving the Jackroller at midnight rather than eleven, maybe it could help. It was worth a shot and I was willing to do anything if there was even a chance it could keep me away from that creep.
As I sipped my second mojito, I could hear a flirty, high pitched laugh farther down the bar and when I looked over, saw Sev flirting with a tall, curvy brunette. She was beautiful, and he was leaning toward her over the bar with a wide smile of his own.
Seeing Sev flirting with that girl made me think about David and how much fun it was to flirt with him. I missed flirting with him, and I wished that we didn't have to stop. Maybe it was the rum talking, but I wanted to text him. I knew that I wasn't going to because it would put him and his tires in danger, but I wanted to so badly.
All of the giving and receiving compliments, the high pitched laughter, and gentle touching of the arm or knee. I missed the soft kisses and going to sleep using his body as my pillow.
I didn't necessarily miss David specifically, but just the whole idea of flirting and touching. David was a nice guy and if we had spent more time together, I probably would have developed feelings for him. However, we never got that chance, so I didn't take the loss that seriously. It had been a while since I'd done it before David and now, who knew how long it would be until I felt safe enough to flirt with another guy?
I hated feeling so controlled by this creepy stranger who I didn't even know, but I still didn't have a choice because not only would I be risking my own safety, but the person who I flirted with would be blindly signing up to the same chaos and that wasn't fair.
Across the bar, I noticed a man who seemed to be close to my type. He had a bit of a beard and he was buff, drinking an IPA. He was standing in the corner of the bar with a group of guys and I could imagine myself approaching him like I had so boldly approached David before. I wished that I could walk over there and ask for his name and then, maybe, his number too.
"You should go over there," I suddenly heard Sev behind me and I spun back around toward the bar to see him standing there with a crooked smile on his face.
"What?" I asked him dumbly.
"You're practically drooling," he informed me with a laugh. "I'm sure he'd fall at your feet if you gave him the time of day."
"I can't," I said, taking another sip of my mojito.
"Why not?"
"I'm not good at flirting," I admitted, which wasn't really a lie, it just wasn't the entire truth.
"Really?" Sev responded with raised eyebrows. "Somehow, I find that hard to believe."
"Why is that?" I asked softly as I started to anxiously chew on my straw.
"You seemed to be fine at it with that hipster from a few weeks ago," he stated. I leaned back on my stool, feeling surprised that he remembered my date with David. At least, I assumed that he was talking about David. I described him as a lumberjack, but I guess it could also be considered a hipster vibe.
"That was different," I assured Sev.
"How? Did he make the first move?" he continued to prod.
"No, but I was wasted when I hit on him and I even Googled how to flirt before I talked to him," I admitted, looking down at the table because it was embarrassing to say that out loud. "Somehow, it worked, but I don't think it would work on everybody."
"I think you'd be surprised," he said.
"Well, I still can't go over there," I insisted, trying my best to ignore what seemed to be a compliment to me.
"It's really easy," Sev continued as he leaned over the bar toward me. "You just lean into them, smile a lot, and nod your head so they know that you're listening to every word they say. And buying them a drink never hurts either."
I thought it was funny for Sev to be giving me flirting advice, so I just let him keep talking for a while as he explained to me all of the tricks that he used to keep a girl talking to him and wanting more. He talked about it all like it was a game of chess and you had to make a move, and then they made a move, and back and forth until somebody gets a phone number or a free drink.
When my mojito was almost gone, I was feeling a bit tipsy. When he was done rambling off his flirting tips, I asked him, "I understand all of that. But what do you do when your stalker slashes their tires in the morning because they spent the night?"
"What?" Sev asked me, his body frozen and the smile falling from his face. "I can't say I've ever been in that situation."
"Well, if you can think of a solution, let me know." I took the last sip from my mojito and set the glass on the bar for Sev to take. "Because until I know the answer, I can't flirt with anybody. Can I get a water?"
Sev took the empty glass and then started filling a new one with ice and water.
"I'm sorry," he apologized as he placed the water in front of me.
"It's fine," I said with a long sigh as I started using the straw to play with the ice in my cup. "I mean, it's not fine. But it's not your fault, is it? So you don't have to apologize."
Sev walked away to attend to other customers so that Henri could start cleaning off some of the unused tables behind me.
I felt bad for ruining the tone of the conversation, because we were both laughing earlier when he was trying to give me a play by play on all of the best flirting moves. I made things awkward by oversharing and I regretted saying anything at all.