I woke up earlier then Vic. He was still next to me, holding me close to him. He is so loving. They say before you a war, you better know what you're fighting for. What I am fighting for, is him. I want to tell him my true feelings towards him, but I am scared of the rejection. What if he finds it super weird, then he decides to not talk to me anymore? What would I do then? I mean, sure I have Jackie, but I don't want to make her choose between me and him.
I was lost in my thoughts of this Hispanic perfection laying next to me, that I didn't even notice him wake up.
"Hey, good morning." He said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Good morning." I smiled lightly. He stretched then sighed.
"Breakfast?" He suggested. I just nodded. He tossed me a pair of his skinny jeans that he had in a bag and I put them on. They actually fit really well. He tossed me a shirt too. Just a plain white t. He opened the door, and I followed. We went down to the cafeteria and got our food.
"I think that they're going to release you today." Vic started when we sat down.
"Yeah?" I questioned.
"Yeah, you can stay with me for a little while until you feel up to going back home if you want." He suggested. As tempting as that sounded, I had to turn down his offer.
"Thanks for the sweet offer, really, but I should probably go home so that my mom doesn't get pissed off at me and try again." He nodded in understanding.
"We should really tell the police about her."
"With what proof?" I asked seriously. He shrugged.
"Let's just say, I have been planning something. Something super secret that nobody knows about. Well, except maybe Mike."
"Tell me." I grew more interested and curious.
"I can't. It would ruin my whole plan. Besides, there's still some kinks that I have to work out. There's some things that I have to be sure of first." He dropped the topic and shoved a mouthful of cereal into his mouth. He sure can fit a lot in there. No. Stop. Bad Kellin, no. Stupid teenage hormones.
We finished our breakfast in a comfortable silence. After, we went back to the room and gathered everything and put it into Vic's car. After signing out, we left. It was a short drive to my house, but surely enough, we made it. Vic helped me carry everything up to my room. My mom was in her bedroom. You could hear the loud moans coming from the room only right down the hall from mine. She was probably being fucked by another drug head she met at a bar this morning. I walked Vic out to his car.
"Will you be okay?" He asked with worry in his eyes.
"I'll be fine." I forced a small smile onto my lips.
"Promise me that you will call or text me if you need anything. And I mean anything. I will be over in a heart beat." That warmed my heart.
"I promise." This time it was a real sincere smile. He pulled me into a tight hug.
"Be safe." He whispered into my ear then pulled away and got into his car. He waved one last time before he drove off.
I walked back into the house and as soon as I shut the door, I was met with an annoyed looking mother.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She yelled crossing her arms.
"What did I do?" I asked unknowingly.
"Don't you back sass me you little girl. Why the fuck are you in this damn house?"
"I live here mom." I answered. She obviously was hyped up on drugs. Probably heroine. She walked up to be and slapped me across the face.
"For now." She spat at me then kicked my gut. She looked at me in disgust. "One of these days I will leave you, just as you made your father leave me. Then you'll understand pain. Until then, all I can do is cause you some fraction of the pain you caused me." She said then grabbed my hair and kneed my face. Blood poured out of my nose. "Clean this mess." She said pointing to the blood on the floor then walked back into her room where the loud moans and screams started again.
I got up weakly and made it to my room without bothering to clean up the blood. I went into my bathroom to wash my face and that's when it began. The voice in my head telling me that I am worthless and a waste of space. It happens so often, that I believe it now. I opened a drawer in my bathroom and grabbed out a razor blade that I kept for when this happened. I rolled up my sleeve and easily made four deep cuts along my wrist. I watched the red substance slowly flow from the incisions and down the drain. Watching it fall into the drain was like watching my worries come closer to an end. As the blood drained, so did my stress. So did my existence.
I wrapped the gashes and went back into my room and sat on my bed. I have been working on a song for a little while now. I started to sing it to test the melodies and think of what to write next.
"Father father tell me where have you been? It's been hell not having you here. I've been missing you so bad. And you don't seem to care." I sang in my best singing voice. I have never really sang around anyone, just when I was by myself.
I was jotting down some lyrics when I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text from Vic.
'Just checking up on you. Are you okay?'
'Yes' I replied simply. Then tossed the phone down.
The voices in my head whispered, "liar, liar, you're a liar. You're not okay. You never will be. End it now." The thoughts were tempting, but I had to stay strong. I had to be positive.
"Think on the bright side Kellin." I said to myself. With that, I started to listen to my music in my earbuds, and closed my eyes to sleep away my life.
---
I was woken up by loud bangs on my window. I walked towards it and was baffled when I saw Vic and Jackie waiting there. I opened it up to let them in. As soon as I did, Jackie wrapped me into a tight hug.
"What the hell Kellin!? You scared the shit out of us. You didn't respond!" Jackie whisper yelled.
"What are you talking about?"
"Your phone." Vic answered for her. I walked over and picked up my phone. Surely enough I had 57 new messages and 23 missed calls.
"I'm sorry. I was asleep." I apoligized.
"We're just glad that you're okay dude." Vic sounded relieved. Jackie nodded in agreement.
"So, you guys came all the way over here, at midnight, just to see if I was okay?" I asked.
"Of course we did silly. You're our best friend. We'd do anything for you just like you would for us." Jackie said.
"Hey, what happened?" Vic asked concerned probably noticing the bruise on my face and the dried blood.
"Oh, nothing. My mom was just high again." I said like it was nothing. Vic's eyes went wide and he grabbed my arm and pulled up the sleeve, revealing the cuts that I made earlier. Jackie started to cry, and Vic looked like he wanted to too.
"Why would you do this to yourself Kellin?" He asked on the verge of tears.
"The voice in my head tells me to."
"Kellin, that voice can't control you like this anymore." A tear escaped from his eyes.
"I try, Vic. I really really do. You have to believe me."
"I do, Kellin. But I told you to cal, or text me if you needed ANYTHING. I wasn't kidding." He grabbed my shoulders tightly, but not hurting me.
"I know... I-I just wasn't thinking clearly. It all happened so fast."
"Where are they?"
"In the bathroom drawer." I said pointing in the direction. He left to grab them and I sat next to Jackie to soothe her.
Vic returned with a bag full of blades, pills, and matches. I watched as he climbed out the window, but shortly returned and sat next to me and Jackie.
We sat there for the rest of the night, until the sun raised. We talked about random stuff and Jackie fell asleep. It was early in the morning, about eight, when they left. Jackie climbed out of the window first, told me goodbye, then yawned and walked to Vic's car.
"I'm serious Kellin. You can come and stay with me." Vic brought up the offer again.
"Victor Fuentes, I will not invade your privacy like that. Besides, I can't run from my problems, because they will still be here when I come back. Thank you though." I answered.
He gave me a light-hearted smile before hesitantly climbing out of the window and driving off.