The murmuring of people could be heard from down the prime path, he was sitting down behind the chests in the Bee&Boo hotel. Tubbo leaned his head against the chests, and shakily brought the cigarette to his lips. He lifted his wrists to his face and wiped off a portion of his tears.
This was the fucking worst, he didn't want this to be real. The sinking feeling was becoming harder to ignore. He just wanted closure, and though he was letting some of his pain out through his tears, it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
He finished his cigarette, wiped his face, and started looking for Ranboo.
—
Ranboo was gathering wood and some extra recourses and made his way over to the prime path. He was just about to go meet back with Tubbo until he saw Tommy, staring at him.
"Tommy?"
"Hello...Tubbo's friend." Tommy looked at Ranboo with disgust, then made eye contact with Tubbo who had just walked behind Ranboo.
"What is," Ranboo turned around, "Oh, hi Tubbo." Ranboo's head shifted back to Tommy, "You're- You're here...Wow, uh, wow that's-that's cool. Uh, how are- how are you doing...? You doing alright..?" What was happening right now..? Was Ranboo dreaming? He blinked a few times, to his surprise Tommy was still there. Tubbo put his hands on Ranboo's shoulders, as if afraid of Tommy. Feeling Tubbo touch him assured him that he wasn't dreaming. This was real.
"...Y-yea." Tommy sounded like he wanted to cry, seeing Tubbo cling onto Ranboo.
"That's good, that's good...Uhm..." Ranboo was struggling with his thoughts, but was surprised he was still managing to keep up a conversation. "You're- okay, you're here...okay so- okay. So obviously your he- wait h-how do you- how do you...how are you here? I mean obviously, you know.."
"You know I'm here, you know I'm here, right?"
"Yea..-"
"Wait, obviously I know what..?"
"Obviously you know, what happened- or know what everyone thinks."
"What happened..? No, what happened, tell me! Tell me, tell me. Tell me. TELL ME! No one's treating me normal."
"Sam- Sam- So what, what happened was one day we- we were outside the prison, Sam came out lookin' all worried, he told us that you...lost your last life. You were gone." Ranboo felt Tubbo hold his shoulders a little tighter. "Did Sam lie..?"
"Sam did not lie, I was gone."
"You were gone?"
"...Stop making me talk about- everyone's making me talk about it and I know that it's-"
"No, no, it's okay."
"Why is he lookin' at you like that? WHY IS HE LOOKING AT YOU LIKE THAT?!" Tommy looked over at Tubbo. Tubbo was looking at Ranboo like how he would normally look at him.
Ranboo's head turned, "I-I don't know.."
"Is- is he your best friend?"
"..Well, yea, he's one of my best friends."
There was an awkward silence, Tubbo's breaths were stagnant and shaky, Ranboo could tell Tubbo wasn't doing okay.
"Cool." Tommy looked angry like he always did.
Ranboo wanted to get Tubbo home as quickly as possible. "Here you go." Ranboo reached into his pocket, pulled out an allium, and handed it to Tommy.
Tommy took the flower, pulled out a lighter, and burned it. His eyebrows squinted, he despised Ranboo. "Thanks." He said sarcastically.
Ranboo didn't mind, "You're welcome."
"Please stop making me talk about it.."
"I won't...I won't."
"Ok, go back to hanging with Tubbo."
"Oh, ok...glad you're doing okay..."
Tommy walked down the prime path. Tubbo's hands went from Ranboo's shoulders to around his waist, he squeezed him tight.
"...Are, is-" Ranboo couldn't comprehend what had happened, he turned around and held Tubbo back. He couldn't even imagine how Tubbo was handling this. He knew Tubbo was probably in so much pain, just that morning he was helping Tubbo open up about it. He started to worry, what if Tubbo never opened up again? He hoped that wasn't the case. The only way he could help Tubbo is with communication, he struggled with that so much already, had all their progress been for nothing? Of course not, he knew that, he just hoped Tubbo did too.
Ranboo brought his hand and gently caressed Tubbo's face, he must have been crying, as his cheeks were still damp. He raised Tubbo's face, so they could make eye contact. Tubbo's eyes were dull, they lacked life and hope. He was tired. He pulled Tubbo in closer and hugged him tightly. Tubbo let out a shaky breath.
"Let's go home."
It took a few seconds, but Tubbo finally let go. Tubbo was so desperate to feel okay. Ranboo looked at him once more with concerned, but loving eyes. They both walked back to Snowchester, hand in hand. Tubbo was silent the whole walk home. Ranboo was fine with it, he knew Tubbo needed some space to think.
—
Once they arrived in Snowchester, Tubbo immediately sat himself down at the dinner table. He put his head down, visibly stressed. Ranboo wanted to comfort him, but he wasn't too sure how to approach the situation. He didn't know if right now Tubbo needed space or support.
Tubbo was so confused. He felt chills throughout his body, he felt like he was sinking. He wanted to shatter into a million pieces. Then at least he wouldn't have to feel like this. Tubbo just wished he could wake up from this ungodly dream. He lifted his head and ran his fingers through his hair. What was he going to do? He needed to do something, this feeling was unbearable. Then Tubbo remembered what was getting him through this.
"I'm...I'm gonna go to the basement. Work on some stuff. Get my mind off this."
"Oh, sure. That sounds good." Ranboo watched as Tubbo got up and made his way to the basement. This was good, Tubbo needed a break. Maybe he could distract himself for a while, and then he would be ready to talk about it.
Now that Tubbo was alone, he immediately pulled out a cigarette and lit it. There was something so comforting about smoking. It just felt...right. Maybe it was the fact that he knew it was unhealthy. He knew that if he did it too much, he would die. He liked that. He wanted to punish his body, he didn't deserve it. Tubbo deserved to punish himself. Everyone always said that he had grown, that he was a better person, but Tubbo knew better than all of them. He hadn't changed in the fucking slightest. He was still the same piece of shit that betrayed and manipulated almost everyone around him. He was a dumb asshole that deserved to fucking die. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He walked over to his desk, cigarette in hand, and continued working on his projects.