VeronicaStyles: Forever grateful for my dream job.
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Knowing that I will not be partaking in London Fashion week has really hurt my heart because London is my home. With everything going on in my life, I'm not mentally ready to strut down any catwalk.
I have left Harry at the apartment with the boys, Louis Tomlinson flew in with his son so it gives the kids someone to socialise with while I have a night out. My sisters flew out to Atlanta for work while the rest of my family are flew back to the UK late last night.
"Ladies, that is a wrap on New York fashion week." I say as I lift my glass up in the air and all they do the same with a cheer. "What is one thing that you are manifesting with for the rest of this year?"
"My life is really right now." Behati laughs a little. "But I am manifesting a change in career."
I look at her in surprise.
"Bitch, that ain't hard." Harmony says and we all laugh. "You haven't done any modelling in like twenty years."
"Harmony." I give her a look and she blows me a kiss.
"I love you Behati and I support your change in career."
Behati laughs at this, "What are you manifesting?"
"An orgasm or three." We all burst out laughing because I did not expect that. "I'm kidding, I am manifesting good health for my family and for peace among us."
"I'm manifesting more acting jobs and self awareness." Phoebe says with a small smile and I nod my head. "I'm happy with where things are going for me but I have some more growing to do outside of this life and I am ready for it."
"We're happy to hear that." Doutzen gives her a squeeze, "The journey will be tough but if you really are wanting better for yourself then you need to be prepared to unearth all your deepest traumas."
"What about you Joan?" I turn to the quietest of them all. "What are you manifesting?"
"Financial freedom." I let out a small hum. "I don't have any financial difficulties but I want to be able to buy my first home as opposed to renting. I'm just ready to make the transition from renter to homeowner."
"I'm manifesting freedom." My eyes widen in surprise at Irina's choice of words. "I have been modelling for a little while now and I have never allowed myself to have a break."
"You really haven't." Harmony frowns. "You are too much like myself times ten."
"I'm ready to be the twenty one year old woman that I deserve to be." Irina concludes and Doutzen's mouth drops.
"Twenty one?" Irina nods her head. "I thought you were older than that."
"Everybody does." Phoebe playfully nudges Irina who rolls her eyes.
"How old are you?" Doutzen asks Phoebe who pulls a face.
"Twenty three."
"Oh my God." Doutzen facepalms, "You guys are literally babies."
We all laugh at her reaction but it's so easy to forget that these women are so young because they accomplished so much in a short amount of time and they act so mature for their ages.
"I'm manifesting good health for my family and for me to continue speaking out about things that matter most to me."
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VeronicaStyles: Everybody keeps asking me if I plan to have anymore children and the answer is no. I have my two heartbeats, Oliver-James & Alexander *heart emoji*
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Once Oliver-James is asleep, I pick up his small body and I carry him over to the bed where Alexander is currently crashed out. I make sure he is properly on the bed before I put a diaper on him.
My youngest is potty trained but during the nights, I like for him to sleep in a diaper because sometimes he doesn't wake up on time.
"Woah." I hold onto the sides of the bed as we experience a brief turbulence.
I walk out of the room and quietly shut the door before making my way back to my seat. Harry and I decided to rent out a private jet to fly us back to LAX where we will then be driven back to Beverly Hills.
"Were you serious about not having any more children?" I look up at Harry who is looking down at his phone and I ignore him as I resume my book. "V."
"What?"
He looks up at me, "Your instagram post."
I roll my eyes at him.
"I don't understand why you are concerning yourself with the choices that I am willing to make with my body." I narrow my eyes at him. "Even if I changed my mind it's not as if I have a partner to have more children with."
Harry and I barely speak for the rest of the journey since things a pretty tense between us. Once we arrive at home, we put the kids straight to bed before Harry starts packing his suitcase. I feel bad for a second because this is not who we are.
I married Harry for a reason and I am willing to make things work between us but a break is definitely needed. He needs to figure out what he wants and I need to learn how to survive as a working mum.
"Don't leave." Harry looks up at me and I sigh as I rub my face. "Just stay in the guest bedroom and if you still feel like leaving then you can do so tomorrow. I don't want to deal with the boys wondering where you are so stay the night."
"Ok." Harry stands up and walks over to me. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" I lean against the door frame as he stops infront of me.
"For hurting you and not knowing what I want." He smiles sadly. "You deserve better than me. I really did try to be this big family man for you but I don't think I ever could be."
His words cut deep, "You were the one who married me during our baby shower. I wanted a wedding after I gave birth but I went through with it because I saw the effort that you put into making it happen. You are right though, I deserve better than what you have given me these last two years."
"I don't know what to say." Harry rests his head against mine. "Give me time, please."
"You've had two years." I mumble as his lips touch mine.
"I know I'm confusing the hell out of you but I can't let you go." He mumbles against my lips, "Just wait on me."