Overview: Azriel takes Gwyn to starfall for the first time. (Making it clear that it's been about a year and some since ACOSF, so Gwyn's been going out more, feeling more comfortable around people- and she finally decides to go to starfall).
Rating: T
Words: 2367
"You've never been to starfall before?"
"Never." Gwyn replied to Azriel, a mischievous grin creeping up her face.
"Well- you'll have to come with me then." Though it was clear it was a joking demand, there was a hint of desperation in his words.
"It's a date then," she said laughing.
"Well then, my lady," he did a mockery bow as his voice quieted, "meet me here tonight. I'll take you to starfall."
"Alright," Gwyn said eyebrows rising as the smile stayed present on her face- even as they parted ways.
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Azriel had a problem. He was in love with Gwyneth. Not that being in love with her was a problem- it was great honestly- but it's the way he knew she'd never return those feelings that was what made it bad. Azriel knew Gwyn was not one to trust people. Sure- she had Nesta and Emerie, but that was different. Azriel knew he was a man, and Gwyn wasn't strong on her opinions of men.
Yes, she made it clear that she trusts him- but she would never want him the way he wanted her. So sure Gwyn would joke with him, and laugh with him, but it was clear what she felt for him was only of friendship. He knew she may possibly never truly trust a man ever again, to touch or hold her in the way that couples would.
So yes, he craved her. In every single damn way.
He wanted to sit by the fire, reading her a book as she fell asleep against him. He wanted to be the one to buy her gifts. He wanted to be the boyfriend who would hold the shopping bags while she went crazy at the bookstore. He wanted to be the one to kneel down on one knee as he proposed a life with her. He wanted to be the one to forever worship her body in his hands. To laugh alongside her.
Azriel knew that he didn't deserve her- though that didn't stop him from feeling this way towards her. He would have eternity to be friends with her at least. But that would be enough, right? To have the chance to even be around her. To be with her- in her presence. It would be a good kind of torture for him. It was arguably an even worse torture than hanging out with Mor. But Mor- he was losing his feelings for Mor. He didn't feel the need for her anymore. Of course he was still protective of her, but it felt more of a friendship type thing. Maybe Gwyn did this to him. She probably did. And he loved her.
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Gwyn was nervous. Yes- nervous. whether this was a date or hangout she didn't know because Azriel joked around her often. She would deem this as a hangout. Just a hangout. And yes, maybe Gwyn was falling for Azriel. At first she didn't want to admit it to herself. She thought about him in ways that made her cheeks red. In ways that made her long for him. In ways that made her core heat up. Sometimes she was embarrassed of herself for these thoughts. Azriel could never know about her thoughts of him. She decided that the second she realized she fell for him.
She decide it would create more problems that they really didn't need right now. Right? She needed somebody to tell her she was right in denying her attraction towards the shadowsinger. A knock on her door shut the window to her thoughts as she realized it was Azriel.
"Gwyn?" he called out.
"Um- just a sec!"
She smoothed her hair once more before brushing her dress down, and smudging her blush with her fingers a little.
She shuffled to the door, opening it as she saw Azriel leaning with his back against the wall. The palms of his hands rested just above his knee, fingers drumming his thighs. The hands that plagued her thoughts of him.
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Azriel was leaning against a wall as Gwyn opened the door. She had the the most beautiful dress on. It was a dark blue colour, with a mid-neck- not showing much or any cleavage, and a slit along one thigh that parted to show her leg. The dress hugged her body- as it wasn't poofy but a slim fit. Azriel swallowed as his eyes lingered on her marvellous face features- the small nose, the dotted freckles- there were 27 of them, he counted. The way her jaw was straight as a line. The way she fidgeted when someone stared at her to long. Azriel blinked looking away.
"Ready to go?"
"Yes dummy," Gwyn added with a laugh.
Azriel cracked a noticeable smile as Gwyn shut the door and they hurried down the hall.
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Azriel walked beside Gwyn who is shooting nervous smiles at him. He noticed her breathing becomes a tiny bit uneven. She's fidgeting with her hands as they walk around crowds of people.
"Gwyn?"
"Mhm?"
"We can go back if you'd like?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"I said I'm fine Azriel." The words came out harsher then meant to. He turned his gaze from her back to the horizon of people in front of them. Gwyn immediately cringed. "Gosh I'm sorry- I just don't do well in crowds and i know you know that already and you are just trying to help me but s-"
"It's alright," Az replied softly.
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"Can I-" Gwyn shivered. Deep breaths she told herself. In and out. In and out. In and out. "Would it be okay if I wanted to hold your hand? For- for comfort."
Azriel looked at her, stunned. Gwyn swallowed. She thought he might deny her request until he slowly offered her his hand. Her heartbeat quickened as he offered her an encouraging smile. Her eyes jumped to the scars on his hands which weirdly enough calmed her nerves slightly. Those hands that taught her to wield a sword. To fight, to strengthen. Those hands had saved her when she was with those men. Those were the hands that saved her. The hands that would never hurt her.
She placed her hand on top of his and linked her fingers through the spaces between his fingers. The calluses on his hands resting on her skin. They walked around the crowds of people, Az stopping to talk to a few that he knew- including the owner of Rita's. He introduced her to them, and she met Nuala and Cerridwen- who apparently were his (and Rhys') spies.
Gwyn saw Nesta walking in with Cassian and she let go of Az's hand to run over and talk to Nesta. Cassian gave Nesta a quick kiss. Nesta smiled when he pulled away and he ran over to Azriel to do whatever brothers do.
"Hey!" Nesta said.
Gwyn shot her a smile in return.
"How do you like it at starfall?"
"I think it's beautiful." Gwyn said dreamily- though her hands kept fidgeting.
"Yeah." Nesta paused. "So Azriel?"
Nesta smirked as Gwyn's cheeks flushed.
"Um- no it's, we're just friends."
"Mhm." Nesta said raising her eyebrows while sipping some of her drink.
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Gwyn sat on the ground with Azriel waiting for the stars to pass over.
"They actually have a legend on this," Azriel said.
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, supposedly they're actually dead souls or something."
Gwyn laughed, looking towards Az. "Really?"
"Could be a myth, I don't really know." He replied, looking towards her.
She returned the look, her throat bobbing as he held her stare. She noticed his eyes flicking down to her lips for a mere millisecond, and she bit the inside of her cheek. She noticed Az's breathing become uneven. Gwyn's fist clenched- trying discard all the thoughts of his lips on hers. But she couldn't. She imagined his lips to soft- and his kisses to be passionate. He would be the type of person to cup her face as their lips moved in turn. Their tongues would tangle-
She snapped back into reality.
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He was gazing at her lips. The lips he wished he could kiss. He swallowed as she seemed to snap out and into reality. He found himself leaning in just a tad. Her shoulders fell up and down in ragged breaths. They stared at each other for a couple seconds before Azriel came to his senses. He didn't and will never deserve her he reminded himself. Instead he leaned into her ear, asking her if she wanted a drink.
Gwyn's shoulders slightly sagged as he veered away from her face. She answered a quick yes before he walked away. He could feel a sort of embarrassment settling somewhere deep inside him. But it wasn't his. Az shoved the thought out of his head as he went to get Gwyn a drink.
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Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. That's what Gwyn kept telling herself. She had thought that maybe for a second- a second, that he was going to kiss her. She was wrong and she was disappointed. She wanted to be mad at him- but instead she just felt like an idiot for even thinking he would kiss her. But she wanted him to kiss her- and that might become a problem.
He returned a couple minutes later, holding a drink which he handed to Gwyn. She took it, plastering a smile over her face, one that made her lunch churn in her gut.
"Wanna take a walk?" Gwyn asked, wanting to get away from the now large group of people gathering to finish watching the stars fall over.
"Yeah sure." He replied cooly.
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Azriel and Gwyn both got up from the grass that they sat on. Gwyn's boots clicked against the pavement as they started walking through the streets, and away from the lake.
They passed Rhys and Feyre, who were talking to some city dwellers. Rhysand had Nyx curled up in his arms.
"Would you ever want that?"
"Uh- what?" Gwyn asked, flustered.
"A family. With someone- I mean." Azriel said rubbing the back of his neck.
"I don't know. Maybe one day." Gwyn paused. "We'd have two kids- for sure. If I'd ever be lucky enough to find someone like that- or my mate."
Azriel smiled at the joy lighting her face. But he wouldn't be that person for her. Because she was a beautiful soul while he was just a murderer. He knew it all too well- he couldn't let himself poison her kind soul.
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Azriel walked Gwyn home showing her extra parts of Velaris that she hadn't seen before. Soon, he walked her through the door of the house she bought earlier in the year.
"Azriel?"
"Yeah."
Azriel turned towards her as she visibly swallowed the lump in her throat. Her gaze jumped to his lips- just like before.
"I- I wanted to ask you-" she let out a breath noisily. "Why didn't you kiss me? Maybe I got the wrong signs. Or maybe you just don't feel for me what I might feel for you. Maybe-"
But she didn't finish that sentence because Azriel pressed his lips to hers. He was so enticed by her- that he didn't think about the consequences of what he was doing. It was soft, barely there. He pulled away. It was a ghost of a kiss, and the tips of Gwyn's lips turned upwards as she grabbed his face. At first it was a soft kiss. But then it became a kiss of longing. A kiss they wished could have been shared a million times over. He pulled away quickly.
"Are you su-"
"Shut up please." Gwyn said pressing her hands against his chest.
Azriel nodded, hesitated, and then their lips clashed once more. His hands reached to cup the back of Gwyn's neck as she urged him closer. They both backed into a wall.
"Are you- sure you even, want me to-to touch you like th-this," Azriel breathed between the clashes of their lips and the roaming of their hands on each other.
"Yes." she sucked in a breath as his lips trailed her neck- he paused. She started nodding her head quickly. "Definitely- yeah."
Gwyn let out a breath of laughter. They resumed kissing. He picked up her legs and she wrapped them around her torso. He brushed a book off the table.
"Damn it." Gwyn swore.
"Did I do something?" He said, worry in his eyes, preparing to step away.
"No silly- that was my favourite book. But i can get another one." She snuck another one of her mischievous smiles.
He smiled slightly with relief. He stepped back between her thighs and he pressed his lips to hers. Her legs snaked back around his hips. Azriel's right hand threaded through her hair, the left one holding the span of her back, as she arched at his touch.
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The next morning, Gwyn awoke- and nearly panicked not remembering where she was, until she felt a wing draped over her side. She breathed a sigh of relief. Then Gwyn's cheek flushed as she realized she was only in an oversized t-shirt, leading from the events of last night.
The events of last night.
By the cauldron- Gwyn actually slept with someone. Someone she wasn't afraid of. Someone that she made the move on. Someone who understood her trauma- and respected it. Someone who asked her multiple times last night whether she was comfortable. And if she was okay. Someone she was incurably and crazily in love with.
And as she turned towards Azriel's sleeping face something awoke deep inside her.
Mate it whispered.
Mate.
Mate.
Mate.
Mate.
And Azriel's eyes snapped open.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I personally love writing Gwynriel chapters because there are so many options with them. I honestly love them and hope that Azriel can somehow be a vital part of Gwyn's continued healing. I truly and honestly don't mean to brush off any of Gwyn's trauma- but I thought it would be interesting to write a chapter in which she's already healing- and Azriel's a vital part of it. Azriel and Gwyn's backstories always break my heart so here is some fluff content.
Also, I find it weird when people say that because of Gwyn's trauma she would never even consider sleeping with someone. That's invalidating a lot of SA survivors who have taken a step forward to healing. Rhysand's body was violated for 50 years, yet he sleeps with Feyre (a lot may I add). So just because Gwyn has trauma- doesn't mean she can't ever heal. She reads smutty books and talks with Emerie and Nesta about it. It's clear that she could definitely have the opportunity of the option of sleeping with someone in the future. So yes, she was assaulted- but it doesn't mean it's suddenly illegal for her to heal from her traumatic experiences. Sorry about the rant lmao. Anyways vote and stuff!
-Author :)