Josie
I can't deny that I've had fun today. Hudson is fun to hang around, and living the rockstar life for a day has been pretty cool.
Hudson and I make it back to the club and go our separate ways to get changed for the show. I take the time to gather my thoughts and center my breath. I'm nervous about performing in front of so many people, and this time I feel pressured. Like if Hudson doesn't get offered a record deal, it'll be partially my fault.
I slide into the black t-shirt dress Livi packed for me, internally fussing at myself for not trying it on first. It's tight on me and hugs my curves, showing off more of my figure than I'd like.
Along with my dress, I slip on high-top black Vans. Then, I flip my hair out a couple times to give it more volume.
Now, if I can manage to not trip and fall on stage, or hit a wrong note, then I'll be fine.
Tomorrow, life can go back to normal. I place my hands on my hips, examining myself in the mirror. Why does that thought make me feel uneasy?
A light tap to my dressing room door pulls me out of my thoughts, and I spin on my heel to answer it.
"Josie." Hudson is standing there, and I watch his jade eyes do a sweep over my body. Everything about him feels intense, and it's hard not to squirm under his gaze. "This is Deanna, my manager." Only now do I realize a dark haired, middle-aged woman stands beside him. "Deanna, this is Josie. She'll be on the duet with me tonight."
"Nice to meet you, Josie."
"You too." I shoot her my best smile, shaking her hand.
"Listen," Deanna claps her hands together, looking just as nervous as we do. "I'm going to go scope out the crowd and see if he's here yet. Break a leg, you two. Hudson," She places a hand on his shoulder, "You've got this, kid. I'm proud of you."
"Kid?" I tease once she's walked away. "She sounds like your mom."
"Trust me, no she doesn't."
I don't push it any more, but it makes me wonder what Hudson's family life is like.
"Ready, princess?"
"Don't call me that." I cross my arms, feeling the stab of nerves hitting my chest. I follow him into the wings, suddenly walking like I've got thousand-pound weights on my shoes. What if I mess up? What if he loses a record deal because of me? What if I forget the lyrics? "Wait!" I grab his white button down, then let go quickly, realizing what I just did. "Sorry. I—I'm nervous. What if I mess up? I don't want to let you down. I mean, do you really need the duet? I think that maybe—"
"Hey, hey, hey." Hudson turns, lowering himself to get face to face, talking with a soothing voice. "You're going to do great." His hands slide into mine, and I squeeze him back. "You have an amazing voice. Do you know that?"
I raise my eyes from the floor to his face. Sincerity written all over his features.
"I don't want to be the reason you don't get a record deal."
"But what if you're the reason I do?" His minty breath blows across my face. "I need you, Josie. Can you do this?"
I need you, Josie. The words send chills down my spine. I close my eyes, taking deep breaths while psyching myself up. Hudson's still got a grip on my hands, and his forehead comes to rest on mine. It's intimate, and comforting, and I don't want to leave this little bubble. But I also know I shouldn't be doing it, so I attempt to step away.
"I can do it."
Before I can pull us apart, his strong arms hold me still. I snap my head up, noticing his eyes on my lips. Electricity shoots all the way from our intertwined hands down to my feet, but I quickly step away.
A boyish smile plays at his lips and his now free hand tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"See you out there... princess."
He turns to walk on stage and I realize I made a mistake telling him I didn't like that nickname. Something about it this time, though, makes my stomach flutter.
As the show starts, I watch from the wings, nervously anticipating my turn.
Instead of letting my nerves build up more, I try to focus on how talented he is. Hudson can grab the audience's attention and he knows how to work the stage. It's mesmerizing.
Several songs go by and for a moment, I almost forget what I'm here for. I'm totally wrapped up in his songs. The lyrics are deep, and the music is well put together. It makes me want to know his story. Where did he learn to play and sing like that? What do his words mean?
"Okay, everyone. I have a special treat for you all. I'd like to introduce to you my duet partner. I wrote this song and envisioned it as a duet. Please welcome to the stage the beautiful, talented, Josie."
The crowd gives a round of applause as I force my wobbly legs to walk out. Hudson's green eyes are even more piercing under the spotlight, and he gives me an affirmative nod.
Even though I'm nervous, I vow to give it all I've got. When the music starts, I vow my anxiety to melt away and fully focus my attention on crushing this.
I feel the adrenaline rush taking over, and I smile as it's my turn to come in on the song. The music affects me in all the right ways.
Hudson and I do a little bit of dancing around each other, and when the bridge comes, he pulls me in while we harmonize.
The song is steamy, and I know he's trying to sell the show. But with his hand around my waist under the spotlight, with the crowd watching and the excitement of the day coming to a peak, it almost doesn't feel fake.
I belt out the high note we practiced earlier, feeling my chest swell with pride when I pull it off. Hudson's voice copies mine, an octave lower. His hand drags up my arm and to my cheek. He leans in dangerously close, but pulls away as the last chorus comes up.
We turn to the crowd, finishing the last of the lyrics strong.
It's over too quickly. As the song ends, Hudson gestures for me to bow and I take a quick curtsy. The crowd cheers for us, and a few even stand.
He winks at me as I leave the stage, and I settle back in my spot to watch the rest of the show. I did it!
I feel incredible. It makes me wonder why I ever stopped singing. I remember feeling like this all the time as a kid. But, the reality of it all is never far away. Tomorrow, it'll be like none of this happened because that's just how it has to be.
My eleventh birthday was two days away. My birthday party was going to be Grease themed. What kid likes Grease? But I did.
I loved anything to do with singing. I wanted to be like those kids. I wanted to be Sally and find my Danny, though at the time I had no idea what a relationship really was.
I was in my room dancing and practicing a riff that had been hard for me to get. I was almost there. I almost had it.
A knock sounded on my bedroom door, and in came my mother. I couldn't help the feeling of dread knotting in my chest, because my mother never bothered to check on me herself. I had a nanny for that.
"I wanted to come talk to you."
"About what?"
My mother sat down on the edge of my bed, and looked at me with not so much as a wrinkle on her heavily made-up face.
"Your singing."
I sighed on the inside. I knew I would get the riff eventually. It just took practice. Didn't she know that? I never messed up at my recitals.
"I'm getting there, mom. It's almost perfect."
Almost perfect. Like she was. Like everything in our home was.
All white, all prim and proper. All perfect so there was no room for the resentment and regrets to creep in.
"This isn't about your recital. Well, it is. I know you work hard." For a moment, my mother looked as if she was nervous. It made my stomach uneasy. Emotion was never her strong suit. "You're getting older. You need to start planning for your career. It's time to start setting yourself up for success, so you can help out with the family business one day."
I looked up at her, confused.
"Josaleigh, what I'm saying is that the singing has to end. We're going to need you to be part of the family business. Maybe a lawyer that could help us out, or maybe you could work with money. There are a lot of career options in the business. Singing isn't going to get you where you need to be."
A thudding started in my ears. She couldn't be serious? Singing was my whole life.
I knew my parents always expected me to stick around them and help out when I could. I didn't know my whole life was supposed to be working for them.
"But-but kids do sports and school, too." I protested, as I fought against the tears in my eyes.
"I know. If you'd like to pick up a sport, you're welcome to. Those can get you scholarships."
"No. I want to sing!" I knew I sounded like a brat, but I didn't care. "Aunt Sadie sings! Why can't I sing?"
Sadie was my aunt. She'd moved to NYC to pursue a career there, and I loved her. However, her and my mother had a hard time getting along.
I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to live the life she did.
"I'm sorry." My mother pursed her red-lined lips, dismissing me as she stood. "It's time you grow up, Josaleigh. After this last recital, you're done singing."
My mother left my room, closing the door behind her and sealing my fate. I cried myself to sleep that night.