I was sure that when I looked into the restaurant whilst I was walking up to the door, the windows were blacked out. I even noticed how they were dimmed from indoors. I wasn't able to double check because we were back on route.
It was obvious that the rest of the family had already arrived back home, our phones were vibrating every time we looked away, and the driver noticeably sped up. I had roughly ten minutes to explain myself so that I wouldn't have to do it in front of everybody.
'It was just someone I knew.' My eyes dropped down, I wasn't ashamed, but I had never talked about boys with anyone in the family, so I automatically grew embarrassed. At the time the embarrassment was immense, and I could have hidden as a child may have.
I had nothing to embrace, Milan was not my boyfriend, but we weren't only friends either. If somebody asked me what kind of relationship I shared with him, I would freeze on the spot. I would be afraid that one answer would be too vague, another answer would be too sanguine, and no answer at all would cause them to assume.
I was told that I couldn't have any relationship with any boys. Of course my family and childhood friends being an exception, but saying that I have a boyfriend didn't satisfy me, nor did it make me feel comfortable.
An image of romance so violent and male-dominated had always been pictured in my head. That is what Scorsese movies did to me.
Not to mention the fact that I lived with many men who also didn't appreciate the typical love affair with a long lasting partner, they preferred a quick fling with a stranger women they found at a bar to fulfil their...desires.
In the Rossi residence, they were often labelled as the women of the town- more of a formal way of tagging them as whores or hired prostitutes. Without a doubt, if I wasn't lurking around that house, they wouldn't use such decorous terms, they wouldn't be so careful with their words as if they were talking around an easily impressionable five year old.
Never did I get myself involved in such a conversation, it would flag down the wrong kind of reaction from me.
'How do you know him?' I expected Gio to be the one I could talk to with any drama going on in my life, even if it wasn't drama, I thought he would be somewhat interested in what is going on in my life. Not in a protective kind of way, but in the way that I could talk freely without fearing that I could end up with bodyguards walking around me at school the next day...
'From school.' I said quietly, not wanting to have this conversation.
'Is he your boyfriend?' Sam raised his eyebrows up and down. He was a very confusing person, one minute he would be acting as though the world will crumble if I am dating someone, the next, he wants all of the gossip that I have to offer.
'No, he's not.' I forced a grimace onto my face to make it seem more realistic that I wasn't attracted to Milan in that kind of way, even though the truth was far from that.
'Why is he in Italy?' Another question came from the cousin sat in the back with me.
'His family is from Italy, it was only a coincidence that I ran into him at the restaurant. We talked for 5 minutes, we only talked. Don't misjudge his intentions.'
'You're only friends, right?' Gio asked the question I knew would make me panic. I could lie, but I couldn't lie to such a question.
'Alessa, if you're not taking him, I'll gladly take him.' Sam turned from the front seat saving me from answering Gio's question, and raised his brows, expecting an immediate answer. 'I was feeling a little off today, but he's gone and turned me on again.'
Gio facepalmed and I let my mouth hang open; it was as though he was practising dreadful pick up lines.
'We are not dating, that's all you need to know.' I crossed my arms.
'Alessa.' Gio groaned, looking irritated with my indistinct answer. 'Have you done anything with him? I won't get mad, I just need to know'.
'I'm going to need more detail on what you want to know.' I fugitively responded.
'Don't drag me through this.' He leant forward and pinched the bridge of his nose.
'He's asking if the sex bomb has kissed you.' Sam didn't even bother to beat around the bush. Gio took his hand away from his face and rested it on his knee instead, he narrowed his eyes and creased his eyebrows, giving Sam a 'really' look.
'That's quite personal, don't you think?'
'No, answer.' I could tell that they were eager to know, and they wanted to know quickly since we were now pulling into the property. 'Either answer now, or we will carry this conversation on inside in front of everybody.'
I rubbed my forehead, glaring at the car floor as if it were my worst enemy. I felt the car come to a halt, I looked up to see that we had parked right outside. 'Yes, he has.' I answered hurriedly, at the same time that I threw myself out of the car. I grabbed the necklace, my phone and the food bags, running inside.
I wish I thought this plan through, I didn't know my way around, and I couldn't afford to get lost at a time like this. Especially since I knew that my two cousins would be following me into the house, and I needed to find everyone before they could reveal anything.
The kitchen was where I ran into, thankfully the same place everyone was. It must have looked worrying, me running into the place alone with no context. It probably seemed as though I was being chased, hence the reason I was pushed behind about 4 men who took their guns out.
'I wasn't being chased.' I calmed down the situation and stepped back, setting the heavy food bag on the table.
Sam came in after Gio did, spotting me immediately and rushing in my direction. 'Did he actually?' He shook my shoulders as he repeated the question.
'Who's he? What happened?' Jean- Sam's brother- asked.
Before either of them could explain, I gave them sharp looks and shook my head no. 'Nothing happened, we just got food.' I pointed to the bag.
'But... Oh, you got lasagne!' The topic went right over Lorenzo's head and he fished out the container, but as he pulled out the food, the receipt also fell out and landed on the floor.
Unsurprisingly, Romeo grew curious as his eyes immediately scanned to the bottom of the paper, where the price was written. 'Who paid for this food?' He held up the receipt, but so none of us could see the side with the printed words.
'Alessa did, she slammed the door in my face when I tried to give her money.' Sam complained.
'You paid for all this?'
'No, I seduced the manager and got everything for free.' I responded sarcastically, Gio and Sam exchanged impudent glances with one another, shrugging suggestively. 'Of course I paid, I can't steal from a restaurant.'
'It's just over a grand.' He stared at me with disbelief. 'What did you pay with?'
'My card.' My answer was short.
'Since when do you have a card, I thought you only carried cash on you.' Dante moved his head back, looking at me as if I disgusted him for some unknown reason. I took the dish that I ordered for myself and opened the lid to let some of the steam out.
After I put the container on the table, I reached for the credit card in my bra and pulled it out.
'So weird.' Xavier commented as he pulled his choice of food out.
'Is that the family money, does she have a card connected to your account?' Santiano asked Vince who had just put a fork into his pasta dish.
'No, it's my money.' I answered before my brother could. After my father gave his eldest son a glare to the side of his face, I jumped in again. 'I refuse to take their money.'
'How come?' Uncle Sergio asked.
'Because I didn't contribute to making it, therefore it is not mine.' I shrugged.
'The money that is made in this family belongs to everyone, so it is everyone's to use. You should have a card connected to one of Vince's main accounts since he is your guardian.' Santiano spoke with authority, as if what he says goes. Not in my case, that man can't make my decisions for me.
'I prefer to make my own money, I have money that I have saved from working, and I also have a closed bank account that transfers all the savings I make from trading and investments. But I'm only allowed access to it when I turn 21.'
'You made this bank account, then you made it only accessible once you turn 21?' Romeo looked at me weirdly. 'You could have moved out of the slums, with a much safer surrounding, you wouldn't have to steal or run from the police.' He held out his hands, whilst everyone who hasn't heard this story stared shocked.
'Money creates emotional indifference between people, therefore there is no good future with money. It changes us, and there are fewer and fewer left who can make the wise choices. The choices that require us to see the world for what it really is. So I had to choose between money, or a life actually worth living.'
'So, you chose the disgusting life that you lived?' Dante frowned, whilst everyone else in the room scowled at him with disappointment due to his choice of poor words.
'No, I chose the life that I built for myself.' I kept myself calm. 'I knew by the time that I had finished my studies and gotten a degree, I would be able to pay off my student loans, buy a decent home, and live a stable life. I just needed to get through my childhood. Because I knew as I aged, I would mature, and with that, I would be smarter with the money that I earnt.'
'I'm glad you understand the importance of money. When born into a family with such titles, and success, the welfare was immediately showered onto you, all of you.' Grandfather spoke with a glass of red wine in his hand, using the other hand to accentuate his words. He looked up as if recalling a memory before he talked again. 'But when we took you shopping, you would point away from the boutiques, and only smile when we entered a shop full of the casual working-class folk. It's why we had to do all of the shopping without you.' He only smirked once through his words, I haven't yet seen a smile.
'Money is only worth something because people say it is, designer is only fashionable because people say it is, being rich is a fantasy only because people say it is. People say money can buy happiness, it's what you imply...but not once have I seen any of you laugh or smile apart from when you are surrounded by family.' I spoke only to the older men who I had only recently just met. 'I don't know you very well, and I'm sure that what I'm saying is just going in one ear and out of the other, because there is beauty in anarchy. I'm sure that you know this by now, but elegance comes with an expense.'
'I never would have expected that a child would be the one to teach us about money.' Matteo tilted his head, he wasn't being cocky, he was genuinely shocked. 'But the American dream is all that anyone could ever want, you know.'
'But what does it always include? A lot of money, the biggest house you could find, a brand new car, a wife that's not even genetically possible to have.' At this they all snickered and looked in the direction of Uncle Sergio.
'Leave me out of this.' He held his hands up.
'Rico's mother is a rhino.' Gio snapped his fingers and lost himself in laughter. 'Her lips are filled with so much plastic, she would never have to worry about drowning.'
My hand went straight to my mouth as I tried to stop myself from laughing. 'That's a violation mate.' I normally wouldn't have laughed, but the atmosphere was light, and nobody got offended.
Thankfully, the talk about money, and different lifestyles left quicker than I wouldn't have hoped, and the food was eaten in record time. Never in my life had I been so hungry; I wasn't sure if it was because I was now getting used to the idea of a regular meal, or if it was because I hadn't eaten since the early hours of the morning.
For whatever reason, I rapidly finished my food before everyone else did. 'You were hungry bambina; do you want more?' Armani looked ready to hand some of his food over to me quicker than you could say his name.
'No thank you, I just need to shed this dress.' I looked down, seeing that my dress had blown back slightly, not only was the bruise on my ankle visible, so were my old trainers.
'Nice shoes.' Dante snorted.
'I know.' I said, and swiftly walked out of the room. Of course, it wouldn't be normal unless someone followed me out, and I was surprised to see Santiano when I turned around.
'You looked beautiful tonight cara.' He put his large hand to the side of my head, and bought it back to himself after the extremely short burst of affection.
'You won't be thinking the same thing when I come back down in a few minutes.' I shared a laugh with him for half a second, then it turned awkward after that. 'Um, can you tell the old man that I appreciated him letting me wear the necklace. It was a lovely gesture.'
'He's your grandfather.'
'I know, I know, I'm just coming to terms with it all.' I sighed.
'I understand, and I will be sure to pass on the message.' He nodded his head once, slowly. 'Whilst you are upstairs, do you mind if I take a look at your credit card?' His questions were the same as Vince's, they weren't questions, they were statements framed like that, so I would answer them in the same way. If he couldn't get through to me, he would certainly call on someone that could.
'Yes, take it.' I gave in so quickly, mainly because there was a pulsing desperation inside of me, wanting comfortable clothes on my body. He took it without surprise and waited for me to walk in the opposite direction before making his own way back into the kitchen.
The very second I closed the bedroom door behind me, I stripped and found some clothes that Juliet and Maria had chosen out for me. What would be appropriate to wear?
Juliet had given me many of her old clothes, and would be delighted if she found me wearing them. A tight, cropped olive shirt paired with my old black sports leggings. The top was Juliet's, so I decided to quickly facetime her.
'Hi honey.' She answered within the first two rings, and set the camera down in front of her vanity mirror, she had a bare face on and looked as though she was getting ready to put on her makeup. It was early evening in New York, and it seemed as though she had plans for tonight. 'Is that my shirt?' She gasped, leaning in closer to get a look.
'How did you already notice.' I laughed, baffled by her sharp eye.
'I never forget.' She tapped her makeup brush on the side of a beauty palette and started to apply the product to her face. I entered the en-suite with my phone and set it in front of the mirror. As Juliet put on her makeup, I began taking mine off with a nourishing wipe. 'How was your night, I haven't heard from Vince yet.'
'It was fun, we almost died.' I said, making sure not to leave any traces of mascara under my eyes.
'What? How could that of possibly happened?' She stopped what she was doing and studied me intently.
'Apparently someone was smart enough to get into the kitchen and add acid to the starter soups.'
'How did you know that it was the soup?'
'How did you know it was me who solved it?' It wasn't normal to understand such complexities, so I would have expected Juliet to think that it was one of my family members who resolved.
'I just figured, you only confirmed it.' She smiled. 'But seriously, how did you know it was the soup?'
'You should have seen the thickness of those spoons, they weren't normal in any way, and it automatically looked suspicious since the workers wore masks- I am now guessing that it was to prevent breathing in the toxic fumes that could have been let off.' When talking about the situation, I found that I was getting more and more insight on what could have happened behind the scenes.
'Did everyone make it out safely?' She was now concerned, so with quick-thinking, I calmed her down and assured her that there was nothing to worry about.
'How are you spending the new year?' I asked, seeing as she took her hair down from the butterfly clip that it was once secured in.
'My brothers are here, so we will probably spend it in Soho central.' She looked excited. 'I haven't seen them in so long.'
'Have a great time.' I smiled and we both wished each other well as the call ended.
I finished wiping away any excess makeup that may have stayed on my face and brushed my hair down so that the ends reached the bottom of my shoulders. I stared at my bare face, the bruises had faded, all but one scar that remained on the top of my jaw line.
At this point, I didn't care anymore. I had no one to hide it from, everyone knows now, so why shouldn't I be able to face everyone with a single scar showing. I shouldn't feel the need to cover myself up with makeup, especially after the many talks with my family.
As I began down the stairs, the air grew warmer as I slowly got closer to the large back garden which joined onto the beach, the doors were open and everybody was outside.
On the other side, closest to the house was a magnificent array of large branched trees, closely packed. They were the perfect hue of emerald and held such health that I wanted to praise the gardener, or whoever tends to this garden.
The olive colour from the top I was wearing was similar to the olives that grew on the vines near the trees. I entered the garden, and felt the heat hit me at an instant as soon as the air-conditioning abandoned me.
Rico ran to me quickly, dashing away from his conversation with his fellow five year old, Andrea, who followed Rico's lead and came to me.
'Come see my toys.' He pulled my arm, and with the hope of not getting whiplash, I found myself being dragged.
'I thought I should say, Alessa is terrified of dogs.' Sam randomly spoke up, playing with a plastic straw that was in his cola can.
'What an odd thing to mention.' I muttered, but froze when I heard a loud bark. Then another, and they kept on coming after that. They weren't squeaky barks, they were strong, killing ones that almost made me loose my mind.
I stood up from where Rico and Andrea had dragged me to and looked around, seeing a scarily black Great Dane standing by the legs of my grandfather, staring me down.
'Hell no.' I whispered to myself and stumbled backwards, as I did, the dog moved forward which made my eyes widen.
'Just stay calm and nothi-' Before Luca could finish his sentence, I turned and sprinted for the trees. I could tell that the dog had come after me, because I heard the shouts and whistles to try and regain it's attention.
My plan wasn't to run into the forest, but instead to attempt to climb the large tree right in front of me. Thank God that I was a fast runner, because I managed to reach the base of the trunk before the dog did. I jumped and grabbed the strongest looking branch.
I was now tiresomely swinging on the branch as the dog sat patiently right underneath my feet and waited for me to drop so it could finally have it's dinner... me.
I found some strength in me and pulled myself up so that I was now sitting on the tree trunk, with my back to the thicker part. I sighed and hid my head in my hands as I realised that I was somewhat safe.
Only a few seconds after, some of my family joined the dog at the bottom of the tree. My grandfather held It's collar and scratched it's head as the rest of them stood with their hands on their hips as they looked up to me.
'Come down.' Rocco ordered as he reached to take my hand.
'No, it's fine I can sleep here tonight.'
He rolled his eyes. 'I said come down, the dog won't harm you.'
'There is no need honestly.' I held both of my hands up which was not a good idea because I wasn't able to save myself when Romeo pushed me off the branch, sending me straight for Rocco who immediately caught me on his shoulder. I fussed to get down, but as soon as my feet touched the ground, the dog barked again, sending me jumping onto his back.
'Don't get used to this sorellina.' He grunted as he tightly held onto my legs as my arms wrapped around his neck. I was facing the back of his tattooed neck and perfectly faded haircut, I looked to find small lettering underneath the arrangement of patterns.
l'amore per la mia famiglia è più grande di ogni altro. It read, I tilted my head and pouted my lips and I translated it in my head. The love for my family is greater than any other.
Everyone else was walking in front of us, the scary dog stuck to the grandfather's side the entirety of the time until we made it back to the back of the villa.
I got myself back on the floor, but didn't leave his side until the dog was metres away from me. Most people stayed where they were, but it was clear that they saw my tree climbing and occasional frights, after all, they had a perfect view from here.
Grandfather sat on a chair, the dog wasn't on a lead but seemed to be perfectly trained, he sat in between his legs, then outstretched his front legs so that he was lying on the floor.
'His name is Roma.' He spoke, scratching the dog's head. Although the dog was on the floor and the grandfather was sitting back on the chair, he had no trouble reaching it, because he was so big.
How is it that I have to encounter a large scary dog, my father, uncle and grandfather on the same trip. The same Italy trip that I was looking forward to. Of course little hiccups have to be expected, but this, this is a big hiccup. And I don't feel like drinking mass amounts of water to recover from them. I shouldn't have to make the effort.
'He won't hurt you.' Uncle Sergio claimed, looking to me, then to the dog who's face looked harmless, but the physique and build screamed out something different.
I closed my eyes briefly, then opened them again to see if it was still there. It was, and it was staring at me with it's tongue out, panting as though it had run a marathon. It's ears were perked, and the collar around his neck was so dark I was surprised that I noticed it.
'I didn't know you're afraid of dogs.' Xavier scoffed as though it were the stupidest thing he had ever heard.
'Well, I wouldn't be afraid of anything without good reason.' I countered.
'Ok, but what's your reason?' Dante asked.
'This.' I pulled up my leggings and showed the large scar on my calf. The time I was walking down Oxford Street at night with Leo, and a runaway, rabid dog took a hold on my leg in between his monster jaws. He wouldn't stop biting me until Leo managed to scare it away. Another time, when I decided to give dogs another chance, it jumped, knocked my nose, and it would not stop barking until it had made me bleed. I keep my distance now.
Romeo inhaled sharply as he stared at the scar, his eyes then naturally training down to my ankles. The bruises from the whips and hammers were still there, and they certainly were the most vibrant, they hadn't faded well like the other ones; I would argue that they have gone bigger.
I looked over to Roma and squinted as I put my leggings back over my ankle. Although he hadn't done anything physical to me, he gave me quite the scare hence why I am trying to prevent any harm that may come to me.
Roma then stood, looked back to my grandfather who didn't make move or signal anything. As if the dog could sense my apprehensiveness, he approached me calmly and slowly. I was sat on a long white sofa by myself so I couldn't jump behind anyone, and I didn't want to make any sudden movements because it didn't end well last time.
My eyes went huge as Roma arrived by my knees, he lifted his head and rested it on my legs. His beady eyes glanced up at me, and then back down so that he was looking forward. My hands were at either sides of my face, and they were shaking, I knew they were shaking.
Santiano stood up from where he was and elegantly took a seat next to me; he extinguished his cigar in the ashtray then sighed as if this were new to him. My shaking hands were taken into his cool ones, he held them until they were calm.
Nobody has managed to bring me to that sense of tranquillity so quickly. He was almost hesitant to let go of my hands, but still allowed me to be self-reliant. 'He was only active because he hadn't seen you grown up. He knew you as a baby, which is probably why he is so calm with you at the moment.'
The second I bought my hand down to stroke the top of his head, he moved his head from my knee which made me think that he was going to attack me, but instead he jumped on to the sofa, and went down on the spot next to me, his head going on my knees again.
'He likes you.' Sam said.
A small smile played on my lips as I looked down to the resting dog. Everything was calm until someone's phone started ringing. It was my phone.
'It's Izzy, can I answer?' Gio held up my phone from where he was sitting. I nodded, and he put it on the coffee table in front of him, then pressing the speaker button once he answered.
'You're on speaker.' I said aloud before she could say anything stupid.
'Whatever, I fucked Julian.' She spoke with a slight aggressive tone. I put my hand on my forehead as I groaned quietly. Gio's eyes burst and Lorenzo choked on his beer.
'I just said you're on speaker, everyone heard that.'
'Ok amazing, I'm coming over.'
'You can, but I'm out the country. I already told you this.' I rolled my eyes.
'Oh yeah you did. I need to get something from your room.' She huffed.
'What do you need?' I immediately regretted asking after.
'A pregnancy test. He didn't use protection.' I could imagine her pacing up and down her room with anticipation. 'I can't ask my mum, she doesn't know that I'm not a virgin. Diventerà fottutamente pazza.' She exclaimed. (She will go fucking crazy)
'What makes you think I have a pregnancy test?'
'I stashed them in your room so my mum wouldn't find them in mine.' She admitted which made me suspire with hopelessness. 'I have your window key, I'll find my way in.'
'Per l'amor di Dio Izzy. You need to tell your mum eventually.' I told her.
'You wouldn't tell your brothers.' She laughed then hung up. She wasn't exactly wrong, but I would have preferred if she didn't make that statement so public. Gio put my phone back next to him and stared at me.
'Since when has Izzy not been a virgin.'
'Oh, I can't say, she wouldn't want me to tell anyone.' I shrugged and tilted my head at Roma who was now asleep.
'But we're not just anyone, it's not like we will say something.' Lorenzo is always the most curious when it comes to other people's business, especially when it does not regard him in any way.
'I'm not telling you her secrets.'
'Stop pestering her.' Santiano stepped in, quickly shutting them up. If only I had that kind of control over them, I would literally feel like I am on top of the world. Getting Lorenzo to stop annoying me is one thing, but when someone can keep them quiet on an entire level, now that is inspiring. 'Is that Elenora's daughter?'
I nodded. 'Has she lived next to you all these years?' Sam asked.
'For 12 years.' I confirmed.
'It is distinct in my mind when your mother and I used to go out with Elenora, Aiden Abreu and Dominic De Luca.' Santiano said which made me gasp.
'Angelo and Leo's dads.' I muttered.
'You know?' He raised a brow. I didn't even realize that we were willingly having a conversation until I noticed that everyone else had left, we were the only one's left outside.
'Of course, they are my closest friends, I can't believe you all knew each other.'
'That is quite unbelievable.' He too seemed surprised that the contact was kept and passed down a generation.
'I worked in a café with Izzy every night, I travelled down the underground to get food from the market every evening with Angelo, and I went on occasional drug runs with Leo, he also played tennis with me whenever the time was right. We spent every moment with each other, especially since we all lived on each other's doorsteps.' I explained to him the way that we were close, he seemed intrigued.
'You turned to drugs?' He looked angrily disappointed, and I couldn't bare to look into his eyes. Although the information was false, I still didn't like the way he gazed into me. However, it disappointed me that the drugs were the only thing that he held on to from all that I said.
'No, I would never. Leo is my best friend, and I would travel around London to keep him company whilst he delivered. He takes after his dad and is working up to partnering alongside the Orsini family. Finishing what his father started.' I elucidated.
'Finishing what his father started.' He whispered.
'What exactly do you do?' I asked him, although I knew, I wanted to hear the lie he had to tell me.
'It's complicated.' Not a single feature in his face faltered as he conveyed the excuse.
'I'm sure I can figure it out.' I sat back, ready to listen to what he had to say.
'As I said, it's complicated, not in an educational aspect, but in a maturing aspect. Your ears are young, and they don't need to be exposed to such travesty.' He carefully explicated. If I hadn't known the truth, and I was slightly younger, my naïve self would have believed him and his good intentions.
'You're right, the mafia is a difficult thing to deal with. So many risks and whatnot.' I removed the cotton from his eyes, although I had already said that I knew about their mafia doings, I had never formally admitted it in front of him. 'Did you seriously think I wouldn't know? I have connections, I'm still covering up and fixing your mistakes, I was tortured in a classic gang style, and I know a lot of people.'
'Yes, the mafia is a business we are heavily involved in, but it is not the only thing we entertain. Many legal businesses support us financially in a safe way, although the money from the foundation is mass soiled.' He didn't expand as much as I hoped he would.
It was like he planned this conversation out to the last detail. I wanted to ask more questions but was left waiting with eagerness when we were called inside the villa. The New Years countdown would begin any minute, and bottles of champagne were already popped open.
Roma stood by my side as everyone gathered. By my other side stood Santiano, a skinny glass of sparkling liquid in his hand which he raised when it officially turned over to the New Year.
I tugged on his shirt to grab his attention, whispering something in his ear as I directed his awareness away from the loudness.
'I forgive you.' I let go of his shirt, but he didn't stand up straight for another few seconds, he continued to stare into the side of my face.
I just forgave my Father, my last living parent... and I didn't regret it.
Thank you so much for reading, let me know what you think and what you would like to see. Stay safe<3
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