Content Warnings: talks of manipulation, talks of murder, interrogation, swearing, Spencer is pretty mean (I think that is all but please let me know if I missed anything!)
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"He is beyond saving. I don't even know why we're fucking trying." I wiped my tears before stomping out of the room. I couldn't look at him anymore. The man that I had loved for fourteen years was gone; replaced with a sociopath who had no regard for anyone's feelings.
"JJ," Luke's hand on my shoulder caused me to turn around, my eyes red from tears. "We're trying because he just lost his way. He was manipulated by the girl he was with."
I shook my head, a humorless laugh leaving my chest, "no. He wasn't, Luke. If anything, he manipulated her. He doesn't care about us. All's he cares about is getting back at us for whatever it is we did to him. He's past the point of saving."
I needed to clear my head. Spencer's word rang inside my mind over and over, breaking me just the same. I didn't ever want him to know how I felt about him. I knew that telling him would hurt him in more ways than I could predict. But I never thought it would drive him to kill?
I was terrified of Will finding out. I'd hid it from him for the same reason I'd hid it from Spencer. Things were too complicated. And I love Will, I swear I do. But not as much as I loved Spencer. And if Will knew, that would be the end of us. And I refused to do that to our children. Henry and Michael deserved parents who loved each other endlessly. Parents who stayed together and got through the bad times. So, I kept it from him. And I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for hiding it, because I knew he hid things from me too.
"Are you okay?" Emily took a seat beside me on the precinct steps, her hand grabbing mine and tangling our fingers together. She always knew when I was spiraling.
I sighed, "No, Em. I'm not." I hung my head in shame that she knew my little predicament.
"You could've told me. You know it would've stayed between me and you; the same way my death stayed between us." She squeezed my hand and I felt my heart rate pick up.
"I was embarrassed. I'm married with two fucking kids and I admitted to loving another guy? Who fucking does that?" I shook my head, "I wasn't risking destroying my family. I got the job done but, in the process, I hurt my best friend."
"None of this is your fault. You know that don't you?" Emilys tone was soft, calming me down the best she could.
"Then whos fault is it? I cant help but feel like I played a role in this. If I would've just helped him when he was struggling, or let him talk, or let him help me. Then maybe, just maybe, all those people would be alive." I ran my hands down my face, "we need to get him to give her up. Garcia hasn't found her?"
"Not yet. But I'm not positive he'll give her up. We need a different strategy."
I wanted to laugh and scream 'no shit' in her face. Obviously, we needed to try something else. But I was stumped on what else we could try. He was smarter than all of us, and if it wasn't for the girl who was dead beside him, we wouldn't even be able to hold him. But even then, there was no weapon and no gun residue on his hands. His prints weren't even on her. So in all actuality, we had nothing.
But then it was lightbulb moment, "Send Garcia in."
"She's not trained in interrogation. We cant-we cant do that. He'll destroy her."
I lifted my head, looking at Emily for the first time since she sat beside me, "no he wont. They had a bond like no other. He cant be mean to her. Send in Garcia."
...
"You cant send me in there with him..." The worry was etched all over her face when I'd presented it to her.
"You're the only one with the intelligence to match his. You can get him to give her up. He's never been able to say no to you." I pleaded with her. We were running out of options and time. We needed the name of his partner and we needed her name quick.
"I can't. I know we were really good friends when he was SSA Dr. Spencer Reid, resident genius of the BAU, but I don't know that man we arrested. That is not Spencer and I don't know how to talk to him anymore." She was rambling, her limbs and voice shaking with fear and sadness.
"Please, Penelope. You are really our last chance." I cringed as I guilted her. But she was truly the last chance before we were forced to release him.
I watched her roll it around in her head, weighing the pros and cons of stepping into that room with him. But I didn't disagree with her fears. I, too, didn't know who that man was that had sat before me. I didn't know him. The Spencer Reid I knew, the one who couldn't ask a girl out and wouldn't shake anyones hand, was dead. And the man who sat in his place was the bruised and battered version of the genius. And I wasn't sure if we'd be able to resurrect the Spencer, we all knew and loved.
"Fine. But I reserve the right to leave that room if it goes too far." Her finger pointing in my face lovingly. Seriously, but lovingly.
"Deal. You're the best Penelope." I patted her shoulder, not missing the sigh she let out. "Are you ready now?" She nodded, standing and following me to the room we had him in.
She studied him for a minute, watching as he picked his nails but his body stayed completely calm. Spencer usually had this incessant need to be moving at all times. Whether it be his legs, his arms, or his fingers, he had to be moving. But not now.
"I don't know that man in there, JJ. I really don't." Garcia had tears in her eyes when she turned to me. I could almost see her racing heart. "I don't know who that is, but it is not Spencer. Spencer wouldn't hurt a fly."
And I would've said the same thing if I hadn't seen the body with my own two eyes. "But he did. And if you want to help him, you'll get him to out his accomplice." And with that, we sent her in.
I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't nervous. I didn't know how he was going to react to us sending her in there. He'd just got done chewing me up and spitting me out, and I was a tougher target than she. And he knew this.
He lifted his eyes as that door opened and a smile graced his face when he saw her. It wasn't genuine though. More of a mock. Sarcastic even.
"Well, well, well. What did they run out of strategy and decided to scrape the bottom of the barrel? Clever." Penelope stiffened and looked back at me. I just nodded lightly, letting her know I was watching.
"Hi, Spencer. It's really good to see you." She sounded unsure. Afraid that anything positive she said would set him off. She hesitantly sat in front of him, not meeting his eyes as she folded her hands on the table.
He laughed, "I'm so sure it is, Garcia. Because from your body language, you're terrified."
Her eyes snapped up then, her mouth dropping, "yes, Spencer, I am. Because this isn't you. SSA Dr. Spencer Reid doesn't kill people."
He scoffed, "I don't know why everyone keeps accusing me of such vile things. I would never."
He was convincing. That's for sure. But we all knew it was an act. We just... didn't have any proof it was an act.
"But you did, Spencer. And you know we know that! Just tell us who she is. You know I'll find her. It's only a matter of time! Just-just tell us!" I could feel her getting more and more worked up and I watched Lukes hands ball into fists. I knew I needed to get her out before Luke became a killer.
"I have nothing to tell you. It's sad that keep using you as a pawn, though. They don't love you for you. The only love you for what you can provide them. You'd be useless to them if it wasn't for that beautiful brain. And don't forget that." He sat back, picking at his nails once more and ignoring her. The silence palpable.
She was halfway out the door when he spoke again, his eyes staying focused on his nails, "send Jennifer back in. I'd like to tell her something."
Penelope was in tears when she met us on the other side. Her chest rapidly rising and falling as she hyperventilated Luke reached her first, "I don't know him JJ. I'm sorry. I tried." Luke led her away without another word. And I knew I had to go back in there. I also knew we didn't have much time. If we didn't get a confession or find any evidence, we needed to let him go. I also knew that Spencer knew that as well. Down to the second.
This time, he didn't look up at me when I entered. He knew I would return. He knew I didn't have a choice. I was nervous to say the least, "'kay, Spence. I'm here." But he doesn't acknowledge me. He stays in his exact position. "Look, Spencer, I don't know how long you're planning on playing this game, giving us the silent treatment and playing the innocent card. But I don't buy it. We will find her, Spencer. And she will turn on you. Then, and only then, will you see just how much we all love and care about you." I stood, getting ready to march out of there when he decided to speak.
"You wont find her."
I slowly sat back in my seat, "how can you be so sure?"
He let out something that resembled a laugh, but there was no humor behind it, "Because she loves me. God does she love me," he leaned forward. "And I trained her. Taught her all I know about you and the way this all works. You'll never catch her Jennifer, I made damn sure of it."
Now he laughs in my face for real as he sits back. He's unphased of my threats. He knows the games we play. He knows the terms we use to get unsubs fired up. But he wasn't average. No, he was Spencer Reid. Former FBI Agent and genius.
I stood then, turning to leave the room for the last time. But before my hand reached the handle, he addressed me again, "she has a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. She'll do anything for me. And she's not going to stop until she has her master back. My pet is never going to stop. But good luck, Jennifer. You're going to need it."
As I left the room, a few things were very clear.
1: The Spencer Reid I fell in love with was dead.
2: We cannot save him. He was too far gone.
3: Whoever 'she' was, was much more dangerous than we originally thought.
a/n: I just want to take a second to thank every single person who has taken the time to read this, look at it, recommend it, or even just read a chapter. It means so much to me. More than I think I can put into words. I love this fic with my entire soul and cannot wait to write the sequel! Keep an eye out for that ❤️ I love you, I love you, I love you!!