I watch him as he stomps off, while I have a million things I want to say. However, there's nothing I'm willing to say. Here I was pleased as pie that I didn't sass Mrs. Salders this morning.
Lord, your sense of humor isn't as funny as you might think it is. Looks like Sophie WILL be getting a tanning tonight after all.
Lovely
I go to start supper, ignoring the fact that we will not be having jam with our biscuits. I was really looking forward to the sweet delicacy, but there's no way on this dusty land that I'll be going into that cellar now that I know it's infested with little devils.
Asking Matthew is also out of the question, because I feel like pouting. Do I deserve to be punished? No. Did I deserve to know that killing serpents were in the cellar? Yes
Matthew stays outside until Remi calls the boys for supper. When he comes in, he looks at me, but I ignore his stare. I agreed to allow him to discipline me, but I DIDN'T agree to be a good sport about it.
Jokes on him that he didn't read the fine print
Once we sit down and Remi says grace, Jamie looks around the table.
"We don't get no jam after all?" He asks, looking how I feel.
"Hush and eat," Matthew snaps as he puts butter on his flaky biscuit and takes a big bite.
We fall into silence as we eat, acting like we haven't had a meal in a week. This is a particularly good feast tonight. I used my grandmama's recipe for lamb chops, and they're falling off the bone.
"Right good, Sophie," Matthew says as he gets a third helping.
When I say nothing, his eyes get dark, but he's quiet as he digs into another chop.
Once supper is eaten and dishes are finished, I go out and get the laundry from the line as the children do their evening chores. Once everything is winding down for the night, my stomach is tightening. I'm so nervous. I forgot what the feeling of a spanking on the horizon is like.....my stomach feels like it's full of lead.
Matthew tucks the children in, and then comes out and looks at me mending a sock in the rocking chair.
"Let's git it over with," he says sternly as he walks over to the door.
I look up at him, and give him my very best mad look. He doesn't seem to care that I'm doing my very best to show him how displeased I am. He continues to stare at me, unwavering, until I simply put my things away and stand up.
Mama may have raised a stubborn mule, but she didn't raise a fool....Well, maybe she did. Agreeing to this was foolish. This is a child's punishment.
I follow him out, and we walk quietly to the barn. Each step I take is getting harder and harder to make. Every inch is bringing me closer to an aching bottom, and a bruised ego.
When we get in the barn and he shuts it, he doesn't say a word as he sits in the dreaded chair.
I wonder how hard it would be to destroy the chair enough, so that the next time he sits in it, he will come crashing down.
Once he's sitting and looking at me, he puts his elbows on his legs and clasps his hands together.
"There's a few things I wanna say before we start, and yur gonna be quiet as you listen."
I huff and cross my arms as he looks at me, daring me to say a word.
"First off, Sophie Olton....I love you."
Immediately some of my anger leaves. That's the first time he's outright told me that he loves me.
"I don't think I've ever told ya, but I do. However, you make me angrier than anyone ever has. What on earth possessed you to have Jamie disobey me?"
I'm quiet. He told me I couldn't talk
He rolls his eyes and straightens his back. "Answer me, woman."
"You should have told me about the snakes," I snap.
Welp, I was wrong. Mama DID raise a fool
Anger crosses his face as he nods. "Sophie, I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' to be a different husband than I was with Rebecca, but you're not tryin' at all. So, you will just get the husband Rebecca got during spankings. I didn't stop ya when I gave you a lickin' those two times, but you WILL NOT leave until I dismiss you. Iffin ya try, I will haul ya back and spank you again until yur blistered. Ya'hear me?"
I just nod. I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm SO nervous.
"Git over here, woman."
I don't even put up a fuss as I walk over to him. He looks at me dead in the eye as he grabs my left wrist and pulls me down, guiding me over his left knee.
My stomach goes uncomfortably across his muscled thigh, and I brace for what's coming.
Being in this position is bringing back horrible memories, but thankfully, the mortification isn't as strong. He's already seen me before, and I've seen him. It's NOTHING like last time.
Once he's got me adjusted how he wants, he flips up my skirts, and I brace. The instant cool air on my bottom surprises me. He wasted no time in pulling down my drawers.
He places his calloused hand on my bottom, and holds it there.
"This will be yur hardest one yet. I went easy on you the first couple times, because I felt bad. I don't feel bad today, Sophie. Also, from here on out, I will NOT wait until evening. I've been tryin' to give ya privacy, but that's over too. When ya step outta line, I'll haul ya to the barn like I do the children. They will not be allowed in here, but I'm sure they will know. I always knew when my ma was gettin' it."
I immediately tense as I scramble and get off of his lap.
"What in the Sam Hill are ya doin'?" He bellows, reaching for my hand.
"You WILL NOT do that," I hiss, moving further away from him.
"I will, Sophie," he says as he stands up and comes over to me, grabbing my wrist roughly and yanking me over to the spanking chair again.
"Why don't you just strip me of everything, then," I say as a sob slips from my chest.
So much for not crying.
He had gotten me back over his lap and flipped my skirts back up, but his hand immediately freezes when I say that.
"What does that mean?" He asks, resting his rough hand back on my bottom.
"All of my dignity. Just take it all, Matthew. I'm just a possession to you. Never mind my feelings. Us womenfolk are only good for birthing babies and cooking your meals," I say as tears fall down my cheeks.
He's completely quiet and his hand completely still for a moment.
"You ready?" He finally asks. I can't tell what his tone is. It's not anger...It's something else.
"Go ahead," I say as I brace my hands on the ground and wait.
The first slap takes me by surprise. The force was so much more than I was expecting, that it immediately makes me jolt. He never once hit me this hard the first two times.
My bare skin immediately feels the sharp sting as heat rapidly pools where he struck me.
After the second smack, I know I'm in trouble. I had no idea that a spanking could possibly get worse. He really was being nice the first two times. This is so painful, I'm already about to cry out in pain.
The third slap has me wrapping my arm around Matthew's leg, trying to brace myself. That's something I never wanted to do. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I needed to hang onto him.
It's distressing.
As soon as I wrap my arm around his leg, his body language changes. He even lessens the next smack a touch.
"Ow!" I cry out as he smacks me three times in a row, quickly, in the same exact spot. My goodness, he's not kidding. If I don't have actual blisters when he's done, I will be amazed.
I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I've been trying hard to stay quiet, but with this spanking, its all gone out the window. No wonder Rebecca kicked up a fuss all the time.
He continues raining down sharp, searing smacks to my naked bottom, bringing even more tears and cries out of me.
"Almost done, Sophie," he says after probably twenty more smacks. His voice doesn't have any anger anymore. It almost sounds like pity.
I don't want his pity
"Are you going to have our children disobey me again?" He asks as he delivers four horrible spanks to the tender parts of my bottom. Another wail of despair ripples through me as I just shake my head.
He didn't like that
He tips me down further and really pays attention to the creases between my thighs and bottom. Over and over he peppers me with his heavy hand.
"You will say it out loud, woman," he says in a chilling tone.
"No!" I say in a breathy wail, my tears so thick, I can't see a thing.
"No what?" He asks as he goes back to my bottom, spanking me so hard and so quickly, I'm beginning to think some really hateful thoughts.
"I won't have— ahhh! I won't have them—dis— Uh!"
I can't get it all out, and I can tell he's feeling sorry for me. He slows the spanking down considerably.
"Say it, Soph," he says softly, obviously wanting to end this.
"I won't have them disobey you," I say in a rush, begging the heavens that he would find that acceptable.
He immediately stops, but keeps his hand on my throbbing, hot bottom. I'm at the point now that I couldn't care less that I'm sobbing and hiccuping, bare bottomed over his knee. I'm barely even noticing his left hand gently rubbing my back in comforting patterns. He never did this before; I got off his lap too quickly.
I go to get off his lap, when he sharply smacks my thigh. "Really want another one?"
I wince as I shake my head and lay back down, waiting for him to let me up.
He takes his right hand and gently rubs my bottom, taking some of the sting out. Then, after a moment, he pulls my drawers up and rights my skirts.
I just lay there, waiting to be dismissed. He doesn't dismiss me.
Instead, he takes his hand and wraps it around my left bicep, pulling me up so I'm sitting on his right knee.
I refuse to look at him as I'm trying to stop my never-ending tears.
After a moment, he gently takes his pointer finger and thumb and grabs my chin, tilting my face until I look at him.
When I finally do, he wipes some of my tears with the back of his hand.
He looks at me a long moment before he speaks. "You feel like you're just a possession to me?"
I say nothing as I sniff, shuttering from another sob escaping my chest.
He tucks some stray hair behind my ear before he talks again. "It's gonna bother ya mighty bad if the youngins know, won't it?"
I only nod as I try my best to stop my wailing.
He looks at me so hard, I can almost feel it. "Alright, I'll take it back," he finally says.
"What?" I ask, ignoring the blasted sobs still rippling through me.
"I'll continue spankin' ya only when the youngins are in bed."
Relief so strong washes through me that I almost feel weak.
"Why?" I ask, completely dumbfounded. I thought this man was incapable of reason.
He brings me into him and kisses my forehead. "Because that's the reason you cried. The spankin' had nothin' to do with it. I reigned it in more than I intended, 'cause I was surprised you were so upset. You weren't cryin' cause of the spankin'."
I just look at him. Who is this man?
"So you will take it back?" I ask, my anger leaving even further.
He rubs my back softly with his right hand as his left arm wraps around me, his hand grazing my hurting bottom.
He nods. "This marriage has to be different than my last one. I see it. I won't stop the punishments, but I'll continue doin' them once the kids are in bed."
"Thank you," I say as I close my eyes. The relief is still so strong. I couldn't bare the kids knowing or hearing my spankings. It feels wrong.
He pulls me into him and I rest my cheek on his shoulder.
This must be the comforting Ruthie told me about. She's right. It sure is nice.
After a moment, I lift my cheek up and look at him. "Why on earth would you tell me you loved me for the first time right before you spanked me?"
He grins and shakes his head. "Cause I do love you, and I couldn't bear whippin' yur tail once more without ya knowin' it."
"You really do love me?"
"With my whole heart," he nods.
"I'm sorry I told Jamie to go in the cellar."
He nods again. "Thank you."
"You should have told me about the snakes."
He sighs and continues stroking my back gently.
"I'm sorry I didn't. I didn't see a need...You have never gone down there."
"And I never will, now."
Suddenly Matthew laughs. A true, deep, beautiful laugh, his eyes twinkling in the dim barn.
I just stare at him in awe. He's laughing!!!
"You don't have to," he says as he kisses my cheek and stands up, setting my feet gently on the ground.
"Ready for bed, Sophie? It's been a long day."
I stare into his eyes and warmth pools in my belly. Nights have quickly become my most favorite thing.
"I take it I'm dismissed?" I ask as we walk hand in hand out of the barn.
He chuckles as he kisses my now-messy hair.
"You're dismissed."