I was a mess. I kept pacing back and forth in the bathroom, not knowing what to do. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and get disgusted every time.
I couldn't go on. I don't want the party to happen. The memory of what happened exactly 4 years back kills me. The haunting images of him wouldn't stop flashing in my mind I was doubting if I was still sane.
I couldn't have a party 4 years after we got separated. Never.
That's when I did one thing left for me to do. I bolted out the door and started escaping.
I was running. I was running very fast.
It was all I could ever do now. And it is all that I could ask for at the moment. I wanted to get away from all the voices, from all the whispers, from all the gossips, from all the criticisms, from everything. I hated having to follow what they say, I hated hearing them comment on every move I make. I'm tired of having people judge you at every step you do and criticize you for every flaw you have.
And here I am, on my heels to get away from the venue fast. I don't give a fuck right now that I am in a white gown, running away from the venue of my own birthday party. I don't care if they conduct a search party for me or if they would even call the attention of the police for going missing because I don't want to continue with the event. I don't care about everything right now because I need to pull all my shit together, to fix the jigsaw puzzle, to put all the pieces back together, to find the missing parts as well.
I have no idea where I am being dragged by my feet because I had my head in my hands. Yes, I am running while I'm crying knowing I couldn't do things anymore as the past started to haunt me, making me realize that the jigsaw has a missing piece I kept covering up. I couldn't accept the fact that the promise he made, will never ever happen.
All of a sudden, I tripped and fell on the forest floor. For no reason at all, I suddenly thanked myself for choosing the location of our vacation house and for choosing that vacation house as my party's venue. But I hated myself for it as well, as it only made the situation worse by bringing back all the memories we had back when we were kids. As much as I wanted to go back in time, I know it is impossible and all I could ever do right now is to accept the fact that I'll be an adult, and I'll embark on this journey alone, without him to hold my hand.
I didn't take any effort standing up as the fatigue from running and crying soon started towering over me. I don't know but I felt my eyes drooping with those thoughts, those sad, melancholic thoughts. The last thing I remember was the sound of the chilly wind rustling through the leaves.
***
I started opening my eyes, but shut it again since I got blinded by the bright light. Ugh. So I fell asleep on the forest floor? Nice way to escape, Eunice, it was really a ni-
"Oh my goodness," I exclaimed, sitting right up, opening my eyes instantly, and touching random parts of my body. I looked down and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that I was still in my dress.
Excuse me for being paranoid but I know others would do that too if the last thing they remember is falling asleep on the leafy forest floor but the thing they feel when they wake up is a soft, comfy couch.
"Hey, good to know you're awake."
I froze the instant that guy spoke. It couldn't be. He's like, what? Hundreds or even thousands of miles away from me. It's impossible.
But I couldn't go wrong with his voice. I know we got separated at an early age, an age where puberty was just starting to hit the both of us, but I am sure I couldn't go wrong with that manly yet giggly voice.
I slowly turned around, quite afraid even though I was already expecting to see myself disappointed. But the moment I did and saw his face, I got up on my feet and enveloped him into a very tight bear hug, not minding the fact he was holding 2 mugs of whatever drink that was. I wanted to know he's real, and I'm not hallucinating.
"Ash! Oh my god," I said, putting my head in the crook of his neck as I started sobbing. I was able to feel him, so he's real. He's here. Ashton Irwin is here. He's tangible. I could hold him. I am hugging him. I am in his arms again.
The jigsaw puzzle has finally been complete. And at this moment, it was all that ever mattered. I was even starting to doubt if I was in a dream, but I was afraid as well to know the truth so I stayed put and kept hugging him. He was hugging back as well, so all I did was savor the moment.
"I miss you", I told him, wiping my tears with his stupid purple shirt. I let out a chuckle after I noticed he was wearing that hideous one.
"Same. But I'm here now 'ya know," he told me, at the same time gave me reassuring pats on my back. I do wish you're here for long, Ash. I'm having doubts.
"I'll still be fulfilling that promise. So I wouldn't leave," he said all of a sudden after we were quiet for a few minutes.
I swear the moment he said that my heart fluttered and skipped a beat.
He remembers.
I stopped crying and ate with him. He cooked some waffles and pancakes. It was 2:00 PM but I didn't mind. All that mattered was him. However, I felt awkward staring at him while I was munching on the food so I turned my gaze on the surroundings. That was when I fully noticed we were in a tree house. Just like when we were kids.
He cleaned up the dishes. I couldn't help but smile. He's still that best friend who knows I do not even know how to do a single chore and complains about that but would still do the task. Typical Ashton Irwin.
I was taking a tour of the tree house when I saw the polaroids of us when we were kids. There was one of us playing in the swing, and then there were a couple of us eating ice cream. We were around the age of seven or eight in the photo but I vividly remember everything.
"I made the tree house look like our childhood playhouse back in Australia, Eunice," he said, making me go back to reality from memory lane.
"I see," I told him, still in awe of what he did.
"How's life?"
I expected him to ask this question but I silently hoped he wouldn't. How do I answer it? Should I lie and tell him I was good and fine? Or should I say the whole truth that I was miserable leaving Australia? Should I even say it was damn shit without him. Do I say 'It was supposed to be good but I probably didn't see anything positive since you left' or 'I was a complete wreck with everything that happened'?
"I..."
I couldn't continue. Because the moment we lost each other was the moment I lost myself as well. I felt dying. A big part of me went missing. I was incomplete.
The next thing I know he's hugging me. He's unusually the hugger right now. When he pulled away, he pulled out a small remote and clicked a button. Some music suddenly played. He went back to me and offered a hand for a dance. I held his and he guided me along with the music.
"Please don't look down. You're amazing. You're beautiful, your dress is wonderful, the way they did your hair is gorgeous," he told me, lifting my head up minutes after we went dancing and all I looked was our shoes.
How do you even want to look at him with tears about to fall from your eyes like they're water from an open faucet?
I just smiled at him, meekly.
"I want you to be happy," he added.
"H-how?"
He was my other half. I know we were like the best-est buds you could see back when we were kids. We spent the whole day with each other, in the play house. Maybe that's the fact I grew so attached to him. Maybe that was the fact that as we grew up I became dependent on the person who kept defending me from everyone. He was like my elder brother. And maybe, the fact that I wanted a brother so much was the whole reason why I started looking at him way beyond friends. I was 12, and yes, I was madly and deeply in love with my best friend, Ashton Irwin. Love doesn't choose an age, right?
And right now, I'm asking myself, how do I move on when I'm still in love with you, Ashton Irwin?
"Don't contain yourself in your own shell, Eunice. I'm not the only one."
"But you're the one I want," I told him. It felt like déjà vu. 4 years ago, I said the same thing and he left. No, he didn't leave because he couldn't return the same feelings.
He left because he saved me.
And here we are again facing the same situation.
I glanced at the wall and saw the date. March 12. My birthday. My real birthday. Can my birthday wish be that Ashton Irwin won't leave me?
"Your happiness is all that I'll ever need," he said with a shaky voice, "and don't listen to what they say. They aren't you. You'll always be perfect to me. Who cares if you hate hearing your voice when you sing? They aren't allowed to judge you just because you're you."
With that, his hazel orbs met mine and looked right into me like he wanted to tell me something. I was about to ask him when he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. That was when everything fell silent. All I could hear was the music and our breaths. I couldn't even hear the birds chirping, nor the leaves rustling. It was just us. And we stayed in that position for minutes. And I wished he didn't pull away all along, because I felt that this is the last time we'll feel so connected.
We stayed silent and just danced to the music. I let out grins whenever he twirls me, just like the days when we were young.
"I hope I fulfilled my promise. I hope I was still first," he told me just as the last song ended. I checked the time.
March 12. 5:47 pm.
Time flew fast but I didn't mind. The only thing on my mind was Ashton Irwin fulfilled his promise. He kept and still fulfilled his promise of being my first dance the day I turn 18.
It was getting dark already; the orange-y beam was making its way through the tree house. Ashton was fidgeting with something again I started to think how long he took putting all the stuff up in here.
I felt tired. I was hungry as well but I didn't mind. I lay down on the bed, Ashton surprisingly following me, so we ended up cuddling.
"You're still the first dance," I answered his question while putting my head on his chest. For reasons I do not know, I just find it so comfortable and I feel protected when I did.
He giggled and hugged me. It was heaven. Plus the vibrations on his chest was so surreal, all my doubts started fading away. This is so real.
"I want to play with your hair like before, but I really like how your hair is now so I wouldn't," he joked. I playfully hit his arm. Just like the old times.
We stayed in the cuddling position for minutes until I noticed it has gotten dark yet there were dancing lights in the ceiling. I looked up and had my mouth open for a couple of seconds. Fairy lights.
"I hope you like it. I remember you wanted that to happen to our childhood treehouse yet I wasn't able to do it so I tried making up for that here."
"Oh my god, Ash. It's so beautiful."
I wanted to cry. He had everything prepared. This was the best birthday gift I could have, I could not ask for anything more.
"You know I'll always have the best for you, Eunice. Only for you."
We went back and cuddled for hours, sharing stories of what had happened in my life for the past years since we migrated into the Philippines. He got us some food at some point, and ate and continued with our stories. We shared more laughs as we recounted our childhood memories. The time he fell into a mud pool while he was biking, the event when I thought I was riding my mom's pushcart in the grocery but it turned out it was another woman and a lot more. I really do miss these talks that I wish this never ends.
I had no idea what time it was, and I had no idea of knowing until Ash told me to go lay down and have a rest. When I checked the clock, it was 5 am. My birthday was over, and a new day was about to begin. I saw the sun is almost rising when I took a glance at the window. Ashton had lain down beside me and hugged me.
"You're not gonna leave, right?" I asked him as my eyes started drooping, taking all the fatigue I just felt.
"I'll never ever leave. I never even left. You know we'll always be right here," he said taking my hand to his chest.
That's the last thing I remember, as the sun made its way into the room, and sleep consumed me seconds after I saw the light.
***
"Eunice, you have to wake up now."
I groaned as I heard the constant calls of my mother outside accompanied with continuous knocks on my door.
"Yes, yes. I am coming," I reassured her so she just stops.
That's when it hit me.
I looked around and saw my room, my bed, my stuff. I had to take a double look at the digital clock on my bedside table to ensure myself.
March 11. 7:34pm.
No. Everything couldn't have been a dream. I am not here. Ashton was real. No. I was with him. This is not happening. I was with him. He danced with me. We cuddled. He fulfilled his promise. He fulfilled the fairy lights in the tree house. He was hugging me. I slept on his chest. No. It couldn't have been a dream. It is impossible. He was there. He didn't die. He did not die from saving me from the truck. He did not get hit. He did not get hit at this time, this day four years ago. He was alive.
He was there, with me, in the tree house, in flesh and spirit.
I felt my heart breaking into pieces. I wanted to bawl my eyes out so bad yet at the same time I tried so hard not to cry so as the make-up won't run down my face. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing the same exact dress when I was with Ashton, this is hurting me.
I went to my window and opened it. I needed the fresh air. It felt so real. It was supposed to be real.
That was when I noticed something on the window pane. A paper plus something that glimmers.
I took it and looked who it was from. It was weird as my room was on the second floor and it was hard to leave something on my window. But whoever did this must have been so persistent.
My hands started shaking the moment I opened the envelope and read the note.
I'll always love you. I never had said these but I'll always be in your heart. Remember that.
Be happy. It's all I want. Please.
Ash.
I couldn't stop myself from crying the moment I read it that I had to wash my face to clear the smudged make-up on my face. Forget how I look tonight. All that matters now is this real thing that just happened.
Four years since his death. Four years since he saved me from the truck. Four years since he sacrificed.
I wore the necklace without any hesitations and clutched the pendant near my chest as I opened the door and my escort who has been waiting had offered his hand to help me.
I looked at him. Long black hair he smoothened to look more formal, a classy coat and tie. He was dressed in the same way Ash had told me he would when I get 18.
"I love you, too Ashton. I'll never forget you," I whispered with my eyes closed, and took Roland's hand.
I felt a cold wind gush through the hall as if a window was open.
I'll try be happy, Ashton. But you'll always be the one closest to my heart. And no one could ever take that place. Ever.
***
Hi again! I'm sorry if I chose to write another one shot instead of continuing the Ashton Imagine, but this idea has been on my mind for days and I really couldn't stop.
Okay, first and foremost, (belated) happy happy birthday to the person whom this one shot is dedicated to - Eunice! Thanks for being my twin sister from another mother. Hey! We're both legal now. Haha. But no, we're so much of good girls we don't even drink. Yep. I hope you like it even though I sort of turned it into another sad one. And I do remember you telling me you want to be 'baeless' for the mean time. Also, I know you're not really a big fan of 5SOS but lol, I know when I introduced the guys to you, you chose Ash. Lastly, thanks for being one of my best supporters. I love love love you. I hope you enjoy your day! xx