Houssam pulled his hood over his face as the raindrops began to fall, and soon the sound of pouring water matched the pounding of his feet on the pavement.
He was so angry, so infuriated.
So hurt that she didn’t trust him enough to tell him what was going on.
But would he had been okay with it?
Honestly?
No.
But did he have a right to dictate to her what to do even if she had told him?
Honestly?
No.
He had left her. Granted she had told him to, and yes, he had been under the impression she would be waiting for him. But he had still gone.
He knew he could have handled things better, but the thought that she could belong to any other man just made him terrified to his very core.
Not that she would belong to him of course.
Ugh whatever.
He continued to run, not even sure of where he was going, until soon he was circling a single neighborhood, then a single blue house, until finally he came to a stop, staring up at it, and panting slightly. He waited until he had caught his breath before he jogged up the steps, and knocked on the door. A few seconds later the door opened, and Abdullah appeared.
“Houssam?” he asked in a confused voice, and Houssam put out a hand.
“I have to know.”
Abdullah’s nose wrinkled.
“Know what?”
“Is it fake? Between you and Hana?”
“Oh,” he said quietly, “did she talk to you about it?”
“Yes. I’m sorry about your Mom bro. I really am.”
“Barak Allahu Feek. It’s the Qadr of Allah, what are you going to do.”
“May Allah swt reward you.”
“Ameen.” He said with a grateful nod. “So Houssam. If she already talked to you about it, why do you need to hear it from me?”
“I don’t know. I just need it to be confirmed that it isn’t real.”
Abdullah regarded him for a few seconds before nodding.
“It isn’t real.”
Houssam’s face visibly relaxed.
“Thank God.”
“You have to believe me Houssam, if I thought for a second you liked her, I wouldn’t have asked her to help me out like this. But we haven’t exactly kept in touch in the past few years.”
“You’re saying you don’t have any feelings for her at all?”
Abdullah shook his head.
“None romantic.”
“Come on bro, I’ve seen the way you get flustered around her.”
“Houssam!” Abdullah exclaimed with a laugh of disbelief. “We have been in a Halaqah together for over ten years, and you never noticed how totally flustered I get around girls?! It’s not just Hana, you probably just focused on her because you like her!”
“Oh.”
“Come, get out of the rain.” Abdullah motioned towards the bench on the front porch, and after they had taken a seat he turned to Houssam.
“I had no idea of the feelings between the two of you until she called me yesterday crying in hysterics because she didn’t want you to think she didn’t love you anymore. I swear to you I didn’t know.”
“Why did you pick her then? There are a million other girls.”
Abdullah shrugs.
“My mom loves her. She is sweet and kind. And I know her family well.”
Houssam sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair before slumping in his seat.
“She’s a great person for doing this.”
“She’s wonderful. I can’t tell you what it means to my mother. She isn’t all there anymore, they expect it to happen any day now. But when Hana comes and sits by her bed, for that half hour it’s like I have my Mom back.”
“Oh Abdullah.” Houssam said in a pained voice, and his friend shrugged.
“At first I felt guilty. I felt terrible for misleading her. But if this gives her a little bit of peace, then I can handle it for a while. I wouldn’t be able to handle if you hated me?” he asked questioningly, and Houssam shook his head.
“No of course not. I guess I’m just being insecure.”
“If you really love Hana, and you know she loves you, what is there to be insecure about? Why aren’t you together yet?”
“I don’t know honestly. It’s like one thing after the other keeps separating us. I keep overreacting to things, or there are misunderstandings, or other fiancée’s, or job offers. It hasn’t been a straight road for us, and I’m beginning to wonder if we are even meant to be.”
“Can I be honest Houssam?”
“Please do.”
“I don’t think you’re ready to get married.”
Houssam’s jaw dropped.
“What do you mean?”
“You say you keep overreacting to things?”
“Yeah.”
“Like what?”
“Like accusing her of ditching me for you, and not even letting her explain.”
Abdullah laughed.
“Why didn’t you listen to her?”
“Because I was scared of what she was going to say.” Houssam said uncomfortably, and Abdullah raised his hands.
“I think that’s it then. You aren’t ready to get married, and you don’t want to tell her that.”
“Are you sure?”
“No. I could be wrong. But it’s something you have to seriously think of, and talk about with Hana.”
Houssam nodded, suddenly feeling terrible that he was confiding his love drama with someone who’s Mom was dying, and he stood up.
“Thanks for talking to me bro. I’m sorry for taking up your time.”
Abdullah smiled.
“No problem. You’re like my little brother. Any time you need me I’m here InshaAllah.”
"Please let us know if you or your dad need anything!”
“Barak Allahu Feek Houssam.”
Houssam smiled, and hugged his friend, before beginning to jog down the staircase back towards Amir and Yusra’s. Halfway there his phone rang, and he clicked on his Bluetooth.
“Hello?”
“Houssam?! He’s finally here!”
***
Hana stood in the waiting area with Amir and Yusra’s parents, and Ilham, holding Kareem on her hip. While he had been happy to see his grandparents, he didn’t want to be parted from Hana, and she knew he was just freaking out because he hadn’t seen his mother in over a day.
Houssam had never returned, like he had promised, but twenty minutes after he had gone, Amir had called, saying Yusra was ready to have the baby, and she had bundled up Kareem and headed straight for the hospital.
She now paced up and down the tile floor, thinking about her relationship with Houssam. She loved the man, she had loved him for a long time. But he just acted so immature sometimes! She couldn’t be in a relationship where she was constantly having her partner run out on her without listening to what she had to say. He acted like a child a lot of the time, and what was that in a husband? Sure he would make a great provider, yes they got along great. But she needed that emotional connection that sometimes she wasn’t sure he could give to her.
When she said that they had needed time to think about what they wanted, she had meant it, and she had hoped that he would mature during the time they were apart. Yes, he had a right to be surprised about her engagement to Abdullah. If she had found out he was engaged to someone else after just six months, she would have been seriously heartbroken. But the fact that he wouldn’t listen to her, and he didn’t handle it very well when she told him the truth, scared her.
Maybe he just wasn’t ready to be married.
Just then the delivery room doors opened, and Amir appeared in scrubs.
“Baba!” Kareem shrieked, and Amir took his son in his arms, tears on his cheeks, and his smile wide.
“He’s finally here.”
“Allahu Akbar!” Abu Rashid exclaimed, and everyone else took up the cheer.
“MashaAllah who does he look like!?” Umm Houssam asked eagerly, and Amir laughed.
“Come see for yourselves?”
“What’s his name!?” Ilham asked, and Amir smiled.
“Yusra wants to tell you herself. They are just getting her ready, and will move her into her room, so we can go up there now.”
“Baba where’s Mama?” Kareem asked worriedly, and Amir kissed the little boy on his head.
“She’s with your new baby brother!”
“My brother?” Kareem asked in confusion, and Amir laughed, and as he led the way towards the elevators, Hana hung back, not wanting to intrude on a family moment.
“Aren’t you coming?” Ilham asked, and Hana hesitated.
“I don’t know if I should.”
“Of course you should! Yusra hasn’t been able to stop talking about how amazing you are to take care of Kareem!”
Before Hana could respond, the doors opened, and Houssam appeared, soaked all the way through. As his eyes fell on Hana, he couldn’t tear them away, and Ilham looked between them before sighing.
“Room three sixty four. Don’t take too long.”
Hana waited until Ilham had gotten on the elevator, before turning towards Houssam.
“You didn’t come back.”
“I had to clear my mind.”
“You can’t keep running out when we fight.”
“I went to talk to Abdullah.”
Hana paused.
“You what?!”
Houssam nodded.
“I had to hear for myself if it was true.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then why did you need it confirmed from him?”
“I needed to make sure there were no feelings on his end.”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I told you there wasn’t.”
He nodded.
“I know. But I was too insecure. I had to know.”
“Houssam,” she said with a sigh, “you have nothing to be insecure about!”
“I returned back home after six months and you were engaged to someone else!”
“And now you know why! You didn’t speak to me for six months. Were you so vain that you expected me to be fine without a word from you!? You left without us getting engaged, we had no understanding, and I hear nothing from you.”
“You can’t keep throwing it in my face that I left without us being engaged. You told me to go! You told me we needed time to think this over!”
She pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing deeply.
“I won’t keep having this argument with you. Houssam, we aren’t even married, and look how much we are fighting! It isn’t supposed to be this hard.” She whispered.
“What are you saying?”
“Right now, we are going to go see your sister who just had a baby. We are going to act happy, and not make this about us. And we will continue this discussion later when my brother can sit with us.”
His eyes widened slightly, before he nodded and the two of them silently went up to Yusra’s room.
In separate elevators.