"Suck. My. Dick."
sam-"oh Tony you fucked up" I had two options, kill Tony and get put in a cell or jump out of the window and let my anger out outside. yes it might seem like one extreme to the next but I don't care, there the options i've given myself.
...
kill Tony.
Wanda- "nope option number two young lady" I loudly sighed and jumped out the window flying to the ground, in the gardens it was pretty much just miles of grass so I really decided to let everything I'd been bottling up out. all the avengers ran out onto the balcony looking down at me.
I screamed a spine chilling scream and fell to my knees, my power burst out speeding from me all across the grass, as it spread it burned away any life that it came into contact with. tears were streaming down my face I sobbed into my hands as the green energy lingering across the grass faded away, I looked up and saw the mess id made. I'd once again let my emotions show. how could I be so stupid.
Flicking my hands the green energy returned and the grass grew back thicker and greener with flowers and trees to nurture the soil beneath it, before flying up and back onto the balcony.
It was silent for a while, everyone was looking at my sympathetically and giving Tony death stares for him to apologise.
Tony-"im sorr-"
y/n-"great that's all I needed i'm going to bed" I forced a smile as I pushed my way to the door walking back inside, they followed quickly with concerned looks on there faces, but they don't care about me. They just need my power.
Bucky-"you haven't eaten though"
I scoffed and without even turning to look back at anyone "like you care"
I made it to my floor and dragged my feet to the fridge, there was one plum. what the hell! why don't we have any food? its not like they can't afford it. I took the plum and had finished by the time I'd slowly made it to my room, I threw it into the small bin beside my bed, for once I actually wanted to fall asleep In the bed besides being on the floor. Lying on it was. . . an unusual sensation to say the least. i felt like I wasn't going to stop sinking, but I couldn't complain, I'd never lay on something so comfortable in my life. my eyes shut and I fell into a dreamless sleep.
3:30am
Its day fuck knows of having nightmares, each night I fall into a dreamless sleep and then, nightmare. they come from nowhere and make me wake up in a cold sweat, I have to cover my mouth so I don't wake anyone because most the time i'm shouting or screaming myself awake.
I walked out of my room and to the elevator taking myself straight to the library, I'd be alone and calm and everything will be fine. I collected several books, 2 high piles at least, and began my journey into each imaginary world, I longed to be one of the characters in every book I read. I get way to attached and feel lost once I've finished each one, I just hate that this is my life, everything bad I could have imagined happening to me happened and now i'm this messed up problem who- who- ugh i'm just a monster.
loki-"no i absolutely won't tolerate that type of thinking, why don't we plan Starks death instead, or think about the good things at least like. . . what's your favourite book" his voice echoed from the shadows as he appeared from behind a bookshelf and sat on the floor next to me, we didn't look at each other, he didn't even sit close enough for our skin to touch, but his presence was radiating a home like feeling.
I sniffled slightly "pride and prejudice" I whispered
loki-"and why do you love it"
y/n-"because when I read it I can be her, not me" I spoke even quite this time causing him to look at me, I still looked forward for a while before giving in and turning to look back at him with teary eyes. "why do you care, you don't like me, you torment me" he looked down sighing.
loki-"we are more a like than you think, and I happen to like myself more than anyone and since you remind me of myself I like you a little bit. . . but mostly your annoying" I let out a small laugh and so did he. I rested my head on his shoulder and I felt him tense up at the contact but when I went to move he wrapped an arm around my waist to keep my there.
The morning sun stung my eyes as I slowly woke up, I was onto of Lokis chest and one of his arms were wrapped around my waist and the other held my face lovingly, my arms were wrapped around him along with one of my legs. we had a thick blanket wrapped around us holding me in my position, I rested my head back down and closed my eyes deciding to wait for him to wake up.
2 seconds later.
It seems I have no patience. "loki wake up" he groaned and spoke without opening his eyes and tightening his grip on me.
loki-"I'm awake" a few moments passed before his eyes shot open in the realisation of our position and interaction last nice, we'd both let our guard down and we both were equally as annoyed about it. he quickly removed his hands from me and I did the same, we both stood up and walked out the room in silence, once we got into the elevator I decided to speak up.
y/n-"this never happened. no one finds out." I looked at him sternly and he laughed
loki-"that goes without saying darling" and with that the elevator doors opened to our floor and he exited towards his room leaving me alone with butterflies, why do I feel like this oh god? a loud raw broke me from my thoughts and I walked towards the sound. It was coming from our shared kitchen
Bucky-"WHO ATE MY PLUM!"
oh shit.
Bucky looked at me as I entered with flames of anger in his eyes burning the blue away, I ran to the nearest door and he immediately ran after me, I shut and locked the door behind me but when I saw the room id ran into my heart dropped. bucks fucking room, meaning. . . Janice will open the door for him.
He entered the room slowly shutting and locking the door behind him with a look that only told me he was about to murder someone and it very well might be me, I backed away until I hit a wall and had no where else to go, he edged closer leaving an inch between our bodys.
bucky-"y/n, did you eat my plum?" I slowly nodded and went to speak but he brought a finger to my lip to hush me. "why did you eat my plum? huh. I don't want to kill you, so how about we reminisce on your lovely new, well old memories with me." I rolled my eyes and even doing that scared the shit out of me for what he might do next, he was very intimidating.
I spoke threw his finger "what about how we hated each other and all you would do was tease me, yeah nothings changed"
"everything's changed" he said backing away, the atmosphere somehow became more serious.
"seriously Bucky, you want to have this talk now!" I spoke in an annoyed tone
"yes now"
"speak then." the tension grew between us as our bodys slowly radiated towards ech other in the room again.
Bucky-"forget it. your not her, your not n/n, memories back or not. I remember her and she was nothing like you"
A tear fell from my face "can you blame me, after everything ive been through, how can you be blaming me right now!?" he didn't say a thing so I continued "I agree I'm not the girl you once new, but you are not the boy I once loved either, you have changed just as much as I have." the tears streamed down my face as I walked away to my room.
Deep breaths, in for seven out for eleven. my breathing slowed and the tears stopped, now its time to pull myself together and be a bad bitch, not metaphorically. I'm going to act different, speak more, befriend them all one by one, but not Bucky. He officially doesn't exist, from this moment I will not look or talk to him, unless i'm pissing him off of course, its time to get out of this place, away from my past (Steve and bucky) and towards a future that I want.
I want a house like mr darcys, I want to be free and have a life, god I'm this old and I haven't even lived yet. I think it's time I get to it.
-------------------------buckys p0v----------------------
"I agree I'm not the girl you once new, but you are not the boy I once loved either, you have changed just as much as I have." she stormed out my room.
she loved me. oh god, she loved me. how did I not know, how did she not know I loved her too? my heart fluttered but immediately sunk in the realisation that she is gone, the only girl I ever loved and will ever love has died. no, I'd rather her really be dead than having to see her face everyday. The harshness of my own thoughts shocked me, she's been through the same as me, lost her memories, taken by hydra, gone through the worst possible torcher you can imagine. This resentment I feel towards her won't go away, but neither will the jealously then she speaks to Steve or the overwhelming feeling in my gut when she looks at me, it feels like butterflies have been let loose and the room instantly becomes unbearably hot.
Is this what real hate feels like? maybe I just hate her so much I want her all to myself so I can be the only one to annoy her, that must be it, there is no other explanation.
--wanda downstairs hearing the argument and both y/n and bucks thoughts--
I live with idiots.