Why did bad things happen to good people?
My ears were ringing with a horrible noise and I couldn't breathe. My sobs had stolen all the air in my quivering lungs and my brain couldn't function properly so that I could breathe. It was a hysterical panic attack on the brink of stealing me from the world. But none of it seemed to matter because my eyes wouldn't leave Finley's body.
Was he breathing?
I hadn't realized that the world didn't stop for my heartbreak, it didn't cease with the existence of another tragedy. I hadn't realized that the second gunshot wasn't fired by the boys, and it had rung out immediately after the first.
I hadn't realized Ezra had found us, and now he stood in the alley with a murderously dark and cold expression on his face, a gun resting in his hands as if it was second nature to him.
I could barely process anything.
There was cursing a short distance away and I finally tore my eyes away from Finley. The nameless boy was on his back on the pavement, a hand clasped over his shoulder, and it wasn't until then that I realized Ezra had shot him.
"Fuck you, man, fuck you," The nameless boy seemed to repeat over and over again but it continuously fell upon deaf ears. He was bleeding. Bright red oozed between his fingers and dribbled onto the black pavement. It was quite the contrast.
"You didn't like a taste of your own medicine?" Ezra spoke without any emotion in his voice and he slowly advanced into the alley where another tragedy had happened. He kept his gun aimed forward as he walked, "I'll kill all of you for what you've done."
There was a scurry of movement and Ezra reacted in the blink of an eye. The three boys left Roman on the pavement and attempted to charge Ezra. I watched Ezra swing his fist with the gun in his grasp and I internally cringed as the metal barrel cracked against the jaw of one of the boys. I couldn't tell if he had broken bone but I hoped he had.
Ezra lashed out with his other fist and caught a second boy in the cheek. I was almost mesmerized by his precise movements that were aimed to inflict pain. He didn't even have to move his feet, he just waited. He could obviously take every single one without firing a second bullet from the gun chamber.
Immediately, the boys hesitated. Their eyes flickered between Ezra and the nameless boy, weighing their options, and Ezra stared them down until they finally backed up. I knew that when he didn't speak a word to them, he knew who was responsible for this mess. He knew who had led those boys here. How much had he seen?
The nameless boy sneered, "You won't--"
"You fucking mess with my family, you mess with me," Ezra cut him off in a deadly calm voice that which I was sure was anything but calm. A darkness I had never seen lurked within his eyes, "Any last words, you fucking scum?"
"Fuck you."
"Good choice," Ezra raised the gun and let it rest between the eyebrows of the nameless boy. Nobody interfered this time and it was a shot that would instantly kill if the trigger were pulled. A decision that took one second and changed lives forever.
"Ezra! Stop!" It wasn't my voice that cried out. Despite what I would witness, I was strangely quiet as I watched. For a second, it was as if the world held its breath in the anticipation of more death. That is until I realized my oldest brother had arrived, and it was him who had called out.
A car door slammed, drawing my attention to the end of the alley, and I saw Mikeal. Julian trailed behind him but I saw how his skin had already gone pale. His hazel eyes were frantic.
Mikeal also wielded a gun. The dark metal rested in both his hands, finger resting off the trigger, and he approached Ezra with a vacated gaze. "You don't want to go to jail for murder, it's not worth it."
"I don't care," Ezra stomped on the hand of the nameless boy, as the pathetic coward had tried to escape by crawling along the pavement. I heard fingers break and the nameless boy hissed.
One of the boys, who was younger than his friends, turned and ran out of the alley. His frantic footsteps echoing long after his disappearance. The other two boys stayed hesitantly, watching their leader with hard expressions. It was clear they were outnumbered with my brothers but their loyalty stilled lied in question.
"You don't want to do this," Mikeal said calmly.
"Do you fucking see what they've done?" Ezra's dark eyes were stormy as they clashed with Mikeal's cold blue ones. "They've beat our fucking siblings and you want to do nothing? Fuck no, I'm not like you, Mikeal. They hurt me, I give it right back," He then dug his foot into the nameless boy's shoulder, "Ten fucking times worse."
I almost jumped out of my battered skin when I felt a hand land on my shoulder.
Why was time passing so slowly for me but so quickly around me?
I was partially propped up on my elbows, as far as my body would allow me to move, and my head whipped to the side where I saw Julian. He had tears in his eyes, "Jordyn? Oh god." His shaking fingers gently cupped my face.
Everything came back to me and another sob ripped free from my throat. "F-Finley..."
"Shh," He uttered softly and I wasn't sure if he was trying to calm me or himself, perhaps both of us. Finley had been both of our lifelines when it had gotten dark. He wrapped his arms around me and gently pulled my head against his chest.
I grabbed his shirt and squeezed so hard my fingers felt like they would break. My entire chest hurt like hell and it wasn't because I had taken a beating, my heart had broken into a million pieces and every shard was embedded in my lungs.
I knew the pain of losing someone, I knew the grief that would come, but my love for Finley had been from a fractured heart; after my parents had put that crack there, and now my heart was just simply shattered. There was no pain worse than losing the one that gave me happy memories after all the sad ones.
We lived in a sad reality, even when we tried to be happy.
I wasn't sure how long Julian sat with me on the pavement, holding me as I cried. Perhaps only seconds. In between painful gasps, I came to realize that Julian's heart was almost so loud in his chest, it was like the organ was trying to break free of his ribcage. His breaths were shorter, and his cheek was wet as it rested atop my head. Both of us were crying and neither of us could stop.
Out of the corner of my blurry vision, I saw someone move and I quickly blinked to decipher Roman. He had managed to move to the wall of the alley and he propped himself against it.
Suddenly, I saw him in my nightmare. Slumped, bleeding, and I could see him dying all over again. My eyes remained glued to his chest, making sure he kept breathing.
We made eye contact. I could see the hopelessness in Roman's eyes, the early grief that would eat him from the inside out. We were both bruised and bloody but neither of us suffered life-threatening injuries. His eyes spoke to me silently, out of guilt and shame.
I'm sorry.
I pulled my gaze away.
Sorry wouldn't bring back Finley.
My eyes drifted back to my oldest brothers. I felt like I was spacing out, most likely from the pain that I couldn't exactly feel in that moment, but my body knew I was suffering. I was just numb.
Ezra had dropped his gun and Mikeal was squatted down with his fingers dug into the nameless boy's wounded shoulder. To any outsider, it would have seemed he was trying to help by pulling out the bullet, but I could see the boy's face twisted in agony. I could see the small moment of torture.
They were exchanging words and Mikeal was in control.
I had never seen this side of my oldest brothers. It should have scared me. I didn't even know they owned guns. But I wasn't scared. They were doing what they had to for family. They were making sure this would never happen again. They were protecting their younger siblings.
I would never expect something like this to happen.
None of us did.
I heard running footsteps and my eyes flitted to the commotion. I saw the two boys running out of the alley, they had finally decided to abandon their leader. Though, it wasn't long before Mikeal stood up and pointed his gun at the nameless boy. His finger wasn't resting on the trigger but the threat was enough.
I watched the nameless boy scrambled to his feet and unsteadily leave the alley. His hand clasped on his shoulder, his other hand was obviously broken and dangled uselessly. Some darker part of me wanted to cause him more pain. More suffering. For what he had done to our family.
For the innocent life he had stolen.
Mikeal reached me first, while I caught a glimpse of Ezra heading to Roman. Perhaps they didn't see Finley, or perhaps they made the decision family was more important.
Finley had been family.
My cheeks would never dry because every thought kept spiraling back to the reality that Finley still hadn't got up. Julian just barely released his tight hold on me before I was pulled into another pair of strong arms. Mikeal didn't utter anything, some part of him was breaking just like the rest of us, and he did what he had to.
I groaned in agony when Mikeal picked me up, as fire spread mercilessly through my body, and then I was listless in his arms. I didn't have any more strength to move, I felt like I would stop breathing at any moment because at this point I wasn't afraid of falling.
I suppose that's what they say about falling in love, its a slow suicide because eventually, it kills you. There is always an end to the fall and sometimes it is so abrupt, there's no time to flee the darkness that consumes your vision. No time to save your heart from the impact.
My head hung off Mikeal's forearm and my gaze shifted back to where Finley had fallen. Julian was walking towards Finley, then my vision was obscured by more tears and Ezra helping Roman.
Ezra had Roman's arm pulled around his shoulders and the two of them followed Mikeal towards the car. Roman was unsteady on his feet but Ezra supported most of his weight.
Perhaps I was glad I couldn't see my fallen companion anymore because there simply wasn't any part of my heart that could be shattered any more than it was. Only the bittersweet memory that he had tried his best to save me. Finley had saved me from being shot, only to take the bullet himself.
I didn't want to be in a world without Finley.
It had felt like an eternity I had been in that alley but in all reality, it had only been a few minutes. It was rather funny how the time had only slowed down in my mind. Despite all that had happened, the city was still sleeping with tears staining the streets because even the stars would weep for Finley.
Sometimes, the worst of things don't happen during the night. Sometimes, everything happens in broad daylight, and nobody takes notice or glances the other way. Sometimes, that's how bodies are found after the grief and pain had won on a battlefield that harbored an audience.
Mikeal opened the car door and he gently transferred me into the backseat.
He took one look at my tear-stained face as he buckled my seatbelt, "It's going to be okay," He tried to console me but I didn't believe him. Nothing was okay right now. He placed a soft kiss on the crown of my head before closing my door.
The door on the other side of the car opened and I was surprised when Ezra slid into the middle seat. For just a brief moment, I still remembered that Ezra hated the middle seat. We had fought all the time when we were younger. It was funny how time could change you, how many hours of pain you can endure, how much can be lost in a mere minute.
Mikeal helped Roman get in on the other side and then painful silence settled over us after the car door closed. In those few seconds it took Mikeal to walk to the driver's door, I was already crying again. I hated to cry in front of people but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't stop the pain.
Ezra shifted beside me and then he brought his arm around me. I willingly leaned against him, burying my head in his chest, and he held me. We never hugged unless Mom forced us, but right now I felt like I would fall apart if Ezra let go.
A door opened and closed, then the car rumbled to life and I focused on the strong heartbeat that echoed through Ezra's chest. I was once told that if your heart is still beating, then your life has a purpose. Right now, I was sure it was all a lie. A big fat lie that people tell suicidal kids when they have no idea how the pain feels, and they just don't want to deal with the aftermath of the committed. The truth is, people can die while they are still alive.
A heart can commit suicide and leave an empty shell that echoes what was once a heartbeat.
Ezra began to gently run his fingers through my hair. Tentatively at first, but then he seemed to get the hang of it and grew comfortable providing this form of comfort. He was trying his best to soothe me and it reminded me of Julian. Perhaps Ezra had learned it from Julian.
Either way, my traumatized mind was shutting down to the gentle motion of his fingers, and his arm securely banded around my shaking, bruised form only assured me I could close my eyes for a moment. I could trust him to fight off my demons.
I never realized Julian hadn't got into the car with us.
✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧
For once, I'm going to ask you guys to trust me.
I had said this book wasn't going to have a sad ending and I fully intend to honor my word. On that note, this was difficult to write because I honestly have no idea how my brothers would react to something as serious as this scene... but I did my best.
And Happy Fourth of July!
Real fact: All five of us have been talking about people we've lost lately, literally every conversation. I'm not sure why this seems to be a thing but its... so terribly bittersweet.