"this tastes like shit."
"its literally hotel food, the fuck y' expect?" wilbur and tommy were bantering about the free breakfast.
we were currently resting in roseburg, oregon, just 4 major cities away from coraline.
hopefully.
"three more hours of driving, right?" jack asked after swallowing his last bite of waffles.
i nodded, moving my food around on my plate. i had no appetite to begin with, and the hotel food quality wasn't helping.
"ill drive from now on, okay? you need to rest, mate," phil offered.
"no, it's fine—i'm fine."
"ranboo, let phil drive. knowing you and how close we are, you'd speed the whole way up," tubbo flicked a grape off his plastic fork at me as he spoke.
i smiled, but only slightly, and chucked it back at him. with a huff, i grabbed the keys from my back pocket and tossed them to phil.
i looked across the hotel's dining area. kirsten, ford, and niki sat alone together, sharing a laugh and eating. they wanted "people assigned-female-at-birth time" alone together, since they have to spend hours on end in a car with boys, boys who call themselves men, and phil.
i watched the three of them make their way over to us, all of their plates holding rice and egg.
"where'd you get the rice? i want some!" tommy whined as niki took a bite.
"rice cooker baby," ford smirked, "māmā is always right."
—
"we're in portland!" phil shouted from the front of the car.
i jolted my head up, greeted by the sight of buildings sitting under a rainy haze.
"ranboo, can you send me the bnb address?" kristen asked from the passenger side, i assumed she was manning the gps.
i did as asked, and then took in what the van looked like:
tommy and tubbo were groggily trying to fall bask asleep next to me in the back, probably upset at phil's loud announcement. next to them in the fourth seat was a cooler, most likely ransacked by the duo.
in the middle seats, wilbur was on his laptop, jack peering over his shoulder. they were giggling to themselves, i couldn't see what they were looking at.
next to them was ford and niki. ford's head was cozily resting in the nook between niki's head and shoulder, her head atop of ford's. over top of them was a large knit blanket. in niki's hands was her phone, earbuds plugged in, and shared between them. a youtube video was playing on the screen. they looked cute together.
soon, we arrived at the air bnb. those who were asleep woke up, and everyone piled out of the van. we all grabbed our respective luggage, and made our way into the rooms.
it was a home made for large amounts of guests, so everyone got their own room (minus phil and kristen, they of course shared). everyone agreed let me have first pick, out of pity i assume.
i picked the room that held a queen sized bed, adorned with white sheets and duvet. across from it was a dresser, and a tv mounted above it. the hardwood floor was mostly covered with a shaggy black rug, soft to the touch.
there was also a balcony, overlooking the city. two wicker chairs with cushions on the seats stood with a matching table between them. it was peaceful. the sound of rain against the awning, dripping down two stories of height to the ground.
it would be a great place to spend time with her, i thought.
everyone in the group all said we would take the night to rest, and begin searching tomorrow. i protested, but was overruled. they then suggested a movie night, which i wasn't too fond of, but gave in anyway. it was either that or sulking in the room.
we all took turns suggesting a movie to watch, when it landed on my turn, i looked down in thought.
"we could watch coraline."
the room stood quiet. any side banter that was had ceased as i spoke.
"are you sure? i mean—"
i cut jack off, "i want to watch coraline."
no one even bothered to start a vote, or even continue suggesting movies. wilbur just passed out the popcorn and began to play the film.
—
"how are we even going to do this? do we just drive around town yelling her name through the car windows? split up and ask people if they've seen this random girl?" tubbo asked, a good question. none of us knew how we would go about this.
"well, where so you think she'd be?" ford looked to me, "i have a few ideas of where she could frequent."
i thought for a moment, before i dawned on me. "she always said she wanted to visit the bookstore."
"a bookstore? thats dumb."
"shut up, tommy!"
"no you shut up, tubbo!"
i rolled my eyes at the two's antics before continuing. "portland is home to the world's largest independent bookstore. she used to talk about wanting to just sit in there and read."
"lets go then, what are we waiting for?" phil asked, and then we began to get into the van.
—
"you should go in."
"what? just me? if anything at least both ford and i should go," i shook my head at wilbur.
"no, he's right," ford hummed, "if shes there, it should be just you."
"theres no way shes here, its the first place we've looked."
without a reply, ford just shoved me out of the van and onto the sidewalk. "there's still a chance. go in."
i sighed as the van door closed. through the window, everyone gave me a thumbs up and mouthed words of encouragement.
i let out a breath i wasn't aware of, and stepped into powell's city of books. the sheer size of the place was intimating enough. i cautiously stepped up to the front counter and pulled out my phone.
"hi! how can i help you?" the woman spoke with a cheery voice.
"uhm— hi, i had a um— odd question..?" my voice shook with every word.
"i bet whatever you have to ask, i've heard worse. what is it?"
i held my phone up, a photo of coraline sitting on the screen. "do you know if she's here?"
"actually? yes! she is! shes probably in the cafe on the others idea of this first floor."
my breath hitched, and my hands clammed up. "oh—oh my god, okay— okay, thank you so much.."
"of course! come back if you have any more questions." she waved and nodded a goodbye.
i rushed my way to the cafe, my chest tightening with every step. as i got closer, a flash of black and pink hair caught my eye.
this was it.
that was her.
"is—uhm... is this seat taken?" i asked, my hand resting on the wooden chair across from her.
"no, but—" she looked up, "oh my god..."
our eyes met, the quiet bookstore cafe was empty, but it felt even emptier as we looked at each other. she bolted up from her seat, but still cranes her neck to look up at me.
"ranboo?"
i nodded, fighting back the tears that pricked my eyes, "coraline."
she was tattered. bandaids scattered her skin, melting into her caramel complexion. bruises followed with them.
"can i.. hug you?"
i didn't respond, just wrapped my arms around her, lifting her up off the ground ever so
slightly. i felt the shoulder of my shirt dampen from her tears. i began to cry with her.
the hug lasted for ages, and when i put her down, my hands still lingered on her cheek.
"i can't believe you're at the first place we looked— i— everyone—i just—" i cried, hard. hot tears streamed down my cheeks, only to get caught on my chin.
coraline reached her hand up to feel my jawline, "you grew a stubble."
i nodded, and with a small laugh replied, "you didn't grow at all."
she laughed dryly as her eyes continued to water.
—
"HOLY SHIT GUYS!" tommy shouted at the top of his lungs as he ran out the car. he pummeled into coraline, embracing her in a tight hug. she laughed, and hugged back.
everyone followed suit, embracing her with tears in their eyes.
soon it was fords turn. "hey," they cried, speaking into coraline's hair that rested on her shoulder.
"hey to you too," coraline cried with them.
—
everyone agreed to give coraline and i time alone, to talk and figure out what's going to happen. the nearby park was the best option.
the winter caused the sun to set early, and the moon illuminated coraline's skin as we sat alomg the grass. her cuts and bruises danced along with the stars.
"what happened to you out here?" i frowned, looking at the torn up state of her and her clothes.
she looked down at her feet, plucking a blade of grass from the dirt and twirling it in her hands. "so much. a lot can happen in a year when you're homeless for most of it."
"you—you were homeless? oh god are you okay?"
she shrugged, "i'm fine. im currently staying at a homeless shelter. they're nice there."
i nodded, unsure of what to say. i reached out my hand, grabbing hers. tears pricked at my eyes when she flinched away.
"coraline," i cried, restating my first question, "what happened to you out here?"
she sharply inhaled, and then spoke slowly, "when i ran, i only knew one person who i could go to. i have an ex boyfriend up here—his name is andrew, funny enough."
a recall to our early text conversations, when we just met. i smiled slightly before frowning.
—
i wanna see if i can guess ur name
fred
josh
john
cody
Stop
Even if you guess it right I'm not
telling you
ur no fun >:(
andrew
andrews are never fun people
What
i knew an andrew
he was a tattle tale
told the school abt my habits >:((
"Habits"?
What does that entail
nothin much
smoking weed in the bathroom
no biggie
idk why everyone was so mad
—
TW:
IMPLICATION OF RAPE
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
ABUSE
"that andrew? the tattletale one?"
she nodded, "theres a bit more about him. he was a senior, i was a freshman, and of course its clear what happened. he was my first everything, even took my virginity— which, now, that i have someone i love so much, it's fucking awful. because i wish you could be my first—whenever we were ready for that. he took that power away from me. when i said i'd leave him, he told the school i smoked weed— even though i only smoked with him— he was the reason my mom was shitty to me."
(author here! i am not sexualizing ranboo by saying that coraline wishes he would be her first! talking about sex and boundaries with your partner is very important and realistic!)
"oh god— did he..?"
she nodded, "yup. and yet, he was the only person i could think of who was far enough from everything. i came here, and he let me live with him for a while. he didn't understand that i was still in love with you."
"you're still—"
"yes, stupid," coraline cut me off, "im still in love with you. i didn't leave because i stopped. anyways, andrew kicked me out once i rejected his advances, making me homeless for most of the time here."
TW OVER
"god im so sorry— i just don't understand," i stammered, "why didn't you come home?"
she looked at me. her eyes held my reflection. the stars twinkled in them along with tears that didn't dare to fall.
"its not that easy, ranboo. it never was," she looked down to her hands again, "i ran because i didn't know what else to do. i thought i fucked up. i thought the internet hated me... after i lashed our at you, i thought YOU hated me. so i just... took some money and ran. coming back wasn't an option. it never was. if i did, then what would happen then? you'd welcome me back with open arms?"
"yes! i would! i am! coraline i never hated you! i missed you so much, you can't even imagine—"
"i can, actually. i can imagine. ranboo, every night i had a dream of you with me. no matter how uncomfortable the public benches were— or the shitty homeless shelter beds were, i was able to sleep only because i got to see your stupid, pretty face in my dreams. i cried, so much. all i wanted was you with me again, but i couldn't. and— and i cant. i still can't."
"what do you mean you can't?"
"i can't go home with you, love. im sorry but— i can't."
i cried. tears fell down my face, feeling hot against my cheeks. i scattered quickly, reaching for my wallet that sat in the pocket of my jeans. "coraline, please— i—"
"im sorry but i can't—"
"no, just listen. please—"
"—remember that one day, when we went to the pier? you were so excited to see all the fish in the water, to where you almost fell in... ha... remember? "
"here. look,"
"look at you. all the stupid stuff we wrote on it?"
"its funny, sorta. how im telling this all to you like you lost your memory."
"ford was there too— heh— it's kinda funny. they're not so happy with me, right now."
"maybe i should have noticed a bit earlier,
that you were struggling. im a horrible boyfriend, even ford told me that."
"i'm sorry."
i was sobbing through my words.
"why are you still running? i found you! why— why won't you come home?"
"you're miserable here. i can tell."
"i want to move to brighton with you. y'know, like we said we would?"
"here— look, i have more photos."
"heres you! at the beach. remember when we went and you— pfft— you pretended to get stung by a jellyfish so i would— ha... nevermind..."
"why don't you want to come home?"
coraline shook her head, "i can't. its not that i dont want to, believe me, i do, but i can't."
"why though? im here! what's stopping you?" my tears felt hot against my cheeks, stinging as the rolled off my face.
"im scared, okay? im fucking terrified! im terrified that if i go back, all i'll do is hurt you again! i'll get home, get back into streaming, and next thing i fucking know im gone again! physically and mentally! ranboo, i can't okay?" she was yelling with sobs, yet no tears fell.
"please..." i wiped my face with the palm of my hand, "hold on— theres one more photo."
with no words spoken, i handed the polaroid over to coraline. she took it with shaking hands and covered her mouth with her hand. it was then her tears fell.
drops fell onto the photograph, smudging the pen.
"fuck— no i smudged it— shit im so sorry.. i didn't mean—"
i took her hands in mine and pulled her into a hug. we both trembled with sobs, holding each other.
"it's okay, love, its okay," i spoke softly, the only ones who could hear was us, and the moonlight.
"no, its a memory that you have of us, im sorry—"
"coraline," i pulled away from her, but cupped my hands on her cheeks, making her look at me, "please, come home. we'll make so much more. almost two years ago, i made a promise. i promised myself to you. i promised you'd be the one i'd marry, and fuck thats all i want to do. thats all i think about anymore. the only thing in my head is the fact that you're the one i should—no, the one i will see walk down the isle to me, phil leading you down, just like we said would happen."
she looked down, reached into her shirt, and pulled out a necklace that was hidden beneath the cloth.
"you still have it..." i pulled away, and looked at the ring that sat on the necklace.
she nodded, "why wouldn't i... i made the same promise."
there was that moment again. the one where we looked into each other's eyes and everything in the world stopped. we were familiar with the feeling.
"things like breathing, blinking, your heart pumping blood? those are all involuntary movements that the body does every day. additionally, another involuntary movement was discovered that day.
when you like someone that much. when you want to be that close to them. when you want to touch them in the softest way possible. when you want to just... be with them, the body takes it into it's own hands. once lips lock, everything becomes automated"
the kiss lasted for what seemed like forever, though i wished forever was even longer. all i wanted was to feel her lips against mine for the past year, and now i had it. i had her back.
she pulled away and reached behind her neck. she unclipped the necklace and let the ring fall off of the chain into the palm of her hand.
"care to do the honors, my love?" she smiled softly.
i nodded with a grin matching hers. i took the ring from her hand and slipped it onto her left ring finger. that was it.
"i take it you're coming home?"
"shut up and kiss me."
and so, with more kisses and more unbreakable promises, we spent out first night back together laying on the grass. coraline looked at the stars, and i looked at her.