'Strength is not always a measure of survivability. The soldier is encouraged to fight the tides that seek to break him, never to buckle or yield. But it is often that our survivor moves with the current instead of resists it.'
-An extract from traditional Havasian scriptures.
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MEMOIRS OF HAVAS
18
Somewhere in North-Western Titan Country
Warren couldn't believe what he was seeing.
He'd only been gone only a minute... he'd rushed back when he had heard an explosion. Just a few minutes ago, the glade had been quiet; his fellow survivors had been at ease in the summer heat.
And now... all twelve of them lay dead in the grass. The boys he had spent the last year with, all with full lives, wants, and regrets— gone in just an instant.
Their blood stained the grass copper as it seeped into the earth. Most were barely recognisable; their faces smashed in against the cliff face.
Those faces had been smiling when he'd left.
Unconsciously, Warren dropped his hunting kit. His breath was loud and erratic in his ear.
Just a few feet away, his eyes wide and lifeless, Schmidt lay dead, a great gash carved into the back of his skull. His normally scowling face was blank, still with the quiet of death.
In just the blink of an eye... all of them gone.
Schmidt had been all Warren had left. He had pulled him from the rubble, given him a chance out here. His last friend, gone, just like that.
The four killers turned his way. He recognised them instantly.
Warren hadn't wanted to believe it— humans, kids no less, that could turn into titans? It had all seemed a little farfetched. But now, seeing Marcel emerge from a titan's body, he could no longer deny it.
Those four children he had met in the military base that day... had destroyed his home, taken everything. And now they'd taken Schmidt too, his last friend in this world.
Warren wanted to cry, to grieve, to scream out his frustrations. And he might have, once, when he was young and tender. But by now... loss was an old friend.
There grew a detachment from such things over the years. Warren didn't know how many friends he'd lost, and he didn't care to count. He had better things to do than start bawling on a battlefield.
His heart was still beating, his shallow breathing still constant in his ear. And that meant Warren wasn't out of the game yet.
He'd taken some heavy losses, but that didn't matter; Warren had always been a survivor. Every time, he'd claw his way out of hell's gates with his bare hands if he had to. And that was exactly what he'd do again.
This wasn't checkmate yet. He was still in the game.
"Lord Krüger," Reiner stuttered. His blue eyes were wide and frightened.
Warren couldn't fathom how one could be so powerful and yet look so scared.
"I remember you." Warren's voice was steady. It startled the four of them. "You blew up my city. And now you've killed my comrades."
Annie put out a hand to hold back Reiner, but it was no use.
"It was an accident!" he exclaimed. "We didn't mean to hurt anyone. No, we wanted to save you!"
"Save us?" Warren laughed, though he felt no humour. "You've damn near wiped us off the face of the planet."
"We didn't mean to!"
"Well, you'll soon learn, kid, that even accidents have consequences." He stared them down. "You're titans, aren't you?"
They exchanged an uneasy glance between themselves.
Warren was treading on dangerous territory. Nothing was stopping these kids from turning into giant monsters and swatting him like a fly. He needed to play his cards right, make himself indispensable.
Otherwise... they'd kill him now, or worse, leave him to rot.
"So what if we are?" Annie's voice was low.
"Tell me, who the hell gave four kids this kind of power?"
"What does it matter?" she snapped.
"If memory serves, you said you were on orders to rescue Havasians, hm? How will your superiors react when they hear about that crater you left in Ingreed?"
Warren couldn't mistake their expressions. Fear. Somehow, even on his minimal information, he'd found a weak point. These kids were scared, terrified even that they'd disobeyed orders— the perfect angle for him to exploit.
Annie composed herself. "You sure talk a lot for a man with no allies."
"Just a talent of mine," Warren cracked a scheming smirk. "And I have allies. I'm going to work with you."
"How can you say that...?" Marcel asked softly. "We've destroyed your home, killed all your friends. And now you want to be allies?"
"Forgive and forget, right?"
"You're insane."
"Maybe." The kid was right; he was out of his head. But morals were a luxury only the rich could afford to keep. "Look, I want to help you. But you have to let me."
"You don't care about helping us. You just want to save your own ass," retorted Annie.
"Is that so unreasonable?"
"You're a liar."
"Sweetheart, I'm a politician, okay? I'm not above lying to get what I want."
A silence passed between the group. The four of them looked between each other, hesitant, but he was making progress.
This was sort of ridiculous. Here Warren was, bartering for his life with a bunch of twelve-year-olds while standing over the bodies of his fallen friends.
If only Lorelai could see you now, you pathetic fool, thought Warren glumly.
Still, he was just on the cusp of some sort of deal.
"Look, I don't know what you're planning on telling your superiors. But your mission was to bring Havasians back, right? So, take me."
"...You want us to take you to Marley?"
"Sure. I'll make up some bullshit excuse about why my country is rubble. Maybe we can blame it on those idiots inside the Walls— they're always a good scapegoat, I find."
Reiner's eyes twinkled. This man could save them.
The rest of the group was not so convinced— it was too good to be true. Still, if Warren did what he said he would, they wouldn't be eaten.
Annie crossed her arms. "What's in it for you? Why would you cover for the people who destroyed your home?"
"This island really isn't doing it for me anymore. I'd appreciate a ride to the next available continent, thank you."
"I don't like you," said Annie shortly.
"You're delightful yourself, sweetheart."
"...You'd really ally yourself with monsters?" Bertholdt spoke up quietly.
"We're all monsters here, son." Warren kept their gaze. "You don't know this, but I've destroyed a city too, so, I guess we're even."
Bertholdt, Marcel, and Reiner looked to Annie expectantly. She was the sharpest, after all. It was her call.
"Fine," she sighed. "Let's move out."
"So we have a deal?"
"For now. Our mission isn't over; we're not leaving the island yet."
Warren frowned. "Then what exactly is the plan, ma'am?"
Annie bristled at the honorific. She didn't answer, just strode into the supply shack to find what little food she could for their journey.
"We're surveying activity in the Walls," offered Marcel instead. "We have to gather information ready for when we attack next year."
"Attack?"
"Of course. Our main mission is to find the founding titan and eventually eradicate the devils inside the Walls."
Warren had not a clue what the hell this boy was going on about. "Lovely. Well, hopefully, I'll be well clear of this damn island before then." He went to follow the others who were packing up.
"And Lord Krüger?" began Marcel again meekly.
"Hm?"
"Sorry about your friends. I never wanted to-"
He shook his head, deciding to ignore the rage bubbling in the back of his mind, at least for now. "Nothing lasts forever, son."
Marcel nodded, then went to help the others.
Warren spared a look backwards at Schmidt. The man was probably cursing him from the afterlife. Still, Warren had fought too hard and lost too much to care about regrets.
There was a world out there waiting for him, a whole country anticipating his arrival. He didn't know what he'd find in Marley, except one thing: potential.
Warren could climb the ladder anywhere, he was an opportunist, and this was his fresh start. The world was about to get a lot bigger. And he was eager to leave this island and its heartache's behind.
"Lose the cape," said Annie curtly. "We don't want to draw any unnecessary attention."
Warren shrugged off his cape, emblazoned with the Havasian cross. He really was leaving this life behind.
"Reiner, we're moving South. Turn."
"Playing donkey again?" he complained. "I thought it was your turn to carry us."
"Turn."
Reiner sighed, taking out a knife to slice his hand. Warren flinched as lightning struck. In the place of a boy now stood a beast.
"Dear Larken!" Warren exclaimed, taking in the enormity of the Armoured Titan. "He's a giant!"
"You haven't even seen my titan yet..." muttered Bertholdt.
"Enough gawking, let's go," snapped Annie.
Reiner lowered his giant palm to the ground. Bertholdt, Marcel and Annie clambered on as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
Warren's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me?"
"Unless you'd rather we leave you here?"
"Nope. The titan it is. Okay." Hesitantly, he hoisted himself up to join them.
With very little warning, Reiner began running southwards. Each footstep was thunder against the ground. Warren could see for miles; the wind whistled in his ear as he took in the sprawling countryside.
"Hah!" he exclaimed, still half in disbelief that any of this was real. "This is amazing! Hey, big guy!" Reiner turned his giant head towards him. "You're amazing!"
The four of them shared a bewildered but slightly pleased look. It wasn't often that someone praised them for their titan abilities. This man really was very odd.
"Settle in, Lord Krüger. We have a Scouting mission to follow."
"Delightful."
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The following year had passed before Warren realised it.
Oddly enough, he'd found some true friends in the destroyers of his home. It was a strange, almost awkward friendship, but the kids grew on him as they were forced to survive together.
Reiner, Warren learned, was a stocky little kid with bright eyes and plenty of ambition for the future. His comrades often scolded him for his naïvity, but Warren saw a lot of his younger self in him.
Marcel was the most reliable of the group. He thought only of others, and Warren had a deep respect for the boy. They wouldn't have made it this far without him.
Bertholdt was a lanky, withdrawn kid who rarely spoke his mind. He clung to Reiner like ivy, but Warren saw there was a certain strength to his quiet demeanour.
Annie was the bossy, unsociable girl who had become the leader of their little group. She was utterly efficient at all times and rarely showed her soft side. Sometimes, when she was issuing orders, Annie reminded him of Agneta.
The five of them were quite an efficient team. With Warren's knowledge of the supply shacks, combined with the offensive and mobility power of the titans, they survived easily.
It was almost too easy. Though most nights were filled with easy chatter over the campfire, Warren wrestled with his inner doubts. Revenge was tempting. Some nights, when they were all asleep, he considered slitting their throats in the name of his fallen country.
But that was a fool's plan. He needed them. And, besides, they were only children, though Warren often forgot it.
The kids told him a lot about Marley and the world waiting across the sea. Warren wasn't exactly surprised by what he heard. Apparently, the land there was plagued with war and resource struggles.
Humanity was the same no matter where you were in the world, it seemed.
Warren didn't exactly know what to think about Marley's agenda regarding Paradis. Apparently, the people inside the Walls were part of some devil race that had once ruled the world. Now, everyone on the mainland was seeking revenge for their ancestors.
It was all a bit much for Warren.
Still, the four kids had promised him a boat out of here, given he fulfilled his end of the deal when they arrived in Marley.
For the past year, Warren hadn't thought of his old life. His mind had been too busy hearing stories of the outside world, learning the secrets of the titans and dreaming of a new start.
So, on the last Scouting mission the kids planned to survey, when he saw Lorelai riding among the Scouts, it was like he'd been thrown back four years into the past.
He'd been right. She wasn't dead. Other Havasians had survived.
He wanted so desperately to talk to her, to tell her he was alive, to fall back into the ease of his old life.
But she was just so... different.
They continued to tail the Scouts all the way to Havas, even having a close call where Lorelai herself almost discovered them. It was odd seeing her like this.
She was at home with the Scouts. Lorelai smiled a lot, and there was a certain openness about her that Warren had never seen before. She was like a whole new person. He barely recognised her.
They followed the Scouts as they headed back from their mission. Warren watched as they took casualty after casualty, and there grew a gnawing fear that Lorelai would not survive this.
He dared not approach, but though the kids protested, he tried to do what he could. Warren even convinced Annie to use her scream to lure the titans away from Lorelai.
It had worked, albeit briefly, until Warren lost sight of her within the storm.
Marcel had urged them to leave, for the boat would arrive at the Southern shore soon, but Warren could not. He wasn't a sentimental man; he let go of most things, most people, easily. But not her.
After a night of panic, he found her bleeding out in a field.
Deaf to his new friends' objections, Warren raced to her aid.
The man he found clutching her body was a nuisance more than anything else. He had a dozen questions, and none of them Warren could answer.
When he'd bandaged her wounds, letting go of her was the hard part. Warren didn't have any right to Lorelai anymore— their paths had diverged a long time ago now. But he thought of what might be.
Could he live in the Walls? Could he find peace there?
But then he remembered the four kids... and what might happen to them if he didn't fulfil his end of their bargain.
Warren said his goodbyes— and trusted she would be alright without him. She'd survived this long, after all. Lorelai had a life without him, she had a place in the Walls, and it was time he let go.
He was on the boat to Marley the very next day. Warren left the island behind, and he never looked back.
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Hey all!
Bit of a long one, but that's the end of Memoirs of Havas. Warren has had quite the adventure, haha.
I'll be returning to the main story now to finish up the book.
That's all for now,
Happy Reading!
Completed: 29/06/21
Published: 30/06/21
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