It's really kind of weird to somehow think that I woke up in a good mood today but I actually did. I don't know, it just happened that the moment my eyes opened, I smiled right away. Maybe because I had a good breakfast, or maybe I took a nice shower this morning, or maybe it's just that the sun is in the sky and I think that today is going to be extremely glorious for me. I don't understand but I haven't felt this for a long time. And to be honest, I like it. I mean, who wouldn't want to wake up in a good mood?
"I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day! When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May!" I sang along next to the song playing from the radio on my car, my hands tapping next to the beat on my steering wheel. I bopped my head with my sunglasses on my face, and a smile plastered on it since this morning.
"Dude," Luke started talking. "Are you on crack?"
I turned to look at him, then set my eyes back on the road again. I flashed another smile, then kept my head bopping next to the beat. I can feel Luke's eyes looking at me oddly, and I can't help but laugh at how he's reacting at what I'm doing.
"My Girl's a jam," I stated, a little laugh escaping my mouth. "It feels weird not to sing along."
Luke turned his head away from me, shaking it. I heard him laugh, and I guess I know why he asked if something's going on with me. I haven't been this giddy for such a long time, I suppose. I don't know, really. Maybe My Girl's just a mood lifter and I'm just taking advantage of the song. And besides, is it too bad that I just think that today's going to be great for me?
I kept singing along to the song as I drive our way to the beach, for our first shoot for the upcoming book about the band. Well to be honest, if my opinion would really matter, I don't want it. I mean... punk ass bands don't make books that are "summer themed" just because our name has summer in it. I suppose Glenn still see us as one of those famous boy bands these days, when apparently, we're not. We're a rock band, not a bubble gum pop boy group. Green Day, All Time Low, Sleeping With Sirens, like that. That's what we want to be but I guess Glenn's just being eaten by fame that everything in him is just about business and not the real good music anymore. Sucks that we are being manipulated and we can't do anything about it, about everything. Especially me, fuck.
At the thought of All Time Low, another sudden thought crossed my mind that made me smile absentmindedly. I remember those days were I always dream about meeting them and be able to sing with them, and just two months ago we were able to hang out with them and even write kick ass songs together. Damn, dream come true, eh? I remember the first time I saw them live; it was indeed the best night of my life. I smiled again, remembering everything. I can still remember how happy she was for seeing them live. How she tip toed just to glanced at Rian, and how she danced along to the band she loves the most while hearing them play live. I remember how we made dreams about meeting them again, and now I wonder if she has any idea that I'm actually friends with our all time favorite band, and I even wrote a song with her lifetime crush. Does she even think of it, of everything? I shook my head. What the fuck am I thinking, really? It's obvious that she doesn't even care about me anymore. And plus, we're on our own roads now. I have my own different life now, and she has hers too.
I pulled over beside Michael's car, I suppose, and I can feel my hands getting cold and sweating as we take out all of our stuff out of my car. This is our first day of work with her as our professional photographer, and even the theme was all her idea and Glenn just went with it, even the entire crew that would manage the book and all that. Luke's mumbling lyrics while listening music from his earbuds and I keep mumbling shit on my own, trying to keep my shit together and stay calm for the entire time that I would be spending again with her. I took my phone out and use it as a sub mirror to check myself out. Here I am again, feeling like I have to impress everyone around me, especially her. I don't know, I don't get it. Anyway, I'm scared. But all in all, I'm excited.
Luke and I walked where everyone is and a smile immediately formed on my face as the thought of my plan working out somehow. I know she will be late, so I kind of did the same thing with Luke being with me. I mean, it won't start in any time without me so I don't have to worry, yeah? I just feel like I need to make a huge, surprising entrance like what she always do. I kept my sunglasses on, a snapback on my head, and walking around wearing only shorts as I make some girls around look at me. I kept the smile plastered on my face, and when I glanced on where she was standing, she stopped setting up her cameras and just focused her eyes on my body, her mouth and lips parting slightly. I couldn't help but smirk as I walk closer to everyone. I can feel her tense up as I get near, I know. I can even feel my cheeks heat up but no, maybe it's just the sun. But I guess I still have that effect in her, eh? I walked past her and secretly laughed as I heard her curse under her breath. God dammit, this day is going to be fun.
Calum, one. Kristen, down.
Being the best actor I am, I placed my stuff on where I should put it and stayed there for heaven knows how long. My band mates have already settled on the set and I remained playing with my plans, acting like a very important person like I wanted to be today. I know Michael would start calling me "Bieber" again for this, but I suppose he doesn't realize how fun is it doing this. If they only saw how she reacted after seeing me walk closer to her, oh god. She looked cute. Wait, scratch that. It was funny. It was hilarious. She looked stupid.
I walked with such grace towards everyone, and I wasn't sure if she's there already because I don't want her to see that I'm looking towards them while I walk. I want to burst out and laugh because I know I look stupid, but I'm sure as hell that I'm making someone weak by this. This is so fucking fun.
"Are you sick?" Michael asked with a laugh, making me look at him with a smirk on my face. Ashton laughed out loud.
"No bro," I replied. "Just having a fun day."
"You look like one of the Kardashians, knock it off." Ashton commented, flipping the snapback off of my head. The wind took it away that I have to chase it, and messed up my hair that made me look probably like I just woke up. I ran towards back to my friends, and when I got there, all there eyes are all focused on someone in particular. I turned to look.
"Fuck." I mumbled, making Luke laugh silently. I acted that it wasn't me, or it wasn't about it by fixing my hair, but shit.
Shit.
There she goes, walking right towards us wearing a black bikini and a white see-through dress that somehow covers her body. I can feel myself tense up for each passing second as she gets closer, but I tried to stay still because I can never let her see me feeling this way again. She smirked, and I don't even know if it was for me because her sunglasses covered her eyes. Luke glanced at me, grinning. I muttered a "fuck off" and started playing randomly with my cap. My hair is now messed up and even though the sun is up, I can feel my hands getting cold.
Calum, one. Kristen, five. What the fuck.
"Hi, you look like a pencil with your hair." Ashton stated, and as usual no one laughed. Kristen walked even closer to us, and I had to gulp down or I might scream for some reasons I don't understand.
"Hi, you look like a hobo." She retorted and Michael and Luke laughed, giving each other a high five. The other two exchanged their casual "fuck you's" and I grinned secretly on my own.
"Shall we start now?" Kristen asked and it sounded formal to me, like there wasn't any hint of being an asshole or something. She did her job just as what she was told, and all throughout our shoot, I could say that she's really working professionally on this, regardless of the fact that I am here, that it's the two of us together working at the same place and at the same time. She's very passionate, and it somehow makes me happy that she's not letting things get into her. I hope she stays like this though. Because to be honest, that's all I wanted her to be. I want her to be happy with whatever she's doing.
After a few minutes of taking photos of randomly and scripted, I thought it was time for us to take a short break but it wasn't. She asked for some help from the crew and brought a little bench near the shore and we all walked there, barefooted. I can feel my skin burning, but I wouldn't have it in any other way. I mean, I'm actually having fun. With my friends, with her, I guess.
"Hey Calum," I turned to look at her, feeling slightly shocked. I don't want to come off a bit dramatic but wow. I haven't heard my name from her for such a long time.
"Yeah?" I walked towards her, acting all casual and hiding all the hints of me feeling intimated and scared. Please, it's just her.
Yeah, it's her. My mind kicked off.
"Stand there, and you three," She pointed at Luke, Mike and Ash. "Go up there at the bench and just look stupid."
The three of them just stood there, waiting for another thing to be done while I wait for her to say something again to me. The sand is starting burn my feet, and in any moment I might fucking cry. I can hear Michael and Ashton laughing behind me, probably making fun of me, and her, the bitch herself, remained laughing on her own as she keeps herself busy with her camera when I suppose that there isn't even anything wrong with it.
"Can I stay with them for a bit?" I asked, a bit loud. I mean, my temper's taking over. I'm burning. "It's fucking hot, if you hadn't notice."
"Huh? Uh no, wait, hang on, I'm almost done." She glanced back on her camera, her lips being held tightly to probably stop herself from laughing at me.
And that "wait, hang on" thing lasted for five fucking minutes that made me ask all the gods and goddesses above me why am I stuck with an inconsiderate bitch who happens to be the person who amuses me too.
"Okay so, are you guys ready?" She asked, her face looking like she's still trying to stop herself from laughing.
I laughed plainly and rough, my hands swatting unamused. "Yeah, we're okay and maybe you need another hour to set your goddamn camera and wait until I fucking burn here, yeah?"
Michael burst out laughing, and then followed Ashton, and then Luke. I rolled my eyes, but my senses couldn't help it that I laughed along too. I looked back at her, she's giving signals to them. And before I could process what was about to happen, my three band mates jump right at me that made us fall down the sand and wrestle each other. Ashton kept cackling and even though it's starting to sound really annoying, I couldn't deny the fact that it's still pretty contagious. Even she herself, the photographer, keeps on laughing while she snaps some shot of us being our normal stupid self.
After a few captures from her camera, she took her phone out and took selfies having us as her background. Michael and Luke did the pout thing through her camera, and I smiled while ashton flipped his middle finger but took it off away too. We snapped more pictures, and then laughed as we all messed around the shore just like our old teenage selves.
And by that, I knew, that today was indeed a good day to actually live like the way I used to before.
*
We finished the shoot around noon and refused going to lunch with them since Michael refused on going too. Well okay, she was the one who refused first and Michael did and I just felt like doing the same thing so yep. I went straight home with a smile on my face, and a calling card that I asked from Karen. I know I'm coming off like a creep but... it's pure business and I know at some point I'll be texting her too for some important purposes, right? So no big deal.
The sun is already gone and there's no reason for my skin to get hurt again so I decided to have a walk and go through a particular place. I don't know. I'm just getting this weird vibe that I should go there, and get there as soon as I could. I know I could drive but a little walk at night alone wouldn't be such a killer. I didn't want to break the chain of doing things that normal people do so I decided to walk.
I smiled at my thoughts. I'm exited because I know exactly where I'm heading. Well I'm either excited for an iced coffee, or probably seeing a familiar face in there. I don't know, I just really am.
But when I got there, something hit right through me after seeing everything with my own eyes.
I stopped on my tracks, hiding myself a bit because I don't ever want to be seen at any cost. The smile that I had since morning started fading away as I keep my eyes locked on her, on them. They're sitting and facing each other, probably talking about something real because the laugh in her eyes looked real. She looked so amused, and he looked so happy and mesmerized even by just seeing her smile. I know I can turn my back and just forget about it, but I can't. Why?
Because it's our place.
And that, she used to look at me like that before.
We used to be like that.
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chapter's track: like we used to // a rocket to the moon