Maybe it was jealousy or maybe it was pure instinct, however the only thing sure was that Camila herself didn't know.
As soon as their lips touched everything was gone, at first Lauren was surprised but she didn't push Camila away she did the exact opposite, she welcomed the brown eyed girl and kissed back.
This kiss wasn't supposed to mean anything but it meant everything to both of them just in different ways.
Camila knows she might commit the biggest mistake of her life, but for once it didn't matter, all the things that matter was Lauren and their moment .
She caressed Lauren face and looked into her eyes as they finished kissing.
She couldn't help but wonder is this love or just something new? All her life she thought what she felt with Shawn was love but now whatever she is feeling is different, so different that she doesn't know if it's good or bad, the only thing she knows that she needs it in her life.
Nevertheless her heart desired answered so she looked at the only place where she could hope to find some:
Lauren's eyes
Their face was inches apart, both of them immersed into each other, someone searching for answers and someone hoping it's not a dream.
"Am I dreaming?" Incredulously asked Lauren, making Camila smile a little at her innocence
"No" said Camila softly giving her a gentle smile, at this moment she didn't even care she was supposed to be mad, the only thing she knew, everything that is happening is wrong at the same time the best thing that could ever happen to her.
The feelings she is wondering she never thought she could have ever found it, but as soon as she looked into Lauren eyes she found the answer to all her questions.
There is something so pure about Lauren that she doesn't know herself if she should risk or not, Camila knows she is toxic for Lauren, sometimes she does it so Lauren will leave her but as soon as Lauren is even near to that though she goes crazy.
The past traumas Camila has been through is not easy to deal with and Lauren is aware of that. I'm
Each time She could see the pain Into Camila's eyes when she let her inn although as soon as she became a little closer she push her away.
It's difficult for both of them, Camila needs to accept the reality of her relationship with Shawn as Lauren need to be honest with Camila about her mom.
They both are in wrong just someone more.
"Don't do this to me Camila " with a broken voice Lauren manage to say
It might be a dream come to true what just happened but both of them are aware of the actual reality
Camila closed her eyes looking at Lauren saying this
The same eyes which hold so much love few seconds was now full of fear, she can't help but feel like the monster that had formed inside her will never let her live nor Lauren peacefully and if she decided to stay longer she will destroy this beautiful human.
She opened her eyes letting the tears fall and looked at Lauren again and slowly whispered "sorry " it was the only thing she could say, the more she looked into Lauren's eyes the more defeated she felt.
As she couldn't take this anymore, Camila get out from the car, finally letting all this emotions she was holding for years to let go.
When something bad happens we are not only effected that day but everyday of our life, some people find a way, some scape and some people like Camila try to ignore it, not actually giving the time to heal themselves.
After the incident Camila made Shawn her life as she felt like nothing and she couldn't deserved anything better, also if she knew her perfect boyfriend wasn't so perfect after all, forgetting about everything and everyone only staying close to whatever Shawn liked, forming a big barrier between herself and her family and the people once she used love.
But as Lauren made space into her life, she finally started to see the reality that she once forget. Making her believe not everyone is bad, cheater or rapist.
In Lauren she found peace but still when you thought yourself to feel in away to avoid any future heart break accepting something new, something uncertain is difficult.
"camila sto" said Lauren finally stopping camila from running away from her
"Look at me" added Lauren slowly whipping the tears away from Camila's eyes, it kills Lauren to see Camila like this and she knows the reason of her being like the way she is, involves her.
"Let yourself free to feel, we are not gonna live forever, tell me what is your problem or at least try " said Lauren taking Camila's face into her hands as Camila tried to free herself
"You are, you confuse me, I don't know what I'm feeling everything was so easy until you came and now I'm not sure about anything "
"Why are you confused ? What do I make you feel?" Remarked Lauren after hearing Camila"tell me " whispered again getting closer taking Camila's hand putting near her heart letting the brown eyed girl hear her heartbeats.
Closing her eyes Camila let out her feelings "Happiness...safe.....and scared, you make me feel every emotion at once and I don't know if it's bad or good, the only thing I know so far that the thought of losing you makes me go crazy " all her life Lauren waited for this moment but now that she is living it feels like a dream
"What I'm about to say probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my entire life" started Lauren but Camila untangle from Lauren and said "please stop don't say anything " knowing already what Lauren was about to say
"I need to Camila, I've been waiting since years to tell you this and I can't hold it no more. I love you Camila, I've been in love since we were kids, since you comforted me when I felt like I lost everything, you gave me a reason to keep living and that's all I needed to keep me fighting to finally enjoy my life" Lauren closed the distance between them again, holding Camila's face with both of her hand and then both resting their head with each other closing there eyes feeling the drops of the rain coming from the sky otherwise their moment would have been incomplete without this detail.
"I'm gonna gonna burn you if you keep getting closer you should already know this " said Camila referring to all the time she hurt Lauren
"As they say love is melting off two Souls Camila, accepting The dark and the light within each other. If you are the fire I'll become the water and we will balance each other, there is no happy ending without pain Camila, for you I'm ready to do anything, accept any pain just give me a chance to prove it to you" at this point there was nothing only tiny bit space left between there lips "I'll love till my last heartbeat " whispered Lauren again making Camila finally closed the distance between them and kiss Lauren.
It wasn't just a kiss, it was more and for the first time they both were in the same page.
As the kiss soon turned into a make out section a sense of guilt made Camila come back to reality.
"We can't do this Lauren, it's unfair to Shawn and it's unfair to you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me but I'm afraid my darkness will soon destroy your happiness, my scares are way to big for me to handle so how can I expect anything from you?" Lauren didn't answer this time she took a deep breath and with a little bit courage she closed their distance again, this time kissing Camila more passionately
"I want your darkness as I want every part of you camz as they make you who you are and as for the scares they just show how strong you are, making me admire you more everyday. not gonna you do make me go crazy with your actions , there are times I wished so much I wasn't in love with you BUT GOD I swear my heart stops every time I look at you " said Lauren detaching herself from Camila
"However if you are not ok with whatever is happening right now I promise you I won't touch you ever again " added the raven haired girl taking few steps back turning herself going towards their car
At this moment so many things was running through Camila's head that she finally said "FUCK IT" and ran to Lauren kissing her through which she gave her answers
"Make love to me"