Guilt. I felt guilty. My dad was standing in front of me, telling me how proud he was of me, completely oblivious to the fact that I had committed a crime.
"I'm serious Miley. Im really proud of you" He added
"Thanks dad" I mumbled, fake smiling as I fought back tears of guilt
He nodded "are you going out with your friends today?"
"Yeah why?" I asked
"I wanted you to meet a friend of mine but it's fine, maybe some other day"
"Im not really good with new people" I shrugged while eating my cereal
He nodded as he put on his work vest "Alright. I'm off to work"
"Have fun" I mumbled
"At work?" He asked sarcastically
I let out a light chuckle as I heard him open and shut the door, meaning he had left.
I groaned before dropping my head to the table.
I'm such a disappointment.
I got off of my chair with what little energy I had left in me and walked to my room where I changed into some brown pants, a black skeleton shirt, and my converse.
Fit:
♠
We were all currently at motorz playing no offense, a game we invented a while back. It's exactly how it sounds, we ask race questions and we're not allowed to get offended.
I didn't really talk to Sunny that morning, there was some kind of awkward tension between us, it was really weird. I hated it, I'd rather fight with him than to just not know how to talk to him.
"Alright I got one" Fuckshit announced, making our laughter come to an end "I don't understand this shit. Why do they say Mexicans are lazy?"
Everyone turned to Ruben, him being the only Mexican in the group.
"What are you looking at me for? Do people say that shit?" He chuckled
"I heard that shit, it don't make sense to me" Fuckshit said with a shrug "Every time I see a Mexican, them n****s are building buildings and shit"
"That's fucked up yo" Ruben chuckled
"I said people say it not I say it. The whole purpose of this game is that you don't get offended" Fuckshit defended
"I do have a question for Fourthgrade and Miley" Ray declared, catching our attention "Why are white people so in love with they pets? Like why do they care so mu- like I dont get it" Ray asked
"Forrealll" Fuckshit agreed, slapping his fist into his palm
"So im at this white girl's house right? We chillin" Ray began "I can hear her mom downstairs like omg Eric didn't eat his kibble today, I don't know I think I need to take him to the doctor. So I asked why's your mom feeding your little brother kibble? of course he's gunna get sick" He chuckled at this next part "She gon turn around and say Eric is a dog silly!"
Everyone burst into laughter, not only at his story, but at the way he told it, the girl impression, the pauses, everything. He's one of the best story tellers.
"Dogs don't have feeling you dumb bitch!" Ruben exclaimed as he continued laughing
"I don't even have a dog" Fourthgrade chuckled "I have a gecko"
Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Fourthgrade in disbelief."Did this n**** just say he got a gecko?" Fuckshit asked, not finishing his sentence before we all started laughing again.
"You got a gecko?" Ray wheezed
"Yeah" Fourthgrade shrugged proudly
"Ion know one n**** in the world with a fucking gecko" Ray chuckled
"Alright I have one" Fourthgrade began once our laughter died down "can black people-"
"Oh be careful" Ray warned jokingly, earning a nod from Fourthgrade
"Ok well, is it cool to be black?" He asked
"What the fuck?" Fuckshit spoke up "n**** that's where I get all my looks from n****. Silky ass hair, sexy face"
"Black don't crack" I stated
"Thas right" he pointed at me "black don't crack, that's why I'm 17 and look 12 n****. Thas why you 17 lookin like mister burns"
I chuckled at the mister burns part and lightly slapped Fuckshit's arm
"I guess sometimes like say we go skate in Beverly Hills. Everybody's already lookin at us like hey you guys are vandalizing property, like get the fuck outta here blah blah blah. But sometimes I feel like" he paused for a second to think "Like it's a lil extra heavy on me"
It truly pained me to hear those words, especially coming out of my friends mouth. I wish the world wasn't like this, I hate how no matter what we do, there will always be racist people still roaming the earth like their racism isn't a big deal or like it doesn't cost people their lives.
"Yeah" Fuckshit nodded in agreement
"People judgin n stuff. But fuck it, those people are mad ignorant" Ray added
We all nodded understandingly before Fourthgrade spoke up again
"I got another one" He said "Can black people get sunburnt?" He asked, making me furrow my eyebrows, not knowing whether he was serious or not.
"Oh my god" Fuckshit groaned with a chuckle
"Are you fucking kidding me right now" Ray chuckled
"I genuinely wanna know like every time It's hot out I'm like does he need sunscreen? Is there like black suntan lotion or..." He added
"You a real dumbass" Ray chuckled "just when I thought you had a brain bro. You dumb as hell"
"Ok listen listen" I mumbled "Whats the deal with white boys and their fish?"
"Oh my god don't get me started" Fuckshit chuckled
"Like do they have a fishing kink? Or do they think like the bigger the fish, the bigger the dick? Like what's happening here?"
Everyone chuckled and turned to Sunny for a response
"I've never been fishing don't ask me" he put his arms up in surrender
"My dad took me fishing one time" Fourthgrade admitted "I caught a bass"
"What the fuck is a bass" Ray questioned as he turned to fourthgrade with confusion
"A fish"
"No shit n****" Fuckshit face palmed
"Alright well I'm off to go get some snacks" I announced as I stood up
"I'll come" Fuckshit shrugged
"Can you get me that one chocolate. The one I got last time" Asked Sunny
"Which one did u get last time?" I asked as I grabbed my skateboard
"I don't know the name, the wrapper was like purple"
"Was it a bubbly?" Fuckshit suggested
"No no it had a biscuit in the middle" He shook his head
"Dude just come with us don't be lazy" Fuckshit rolled his eyes as he started walking towards the door before stopping "unless you two are gunna start fighting again"
"We won't" I mumbled as I pushed past him and out the door
•••We skated down the street as wind ran through our hair, pushing it back. This was what true euphoria felt like, the sounds of the busy LA streets, skaters we had never met before waving at us as if we were long lost friends, cars passing by, sweat dripping down our foreheads, and the feeling of our skateboards vibrating under our feet. I loved moments like these, they're the ones that always stick, the memories I always end up looking back at, the nostalgia I'll end up feeling when I'm riding down the street in a couple years.
Finally, we got to Walmart
"You guys want some sour patch kids?" Fuckshit asked as he tossed a bag of sour patch kids up in the air and caught it
"Sure" Sunny shrugged
"What's that purple thing?" I questioned as I used the shelves to pull me and the cart towards the purple bar
"Das a bubbly" Fuckshit replied while putting the bag he was holding next to me in the cart
"Oh nevermind" I mumbled
"Yo I'll be right back" Fuckshit said "My ma needed me to get her some laundry detergent"
I nodded and started fidgeting with the bag of sour patch kids Fuckshit had just thrown into the cart
"You wanna go steal some beer?" Sunny asked as he came behind me and leaned onto the cart
"Shop lifting?" I shrugged "yeah that sounds like a good idea! Keep my crimes to a minimum... shop lifting... sure"
He rolled his eyes playfully and started pushing the cart. I leaned back into my seat and slowly started zoning out, just lazily staring at his hands as he tightly gripped onto the cart with my eyes half shut.
I was glad he wasn't being a bitch to me anymore. If I had known that all I needed to do in order to get him to be nice to me was to kick a cop in the face then I would've done it years ago. Well... probably not but you never know, I might've.
"Sooo..." Sunny mumbled, dragging the 'o'
"Huh- What?" I quickly muttered
"Which one?" He asked again before turning his head to the beers in the fridge
"I don't know" I shrugged "just get like a Heineken"
He nodded and grabbed three, handing two of them to me. I watched as he put it up his shirt and copied his actions, feeling goosebumps on my arms once the cold bottle came to contact with my skin.
"Let's go get Fuckshit" I suggested as I fixed my seating position
He once again wrapped his hands around the cart handle and started pushing me towards the cleaning supplies aisle where we found Fuckshit.
"What laundry detergent smells nicer" He asked as he screwed the cap off the one he was holding and handed it to me "this?"
I took a whiff and I'll be honest, it smelled really nice, like flowers but even nicer.
"Or this" he handed me another one with its cap off
I gave him the first one back and smelled the one he had just handed me, it smelled pretty good too but not as good as the first one.
"The first one" I told him "definitely"
He nodded and put the second one back on the shelf before tossing the other one in the cart.
"You guys ready to go?" He asked as he lightly pulled on the cart to usher Sunny
"Yup" Sunny replied
•••We paid for the things we all bought and left, I couldn't help but notice how hot it was outside, we were all practically melting. We needed those beers asap.
"Alright now get out and take it to the other carts since you did nothing" Fuckshit said as he loaded the last bag of groceries into the trunk
I nodded and got up, but once I tried to step out of the cart, it shook relentlessly.
"Uhh guys" I mumbled to Sunny and Fuckshit who were already getting into the car "A little help here please?"
Sunny hopped out of the car and walked over to me, placing a hand on the cart to hold it in place and another in the air for me to grab.
I grabbed his hand and he helped me down, letting go of me when I was safely on the ground.
"Thanks" I mumbled as I grabbed the cart and started pushing it towards the line of carts in the middle of the parking lot
I pushed it into the first car and started walking back towards fuckshit's truck, cringing once he started honking at me.
"Nice rack you got there, whas yo name?" He yelled as he rolled his window down
"Fuckshit I swear to god" I warned, pointing a finger at his face
"Chill" I heard him snicker to Sunny
I sighed as I opened up the back door and used the step on Fuckshit's truck to help me get in.
"Alright lets go" I said as I shut the door and buckled up my seat belt
"Fuckshit" I kicked the back of his seat "seat belt"
I swear every single time I get in the car with him I have to remind him to put it on.
"You act like my mom" he groaned as he reached for the seatbelt on his side
"DRIVE" me and sunny both yelled
"Okay okay" he groaned before bitterly shoving his key into the key hole
♠
The three of us sat on the side of the road, looking at the beautiful LA view. We always came here whenever we needed a break from the world. Fuckshit discovered it a while back, no one really knows about it, it's kind of cool, like our own little spot.
"You guys think people actually get reincarnated and shit?" Fuckshit asked out of the blue as he sipped on his beer
"Definitely" I replied "did you guys hear that story about the little girl?"
"What story?" Sunny replied
"There's this girl, she's like 4 or something, she used to always say that she's an old woman who died in a car crash or something, and she used to say her name was some weird shit like Cindy, I cant remember" I began "she'd say the name of the street she died on, everything. So after a while her parents looked into it, and they discovered that the accident was actually real, same name, same street, same car. It's crazy"
"Holly shit" Fuckshit chuckled "that's wild"
"I hope I get reincarnated as a girl" Sunny said "I wonder what it's like having tits. You just Look in a mirror and BAM they're there"
"Dumbass" I mumbled with a smile I couldn't hide
"You guys wanna go to a party tonight?" Fuckshit asked after a short pause
♠
"Alright so who's drivin us home?" Fuckshit asked from the front seat as he turned to us all
Once again, we were outside estee's house for yet another party, does she never get sick of throwing those? It's like she has one every single week- Although I will admit, it's more of a gathering than a party.
"Not me" yelled Ruben, Sunny, Fuckshit, and me
"I'm not really drinking but I don't have a drivers license" Fourthgrade mumbled while staring down at the camera in his lap
"I'll do it" Ray shrugged "I cant drink anyway, my parents are home"
"Thanks" I patted his back before hopping out
Once everyone was out of the truck, we all walked up to her front yard where there was a couple guys playing basketball.
"Wasuppp" Fuckshit chuckled as he dapped them up, he seemed to know them
"Alright someone go get us some beers" Sunny yelled as he threw the basketball at the basket hoop, cheering once he scored
"Alright" Fuckshit said while nudging me "rock paper scissors ready?"
I nodded and faced him
"Rock, paper scissors SHOOT"
I won with paper
"Rock, paper, scissors SHOOT"
He won with scissors
"Rock, paper scissors SHOOT"
I won with Rock
He groaned as he walked up to the front door meanwhile I walked up to Fourthgrade, Ruben, and Sunny who were playing basketball
"My turn" I said while snatching the basketball from Ruben
"Give it" He whined "It's my turn bitch"
"Move" I replied while shoving him behind me and crouching down slightly before jumping back up and shooting the ball.
The ball hit the plastic hoop and shot back towards me. I immediately ducked and let it hit Ruben who was directly behind me.
"OWWWWWW"
"Oops sorry" I mumbled to Ruben who was glaring at me
"Fuck You" He yelled before kicking me in the side, causing me to squeeze into a ball with my knees on my chest
"Dude" Sunny warned while shoving him backwards lightly
"Fuck you too" I yelled, using one of my hands to throw Ruben a middle finger
"Are you okay" Fourthgrade asked shyly while reaching a hand out for me to grab
I grabbed it and pulled myself up off the ground, still holding onto my side. "I'm fine. The bitch kicked me really hard tho" I replied as I shot Ruben a glare
"Alright who wants a beer motherfuckers" Fuckshit shot out the front door with beers in his hands
Before we could answer, he threw one towards us and Fourthgrade caught it
"Gimme" Ruben commanded while grabbing Fourthgrade's leg like a little infant "you said you weren't drinking"
"Changed my mind" he replied, wiggling his eyebrows down at Ruben
"I got some for everyone" Fuckshit announced as he threw another one towards us
This time, I caught it, slightly stumbling once I did.
"Gimme one" I heard Ruben yell as I put the beer under my shirt where he had kicked me, feeling some kind of relief.
"Yo be patient bro" Sunny told Ruben
I turned around and watched sunny catch one
"How are we supposed to open these" I asked him
"Like this" he replied while wrapping a portion of his shirt around the cap and twisting it.
I couldn't help but notice his abs showing for only a second
"Can you do mine too?" I asked for the sole purpose of seeing his abs again
I snapped my head towards Ruben once I heard glass shatter
"Dude what the fuck!" He yelled at Fuckshit
"You were supposed to catch it n****. Are you stupid?" Fuckshit replied "that was the last one, you better go inside and get another one"
"You get me one" Ruben shrugged
"Me? Bro it's not my fault you can't catch shit to save your life"
"Well it's not my fault you're a bad thrower" Ruben yelled
"Dude I threw ones to everyone, you're the only one that couldn't catch it. What does that tell you?"
"Can you guys stop" I asked "we're here to have fun. Ruben we're all going inside in a little anyway so stop being a baby, you can go get one now or you can wait until we go with you"
"I'm not a baby" was his only reply along with an eye roll
"Here" sunny handed me my beer
"Thanks"
He nodded and I took a big chug before turning to Fourthgrade who was still playing basketball like it was nobody's business "Give me I wanna try again"
He quietly handed me the ball. "Hold this" I said while handing him my beer.
Once I was ready, I bent my knees slightly to get the perfect shot before pushing myself off of the ground and throwing the ball at the hoop. This time I scored.
"Ayyy" Ray cheered from where he was talking to the guys I didn't know
I smiled and grabbed my beer from Fourthgrade before taking another sip.
That's pretty much how the next seven minutes went, just us drinking and playing basketball while Ruben kept nagging for us to go inside with him. At this point I wasn't really drunk yet, just a little tipsy, even though I had finished my beer.
"Fine oh my god we'll go inside" Sunny groaned.
Ruben was seriously getting on everyone's last nerve.
"See you guys around" I heard Ray tell the guys before walking up to us and wrapping his arm around me while we all walked up to the door
"Who are those guys" I asked him
"Just some locals at the skatepark next to my house" he shrugged "why? You want me to fix you up with one of em?"
"No l was just wondering" I replied with a slight smiling while shaking my head
He nodded and we all stopped once we were at the door
"Alright" Fuckshit turned to us all "Miley, you knock and do all the 'hey girlll' shit so they let us in"
"But you already went in?" I asked, slightly confused
"Yeah but I told them I was alone. Tell them you brought us with you" He replied
"But I wasn't even invited" I whisper yelled
"So? Like I said just do the 'hey girlll' and they'll let you in"
"Fine" I sighed while pushing past them and knocking on the door
I looked down at my shoes as I prepared myself for the annoying bitch I was about to be
My head snapped up once the door opened, only to be met by estee. Here goes nothing.
"Hey girl" She exclaimed. Just like Fuckshit predicted.
"Estee!" I hugged her "Bitch why didn't you invite me?"
"You guys always come to my parties you don't need an invitation" she replied while slapping my shoulder "Come on, you guys too"
Ok so don't get me wrong, I love estee. I met her at school and we were friends for a while, but sometimes it's just hard to match her energy, it gets tiring, that's one of the main reasons I don't really hang out with her anymore. It's different with the guys, I can just be myself.
I know it's cheesy.
"Girls look who came" she exclaimed once we got to the kitchen where a bunch of girls were sitting on the kitchen counter. Lots of familiar faces.
"Miley!" I heard one of them yell
"Girl how have you been" yelled another
"Good, what about you guys" I replied
I got a couple goods and fines
"Hand me that?" I mumbled while bobbing my head towards a bong in Angela's hands
She nodded and handed it over to me as I took a seat on the counter next to her
Angela also shared a few classes with me. She's nice but not a very good friend, she's two faced, one minute she's nice to you and the next she's shit talking you behind your back. It's how she is, she probably doesn't notice how toxic it is. Nonetheless, she's one of the best people to party with.
"Ugh there are no cute guys here" she groaned while I took a hit of the bong
"Yeah there is" I replied
"Like who?" She asked, scanning the room
"That one right there" I shrugged while looking at Fourthgrade who sat on a couch alone, messing with his camera and looking over recordings
"Him?" She chuckled, almost like I was joking. For some reason, that actually pissed me off, what's wrong with frourthgrade?
"Yes him" I replied bitterly "what's wrong with him? He's really sweet okay?"
"Ok but he's not cute" She said with an eye roll
"Shut up" I mumbled as I brought my lighter up to the bong before taking a hit
"What about him?" I heard her ask from next to me
I looked over at her and followed her line of sight. Ray.
"No. He's off limits okay?"
"Oooh are you into him?" She chuckled while turning to face me
"Gross! He's my best friend" I replied while looking at her with disgust "him and Lila are kind of a thing"
"Omg Lila you whore!" She exclaimed while chuckling "How Come you didn't tell me you and-" before she could say anything else, I kicked her foot as hard as I could
"OW- what the fuck Miley?" She yelled
"Shhh" I whispered with a finger over my lips
"That's gunna leave a bruise" she mumbled while leaning back onto the counter
"You're not supposed to say anything" I whisper yelled at her, trying my best to stay quiet
"Ok well my bad" she said sarcastically "I didn't know. I'm not a mind reader"
I lightly scoffed before taking another hit of her bong, things were really starting to get fuzzy
"Fuckshit is so finee" she groaned while lowering her head onto the counter "but he's with that bitch Hannah"
"Aren't you guys friends?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows
"Yeah but she's being a bitch right now" she replied like it was nothing
"What'd she do?" I asked out of curiosity. I was never one for gossip but sometimes curiously gets the best of me, today is one of those occasions.
"She knows me and Fuckshit fucked and she's like, all over him. Look at her. She's a fucking whore" She scoffed while fidgeting with my lighter
I was actually getting pretty angry as I watched Hannah slobber all over fuckshit's face. Angry for Angela. I guess Hannah's a shitty friend too. The two of them were made for each other.
"You guys fucked?"
"Yeah, more than once. Does he talk about me?" She asked, her voice sounding full of hope. I didn't want to be the one breaking that hope, therefore I lied
"Yeah, I think he likes you" I replied. I truly felt like shit in that moment, even though I wasn't the one breaking it, I was giving her false hope. I'm no better than fuckshit.
"You know what?" I looked over at her with raised eyebrows "fuck him"
"What?"
"He's playing you. You're his fucktoy. You deserve better" I admitted "I'm sorry I lied, he hasn't mentioned you once"
"Oh"
I could sense the disappointment
"Look Angela, fuckshit's my best friend so believe me when I say this, he's a fuckboy, he's not looking for anything serious" I shrugged "trust me, go talk to Fourthgrade, he's really cool"
"You know what? I will" she nodded "FUCK YOU FUCKSHIT, YOU FUCK LIKE SHIT ANYWAY"
And with that, she walked away in Fourthgrade's direction.
I couldn't help but chuckle at the look on fuckshit's face, he looked really pissed at me, but I knew he wasn't actually mad. It's just fun and games between us.
I sighed while placing the bong down on the kitchen counter, that's enough for now.
Turning around, I was met by Sunny and Estee on the other side of the kitchen talking to each other.
And i couldn't explain it to you, but I felt my heart shatter a little.
They seemed to be getting along really nice, I hated it. The way his thumb kept lighting brushing against her arm, the way she was looking at him, the little giggles they shared. I hated all of it, and I hated the fact that I felt that way. Sunny's annoying, why do I feel like that?
Maybe I'm just jealous of their closeness, I want that with someone. Definitely not Sunny.
Yeah that's what it is. I want what they have. That's all.
A/N: I haven't uploaded in a while so this is an extra long chapter for u guys. Hope u like it <3