It's been 3 months, I'm now 9 months and due any time now, I'm physically and mentally exhausted, I feel like I'm dying. I know I should have hope but I don't, I can't even go down the stairs without any help. Jacob had to go do something, I woke up early and went my old room. I grabbed my journal, and I started writing.
(Trigger warning, sad, I cried while writing this)
Dear Journal
I've been in a lot of pain, and I'm tired, i can't do anything and it's driving me crazy. A few weeks ago, me and Jacob had a scare I wasn't feeling the baby kicking anymore and we thought the worse but it turned out, it was Normal for babies not to be moving when your high risk. I'm almost due and if I'm being honest I don't have any hope for me, I know I should, especially right now but I can't. All I feel in pain, I can't tell Jacob anything because he'll just worry and try to convince me there is hope and maybe there is but not for me. So here I am writing a goodbye letter.
Here we go...
Dear Jacob,
If your reading this, it's because I'm not longer with you anymore, but that's okay because I know you. You can survive without me, you have too for our little girl. I want you to know you made me the happiest women on earth. That before you, my life was a living hell but when I'm with you, you bring out the best part of me. You bring me a type of happiness that I didn't even I know I could feel, I know you and I know you'll probably blaming yourself for my death but it's not your fault, this was out of your control. You saved me Jacob Garcia, you showed me it's okay to care and to love. That's it's okay to put your walls down and I hope you remember that.I know your going a be an amazing father, you won't believe me but I know you are, I can see it. You care so much for this child and she's not even born yet. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. I may not be with you but I know you will do an amazing job of raising our little girl, I know you doubt yourself and probably think you can't do it but I know you can. I know you can, you are nothing like your farther, I know your going to protect our little girl at all cost. If I'm being honest I'm okay with dying mostly because I know she'll have you. I'll be watching over you and waiting to see you again, I know one day, we'll all be together as a family but until that day comes, survive.
I love you Jacob, don't ever forget that.
To my little girl
However this may find you I want you to know, I love you so much, you're not even out into the real world yet and I love you more then anyone will ever be able to understand. Me and your father don't have a name for you yet, we are still choosing in between 'Andrea and 'Alexandria' we would call you Alex for short but for some me reason me and your dad can't pick in between. I can promise you, your not going to be born in life that's already planned out for you, mine was. I don't want that for you, yes mine was pretty amazing but I want you to make your choices, have a family without the worry that someone is going after it.
Anyways, theses are some things I want you to always remember.
1. Even though I may not be there in person, I'm will be watching over you.
2. If you end up being like your dad and blame yourself for my death, I want you to know you're not to blame. I made a choice and I wouldn't change it for the world.
3. Be easy on your dad, he may be giving more of his attention to his work but that's his way of coping with things.
4. Your uncle, His pretty funny, and had great taste in fashion, always go to him for fashion choices. If you even want to sneak out go to him.
5. Never let anyone push you around, if anyone lays a hand on you, you push back and your farther will handle the rest.
6. Always remember Im proud of you and always will be.
7. Never let anyone touch you, if a boy tries to touch you, kick them in the stomach. That's actually how me and your father met. :)
8.don't let anyone tell you what and what you can not do.
9. Don't let yourself feel guilty for things you can't control, it took me a while to realize, you can't control everything around you.
10. I love you and I will never stop.
Now my big brother
Honestly, I know I didn't grow up with angel but I feel like I did, your like the big brother I never had. I don't what to say it write I guess, but I want you to know you've been the best big brother I could ever ask for. Even though sometime you can be annoying, I wouldn't traded you for the world. Your my partner in crime and I know your going to be a great uncle, your funny, you know a lot about fashion. Who knows maybe one day your going to helping my little girl sneak out to party and get caught like we did. Your my person, yes I'm married to Jacob but your best friend, I mean I went to you when I took the test that I was pregnant and stop being a so scared and put yourself out there. Meet a girl, have a love life.
The girl Allison, your talking to right now, if she's the right one don't push her away, you may never find a girl like that again. I love Angel and you have saved me, you saved me and Jacob and I will forever be thankful for that.
(The beginning sentence of the daughter letter came from the originals, I couldn't help it)
Word count: 784
Hope your enjoying this story...