Chan POV
Two weeks.
Two weeks passed before Chan saw Felix again. Two weeks of waiting and waiting and the younger idol dodging around every meeting and practice. The four members of Volta had been working tirelessly to come up with different excuses and even Chan's own team had started to see through their lies. None of them outright mentioned it but Minho continued to give Chan withering looks. The dancer probably saw through to the truth, which was that Chan had messed up and now they were all paying for it. Chan hadn't been sure what to say, so he hadn't said anything.
Two weeks of uncomfortable practices and rehearsals until the very last moment. Felix couldn't escape the day of the performance and now it was here. December 18th had taken it's time, but it had arrived regardless.
Chan sits in the van that had just pulled up to the KBS Hall. They are waiting to get out and enter the building but the line of cars and idols is long. They wait until it is their turn. Changbin and Minho sit in the seats next to him, trying to get a glimpse of any of the idols that are going into the hall, big names and idols more famous than they are. Chan watches them from the other side of the car, not too bothered by the names or titles that his friends are mumbling about. It wasn't until a flash of electric yellow caught his eye that his interest piques.
Changbin and Minho make room for him at the window as the 5 bodies get out of a van a few spaces in front of them. Five sweatshirts with lightning bolts down the sides and across the back. Five.
"He finally showed up," Changbin comments, Minho somehow finds a way to stomp on his foot, "Ya! I'm not wrong!"
"Of course he showed up, he's a crucial part of the performance," Minho huffs and starts to shrug on his big winter coat as their own van starts to pull up to the entrance.
Chan continues to watch Volta make their way into the hall. They wave and give out different finger hearts to the crowd before finally disappearing through the performers entrance. Felix's sherbert orange hair was a sight to see after so long. It's covered by a beanie but the locks that stick out are vibrant and beautiful. Chan feels his heart do a weird twist in his chest when the rookie group disappears through the main doors. He supposes this is what it means to have a heartache.
"Let's go guys," Chan slides open the door but lets his friends get out first. The crowd is raucous as they all file into the parking lot. Chan counts up to six to make sure his eyes are on all his members and follows behind them as they make their way to the door and into the building.
Shouts and screams of various names become muffled as the doors shut and the KBS hall is on full alert. People rush around the hallways and into different rooms with a newfound haste. Music Bank shows were usually an all day event with a mild sense of panic each week, but the song festival is on a whole different level. Stylists flit back and forth from rooms full of sewing machines into the fitting rooms full of idols.
Stray Kids are handed red name tags and led to their green room quickly. On the way there Chan keeps an eye out for any flashes of yellow, but there is no sign of Volta by the time they reach their designated room. Their manager hurries them into the chairs that line the wall of vanities and stylists roll in a large clothing rack filled with their stage outfits.
Black, red, and pops of yellow are each fitted onto them. Chan puts on his black sweatshirt and joggers, tucking them into lace up boots and sitting back in the chair so that the makeup artists can begin poking at his face.
The show begins in a little over three hours. They have a run through rehearsal in between that time to make sure everyone knows where to be and when. About five minutes would be spent on any final adjustments or clarifications for each stage, which leaves Chan only five minutes to see Felix before the show begins. It wasn't a lot of time, but it would have to be enough.
"Ten minutes until we line up for standby, we are fifth in line for stage run throughs so make sure you're set," their manager dodges in and out of the room to make the announcement. Chan's heart flips again.
"You're done, go ahead and relax," The stylist takes a step back and smiles at Chan, but he knows he won't be able to do what she said. To relax was to become less anxious, and in his fit of nerves the task is nearly impossible.
The ten minute wait feels more like ten hours. When they are finally ready to head for the stage doors Hyunjin pokes his ribs and looks him up and down, "You're tense."
"I'm not," Chan counters, reaching for his friend's ponytail to yank it.
Hyunjin evades the attack with a twirl and shrugs, "You have massive 'RBF' then, it's not a good look for the camera."
"Thanks for the heads up," Chan only pouts further.
The walk to the stage doors is near silent. Big rehearsals and showtime usually required a quiet environment so any orders and announcements could be made without any unnecessary distractions. All that could be heard were boots on linoleum and hushed voices of managers and staff. The sound of music being played around the empty concert hall was muffled through the walls.
Stray Kids wait in a single file line outside the stage doors and watch as various groups and solo artists pass by. They wave and silently greet the ones they know and bow their heads politely to the ones they don't.
After a while they are brought backstage and fit with headsets and handheld microphones respectively. Volta was supposed to be with them by the time they were on standby for their short rehearsal, but the rookie group is nowhere to be found.
"Cutting it kind of close don't you think?" Changbin twirls his mic as he leans against a spare speaker, "They are usually sticklers about punctuality."
"That's an understatement," Jisung blows up on his bangs to get them out of his face but the hair spray holds strong, "Seojun almost had my head last week when me and Minho were late coming back from our water break."
"And what a water break it was," Minho squats near the edge of the stage where the curtains stop and the floor becomes polished, "I don't regret a thing."
"That's a little too much information, don't you think?" A low voice startles Stray Kids out of their conversation. When they look towards the foreign voice they see Felix standing at the entrance of the stage with a bright smile on his face, the rest of Volta like a wall behind him, "Hey guys, long time no see."
Felix looks perfect. Chan drinks him in like cold water after practice. But perfect is an understatement. Black becomes Chan's favorite color twice over when he sees Felix's black t-shirt. The rips along the side show off one side of his ribcage and the light cotton is tucked into tight leather pants that fit every curve of his legs like a glove. It is so unlike what Felix normally wears yet it fits him perfectly. Chan feels his face heat up when he catches himself staring, but Felix is staring right back.
Jisung is the first to hug Felix and hand over one of the extra headsets that had been set aside. They all give short greetings but after Volta arrives time seems to double. Mics are handed out like candy and the lighting changes on the main stage to signal the start of their rehearsal time. Chan doesn't even say hello before the stage director appears and ushers them forward and into their positions.
Bright lights shine into their faces and they all cover their eyes to shield them. Twelve different spots on the floor mark their starting spots. When everyone is set they start the quick walk through of their performance. They all do sound checks on their mics as the performance music plays over the speakers at a low volume.
For the most part it's relaxed dancing and spot checking but Chan watches as Felix stays hyperfocused on their formations and transitions. Seojun must have given him good notes on the practices he had missed; Felix executes each move and specially choreographed segment without any mistakes. The routine reaches a well practiced synchronized segment and all twelve of them laugh as the lights flash and twirl around them. Chan can only imagine what it would be like with the audience full of fans, the surprise they would have when they find out Stray Kids and Volta are performing together. With Felix back in the routine he knows it will be a showstopper.
When the song ends they all quickly dodge out onto the other side of the stage to make room for the next group. Minho and Hyunjin are giving quick tips and tricks to Volta about big shows as they all drink water and hold up handheld fans to cool off their faces. Chan watches Felix giggle about their past experiences and he thinks he might throw up. This is all too fast and not at all what he imagined seeing his friend would be like after so long. Felix is acting so natural and Chan has no opportunity to talk to him in a situation like this. Everyone around him is pretending as if nothing is wrong, and so is Felix.
Chan doesn't understand. He watches Hyunki and the rest of Volta act as if nothing is amiss and it makes his head spin. Their attitudes are vastly different from what they were two weeks ago, but Felix is back. Does it really not matter?
Yes. It does when they all begin to make their way back into the hallway and towards their respective green rooms. Chan starts to internally panic when they reach a crossroads in the hallway and the two teams start to separate.
Chan turns to his team that is heading down one end of the hallway, his feet stuck and not wanting to take himself any further from Felix. He still hasn't said what he needs to. Felix still needs to know how sorry he is and how wrong he has been. He stands in the middle of the hallway not sure what to do. He watches his members disappear down the hallway. None of them notice he isn't with them. They are used to Chan following along from behind.
After they turn the corner Chan slowly spins to face the hallway Volta had gone down, but when he does he instead finds one member still remaining. Felix stands a few feet away with his hands held behind his back, a hesitant smile plays on his lips and Chan is careful this time to make sure his eyes don't stray anywhere they shouldn't.
The younger idol looks shy, but not scared. Chan on the other hand felt terrified. They both opened their mouths at the same time and their words are perfectly matched when they speak.
"Can we talk?"
Felix covers his mouth with surprise. Chan on the other hand shakes his head in near panic, "Of course! You go first, please say whatever you want."
He is prepared for Felix to chew him out, to yell at him or tell him to 'buzz off' or whatever he wants.
Felix instead looks around the hallway and takes note of all the people around them, "Can we talk anywhere more private?" Chan looks around for a place they can use but it is near impossible to find privacy with the countless cameras and staff workers. That's when both their eyes latch onto a broom closet down the hallway, ajar and showing the small space littered with cleaning supplies and rolls of extra toilet paper.
Felix smiles and passes Chan as casually as possible before sliding into the small space and gesturing for him to follow. Without any other options the two of them cram into the closet and close the door. They are plunged into complete darkness, the only sound being loud music from the main stage and their own breathing. Chan's head hits a wire and when he pulls it a single lightbulb illuminates the small room.
"This works," Felix affirms and adjusts the yellow bandana that holds his hair back. Chan just watches him in the dim light and tries not to look like he's having a crisis. Felix picks up on it though, looking him in the eye and giving him a small smile, "Chris, it's okay."
Chan nods but doesn't think he hears correctly, "It's... Uh, yeah," he definitely isn't registering Felix words. His eyes are stuck on the edges of Felix's mouth that form a perfect smile. He's missed his smile, missed Felix more.
"Chris," Felix's voice cuts through and interrupts his longing. Chan leans back and his shoulders hit the back of the door with a thud.
"Right. Sorry," Chan puts on a smile and stuffs his hands in his pockets.
"What did you want to say, Chris?" Felix tilts his head to the side and waits for him to spill. Chan decidedly tries his best to do just that.
"I missed you," It is an interesting start. "I missed you, and I know I messed up but I understand now how stupid I was. I am proud of you and I am happy that you followed a path that took you here." Chan's mind blurs and he can't stop himself from reaching out and cupping Felix's jaw with his hands, "And I completely understand if you don't want to have any part of me. But I needed to tell you how much I understand now, and how wrong I was for telling you those things. I need to tell you how I am completely in lo-"
Chan realises too late what he is saying. Whatever speech he had planned is ruined when his mind finally gets the better of him and he sees Felix's eyes flash with surprise. Chan lets go of Felix and backs up against the closet door again, "Sorry..." The space seems too small now. Maybe this was a bad idea, "I'm sorry."
Felix scuffs his feet on the floor and looks at Chan carefully, "I missed you too." The words bounce off the cluttered walls low and clear, a beautiful voice that resonates within Chan. "I thought a lot about all the things you said, but I still missed you. I talked to the others too and they... They told me about how you were doing. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to see you then, but I am now." Felix glances down at the floor and wrings his hands together as he waits for a response.
Chan bites the inside of his cheek and tries to sort out his thoughts, "You missed me?" He doesn't mean to say it out loud, so he tries to correct himself, "I thought you hated me after all I said to you. I thought you wanted to leave me behind again and forget about everything. I was so scared and worried and I couldn't think about anything else, but I knew you probably-"
He's cut off suddenly by a pair of lips. It is the second time Felix has initiated a kiss, but Chan still finds it surprising. A brief press and then they are gone again. It throws him for a loop when he blinks and Felix is smiling up at him, "Chris, you talk too much."
Yeah... He definitely talks too much if he is missing out on time spent like this. Felix's hands are resting on Chan's chest. The space between them is small and getting smaller. Chan's brain sparks and he puts his hands on Felix's shoulders to push him back a few inches, "Wait.. Felix, I need you to know how wrong I was to you, how wrong I have always been."
Felix just shakes his head, "I never hated you, Chris. I never once blamed you or the others for what happened. But I needed you to understand why I had left. And you didn't understand then." Felix takes one of Chan's hands and twines their fingers together, "But you do now?"
Chan nods dumbly, "I do... I understand now." The words between them now are soft and low, "Felix, I think you're amazing."
The blush that appears on Felix's face is obvious, and Chan reaches up to tilt his head up and get a better look. "Amazing, talented, strong... Beautiful." Chan lets the words hang in the air before finally falling back onto Felix's lips with a new sort of kiss.
A kiss of understanding. A kiss of finally being on the same page at the end of a not so perfect story. Chan presses into Felix's mouth to try and show just how proud he is. Felix never needed Chan, but oh did Chan feel like he needed this. Broom closet kisses and soft skin under his fingers that move and react to each and every touch.
Chan's hand slips into one of the rips in Felix's shirt and the rookie idol gasps into his mouth when his fingers brush along his exposed ribs. Chan holds back a laugh as Felix mutters something about 'stupid stylists and their scissors.'
"I couldn't stop thinking about you," Felix breathes into Chan's neck when the hands continue to explore under his shirt, his own arms reach up and lock around Chan's shoulders, "Thank you... For the... Wow, for everything..."
Chan nudges their faces together once more and kisses him again and again, "You... Have no reason to thank me." Chan kisses away any more words and hooks his fingers into the bandana that had fallen around Felix's neck. He uses it to pull Felix around and switch their positions, turning and pushing him against the door.
Felix lets out a 'oof' and when their chests push together. Chan can feel how both their heartbeats race. Chan now understands why their companies don't like relationships. This is dangerous. He kisses Felix like the world starts and ends with his mouth.
It is then that their few minutes in heaven come to an end. The closet door opens and the two idols topple over each other and onto the floor as the hallway lights flood into the small space.
Minho and Hyunki stand in the doorway with looks of pure shock. Chan is splayed on the ground with Felix half on top of him. The two of them look up just as bewildered. The holes in Felix's shirt are now twice as big and it's all hiked up under his arms until Chan reaches over and pulls it back down.
"Oh my god," Minho glances to either side and tries his best to not look as if he's not panicking, "Were you fighting? You both look awful."
That is an understatement. Chan and Felix are a mess. Their hair is wild and their clothes are askew. Felix needs a miracle to look presentable to the show. How long had they been in here? Felix glances at Chan before scrambling to his feet and Chan slowly does the same.
"Not fighting..." Felix smiles and looks to Hyunki quickly, "We are okay now." Chan thought they were okay in a sense, but this new development presents a new problem.
Hyunki cringes, "That's great," He reaches out and pulls up a piece of Felix's shirt that now hangs twice as low as it did before.
Minho disagrees, "This is not great. This is bad and I'm not sure what you were thinking." The dancer's mutters into his hands, "Chan, we know better than this. Is your learning curve a horizontal line?"
Chan smiles sheepishly and scratches the back of his neck, "Well, I kinda lost track of, um... Thought." Another understatement. "What time is it?"
Minho grumbles and finally looks up at the two of them, "Time to go and hope we have enough time to make you two look presentable again before showtime." Minho and Hyunki each respectively grab their teammates and haul them down the hallway towards their green rooms. Chan glances back one last time to see Felix smiling as he's practically dragged along the floor. When their eyes meet one last time Chan swears he sees Felix's eyes twinkle in the light.
Before he disappears behind a door Chan smiles back, no longer afraid to let Felix leave without him. Chan would see him again, no doubt in his mind could deny that. Felix is back in his life better than ever and he doesn't plan on letting him go again.
Felix POV
When Hyunki throws Felix into one of the green room chairs he can't help but giggle. He is still riding the high of Chan's mouth on his and his ribs still tingled from where they had been touched. Hyunki however, does not look amused.
"What the hell were you thinking. Lee Felix, you said you'd only be only a minute and I had to walk into 4 different waiting rooms to find Minho and the others. And they didn't know where you two had gone either. I accidentally walked into ITZY's room! You know I have a crush on Yeji, how could you do this to me?" Hyunki pouts and tries to muse Felix's hair into something presentable. The locks are crimped in certain places but you wouldn't know with the state it is in.
Felix bats away his leader's hands and tries to push out of the chair to get away. Before he can get far Hoshi appears from somewhere in the room and pushes him back down. The maknae plops down next to him and looks at him with wide eyes, "Hyung, did you get in a fight?"
Felix looks at Hyunki for any help but his friend only shakes his head in denial. He decidedly ignores his leader and turns to grin at Hoshi, "Sort of."
Hoshi smiles and bounces in his chair, "Did you win?"
"Definitely."
"Enough!" Hyunki exclaims, "I can't deal with this right now. Choi Seojun?" The ace looks up from his book when his name is called, "I'm going to go look for a stylist who can save Felix's... issues. You're in charge until I get back."
Seojun does not respond, finding his novel more interesting than the problem at hand. Jiho appears from under a blanket heaped in the corner of the room and glares at them all, "Why is he second in command now?"
Hyunki doesn't deem this comment important enough for a response and instead exits the room with a new found haste. Hoshi looks over to Jiho and sticks his tongue out, "Be lucky he didn't choose me! I may not be the problem child today but I'd fight you as temporary leader!"
Jiho brows draw together and he points at Hoshi from across the green room, "Anytime. Anywhere."
Felix laughs and leans back against the chair. His heart still pounds in his chest but he finally feels as if he can start to breathe normally again. Hoshi stays by his side and picks off pieces of dirt from when he had been thrown to the ground of the dirty closet.
"So... Some 'fight' huh?" Hoshi picks a piece of lint out of Felix's hair, "Does this mean you coming back to the joint practices?"
Felix grins, "The practices are over Hoshi, we perform in an hour." The maknae pouts, huffing something about not wanting to delete the group chat. A few minutes go by with Seojun as their new leader before their original finally makes his return.
"-And I also don't see why this can't wait for final touch ups-" When Hyunki comes back into the green room he has a young woman in tow who doesn't look happy to be disturbed. When she catches sight of Felix she stops short of her sentence and gasps, "Good lord, what did you do?"
The woman rushes over and stares openly at Felix's state of disarray. Felix gives a shy smile and sits up in his chair so she can properly assess the damage. It isn't pretty, the tear in his shirt that once only showed off his side now extends back to reveal his shoulder blade. His pants are still in good condition but his hair is a mess of crimps and pins, the bandana that held it back still hangs loosely around his neck.
"Can you fix him?" Hyunki paces a little ways away from them and crosses his arms to keep from fidgeting. The woman pulls at pieces of Felix's hair still held together with hairspray and hums as if lost in thought.
Felix blinks and tries not to flinch as the woman raises a brow, "I can fix this." She nods and turns around to look for supplies. Hyunki lets out a sigh and turns to collapse into Jiho's bundle of blankets, the rapper yells in protest as his peace is disturbed. Meanwhile, Hoshi jumps up and goes to help the woman find the place they put their hair and makeup products.
Felix stays put as the stylist begins to slowly comb out his hair out of his face and pin up different places to work on. His sides have slowly grown out since debut and are now getting a little wild. Felix figures that he would be scheduled for another hair appointment before the year ends.
"At least it's a nice color?" Hoshi giggles as he hands over more and more pins to be stuck into his friends hair. The stylist cringes as Felix glares at Hoshi out of the corner of his eye.
Slowly, Felix's hair becomes more and more presentable. He takes off the bandana and ties it extra tight around his head to make sure it stays on correctly this time. When his hair is in order they move onto his makeup and start reapplying and powdering his face to make it less of a disaster. His lips are wiped clean and a new stain is added to compliment his hair color. His eyes are brushed with shades of brown to make them deeper to match their concept. In short, Felix looks even better than before he had his run in with Chan.
When the stylist steps back to admire her work Felix jumps up with a smile to thank her. When he does the issue with his shirt becomes more apparent and she frowns at the large hole. "I can't fix the hole... But I do have an idea."
When she disappears out of the room again Seojun finally looks up to look over Felix, "You look... Different..."
Felix opens his phone to look at himself in his camera, "Different good or different bad?"
Seojun looks back down, "I will not specify what 'different' means in this context."
Hoshi giggles as he stuffs hairspray and brushes into a giant bag, "At least Hyunki isn't gonna lose his mind now."
Their leader looks up from where he's hiding away with Jiho in a pile of blankets, "That is neither confirmed nor denied. Do not test my sanity right now... Please."
A few minutes later the stylist returns with a jacket in hand. Shiny silver zippers are sewn throughout the worn leather and when Felix slides it on it's a little big in a few places but unlike most stage clothing it is comfortable. It covers the extended rip in his shirt, only giving a peek in the front now. Felix is tempted to zip it up because of how comfortable it is, but he knows the stylist wouldn't let that happen.
"All good, yeah?" The woman smiles and adjusts the lapels of the jacket to sit nicely while the rest of Volta looks up from what they were doing to judge her work.
Felix nods and lifts his arms to check a few of his angles of their choreography but he had no complaints, "I love it, thank you."
The rest of his members nod and give thanks for the stylists work right as their manager walks in with a KSB staff member. "Are we all ready to go?" the manager puts on a fake smile and looks all of them up and down. Felix goes stiff as his eyes pass over him, scared of getting called out in the change of wardrobe. Luckily their manager doesn't notice in his haste, ushering them back out of the room and towards the stage.
As soon as Felix steps in the hallway he can hear the crowd, hundreds of people screaming for their favorite artists on stage. It is hard not to be nervous before a performance and it didn't help that this one was so unique. Hyunki nudges his side as they make their way backstage, "Smarten up, Lee Felix. We talk about your 'situation' later, right now keep your eyes on the prize." His words are hushed as they put on their earpieces and mics.
"What if I don't want to talk about my 'situation?'" Felix pouts playfully and looks across the stage to see the Idols currently performing. Stray Kids are waiting on the other side of the back stage, their entrances slightly different before they all join up. All Felix can see on the other side of the stage are shadows, the lights from the stage only flashing the performers. He wonders if Chan was able to get ready and presentable in time for the show. He'd find out soon enough.
"You'll talk. Whether it's to sort out this mess or gush about your impromptu make out session," Hyunki adjusts his own uncomfortable techwear sweatshirt as he whispers the subtle threat.
"I would also like to be a part of this conversation," Hoshi bounces on his toes as he stuffs a mic pac into his back pocket.
Seojun takes a break from his lip trills to mumble, "Count me out."
Suddenly, the stage goes black and the music cuts off with a bang of drums. A random girl group makes their way off stage and back to their waiting room. Felix grins when one of idols accidentally whips her ponytail into Jiho's face. Hoshi holds the rapper back from yanking the girl's hair as she runs out of the room. The five Volta members huddle around for a small cheer before Felix hears the beginning of their performance music.
A low beat echoes around the hall as smoke and lights flash over the audience, the stage remains dark for them to go out and get in their positions. Felix clears his throat and crouches low as he paces out onto the stage and gets into position. The fans who are close enough to see their figures in the dark are already screaming and cheering. One by one he senses his members around him get into position and switch on their mic packs. The low music filters through his earpiece as he counts the beats leading up to his entrance. This is it, the moment they have been preparing for so long. The moment to prove that Volta and Stray Kids are separate but together. No stupid news article would be remembered after today.
When the lights flash on Felix blinks back the sudden harshness of the bright LEDs. The screams are now muted through his ears but he can see the various light sticks poking out from the vast crowd of fans. His favorite ones to see are the bright yellow lightning bolts that seem to shine brighter than the rest when the baseline on their title track finally starts to blare over the speakers.
When they finally jump up and start performing their fanchant is loud and clear. Each member hears their name called out and their voices echo around the hall for all to hear. Volta consists of three vocalists and two rappers, but the five of them each stand out in their own way. Jiho has hard and aggressive lines that compliment Hoshi's harmonies leading up to the chorus, while Seojun and Hyunki sing their own verses with a confidence Felix has always admired. As the song leads up to the chorus Felix takes center stage to dance the main choreography. It is then when the crowd doubles its volume. This is it.
Seven more figures join them on stage as the beat drops. Running up from backstage masked by the various smoke machines, Stray Kids fit perfectly in between each member of Volta. They mirror Volta's dance and add their own voices to the song to make it all the more powerful. Looking to his left Felix sees Chan dance next to him, his hair and makeup once again perfect.
Everyone has had their part to play when the chorus ends and the dance break starts. The choreography changes from their normal dance to one that starts to resemble more Stray Kids and less Volta. All twelve idols give their best to the crowd as the speakers blare and the baseline of 'Miroh' starts peeking through. A new fan chant has started, a new performance is beginning.
Performing with his old members was a different experience than he thought it would be. All of his friends in one spot bring on a sense of belonging that Felix has never felt before. It is an equal playing field now and Felix is center stage showing off how he has made it to where Stray Kids are despite his failures, hardships, and everyone who had been against him. Including himself.
The song continues and the crowd cheers louder than what Felix had thought possible. Even with their earpieces in, Miroh's backing track is like a whisper compared to the cacophony of sound coming from the hall. When the music eventually fades and the twelve of them stand there waiting for the lights to shut off Felix still feels the adrenaline coursing through him. He feels as if he is on fire, electrocuted and brought back to life by the past few hours of activity. Chan is kneeling next to him and all of them have their fists to the ground. When the lights finally go black Felix can't help but jump up and grapple Chan in a hug.
That's not what he should have done; they are still on stage and there is the possibility of people seeing them but Felix doesn't care. It doesn't seem like the others do either as they all join in and create a giant group hug. Twelve idols from two groups slowly shuffle off stage without any sense of grace. Earpieces and mics fall out of ears and the people in the audience become twice as loud as Felix feels himself being picked up and brought off the stage fully to make way for the next performance.
It was then he noticed that he was crying.
Tears were streaming down his face and once again ruining his makeup. Chan is carrying him like a koala until he sets Felix down on a stray bow of equipment. Everyone surrounds him and Seungmin goes as far as to look for a medic that is stationed out in the hallway. Felix tries wiping away his tears but new ones quickly take their place.
"Guys... I'm okay. They are happy tears," Felix pants as Chan takes a knee in front of him and grabs both his hands on his own, "Just a little overwhelmed."
"Are you sure? Don't brush off an injury because I will never let you live it down," Hyunki tries to speak over the crowd still cheering from the hall but it is partly drowned out over the screaming.
"I promise I'm okay. Do you think it went well? I kinda zoned out..." Felix tries looking over the eleven bodies to see out onto the stage but it is near impossible to tell what is happening.
Chan squeezes his hand and gets Felix's attention back immediately. Chan, who had held him even closer only an hour before and kissed him senseless in a hallway closet, disregarding all the rules they had learned to become idols. Chan grins up at Felix from where he's crouched in front of him and speaks loud enough for only Felix to hear, "They loved it Lix, they loved you."
"Little punk stole the show," Changbin accuses as he paces a few steps away, trying his best to yank out his earpiece that trails under his shirt, "That's a fancam no one is going to miss."
Minho is helping Jisung take off his own mic pack when he chimes in, "I don't think my ears will recover from the way they screamed when you took over the beginning of Miroh."
Seungmin nods, "Who knew your voice would fit so well in those sections?"
Jisung's brow furrows, "I knew, that's why I gave the line to him."
"Thank you guys," Felix announces in between a small sob, Chan helps him wipe away more tears as he continues to try and get a hold of his breathing, "Thank you for all your help out there."
The members of both Stray Kids and Volta look almost confused. Hyunjin talks before anyone else gets a chance, "We didn't help you, Felix. You carried that performance."
Jeongin nods, "That was all you out there. I don't think any of us knew what to expect with the joint choreography but you made that performance what it was."
Felix leans back and away from his friends, not understanding what they are saying. He is never usually the one to 'carry' a performance, he has always been comfortable supporting from behind and making his other members shine. Being told he was the one everyone would be looking at is not something he is accustomed to.
The others seem to sense his confusion, Chan is still crouched in front of him and staring into his eyes but Felix can tell he is hesitant with his words, "Felix, I wish I could show you how people see you through their eyes." Chan threads their fingers together once more, "I wish I could show you just how much everyone adores you."
It is then that Felix wants to kiss Chan again. He almost doesn't care that the cameras are around and various staff members have their eyes on them. He could almost convince himself that they are stuck in that broom closet again and it is just the two of them. Almost.
"Thank you," Felix says quietly, careful to break eye contact and look up at the rest of his friends, "Sorry I-"
Jiho is quicker than Felix thought possible, reaching over and flicking Felix in the forehead with impressive power, "No apologizing," the rapper mutters as he leaves to go put away an armful of their equipment.
"Right, I forgot," Felix finally laughs and feels himself slowly begin to relax. He sits there surrounded by his friends and thinks that every piece of his puzzle is finally fitting together. The smallest things are finally becoming part of the whole that is Felix's new life. Little moments like Jeongin handing him a box of tissues or Jisung hugging him without having to say goodbye. Small gestures like Changbin complimenting his rap or Minho getting jealous of a move in Volta's choreography. Or words like 'Lix' spoken softly into his ear as he's carried off the stage in a giant group hug.
Felix would never have guessed that only 5 months after their debut he would be part of something like this. He wasn't supposed to have it this good, he was never meant to have this much joy in his life after all that had happened. Yet here he is, slowly accepting the knowledge that his friends aren't going anywhere anytime soon.
And neither is he.