After Dad and I came home from our breakfast adventure, my mom decided to head into town to find deck furniture. She came home with two of these cute, wicker rocking chairs that she put on our front porch. Dad had convinced her to get metal lounge chairs for our back deck, too, but they were being delivered tomorrow.
I was testing out the rocking chairs. Call it stupid, but I had found a bottle of my mom's wine and was currently on my second glass. I know I shouldn't be drinking this early, or at all, but ever since I left the Auden's this awful nagging feeling to go back wouldn't leave my stomach. Wine finally quieted it down.
The view from our porch was so peaceful. It was angled toward the Auden's house, but we tilted the chairs more to the right, towards the fields, so we didn't seem like creeps staring at their house all day.
I was watching the chickens peck at the ground and wrestle with each other when I recognized a pick-up truck driving down the road. It was rusted and more orange than red from all the fading, but I knew who it belonged to. The truck pulled in front of my house and to my surprise, out popped the younger version of Kiersten. Keating, if I remember.
"Hey, Nelly, right?" she approached the porch. I nodded and watched her place her foot on the first porch step, leaning her elbows on it. "I'm Keating, from last night. Listen, sorry for being such a grouch, I was super tired and didn't want to be there. I had been hunting all day and just wanted to go to sleep," she explained.
"Oh, it's okay," I breathed a laugh. There was a small silence. I didn't exactly know what to say. All I knew is that I'd like to make a friend. "I know it's early, but would you want some wine?" I offered, hoping she'd say yes. Keating smiled and jogged up the rest of the steps.
"Yeah, actually, I'd love some. Can I sit?" she asked as she pointed to the other wicker chair. I nodded and she plopped herself down. Lucky I had brought two wine glasses out here. I thought my mom might join me, but she never did.
"I only have white, is that okay with you?" I asked before I poured. She pursed her bottom lip and shook her head to say she didn't care.
"A drink before five is always fine with me, I don't care what it is," Keating said. I nodded and handed her the glass, watching her take a sip and instantly relax. "So, what's got you drinking wine at lunch time?" she piped up. I let out a soft chuckle.
"Mmm.... Must be a habit I'm picking up from my mom," I answered, drinking my own wine. In the light of my company, I tried not to scrunch my nose up too much. The effect of liquor was more than welcome, but the taste? Not so much.
"Ah, yes. I've picked up many bad habits from my mom, too," Keating laughed. I smiled at her with my lips against my glass.
"Name one," I kept on, hoping to keep the conversation flowing. Keating raised her eyebrows and tilted her wine to the side.
"Hunting. That's a big one." She saluted the activity with her glass, raising it in the air before taking another sip.
"Oh yeah? Like deer and stuff?" I asked.
"Ehh, more or less," Keating answered. "I'm not so hardcore, but my mom is addicted. That woman took me hunting from the time I was three to now. She's fuckin' crazy, I'll tell you." Keating snorted, looking somewhere incoherent in front of her, most likely thinking about her mom. I took another sip of my wine and looked to where she was looking.
"Is that why she gave us that shotgun?" I looked at the side of Keating's face. I thought I'd get an answer right away, but instead she looked almost pained in thought. Then, out of nowhere, she burst out laughing.
"No," she breathed in between laughs. I was so confused. I stared at her with a contagious smile, watching as she almost went to tears from laughing so much.
"What? What's so funny?" I murmured. Keating turned to me and wiped under her eyes, clearing the tears. She was smiling wildly, then leaned towards me with her eyes full of excitement.
"She gave you that gun for the big man in those woods. The real problem. She just didn't want to tell ya 'cause she thought she'd sound like a looney," Keating rushed out. I raised an eyebrow at her.
"The big man? I don't get it... who...?" I trailed off. Keating leaned back in her chair with lightning speed. She let out a sigh before turning her head to look at me again.
"Bigfoot! You know, ten feet tall, super hairy, hides in the forests?" she concluded. How amusing I found that joke was all too apparent in my scowl as I stared at her.
"Bigfoot? You've got to be kidding," I deadpanned. Keating started laughing again. At me, I'm guessing, but I still didn't find it funny.
"We're out all day and night looking for that thing! You don't have to believe me, but I promise he's out there. Evil son of a bitch, he is." She suddenly got serious at the end of her sentence, and a strange, somber expression took over her face. I sipped my wine, pretending to be so preoccupied with it that I couldn't talk.
I'm just not going to say anything.
"...So do you hunt real animals or just, um, Bigfoot?" I inquired. It was hard for me to keep a straight face, so I masked it by pretending to drink even more wine. Keating gulped down the remaining contents of her glass before answering.
"Yup, oh yeah. Deer and ducks. Bears if they might hurt somebody, but the best hunt for me and my mom are the wolves," she said, turning towards me with a weird glint in her eye. I raised an eyebrow, watching her squint and narrow her eyes like she was looking for something in me.
"W-wolves?" I gulped. All I could think about was the Auden's dog in the woods, and how much it looks like a wolf.
"Yeah, wolves. Brown, black, white, grey, you name it. If a wolf is any harm to anyone, me and my mom won't hesitate to shoot it," she paused to swallow. "Why? Does that make you nervous?" she quizzed. Her tone was so serious, so prying, that it made me scowl.
"Of course it makes me nervous! The Auden's dog looks just like a wolf! What if you shot her on accident?!" I exclaimed a little more aggressively than I intended to. A feeling of dread washed over me thinking of such an event, the pure strength that image carried foreign. Keating raised an eyebrow.
"The Auden's dog?" she asked. Then her eyes widened. "Oh, right! Yeah, don't worry, I'd know," she said a little grudgingly. Her eyes glazed over for a second, but afterwards she smiled at me. "Sorry, I swear I'm not this weird once you get to know me. If I'm honest, meeting new people makes me nervous and my mouth goes with a mind of its own..." I shot her an awkward, thin-lipped smile.
"All good. I didn't get the impression you were weird," I lied. Keating rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, you did! Come on, I told you I believe in Bigfoot. You probably think I belong in therapy or something," she joked. I shook my head, finding my smile now genuine.
"No! I mean, okay, it was a little out there, but I don't mind, really. I'm just happy to have someone to talk with," I answered. Keating smiled back at me, turning her head towards my front lawn.
It's true. I want to have friends here. I want to fit in and be happy and have friends. Keating's mother likes us, they don't throw eggs at our house, and Keating is around my age.
"Well shit, look who it is." Keating pointed her glass across the street. I turned my head, watching Logan start to walk across his lawn, towards the forest. He had a shotgun slung over his shoulder. That same smell hit my nose not a moment later. The one that touched my nose before breakfast, the one I smelled in the Auden's home. Pine trees and then the sea, wrapping me in a world without worries.
It was right before I blinked. Right in the split second before my eyes closed, that the Auden's front door ripped open again and sent my world into slow motion.
A girl shot out of the house. She was really tan, had these short, black gym shorts on with a worn peach t-shirt; undoubtedly from a surf shop. I couldn't see the details of her face, but I know I stopped breathing. I didn't have to wonder who it was. Somehow, I knew. Her hair was relatively short, the longest pieces of her shallow wolf-cut reaching her collarbone.
My mind was completely preoccupied. I could only watch, with my eyes wide open, and lips getting ready to part.
Avery leapt over the railing, sprinting for Logan who was almost to the edge of the lawn. I thought maybe she wanted to catch up with him or something, but I was wrong.
Right before she reached Logan, she jumped into the air and grabbed him by his neck, tackling him to the ground. The pair skidded across the rest of the lawn. One laughing, one extremely angry.
"Fuck off!" Logan thundered as he got back on his toes. "You're so fucking annoying!" The shotgun had fallen off his shoulder during the fall. Avery was laughing her ass off, and I couldn't peel my eyes away.
The base color of her hair was brown, yet she had streaks of beach-blonde. It was splayed across the lawn; she was laying on her back. A combination of straight and wavy, a little kinked and tangled from long exposure to salt water and ocean air.
Logan marched over to her and tried to ram the butt of the shotgun into her chest. It made me gasp and lean forward, but she rolled out of the way just in time.
"Quit bein' a baby!" she exclaimed, dodging another one of Logan's attacks as she stood up. After Logan missed for the second time he huffed and started heading off towards the woods again. Avery flipped Logan off as he stomped away.
Her other hand was on her hip, and as she was turning in my direction, she ran a hand through her hair.
My lungs stopped working.
Avery was looking directly at me, frozen in her last movement, just like I was. Then, she smiled, and I think I melted. I have never seen someone so gorgeously addictive.
Her smile was so bright, so white, even from this distance. She had a lean frame, muscular but not bulky, and I would have felt like a creep for staring if she hadn't been staring right back at me.
Keating nudged me with her elbow.
"You guys met, yet?" she asked. I looked at Keating like I had just been asked how to operate a nuclear reactor. My mind was still so shaken up from making eye contact with Avery that it took me a long time to respond.
"Wh... Who? What?" I stuttered helplessly. Keating laughed at me.
"You and Avery, have you met?" she clarified. I whipped my head towards the Auden's lawn again.
Avery wasn't on the lawn anymore. Instead, she was in her Jeep, fiddling with the radio or something. Still barefoot and now biting her lip to stop from smiling so wide. The car started and I immediately heard loud reggae-type music playing. Pulling out of the drive, it didn't take her long to speed around the corner.
"Hi Keating!" she yelled absently. Oh, man, her voice was perfect. It was velvety and beachy. It fit her just right. Keating waved with an amused smile as she passed. Watching that made something twist in my gut. I wanted Avery to say hi to me, not Keating, and I hadn't the faintest idea why.
"Helloooo, earth to Nelly..." Keating broke me away from my staring contest with the receding Jeep. I blinked as I looked at her.
"What? Sorry," I apologized quickly. Keating scoffed playfully, like this was the best form of entertainment in the world to her.
"Jeez woman, this is the third time I'm asking! Have you and Avery met?" she asked... again. I shook my head right away.
"No, uh, no. We haven't, why?" I returned finally. My eyes whipped towards the road again in hopes I would see her again.
"Damn, they're really keeping her on a lea—"
Keating was interrupted. My dad slammed my front door open, sprinting for our car. He was wearing his nicest pair of jeans, a t-shirt that looked like it had been ironed, and a brand-new pair of chucks. I raised my eyebrows.
"Woah! Where ya going?" I called to him. He turned around, hastily fiddling with a belt buckle.
"Job interview! I'm gonna be late, can't talk!" he rushed. I watched him waddle the rest of the distance to the car as he continued to try and fasten his belt. I smiled so wide, mostly in disbelief.
My dad was going to a job interview.
He wanted to get a job!
"Ah, I think my mom set him up with that." Keating clicked her tongue. She watched my dad tear out of the drive with me.
"She did? Really?" I continued. Keating nodded.
"Yeah, at the liquor store in town." My face fell. I turned my head towards her very slowly, with a feeling of pure dread clouding my head.
"Sorry, you said a liquor store?" I repeated. Keating raised an eyebrow at me, like I had said something weird.
"Yeah...?" she dragged out.
"Oh, yeah, I uhm—I don't know if that's such a good idea," I shyly admitted. "I mean thank your mother so much for doing that but liquor and my dad... they don't really mix." My eyes were angled to my lap, where my fingers were grazing over the condensation on my wine glass.
"I know, he told us," she replied sincerely. "If it makes you feel better, he also said he'd be carrying around his sober chip everywhere he went."
I glanced up at her. My eyes were doe-like, I'm sure, and my eyebrows were creased like I was about to cry, but hearing that did offer me some relief. I don't know if I trust it fully, though.
"It does, thanks," I lied quietly. Keating nodded. She started flailing her arms around her head, swatting some bug that was annoying her. It got to the point where she had to stand up with a horrid, real annoyed scoff.
"God! These fucking mayflies! It's the middle of June, why are they still around?!" Keating exclaimed. Then, she sighed, placing her now empty wine glass on the open windowsill. "It was nice meeting and talking with you, Nelly, but I can't stand these flies and I got a Sasquatch to catch, anyway. Thanks for the wine, I'll have to come by again," she smiled. I returned a smile and nodded happily.
"Yeah, I'd like that. Hope I didn't get you too drunk to catch the big man," I joked. Keating snorted as she started for the stairs. Her leather jacket was pushed back as she stuffed her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.
"It takes a lot more than two glasses of wine to get me drunk, unfortunately." I laughed, not realizing she was being serious. "Anyway, see ya!" she parted. I waved and sent another nod her way as she bounced down the porch steps. She didn't look back as she continued to walk away, not until the red Jeep came back.
At the end of my lawn is where Keating stopped, leaning on the hood of her truck as she watched Avery slow down. My heart-rate picked up for no reason, and I was so uptight and nervous it was ridiculous. They talked about something for a little while before they both turned to look at me.
I decided to offer up a short wave, which was really directed at Keating, but it was no surprise to find my eyes glued to the surfer girl in the driver's seat. Avery waved back, acknowledging me with such a pretty smile. Keating said something that looked like it annoyed Avery, causing her to speed the rest of the distance to her house. Keating laughed and hopped in her own truck, going on her way.
Of course, I had to watch Avery walk all the way to her front door. She had a bag of vegetables in one hand and carried a full watermelon in the other.
Gosh, I want to meet her. I don't know what was happening to me. This was such a new, weird, electric feeling that I didn't know how to cope with. All I could do was stare and wonder if Avery felt the same way.
And it was a complete shock to me to realize this was romantic attraction. I've never felt this way about a girl. I never thought I could. The feelings didn't bother me or freak me out much until Avery disappeared. The way I felt when she was in view smashed any doubt or internal homophobia I had, but it all came rushing back as soon as she was gone.
I don't have the words to describe this feeling, either. I've never felt this way about anybody. Not even a single boy I've dated in the past. Is this what liking someone is supposed to feel like?
I've never had butterflies or hot flashes when I saw any of the guy's I've dated before. This is the first time it's ever happened, and it's for a girl. I've always chased after boys because I was told to, because I've grown up hearing it's unnatural to have feelings for the same gender. But how can it be unnatural if I feel this way?
Although the "I-think-I'm-gay" ordeal bothers me when I overthink it, having these feelings towards Avery also makes me happy. I'm just relieved to find out I'm not broken. That I can feel love the way you're supposed to. It might be a long road of acceptance, but I know I'm strong enough to endure anything life has to throw at me.
I looked at my feet and smiled to myself. Avery is so pretty.
Maybe tomorrow, when I pick up the Auden's dog, I'll be able to say hi to her.