[A/N: It's here, yes it's here, yes yes yes it's finally here! Have fun reading!]
"So, how was America like?"
Jungkook could be the slightest surprised at the face of the question but they talked about any and everything the past afternoon-extending-to-night that they spent together after Jungkook's tattoo: eating in Jimin's balcony, lounging on his cozy sofa, and at the moment, laying on his soft carpet, watching the ceiling illuminated by dim night lamps at the corners of the room.
Each is a different color, painting the ceiling in mellow rainbows. A soft pop music is playing somewhere in the background, matching the atmosphere perfectly. Jungkook's chest surges in the air at the sound of Jimin's silly jokes from time to time but is otherwise steady, lulled and just... content. He doesn't know how they ended up laying on the floor but he is enjoying it.
"It was an eye-opening experience," he says, blinking slow.
"How?"
Jungkook takes a deep breath, and the breath takes him few years down the memory lane. He is flooded by good feelings immediately, as to top off the serenity surrounding his soul. Maybe it's about being in Jimin's cute and organized home, or in his presence without watching every word coming out of his mouth, suppressing every spark illuminating his heart.
Jimin makes sour faces but he isn't a judgmental ass. Jungkook was the judgmental ass in this story, when he thinks about it, which he is working on right now so there should be a problem with admitting just how much fun he had away from his stressful life in Korea (and Jimin).
"You already knew I was going there for Masters, right?"
"Wasn't aware that you were doing anything on Marketing."
Jungkook chuckles at the witty statement. "Right. It was a last minute diversion. I was feeling kind of... uh, bold? There I was in a brand new country inundated by brand new opportunities and for a while I wanted to be someone different. Don't laugh, but... I thought of it like dating myself."
His head lols to the side when he notices Jimin giggling lazily.
"What? I made no promises," says the man in a teasing fashion. He doesn't make an effort to stare away even after Jungkook has watched him enough to be considered uncomfortable under the social umbrella.
Jungkook smiles, lets himself smile, because man does it feel nice to be able to stare at Jimin without worrying about being obvious. It feels nice, too, to be stared back at with the same level of comfort, without pressing decisions to be made about it having to mean something — no. They just can, and they just maybe will, and it's fucking okay.
"You think it's lame?"
"It got you where you are. It was a pleasure to meet the person you have become, Jungkook."
Heat is rising to Jungkook's cheeks.
"Thank you," he simply says, because he doesn't think he could have explained how much those words mean to him anyway.
Now they are both smiling.
"So then you decided to stick to Business? You liked the program?" Jimin asks.
"I did, very much. That's why I decided to stick with that area work-wise. But I was missing Korea so much, so I did all my job hunting here after turning back."
Jimin hums.
"Was that all about America though? Just studies? Was your self-dating life that boring?"
Jungkook laughs sloppily and faster than he processes. His way of covering his embarrassment is going back to staring at the ceiling, which turns out to be a wonderful idea because he quickly realizes he can't get into his dating experiences (not self-dating) without creating some sort of shield between himself and Jimin.
Some issues are still hard to discuss, regardless of how easy it has become to open up to each other.
"I had a very colorful dating life, thank you very much."
"Right. Making out with your textbooks and seducing your professors."
"Hyung!"
Jimin laughs happily, rolling on his arm and sitting up a little. "I'm just saying, there must be more to the story."
"Well maybe you would have your answers if you asked the right questions, "Jungkook's eyes flicker at him and he shivers by the electricity traveling all over his veins when he meets Jimin's abiding attention. Directed at nobody else but him. Feels foreign. Feels good.
"Oh so you being a closed book is my fault."
Jungkook chuckles. The little freckles surrounding the corner of Jimin's cheekbones catch his eyes as one of the blinking night lamps stills in motion, streaming a soft leak of purple across Jimin's face. Pretty.
"Did you date anyone there?" Jimin prompts.
Of course, he wouldn't let it slide by. He is curious like that, too curious for Jungkook's liking, because he is clueless about the implications of his curiosity. But then remembers Jungkook, that Jimin can't be held responsible for the implications fabricated by his own brain.
It's just a question.
So Jungkook nods.
"Foreigner?"
Jungkook nods again.
"Holy shit. Was she American?"
She wasn't because she didn't exist. But Jungkook is not about to come out to Jimin with his first boyfriend like it's not a big deal to him. Playing along is always easier than putting yourself in a vulnerable position.
"Yup," he says.
"Wow, how was it?" Jimin looks giddy, invested.
"It was nice," Jungkook licks his lips, feeling hot over his neck. He is starting to blush a little on his cheeks too, because he has never spoken to anyone about his relationships before. Normally when people notice that Jungkook is a private person, they avoid topics that clearly make Jungkook uncomfortable. But Jimin is different. He is intrigued by Jungkook's timidity, loves to watch Jungkook like a hawk like he is some sort of... mystery experiment.
His silent stares are the most nerve-racking. Jungkook absolutely loathes them, so he automatically finds himself blabbing mindlessly.
"I was kind of awkward around hi–" Jungkook swallows, "her, since she was my first girlfriend but she was very sweet and she showed me a good time. It was no big deal, at the end."
"I can't imagine you being in a non-serious relationship," Jimin chuckles, looking lost and somewhat surprised, as if Jungkook were a deeper sea than he thought he was. "You used to lecture me about the cons of dating and now... hearing you talk about your first relationship like it's no biggie... It's new."
Jungkook wants to laugh so hard at that, because the reason why he used to give those lectures was because Jimin sucked at dating, in general.
Seeing his heart get broken over and over again by ill-mannered girls was traumatizing to witness: the reason Jungkook got upset in the first place. So he would end up giving these lame and rowdy speeches about how dating was the stupidest thing on earth — which probably got Jimin to stop talking about his love life in his presence altogether, rather whispering to Taehyung in the balcony until the clocks hit 4 a.m. in the morning.
Jungkook being a jerk, what's new.
"I know. That's probably why we lasted 4 months anyway," he omits every truth that just passed his brain and focuses on another aspect. "I wasn't sure what to make out of us. I think I kept sending mixed messages and she eventually... bid me goodbye."
"That's it?"
"For now, yeah," Jungkook skips his eyebrow cooly, making Jimin grin.
"Fair enough."
Jungkook shifts so that his arms are joined behind his head, turning a little in Jimin's direction. He realizes only then the pop music hasn't been playing for a while. He wishes it were, to lighten the atmosphere at least but he doesn't feel rushed to ask either. "What about you?"
Jimin stares at him with a funny smile for a bit, then tilts his head to the side. He looks even prettier from this angle. "What about me?"
"You were dating a girl from your town."
"Oh, you remember that," Jimin says as if it's something to be proud of. Jungkook tries not to roll his eyes, because of course, Jimin will turn any little information into a matter of personal challenge. "We broke up a few months after you left the country. The distance wasn't doing us good."
"The distance," Jungkook makes a know-it-all face that earns him a light hit on the arm. What, it's true! Jimin was determined to make it work over the distance. She didn't pick up the calls, she flirted with other guys and she lied about loving him. "I'm so fucking happy you broke up. Wherever she is right now, I hope she falls."
"Jungkookie!" Jimin laughs and falls on Jungkook in the process, which makes the younger man flustered, nevertheless laughing too. Jimin is lazy in his movement as he sits up again, remaining much closer to Jungkook's face than expected. "Your true colors are showing. Were always this hostile?" he says with a sugary voice, lower and calm.
Jungkook blushes. "I never liked her," his voice comes out airy.
I never liked anyone that distanced you from me.
Jimin hums softly. His fingers dance over Jungkook's chest, where they never left, hooking on a random button and twisting it left to right. Jungkook's wonders if he can sense his heart beating through his skin, if he can feel the adrenaline buzzing through Jungkook's entire existence when he stares from this close.
"And after her?" he blinks slowly, holding himself back from counting Jimin's eyelashes. He could, so easily from this distance, or better, the absence of it.
"Flings," Jimin shrugs.
"Oh."
"You? After her?" Jimin asks him this time.
"Nothing," Jungkook replies, and smiles decorate their faces.
"Cool."
"Cool."
"Thanks," Jimin says then.
Jungkook's eyebrows raise, innocently wondering. It makes Jimin smile bigger, something so meaningful behind it that Jungkook fears imagining it there. Is this a fabrication of his brain again, or are there true implications behind it?
"For letting me read you," it comes out as a tiny whisper.
Jungkook's heart kindly taps against his chest, like itching to touch Jimin's hand over layers of skin and clothes.
He bites his lip, feeling shy.
"Are there other chapters I'm allowed to read?"
Jungkook might be hypnotized because he doesn't even hesitate before nodding.
Jimin grins. It's not the kind that shouts I'm happy in your face but quiet, mellow, intimate. It unleashes butterflies in Jungkook's stomach. They flap south and north, from his tiptoes all the way to his cheeks, and there they land slowly, stirring waves of corals.
"Does it make you anxious... to talk about yourself like this?" Jimin asks, gentle just like his touch.
Here is another chapter with a big FEELINGS written at the top of its cover page.
And here Jungkook is letting Jimin open it, so easily.
"A little bit."
"Because it's me?"
Too fast, he is breaking too fast. He shouldn't, the pace is absolutely dangerous but he is too struck by Jimin's charms to pull the breaks now.
"Maybe."
"You can trust me, you know," Jimin pats Jungkook's chest where his palm rests. "I am a good keeper of secrets."
"You can trust me too."
"I already do, Gguk."
Further than any questions lead on, eyes do the telling for the rest of that conversation. And maybe that's okay, because even though Jungkook hasn't admitted out loud, he already trusts Jimin too.
...
Jungkook only finds the time to visit Yoongi two weekends later.
It's late in the afternoon when they settle in Yoongi's mini terrace, looking down the gorgeous Seoul view with some amazing drink the producer has fixed for Jungkook. It tastes lemony but sugary, pink in color with a cute umbrella sitting on top of it. It has a weird name Jungkook didn't bother to memorize. Most of the time he attempts to describe a drink anyway, he ends up describing the day they had the drink, and Yoongi tries to remember what drink he prepared that day.
It worked to this day so Jungkook doesn't see why it won't in the future! (He is just a lazy bum).
As ordinary as the day goes by, a different sensation is dancing on the air. Jungkook had an idea about what might be the game changer the moment he stepped into the living room— uncostly pieces of clothes splattered over the living room furniture, a leather-capped lighter by the box of cigarettes on the coffee table, shared bottles of convenience store soju resting by the couch on the floor, an empty nest of blankets, and Yoongi's huge speakers (that had never before seen a day outside of his studio) lounging on the sofa. You could call it messy though Jungkook rather recognize it differently.
This is what your living space looks like when you care about the person you live with more than their living habits. Neat freak Yoongi must have stopped minding somewhere along the way.
Jungkook can feel the man's thoughts part the clouds, reach over the horizon like trying to find a reality in the dream as they rest in two sun beds on the terrace. He looks somewhat lost, yet at peace.
"Get it over with," Yoongi says without sparing him a glance, perceptive, as always.
Jungkook smirks, eyebrows reaching the sky as he sips again. He won't tease him or anything. He is just curious about what is going on, would listen if Yoongi were to let him inside his mind. He won't ask though, because he knows Yoongi gets frustrated by unaddressed obvious questions and will probably do the speaking himself.
His guess is proven to be right by the lazy huff that escapes the man just a few seconds later.
"I'm just trying something these days."
"Sure."
Yoongi throws his head to the side, giving Jungkook a look. Jungkook laughs naughtily but small.
"What? I'm supporting you."
"And you mean that, of course," Yoongi says pointedly, but there is a smile creeping on his lips. Jungkook notices once again how rested he looks, and that quiet whisper of energy in possession of his soul, too. It's interesting how they coexist. Reminds him of happiness.
"Is there a reason for me not to?" he pokes.
Yoongi retreats, staring back at the view. He fits well with the city. It could also be his perception of the man as he has come to associate Yoongi with high maintenance.
"There is always a reason. I'm just trying not to let it get to me anymore."
Jungkook is happy to hear that, actually. He knows Yoongi's past string of heartbreaks and how the man became a closed music box over the years, too guarded to give people a chance to get to know him, let alone being curious about someone himself.
"That's good, hyung," Jungkook nods repeatedly, passing his hyung a genuine hands up. He is bad at giving advice to Yoongi. Jungkook's life experience doesn't amount to Yoongi's, and it leaves him scrambling for words that never sound smart enough to be considered proper. "You gotta move on, right? It...it takes a while but I'm glad you are ready to move on."
"Moving on is one way of putting it, " Yoongi scratches the back of his head with a chuckle, leaving his extended arm to rest in the air, stretching. "Our parents had a non-religious mini engagement ceremony last week," he fixes his eyes on Jungkook. "We fucked at a back room in the venue."
Jungkook's jaw drops quite unceremoniously, and Yoongi chuckles.
"We ditched the ceremony and he drove us to an infamous bar outside the city. We went nuts while our parents confessed their love for each other in front of a line of relatives. Sure, moving on. Let's call it that," Yoongi's head falls back on the sun bed, eyes closing as the sun shines on his face. He has freckles and hickeys extending down his neck where his shirt falls low.
Hearing that, Jungkook fears. He fears the situation being too complicated to be taken this lightly, but he pushes it down because Yoongi looks like he found something precious and to hell if Jungkook wants to mess with it.
They are both distracted by a sudden noise coming from the apartment. Jungkook buckles up reflexively but Yoongi is indifferent. The subject reveals itself to be apparent when Hoseok enters the terrace with a big dog by his foot.
Oh, he must have the keys to the apartment. And that furry doggy must be his too. Explains the blanket nest. Or maybe that wasn't for... Whatever, Jungkook doesn't have time to work the mystery because Hoseok is coming to greet him with a bear hug.
"Jungkook-ah! What's up?" Hoseok beams at Jungkook like friends of years and Jungkook falls into it easily. He is happy to see the other as it has been a while since he visited the tattoo shop. Hoseok was very kind to him that time and even gave him a huge discount.
"Good, hyung! You?"
"Eh, living."
There is just something about the man that pulls you in like a magnet, but more than anyone, Yoongi is under its rule. He smiles, still in the same chill position, when Hoseok leans over him upside down and delivers a kiss straight to his lips. Jungkook flushes involuntarily, averting his gaze to the dog who is wiggling its tail at a newfound interest with the ground.
He had no idea they were this... open.
"Feeling better?" Yoongi asks.
"'M starving," Hoseok lets the leash go and his hands land on Yoongi's shoulders, massaging in slow motions. Jungkook tries not to look.
"Order from my card."
"'Mh, should I then?... You craving anything?"
Silence.
"Jungkook?"
Jungkook whips his head so fast he nearly trips. He isn't one to be awkward around couples in general, or at least he thought third-wheeling wasn't such a big deal (Jimin and Taehyung gave him an awesome training at the lodge thank you), so it must be something about Yoongi being the subject of a relationship, he thinks, the fact that for so many years Jungkook stanned him as an artist and looked up to him as a role model — it gets in the way of him loosening up entirely.
He can let go of the shyness and fool around like a teenager around the producer, but occasionally, just when Yoongi unravels in ways that the screens could never capture, Jungkook recoils.
Like back on February last year when Yoongi's depression knocked him out and Jungkook watched him be swallowed by the black curtains in his bedroom. Or that first summer when Yoongi took him to Daegu to spend a weekend in his parents' humble village home, and Jungkook witnessed softer, kinder, loving parts of him surface.
This is one of those moments. Jungkook knows now that he won't be able to unhear the true story behind whatever next song that follows Yoongi to the studio. Which is more complicated to process than Jungkook thinks he can manage.
"I'm not that hungry," he clears his throat and offers them a smile.
"Are you sure? We can get some snacks even," Yoongi checks on him again but Jungkook passes him an assuring expression. Even if he were hungry, he doesn't think he could stomach anything right now.
"Ok, cool. I'm gonna order some pizza. Let me know if you change your mind," Hoseok announces as he leans over Yoongi and gives him a smooch on the neck, then on the lips again. Yoongi melts, a faint blush settling on his cheeks, probably from an awareness of the third person in the room.
Nevertheless, he doesn't stop staring after Hoseok who darts into the living room energetically like a little boy who got his sweet charge.
Hoseok's loud voice calling for his dog echoes all the way to the terrace, Yoongi is still staring, and Jungkook thinks he knows what is going on right now.
Yoongi is memorizing the moment.
Jungkook's heart beats, and he doesn't know why watching someone else fall in love is doing this to him.
...
[A/N: Hey loves! This update took me longer to publish, I know. I don't feel too guilty about it though because I was busy making some important life decisions! Things are going well, thankfully, and I will do my best to keep writing in the process.
Now well, the story is getting tangled up and new themes are emerging. I'm planning to show you different sides of the characters and increase the intensity of the plot in the coming chapters. My head is already spinning from what's about to come and I hope you guys have your safety belts on — 'cuz we going on a rollercoaster ride! Woohooo!
Also, no entry this chapter. Maybe the next, we will see!]