Mew stirred under the covers, pulling them up to his chin. He had never slept this well in the last few years. His eyes declined to open up, so does his brain.
He is hearing sounds from somewhere. But he could not understand what exactly that sounds are. As he began waking up from his deep sleep, the sounds become more clearer so does his brain. Just before he sat up in the bed rubbing his eyes, yawing in the process, someone opened the door of that room. It's gulf.
It took him few seconds of staring at gulf to process what is happening.
"Shit!" Mew cursed, catching his head feeling pain at the back of his head. He felt like someone drilling his head cruelly.
"Here. Take this pill" Gulf said walking towards the bed.
Mew looked up with his hands still catching his head tightly, as it would explode once he let it go. He muttered a little thank you before taking the pill not even bother to ask whats that pill is. He just wanted the pain to go away.
He closed his eyes and leaned his back into the wall, wincing at the pain in his head that came back at his movement.
He heard gulf walking away but did not open his eyes. He just doesn't know what to do once he opens them. He never wants to open them again.
"Here.Your clothes. I washed them." Mew opened his eyes hearing gulf voice. He did not hear him walking in.
Mew looked up to see gulf standing there with folded clothes in his hands. Gulf looked fresh. Like he had a bubble bath and put on comfy sweats ready to spend the day just lying around watching some movies.
All he wanted to do right now is just snuggle with gulf and spent the day doing nothing. His heart ached at that thought.
Can I get do those things with him in this lifetime again?
I would be ready to die the next day if I could spend a day with him again as we used to in the past. Just cuddle all day and watch some movies forgetting about the world.
"Hey.." Gulf called softly seeing that look on mew. It's like he is not here anymore. He looked vulnerable. Gulf heart troubled by looking at mew like that.
"Oh..yeah. " mew cleared his throat and took the clothes from his hands. He felt the pain in his head decreasing a little by little.
Mew face went pale as he lifted the cover from his body to find himself naked. His head was hurting so much that he forgot he was naked.
He turned his head to look at gulf with a pale face to find the other one stand there with a red face.
"Gulf- "
"Umm...You can use the bathroom. I will be waiting downstairs " Gulf walked away not giving mew a chance to speak.
Mew took a shower with the scenes of last night playing in his head. He is not sure how to feel at that moment. He was happy. He is. He made love with gulf after 8 years. Gulf allowed him. He did not push him away. He kissed him back. He slept cuddling him all night. His stomach did a little flip as he remembered last night, he is getting butterflies. It felt like he was back in college once again. Fell in love for the first time. He smiled at that thought.
Then the shower turned off. Reality rushed back.
Fuck. Does he hate me more now? Oh my God, did I made it worse?
He hit his forehead with his fist as his heart raced against his ribs. A lump formed in his throat. He got out of the shower and got dressed.
He saw the last few buttons of his shirt are broken. He just tucked it inside the pants and got over with it.
He felt like his heart gonna jump out of his mouth as he walked out of the room. There he saw gulf sitting on the couch sipping on his coffee cup staring into the air. The couch they made out on last night. He shook his head to remove those thoughts of last night from his head. Because every time he thinks about it, a smile comes backs on his face then the reality hits in making his heartache even more.
As he walked there. He saw another hot cup of coffee on the table.
Gulf doesn't drink coffee.
Mew thought frowning. It was him who used to drink coffee every morning. Gulf was really not a coffee person.
"When did you start drinking coffee from?"
Out of all things, I ask that. Really mew. Wow. Just wow.
Gulf body jerked at the voice. He ended up burning his tongue with the hot coffee.
"Oh shit. I am sorry Are you okay?" Mew ran to the side and snatched the cup away from gulf's hand and placed it on the table to check if he was okay.
Gulf would be lying if he said he was not shocked by that. Mew was never that functioning around him. He did not even look straight into his eyes for more than 4 years in the beginning.
"Ahem..um..yeah. It's fine. Just a little burn " gulf said shifting on his seat and took the cup back into his hands. Because he doesn't know what to do with his hands. He was never like this before.
Mew sighed but did not ask further.
"It's for you.." Gulf said nodding his head at the coffee sat on the table in front of them.
"Oh thank you " mew thanked him and took the coffee cup into his hands.
Mew almost sighed in peace at that taste. Gulf's coffee always tasted better. It still does.
"It tastes amazing as always" Mew complemented, surprising himself at those words. He has no idea how all those words getting out of his mouth dodging away from the anxiety but he is grateful it's happening.
Gulf coughed a little trying to cover up the smile that threatening to break out of his lips.
"You say that every time, but I don't get it. I do it like everyone else " Gulf shrugged trying to act nonchalant.
"I don't know. Maybe it's the magic of your hands. You always tend to have the ability to turn things magical for me. " Mew replied. It almost sounded like he is flirting.
Both of them are equally shocked at those words and that tone.
Shoot. Did my anxiety really say bye-bye? Omg. This is not real.
He is smiling. Omg. He is smiling. Am I dreaming? Shoot. What in the world!!!!
Mew was freaking out a little inside, by in a good way. Without anxiety involved.
Gulf was trying hard not to smile at everything mew is saying. Gulf coughed it off really cool.
Really cool. yes.
Mew dared a little by bringing up last night.
"About last night..."
Gulf visibly froze at that. That tension was back between them again. Mew held over himself well time, not letting his anxiety get in. He was not going to get his anxiety to take over this chance again. He can't. It's his time to fight.
Gulf really kissed me back. Like really did. I felt it. He could have just pushed me away. But he did not. I was the drunk one here. He was in his all senses. He knows what he is doing. But he still did it. That means something right? It should mean something. Maybe there is still love somewhere deep inside his heart. Maybe that's what made my anxiety step back. Hope. Hope that maybe we could have a chance. I could have a chance.
Mew thought hopefully, pushing back every negative that tried to get into his head. No. He is not giving up this time. It's time to fight. Fight with himself. Fight for his love. Fight for a second chance. Fight for acceptance. Fight for them. He would not forgive himself at all if he let his anxiety get him this time. Not like he forgives himself for what he let happen in the past. He still hates himself for everything. But still, he wants to try. He needs to try.
"You were drunk. " Gulf said sitting upright with a hard expression settled on his face. His voice is sharp and cold. Mew felt like running away at that tone.
You are not gonna let your anxiety back. No. I will fight. I will fight for his forgiveness. I will fight until there is no tomorrow. I know he can't forgive me. But at least- maybe- he could give me a second chance. The last chance. I don't care how much my feelings get hurt this time. I deserve it. I deserve to get hurt. I am taking all of it. All the hurt and pain. Just for the last single chance.
Mew did not reply to gulf words as he tried not to let cold tone bother him.
"I knew what was happening... " Mew replied instead.
"You may but you were still drunk and you are not in a state of thinking right. It's was just a slip of moment or whatever " Gulf spoke his voice still had that cold tone. He was staring at the floor as he spoke. Hard expression still fixed on his face.
"You know that's not true. You felt it last it. I felt it. You can't deny it. " Mew talked back. He almost felt like he sounding like a whining kid. It's not that he cares.
"There is nothing to feel between us " Gulf responded quickly. He sounded so harsh.
"I should have taken your warning more seriously..." Mew mumbled. Gulf went really stiff this time. His eyes held that pain and emotions from the past but they were coated by his coldness. He doesn't like where this is going. He just wants to forget about the last night and go on with his life like usual. He doesn't want anything else. Call him stubborn. He was not ready to give in and get hurt again. He is not willing. He will never be willing. Mew is not in his life. It was past. Something that was over. He wants to keep it like that.
"I don't want to talk about it " gulf stood up but mew caught his wrist before he could walk away.
"It's been 8 years. Don't you think it was already too late not- talking about it? " mew asked standing up
Gulf turned around sharply snatching his hand away. His eyes looked so cold as he glared up at him. Mew's heart is close to breaking at that look. He always hated that look on gulf. He hated it more when it was directed towards him.
"Oh. Now you realize it's been too late. That it's been 8 years " Gulf said his voice sharp and trim. He looked like he wanted to beat the shit out of him. Mew wished he really does that and gets over with it.
"I am sorry. " Mew pleaded.
"I was pregnant with your kid, mew. I was so happy. We always wanted to start a family and I was finally pregnant. " Gulf said his eyes shining with unshed tears. He is not gonna cry. He is too angry to cry. He is not crying. Not this time. He had enough of crying all these years.
"I am sorry," Mew begged his eyes tearing up but gulf did not soften up at all. His eyes looked cold, angry.
"I come home to tell you. Tell you that we are finally gonna start a family together. But what I see instead! " Gulf shouted the last sentence dabbing his finger at mew chest.
"You sleep with that..." Gulf spoke. His voice filled with disappointment.
'He drugged me. That's not my fault. '
Mew wished he could defend himself like that. But no. He knew it was his fault.
"I am so sorry. I dont mean to anybody it. It's a mistake, baby. I would never do that to you intentionally. I would never " mew begged, stepping forward hold gulf hands. But gulf stepped back looking away.
Tears slipped down mew face.
"Yeah. A mistake. Raina told me everything that happened" Gulf spoke still looking away. His voice softened a little. But when he looked back at mew, his eyes still held that sharpness.
"I told you. I warned you. " Gulf said looking up at his face.
"I know, baby. I am a stupid guy. I am the worst guy. I should have taken it seriously. I just thought...I did not expect....we were friends for ages...I..I...did not expect...." Mew could not explain it in words. He was so hurt. He did never ever expected his best friend would do that to him. He just thought it was a little crush that went away after he got married to gulf.
"You did not bother to tell me that before, mew. Why did not you talk to me? It's been 8 years.8 fucking year's" gulf voice is edgy.
I was depressed. I was ashamed. I could not even look at you or think about you without feeling the urge to end myself.
Mew wanted to say that but he couldn't. He doesn't know why. Maybe his anxiety was still in there. But at some point, he doesn't want to tell him about it. It doesn't feel right to tell him that.
"You did not meet me or come across me for 4 years. Like I was the one who did wrong. Do you know how much pain I was in? You did not even bother to see my face. Like you never cared" gulf was not crying. But he looked like he was gonna cry
"I am sorry. I am so sorry. I did not mean to let you go through the pain. It's my mistake. I was a jerk. I made you go through a lot. But please. ..." Mew stepped forward holding gulf hands into his.
Gulf did not push him away.
"Can you please give me one last chance? Just one chance to make you right. Please give me a chance to make you stop hating me "
Gulf did not respond. Mew forced down the sobs that threatened to come out as he continued to speak.
"You don't need to forgive me. I don't deserve your...forgiveness. Just give me one last chance. I am willing to make it up to you for the rest of my life. "
"Please.." Mew knelt holding gulf hands into his. He looked up, tears rolling down his face.
"I am begging you. For one last chance. "
"Just one "
Gulf stepped back in shock.
"What the hell....are you doing" gulf made him stand up by holding his shoulder.
"I...I.." Gulf could not speak.
"I dont hate you..." Gulf whispered
"But this. Us. It's not gonna happen. I don't want it to." Gulf shook his head at that thought.
Never. Never in all these years, he wanted to get back with mew. All he was wished for is an explanation. An apology. He just wants to know what they had at that time was real. It meant something even though he did not care about it anymore.
At least that what gulf said to himself.
"Gulf...baby " Mew tried to hold gulf but he stepped away.
"No, mew. " Gulf shook his head looking at him.
"I don't hate you. I could never. " He confessed. Mew was glad to hear that. It is what he wanted to hear all these years. But that not what he wants.
"But us being together again. That's...not gonna happen. I created my life without you. I am doing good by myself" Gulf said stretching his hand for a second indicating the world he created for himself. His house. His job. His life with his son.
Mew didn't know how to respond to that but all he knows is, he is not giving up.
"We happened once in the past. That was done. I don't want it anymore. I am fine with how I am right now " Gulf said more confidently this time.
"Are you...seeing someone?" Mew asked in distress.
"No" Gulf answered more hastily than he intended to.
"Not right now. Maybe someday in the future. But that's now we are talking about" Gulf muttered trying to sound casual.
"Then why don't you consider what I just said..." Mew asked not trying to sound like he is demanding.
"Mew " Gulf called in a warning tone as he said something illegal. He sounded like a teacher scolding a student. He is a teacher indeed.
"It's happened. Done in the past. It's too late to do something about it " Gulf stated with a frown.
"Once I failed because It was too late to apologize. Now, I have got another chance. I am not letting it go, gulf. I am not going to turn it into another 'Too late' situation " Mew stated back not longer sounding anxious about his words.
"I am not losing this chance. " Mew said it like he was vowing.
"Mew, Dont be like this " Gulf said looking a little irritated that mew is not doing as he said.
"I am sorry, gulf. But I am really trying this time. I don't care how many days, months, or maybe years it takes. I am willing to. For you. For us " Mew started gaining confidence by every word he is saying.
"What if I get together with someone else in the future. Don't waste your time. " Gulf said trying everything to make mew back off.
"Then..." Mew heart ached at the thought of gulf with someone else.
"Then I am still trying. Love is not something that wastes my time. Especially, my love for you. "
"I don't care if it takes a lifetime. I am still willing. " Mew stated.
"Go home, mew. You need to take a rest. It seemed like you were in a lot of pain this morning" Gulf said dismissively.
"It's a promise, gulf. I am not hiding away this time. I am fighting for the last chance. Just one last chance " Mew replied not listening to what gulf just said.
"You can come and get Avi someday in the week. You should take some rest for today. " Gulf said motioning his hand towards the exit.
Mew did not move. Gulf sighed.
"Do I need to show you the exit? " gulf asked not really willing to show him the exit. He just wanted mew out of here. Mew got that.
He sighed but started walking towards the door.
"Also, I wanted to say that.." Mew stopped at the door and turned around.
"I never stopped loving you in the last 8 years and I will never stop in the future. " Mew smiled a little and turned away.
"It's a promise " He walked away with that, leaving gulf to stand there to rethink about what just happened.
Just in time, Nate called and gulf decided to rant to him.
Nate stated that he is surprised to know gulf slept with mew. But everyone knows he is not all surprised. Typical Nate.
*********
Duh. Duh.Duh.
How was it? Mew is getting somewhere right. It's frustrating but yeah...You sighed up for this. So!!!!
What do you think gonna happen next?
Ok, don't bother. I already wrote the next chapter. A very long chapter! 🙈🙉🙊
••••••••••
Guys remember when I told you I am having a hard time finding a course for college.
I think I found something I like.
I am gonna study psychology. Yeah yeah. I am gonna be a Therapist.
Hahaha. I am still searching for a good college to get into. It's not easy with my conditions.
Let's hope I find something good. Wish me luck!!!! I need it na!
Luv ya.
The next chapter is coming soon. Very soon.