This is the story from "a sore loser" (from my other book) with alternate ending, so if you want you can go read it first if you haven't.
We were waiting for the result to show when the ten minutes passed and the alarm we had set went off. I was too scared to look at it, so I gave it to James.
- Are you sure you want me to see it? – he asked, his worried look on his face was evident.
- Go ahead! – I nodded and looked at him closely.
A second passed as he slid off the cover and his face was blank, not relieved, not happy. Just blank.
- It's positive, Y/n – he said and showed it to me, so I could see the two red lines.
My mind went blank. I was in such shock that I couldn't even move from the place I was standing. I wish I could say that a million thoughts ran through my head. I wish I could say all of them were good, but when you're sixteen and you're pregnant none of them were. All I could think of was my ruined future, my dreams of going to college and living my life, the carefree days that were going to be gone, and of course, the horror of having to care for a child when I was still needed my parents to take care of me.
I looked at James and thought about him. He couldn't be a father, at least not now. I couldn't do this to him. I knew he had his dreams too and this would definitely stop him from chasing them if I told him to stay. The awful, for some, thought of abortion was the first thing that came to mind, no matter how cruel it may have sounded. At the moment I didn't see this baby as a blessing, but as an obstacle to achieving everything I'd wanted in life.
- Y/n, do you hear me? What are we going to do? – James got me out of my thoughts by shaking my shoulders a little and just then I saw the scared look on his face.
- I- I- can't have a baby, James! I'm sixteen! – I exclaimed as a tear fell down my face from this emotional situation.
- Come here! – he whispered and hugged me while I was crying loudly into his chest.
- I'm sorry!
- It's not your fault, baby. It's mine. I'm really sorry. Whatever your decision will be I'll be with you, Y/n.
- We have to get rid of it. I can't ruin both of our lives! – I cried shakily, pulling back to see his face.
- So you want to have an abortion?
- I can't do this, baby. I'm so scared.
I was sobbing quietly as James was holding me into his arms, caressing my back comfortingly. I could see he was somewhat relieved when I said I wanted an abortion, but at the same time kind of sad.
- Y/n, I just want you to know that I want to have kids with you. Now it's just not the right moment for it – he said lowly, planting a kiss on my forehead.
- Nobody should know about this, James. Only you and me.
***
I took the abortion pill from the pharmacy and went home to take it. Just then I thought I couldn't do it at home, because I would be in pain and I'd need someone if I want anything. I went to James', because I wanted to be with him in that moment of my life. That child we made together, so it was only fair to lose it together.
If I'd said I didn't care I would've lied for sure. Even though I knew that was the right decision I couldn't help but feel sad and guilty for wanting to get rid of something that was a fruit of James and I's love. Over all, I got over myself and took the pill while crying quietly in James' bed as he was holding me and telling me everything would be okay.
We had fallen asleep when I was woken up by some painful abdominal cramps, signaling it was all over now.
- James? – I whispered on the verge of tears, because of the pain and the fact that we had lost our baby.
- Is everything alright, love? – he asked frantically, seeing my expression.
- It's done now. Everything is over – I broke down in tears in the end of my sentence and clutched to him tightly.
- Are you okay?
- It hurts – I sobbed and wiped my tears.
James turned me around so my back was against his chest and he began rubbing my belly with his hand in circular motions.
- You know what? I also want to have your kids when we become adults – I said, trying my best not to cry while I was staring out the window.
- I'm glad to hear it. I love you, Y/n.
- I love you, James.
We stayed in silence, until we fell asleep again.
My bleeding stopped after a week and a half and everything was like it was before. James and I decided to forget about this, because if we thought about it, it would only hurt us. We knew that was the right decision, no matter how hard it was, considering we both wanted to have kids, but not at that exact moment. Our future was right ahead and it was in our hands to make it meaningful. And when the time came we would have the possibility to choose when to bring a child into this world.