Warning - Smut, nonconsensual sex, triggering, might need a tissue box (Just saying)
I just want to apologize beforehand for the first part, if you don't like it just skip the first italics, I know some people can get triggered by it.
Also that picture, OMG! My ovaries melted!!!!
"Why are you like this?" Bucky yelled, breaking his silence. "I told you already! I don't have to tell you everything I do. I am allowed to have a life of my own, Y/N"
"Buck, I just asked why you were bleeding. Does it hurt? Should I get the doctor or something?" You asked reaching for his hand as the blood trickled down his arm. "I wanted to make sure your okay that's it" But as soon as you touched him he flinched, stepping away and turning around. "Bucky" You tried to hold his shoulder.
"I just want to help you" you sucked in a breath before placing your hand on his shoulder "Any way possible."
He clenched your hand before it actually touched him, turning around to see goosebumps on your hand for his touch. Without saying anything he pulled you closer smashing his lips onto yours. Abusing your mouth with his tongue, it wasn't the normal kiss he would give you, this was rough, from anger, not sweet and passionate.
He pushed you onto the bed "Take your clothes off" He ordered. Scared of the state he was in, he obeyed his orders, shredding the clothes off your body, bitting down the tears. He pushed you up against the headboard of the bed and spun you so you laid on your stomach. As you laid there motionless, as you hear his zipper go down.
Without a warning he pushed into you, making you scream in pain, more than pleasure. He thrust in and out, without giving you time to adjust properly under him. You muffled your scream, and cry into the pillow. Not wanting Bucky to know how much pain you were in.
He just growled and grunted as he pushed deeper and deeper into you, as you laid there allowing him to let his anger out on you. He placed his hands on your waist pulling you closer as he came closer to the edge, the blood from his hand dripping down to your waist, and the sheets underneath.
The pace he had set was too intensive and painful for you to handle, but you kept your cry muffled because you knew he needed this, he just needed a way to get the pain out, you stopping him will only make it worst.
As his thrusts got faster and harder, you lost it, crying and begging for him to stop. "Bucky, please stop, you're hurting me" You cried softly, not wanting to startle him too much. If he woke up from his trance and saw you like this, crying, it would make him want to rip himself apart.
It was like he was deaf, even though you were loud enough for him to hear what you were saying he still held your head down into the pillow and pushed into you.
As soon as he unloaded himself into you he pulled out, zipped up his pants, and left. Letting you lay there motionless. You turned around and sat up pulling the blanket over your sore, blood-covered, naked body, as you leaned your head against the headboard. Crying your heart out from the physical and mental pain.
"Y/N?" A familiar voice played in the back of your head. "Y/N hon, wake up." You opened your eyes to see Nat standing up leaning down to you. "Are you okay?" She helped you sit up. "I came in to check on you and you were crying, is it a nightmare or something?" You wiped your tears and sat with your head leaning back against the wall.
"Just a memory of Bucky" You finally spoke, "I thought I was helping him, I tried to help him." You looked at Nat sitting next to you on the edge of the bed, "He would be out for hours on end, always coming back bruised, or bleeding. When I asked him why he would just be quiet" Tears rolled out of your eyes. "I never yelled back, or said anything out of line, but I also have so much patience, right?"
"Did?" She moved closer, and held your hand, "Did he hit you?" I looked up at her in horror, "No, no, never."
"You know you can tell me anything right? Whatever it is, I am here for you okay?" She got up and hugged you, as she was about to leave he held her hand pulling her down to sit next to you.
"He, he, um." You stuttered "He never hit me, but this one time, um, he completely lost, and" Your voice trembled.
"Oh my god, Y/N!" Nat pulled you into her, holding you close to her as you cried into her shoulder. "I am so sorry, are you okay? I swear to god I will rip him in half as soon as he is done in Wakanda"
"NO, no. He didn't mean it, it was out of anger, and clouded judgment. He would never do that on purpose. He just needed a way to let out his anger." You cried into her shoulder, saying it more to yourself to reassure yourself more than inform Nat.
"How are you still defending him, after what he did?" She left you to sit properly as she held your hand.
"I love him, I know he isn't himself right now. He just needed a way out. It wasn't like my father or Asgard helped him." You sucked in a breath, "My father disapproved of him and would act like he was a low life, and everyone else would stare at him, or call him names. He just couldn't take it anymore."
"He will be fine, you know?" Nat moved closer, "It is gonna work out one way or another. You have been through so much, I know the universe will get you guys back, the time you lost."
"I hope so, I have lost too much time with him." I gave a smile, wiping the tears off my face.
"All right, come on now, I haven't seen you in forever we have to go out. You, me and Wanda, oh and Pepper. You should meet her, she is like the best babysitter for Tony." She rambled on about Pepper and Tony while you got up and got ready to go down.
"So what? I leave for a few days and you find a replacement for me?" You asked walking out of your closet wearing pair of gray Nike sweats and one of Bucky's old hoodies.
"No, never! She is Tony's girlfriend remember, so like your mom, if you think about it?" She smiled walking you out of the room. You went down to the kitchen to see Wanda and Sam arguing about spices.
"CHILI POWDER" Sam yelled holding up the box of chili powder.
"RED FOOD COLORING!" Wanda yelled back snatching the box out of his hand. "Try this" she went to the cabinet next to the stove getting out a small box similar. "This is paprika, this actually has flavor, not just color."
"Guys, stop arguing," you say as you walked to them, hugging them both before sitting down next to Nat on the kitchen counter. "Wanda, we are gonna be going out today, like downtown to that arcade or the park that you always go to."
"Oh I wanna go to a park, it looks so good outside," A tall skinny blonde woman said walking in, wearing a gray suit and skirt, with pretty high glossy white heels. You looked up at her confused about who she was. She walked around, hugged Nat, and walked over to you holding a hand out, "You must be Y/N. I am Pepper, I am guessing nat already told you about me?" You shake her hand and nod laughing. "Yeah, that you are the new babysitter of this place, good luck with that! No amount of money will ever be enough for a job that hectic." All of you laugh and resume back to what you were doing.
You, Nat, Wanda, Pepper went to the park. Wanda and Pepper were still walking when you and Nat chose to sit down and rest for a bit. Nat saw how uncomfortable you had been all day, but tried your best to mask it. "It's okay to be sad, or hell even mad at him you know?" She broke the comfortable silence between you two. You look at her amused like you didn't understand what she was saying. "I know your mad at him for leaving, I also know that you miss him" She looks at you, "and it's absolutely okay to be angry and sad at the same time, and to show it too." She moved closer to you, "We are all your family, you know that right? We can understand what your going through." She gives your hand a gentle squeeze.
"Yeah, I know." You look up at her, "It's just he could have at least told me that we were gonna do this, before doing it. Not ask me or anything, just tell me about it." You look up trying to stop the tears from falling, "I just feel like the cloud that's keeping our love in us is slowly fading away, just like that if a few moments or days, we won't love each other anymore" You look at Nat as the tears start to form in the corners of your eyes "Is that possible? To lose love for someone you fought your entire life for, to stop loving them for the same reason you fell in love with them with?"
"No, absolutely not, don't think that Y/N, you guys are just being tested to see how strong your love is. You just have to push past it, I know you guys, and I know damn well how much you guys love each other. Don't let a few bad days ruin what you guys spent so long time fighting for."
Nat's words played over and over in your head as you tried to sleep. It was true since the day you told your father that you were dating Bucky till now, all you guys thought about was how much things have changed, how everything was going to be bad. Maybe it was good to live in the past for a little bit, maybe reminding yourself of how much you loved him can ease the anger and pain. You laid in your bed, look at the ceiling, thinking about how much you missed being in Bucky's hands.
The first week back was a bit awkward, even though you and Bucky were pretty open, and refused to spend time with anyone else, when it came to being intimate it got a little weird. Bucky was still getting used to being himself again and was scared to hold you tight, not wanting to hurt you, he was scared that he might turn back in the middle causing him to stop and get flustered when things were a little heated.
You on the other hand hated that he was too scared to even touch you. All you craved was his touch, wanting to feel him inside you, to taste his lip more, to feel his hands run around your body, to hold on to him as he made you see stars, knowing what he was going through, you pulled yourself together, trying not to just melt away every time he held you.
You walked out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you, when you saw Bucky in nothing but a pair of black basketball shorts, sitting on the bed reading the Hobbit. "You love that book don't you?" You asked him leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, he looked up at you noticing how low the towel hung and looked back at the book
"Yeah?" he said awkwardly.
"Do you remember the day it came out?" You asked leaning off of the frame and slowly walking towards him. "You wanted to get it so badly, so we had to wait in the line in front of the library for hours,"
"In the coldest September," He said putting the book on the night table.
"Remember Steve ran back home because he had to pee so bad," You said walking to his side of the bed and sitting down next to him, turning to see him "And he never came back, so I was stuck for another 3 hours with the world's biggest nerd fangirling about the book."
"Hey! Don't blame me, you choose to stay, you could have left with Steve" He smiled leaning forward to meet your lips, You lean in halfway holding the towel so it won't slip.
"Yeah, but I loved you too much to just leave you there, in the cold all by your crazy self." You smirked as you pulled away, getting up to change, but Bucky's hand stops you from stepping another foot. You turn to him, seeing how full of love and happiness his eyes were filled with, but a bit of sadness at not having you next to him. "How did you like me then, I mean" He let go of your hand looking down at his lap, "You knew me right? I was such a dork, so nerdy. Like remember Richard, you guys were together right, he was so much popular, better looking and just overall better for you than I was, why me?" You walk out of your closet wearing an oversized shirt and black shorts. You moved closer to him, sitting on his out stretched legs, tilting his head up to look at you.
"Maybe I have a thing for dorky, nerdy guys like you, who know how to treat girls perfectly, and with care." You lean in to kiss him again, "And were you really jealous of Richie?" You let out a light laugh, to see him open up to you. He pulled you closed so you sat right on his abs, you pressed your forehead against his chest, looking deep into his eyes. "Why would I be, I am the one you fell in love with right?" Bucky whispered sending chills through your nerves.
"Um let's see," You looked up with a finger on your chin, acting like you were thinking, "Well there's..." You look down at him, he looks at you amused before pulling you closer, holding your waist a bit harder. You let out a small whimper at his cold metal hand touching the bare skin under your shirt. When Bucky hears you he quickly takes his hands off you and sat up, slightly pushing you down to sit right above his knees.
As you see his discomfort you move up, closer to him, holding his head up to look at you, slowly scratching his light beard, "It's okay" You move your right hand down his metal arm and hold his hand in yours. Not breaking eye contact, you move the hand from his sides to your waist under your shirt, guiding it to hold you. He grips onto your side as he kissed your hand that was still holding his face.
"Are you sure?" He whispered against your hand. You nodded your head as you slowly rocking back and forth on him as you kissed him, "Yeah" You breath out pulling away. You kissed him again this time more passionate, your hand traveled down, tracing his chiseled body down to his shorts, you sit up on your knees as you pulled his shorts down, giving him a little space to lift up a bit to pull it down. You move up as he helped you discard your shirt, locking your lips together again. You moan into his mouth as you feel him get hard under you. He sits up more so his back was straight against the headboard, giving you time to get off him and take your shorts off. You climb back on top of him again, your hand stroking him as your tongues danced together,
"Are you sure about this?" He asked again, you move closer and line yourself up on top, kissing his forehead before pushing down onto him, earning a low groan. "Ahh! Buck-" You moan out as you tried to adjust to his size, hands clawing into his shoulders.
"Are you okay?" his voice was soft and concerning, he held your face, pushing the hair that fell away. You nod your head, smiling at how delicately he treated you. You move your hands from his shoulder to the back of his hair, pulling his face closer to your neck. You arch your back pushing your chest closer to him, feeling him stretch you. You pull his face off your neck and kiss him over and over, muffling your moans. His thumb traced your pelvic bone to your core, rubbing light circles on your nub, pushing you closer to the edge.
You try to hold yourself from exploding, but as soon as you hear Bucky moan out your name, you come undone above him, screaming his name in pleasure, causing him to let go, seeing the effect he had on you.
You both sit there trying to catch your breaths, Bucky sat against the bed frame, his head leaned back trying to get down from the high. You were leaning on your elbows around him, with your head presses against the crook of his neck, panting. Once you catch your breath you lean down placing feather-light kisses along his shoulder up to his neck, you moved your head to his left side, tracing the part where the metal arm met him lightly as to not hurt him, but to ensure him that you accept all of him. He twitched a little when your lean down to continue your kisses on his metal arm.
"I want you to know, that I love you" You looked up at him, "all of you, this is now a part of you" You rub circles around his left elbow, "I love it too, I know you need time to accept it, just know that I do, no matter what" You pull his hand around your to hold you closer to him, hugging his waist, listing to his steady heartbeat, "I know those scars are from you," referring to the red scabs around his metal arm, "I don't want to ever try to do that again, okay?" You look up at him. Bucky leans in to place a kiss on your forehead, "I promise doll!" He hugged you tightly as you both drifted off, feeling safe and calm in each other's arms.
A small smile crept on your face at the sweet memory playing in your head, you hugged onto your pillow, imagining it was Bucky, and dozed out thinking back to that day.
A/N! - This one really long, sorry for the late update. Anyway I just wanted to ask if you like the contrast in y/n's memories, how the first one caused her pain and the other one helped her sleep properly? I actually had this storyline in the works for a long time, and I thought this was the best place to put it, what do you guys think?
Also, I don't why but when I reread the second memory it sounded rough, so um, just know it's not, it meant to be like passionate, and loving, because it's kinda like their first time doing it after 70 years. Idk if this is really a warning or not, but yeah.
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