Someone was shaking me. Shaking me right back into consciousness. I could hear a desperate voice, familiar and pleading, saying my name off in the distance, begging me to wake up. I groaned, trying to reach up and touch my still throbbing head, and my eyes snapped open abruptly when I realized that I couldn't.
My hands were still cuffed behind my back.
It was dark, too dark. It took my eyes a moment to adjust but I could see a figure leaning over me, felt something dripping down onto my face. After a few seconds my eyes finally adjusted and I could make out Jade's panicked features, could see the rivers of tears streaming down her face. It was her tears that were falling on my face.
My stomach dropped when I realized where we were.
We were in a cell. A small one with four cement walls, a heavy metal door, and a caged overhead light that barely illuminated the space with its dull lightbulb inside. A thin sliver of light shined in from beneath the metal door and the break in the concrete they called a 'window'. There was a twin sized rusty metal frame with the thinnest mattress I'd ever seen on it. A metal toilet with a sink sat in the corner.
It was my cell.
We were in my old cell.
The one they kept me in between missions, when I wasn't on ice, when I was allowed to rest or when I was being punished. I could still see the marks from my metal fists in the walls.
Jade was all but sobbing, sniffling and talking, but between the sobs I couldn't understand her frantic words. Her hands were gripping the material of my shirt tightly. I forced myself upward, leaning against the cement wall behind me. I wanted to hold her, to comfort her and offer reassurances, but the best I could do was lean forward, putting my forehead against hers.
"Jade, Sugar, listen to me," I said making her fall silent. "Calm down. Take a deep breath," I urged. She was seconds away from hyperventilating at this point. "Come on, deep breath. Show me."
She looked at me hesitantly, but did as I asked, breathing in deeply as her eyes slid closed and letting it out slow. She repeated the action two more times, I nodded encouragingly. When she opened her eyes they were still filled with panic and fear, but her breathing had calmed.
"Good. Good girl. It's going to be okay, alright? I promise. It's going to be okay."
It felt like a lie, but I wanted to ease her fears.
"Where are we?" She asked, taking in her surroundings. "What are they going to do?"
"We're in Russia, I know that much," I sighed, staring at the imprints of my metal fist on the walls. "This is my cell." '
Her face fell as she looked around with wide eyes. "This...This is were they kept you?"
"Sometimes, yeah."
Her eyes were watery once more. "Oh James," she breathed.
"I need you to keep it together for me, okay?" I said quickly at the threat of more tears falling from her eyes. "Just keep breathing. Stay calm. Can you do that for me?"
She nodded, wiping at her eyes and taking another deep breath. "Y-Yes."
"Good...Good."
Her being here with me worried me. Hydra wanted me back of course, but she served no purpose to them. All they had to do was wipe me, brainwash me, and say my trigger words and I'd be completely under their control. Though Shuri had removed the programming from my mind, she had warned that it would be easy for them to put it all back if I was ever captured. They didn't need Jade here to turn me back into the Winter Soldier, and they'd never let her go now, which meant they intended to kill her. They were leaving her here to toy with me, to remind me of what I was going to lose, to punish me for getting away. The thought of them hurting her filled me with rage. My fists clenched behind my back and I struggled to remain calm for her, not wanting to scare her any more than she already was.
"Do you know how long we've been here?"
She shook her head. "No, I tried waking you as soon as I woke up. I panicked and-."
"Jade, that's okay...I just...I need you to listen to me," I took a deep breath and caught her eyes with mine. "They're gonna change me back and when they do that...I'll be completely under their control and when I am under their control they might..." I stopped short, shaking my head at the thought.
"Might what?" She asked worriedly.
"They might try to make me hurt you," I finished. "If...if that happens...you take me out if you get the chance you hear me?" Her face fell and she looked at me in disgust, shaking her head at those words, mumbling no. "Yes, Jade, listen, they could make me hurt you. They...they could make me...kill you." Her eyes widened in the darkness. "And I mean it, if you get the chance, any opportunity, you fight, you grab one of the soldiers guns, do anything you have to, and you put me down you understand? I'd rather...I'd rather die than hurt you."
"I couldn't shoot Dimitri and I don't even like him! How on earth do you expect me to hurt you?" she asked incredulously looking down at her hands. "I should have shot him like you said, but I...I couldnt and now we're here in this place-."
"None of that matters, I was a fool to send you out there alone," I cut in tilting my head so she was forced to look up and into my eyes. "This is not your fault. And I want you to promise me that if I become the Winter Soldier again-."
"No, James," she started again, shaking her head.
"If I become the Winter Soldier again you will stop me-."
She jumped to her feet, backing away from me, now looking angry. "No! I can't. I won't-."
I growled in frustration, snapping at her to make her stop. "Dammit Jade, yes, you have too. Otherwise I'll hurt you and probably a lot of other people," her face fell again. "So you promise me that you won't let me hurt you if you can stop me."
"James..." she covered her face with both hands.
"Promise me. Right now."
She was still shaking her head, but took a deep breath before looking me in the eye again. "I...I promise," she said softly.
An awkward silence fell over us, only the sound of our breathing filling the air, and I felt remorse for snapping at her. My face softened and I sighed. "Come here," I called gently. She hesitated and remained where she stood with her arms crossed, looking at me warily. "Jade, I'm sorry for snapping, please come here."
She came towards me slowly, sitting down next to me, looking up at me meekly. I leaned in slowly, giving her every opportunity to stop me and kissed her, softly at first, and then harder when she didn't hesitate. She took my face into her hands as the kiss deepened and I slid my tongue into her mouth for a taste. She withdrew from the kiss first, breathless, her heart still racing and resting her head against my shoulder, leaning into me. I put my head against hers, resting it there, sighing heavily. She wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging my body.
We sat like that in silence for what felt like hours, but there was no way to really know. The sounds of the heavy locks on the doors turning startled us both, making Jade sit up tensely looking at the door and then me in panic.
"James," fear dripped from her voice.
"It's okay, Sugar," I lied even as the door opened and two armed soldiers entered. "It's going to be okay."
I expected them to come grab me and tensed in preparation for them to do so, but they stalked towards her, shouting at her to get up in Russian which she of course didn't understand. She remained sitting, looking terrified and confused, her brown eyes wide and darting between the two soldiers as she tensed and raised her hands to her chest. The first soldier grabbed her by the arm, yanking her to her feet and away from me and I felt anger roar through me.
"Stop!" I shouted trying to get to my feet, only to have the second soldier jam the butt of his gun right into my gut forcing me to double over as pain shot through me.
"James!" She called as they started to drag her, kicking and squirming to the door. "No, let me go! Get off of me! James!"
"Jade!" I struggled to my feet running for her, but they shut the door, the sound of the heavy locks sliding into place. My chest hit the door and I leaned against it, hearing the sounds of her screams echoing and fading down the hall.
***
The corridor looked like something straight out of a horror movie.
It was dark, dingy, dirty, and the lights overhead flickered ominously.
I quickly gave up struggling, knowing it was pointless, and if I had gotten away I had no idea where I'd run to. I was in another country, far from home, with no identification. I was trapped.
They forced me to walk when we reached a set of stairs which I stumbled up, coming to find myself in a large circular room filled with machinery and consoles, the largest machine that looked like some torture device sat directly in the middle with a chair attached. Dimitri stood in front of it, eyeing the machine as a few other soldiers stood at the console, pushing buttons and tweaking knobs. Dimitri turned as we approached, a smile spreading across his face.
"Ah, домашнее животное. Please join me," he motioned to a chair that was sitting in front of the torture machine, which the soldiers roughly deposited me into. I glared at them, before looking at Dimitri. "Did you enjoy your last moments with актив?"
I remained silent, though my stomach twisted at 'last moments'.
Dimitri laughed at my silence. "Was there not enough time for one more tryst?" He mocked with a raised eyebrow. "And here I thought I was doing you a kindness."
"What the fuck do you want?" I demanded through clenched teeth. "Why am I here?"
He reached out to caress my cheek. I dodged his touch which made him laugh again. "I like you домашнее животное. I see why he does too."
"What are you going to do with James?"
"We're going to wipe his memory, reprogram him and turn him into the soldier he is meant to be," Dimitri answered proudly.
I felt my face fall. Wipe his memory?
"You know, I am tempted to let you live," he continued with a smirk. "You could be his personal nurse. And his toy when he needs rewarding," he reached for me again and this time I was too frozen to move again. "And perhaps my toy when he does not..." he finished brushing his fingers against my cheek.
My stomach turned in disgust. I pulled away from his hand. "Do. Not. Touch. Me." My voice was laced with anger as I enunciated each word clearly.
His smile widened. "I do like my girls feisty," he leaned in, his lips right next to my ear. "And you haven't truly known pleasure till you have spent the night with a man like me."
"I would rather die," I spat.
He chuckled. "And you just might, домашнее животное."
His words sent a chill over me and I fell silent just as I heard the sounds of footsteps approaching. I turned to find two of the soldiers escorting Bucky into the room. I straightened in the chair locking eyes with him as they led him to the torture chair.
"James," I called to him.
"Jade, are you okay?" He asked worriedly.
"Yes, I'm fine I-," I was moving to get up, I didn't know what I intended to do, but Dimitri moved to stand behind me, placing two large hands on my shoulder and forcing me down and cutting off my sentence. Bucky's teeth clenched at the sight.
"Don't touch her," he growled.
"And what will you do to stop me, актив?" Dimitri taunted, pulling a gun from his hip holster and aiming it right at my temple again. Fear raced down my spine and I felt my eyes watering again.
Bucky's face fell. "You said you would let her go. I came willingly. I'm not fighting, just let her go."
"And let her miss out on the show? I think not. Besides, we were just discussing a permanent stay for her, I have use for such a pretty girl who can entertain my needs," Dimitri said behind me, one hand reaching forward to curve around my throat and yank me back against him, caressing the skin there. I yelped in surprise.
"Don't you fucking touch her," Bucky shouted struggling against the two soldiers holding him. They held him back by his shoulders, but not without struggle.
Dimitri cocked the gun at my head. "Get in the chair or she dies. You choose."
Bucky stopped instantly, looking defeated, his blue eyes on me. "James, don't," I said softly, looking into his eyes. My eyes were growing watery again. I didn't want to die, nor did I think Dimitri was bluffing, but thinking of what they were going to do to him, because of me made me feel sick. "Don't do it."
"Quiet," Dimitri barked, his hand tightening on my throat.
Bucky's face was blank, but his eyes said so much. I'm sorry. He let the soldiers drop him into the chair, a soldier unlocking and removing the cuffs from his hands before forcing them onto the arms of the chair. Metal bands shot out of the arms of the chair with a hiss, clamping down on his wrists. His teeth clenched and his eyes slid closed, his breathing getting heavy.
"Feeling a sense of dejavu актив?" Dimitri taunted. "Just like old times eh?"
Bucky ignored Dimitri, his eyes opening to find me again. I felt tears falling down my cheeks. "Remember what I said, Sugar," he said softly.
I shook my head. No.
"You promised," he said.
A promise that I knew I couldn't keep. That he should have known I couldn't keep. I just couldn't. It was impossible. Even if I managed to get a gun or anything that was strong enough to hurt him, I could never pull the trigger. I knew that I wasn't getting out of this.
"James I-I..." I couldn't find the words. I shook my head again.
"It's okay, Sugar," he assured softly. "It's going to be okay."
The soldier at his side, pushed on his chest, forcing him to lie back in the chair. I saw a hint of panic in the blue, his chest still heaving with the deep breaths he was taking, his fingers gripping the edge of the arms of the chair. I tried to get up again, to go to him, but Dimitri's hand stopped me, holding me firmly. The soldier nearest to Bucky pulled a mouth guard out of his pocket and shoved it roughly into Bucky's mouth, he glared up at him.
"Is the machine ready?" Dimitri demanded, looking in the direction of the soldiers at the console.
"Ready to begin, sir," one of the soldiers said, standing at a console, finger poised over a button.
"Начать," Dimitri ordered.
The soldier pressed the button and the machine came to life, my heart all but stopped in my chest. A mechanism descended down towards Bucky, clamping harshly onto the sides of his head, my fingers dug into the metal of the chair and Dimitri bent down and leaned in close, his lips right at my ear, whispering to me.
"Now watch closely, домашнее животное."
I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye and the soldier pressed a second button. The sounds of the machine working were immediately drowned out by Bucky's agonized screams that echoed in the room, sending chills down my spine. I tried to shut my eyes, turn my head, and cover my ears, unable to bear the sight of Bucky in pain. But Dimitri grabbed my hands, swatting them away from my own head before taking it into his hands and turning me back to face the chair.
"You watch," he ordered. "Watch him become who he is meant to be."
My eyes opened reluctantly and I felt tears sliding warmly down my cheeks. I tried to look everywhere, but at Bucky, but it was like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. He was still screaming, his muscles taut, his body jerking, his hands gripping the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckles were white. It felt like forever, watching him sitting there being tortured, in immense pain, but finally the machine stopped, the mechanism released Bucky with a long hiss and he slumped in the chair, still panting, looking straight ahead with dark empty eyes.
Dimitri finally released me, straightening and walking around my chair, and holding out his hand expectantly. A soldier stepped forward, placing a red book in his hand and stepping back. The soldier at Bucky's side removed his mouth guard and pushed him upward into a sitting position. I watched wordlessly horrified as Bucky sat there looking like a zombie.
Dimitri opened the red book, turning a few pages before finding the one he was looking for and clearing his throat. "жажда...ржавые...печь..." Bucky twitched, his face scrunching up, teeth clenched. "рассвет...Семнадцать...доброкачественный." Bucky's head tilted, the muscles in his neck taut. "девять...Возвращение домо...один...грузовой автомобиль."
Bucky's body jerked once and then he was sitting up straighter, still looking ahead with empty eyes, his face blank. "Готов к выполнению," he deadpanned.
Dimitri's smile widened and he walked closely to Bucky, even dared to put a hand on his shoulder. "Welcome back, актив," he said proudly, like a father welcoming home a son.
I felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice over me. I was shaking in fear, my heart pounding in my chest as I was truly alone now. Bucky had warned that he'd be under their complete control. That he would have no choice to do as he was told, but what he hadn't told me was that they would wipe his memory. He would have no recollection of me at all, he wouldn't be able to try and stop himself from hurting me if ordered too because he would have no idea who I was.
"James," I breathed softly, hoping by some miracle that I would break through his programming and he would hear me. That he would snap out of it and look at me.
He didn't even blink at the mention of his name, only continued to stare ahead. My stomach twisted and I looked to see Dimitri's green eyes on me, a sickening smile on his face.
"Don't fret, домашнее животное," he said walking back towards me. "He couldn't remember you even if he wanted to. He's under my complete control. Care for a demonstration?" I felt my face fall and my head was shaking even as he continued to speak. "актив, kill her."
I barely had time to think of something to say or protest before Bucky was out of the chair, stalking toward me and yanking me roughly out of my chair. I screamed loudly until his hand wrapped around my throat and he was slamming me on the ground. Pain shot through my back and the air gushed out of my lungs. I tried to scream again, but his hand tightened painfully and I was left gasping and squeaking. I looked up into Bucky's face, right into his cold empty eyes and saw no recognition or familiarity. He stared down at me as though I was no one and I kicked and squirmed, my mouth open in a soundless scream, my hands clawing at his forearm and wrist.
"Wait!" Dimitri called. Bucky's grip loosened immediately, but his hold remained. "I've changed my mind. Let her be."
Bucky removed his hand from me, straightening his body and looking ahead like a mindless robot. I remained on the floor, gasping to catch my breath and clutching my burning throat. Dimitri came to stand over me, smirking as I struggled to catch my breath.
"You see, домашнее животное," Dimitir said looking at Bucky admiringly. "He's all mine." He kneeled down beside me, the handgun still in his hand, using the barrel of it to brush my cheek. The metal was cold against my skin. "Now, do you want me to let him kill you? Or would you like to be my toy?"
I remained silent, my throat aching too much to even speak. And if I had managed the ability to form words I would have none. There was no right answer to his idiotic questions and he knew it. I had no choice in the matter. He was going to do whatever he wanted. He was just toying with me.
"Perhaps you need more time to think on the matter," Dimitri said softly. "актив, take домашнее животное back to your," he paused and laughed. "her cell. You remember the way don't you?"
Bucky finally moved from his statuesque position and bent down, grabbing me by the arm and yanking me to my feet. He began walking back towards the stairs that led to the cells as I stumbled behind him, barely managing to maintain my footing. I looked back over my shoulder to see Dimitri watching, a smile on his face, offering a wave. He disappeared from sight as Bucky began descending the stairs and I tripped over my feet, stumbling and falling to the stairs, hissing in pain as I caught myself on my wrists.
Bucky looked mildly inconvenienced, bending over and picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder. I landed on his shoulder with a huff as he walked determinedly down the stairs, his metal arm holding me to him. He walked down the long corridor lined with cells until he stopped at one, turning the locks on the door and pulling it open with a loud metallic screech. He carried me into the darkened cell and dropped me onto the bed unceremoniously.
"James! Don't leave me here." I finally found my voice when he turned to walk out, reaching out and grabbing his metal arm which made him halt in his tracks. "James, please, I know you're in there."
He looked down at me again with the same cold stare. "Who the hell is James?"
I felt my stomach sink as he pulled his arm from my grasp and he turned for the door leaving me gaping as the cell door shut and shrouded me in darkness. The sound of the locks turning into place seemed to echo forever.