April 2007
"Always hate going back home," Noelle said to Amanda, shutting the trunk of her car.
"So when are we picking them up? Are they actually hot? Are any of them single? Are any of them Virgos because I hear I'd be really compatible with a Virgo--" Noelle cut off Mandy's rambling.
"We're going to the studio to pick up Jim, Brian and Matt, I guess they're actually hot, they're all miraculously single so you can have your pick, and I have no fucking clue if any of them are Virgos. And that's all the questions I'm answering. These are my colleagues currently, Mands. They're really cool but I still have to maintain some kind of work/friendship balance with them."
"God, have you seen their singer? Fuck whatever I originally said about STD's, get all of them from these motherfuckers."
Noelle had been stressed. She didn't want to see Travis. She never wanted to see Travis again. In fact, she moved as far away as she could so she didn't have to see anybody she didn't want to again. Usually during these visits she just dropped by David's place, spent time with him and her foster sister, and then booked it.
However, Brian, Jim and Matt offered to come with for the road trip. Which she thought would be pretty fun--she never truly bonded with anyone who she helped with a record. But the relationship between her and the band had gotten so amicable she had started spending lots of time with the guys as friends.
She avoided telling Mandy that the drummer is the one her hyperactive ass should be going for.
"Get in the car dumbass!" Noelle yelled at her friend, taking a huge sip of her coffee and getting passengers seat. "You know every time I get into a car with you driving I fear god again?"
Mandy ignored the words, turning up the radio and letting Noelle be her GPS to the studio.
☼
"Goose!" Jim ran up and squeezed the ever loving shit out of Noelle. Old habits die hard, and he would find a way to call her that nickname no matter if she could remember it or not.
"Jim!" She squeezed him back as hard as she could. Brian and Matt followed after with small bags of their belongings. "Hey, uh, guys, this is my roommate and best friend, Amanda. Amanda this is the fantastic Jimmy Sullivan, Brian and Matt."
"No shit they are," She said, extending her hand. "You're all tall as fuck."
The guys all laughed, finding her entertaining enough. As Noelle predicted, Mandy and Jim hit it off immediately and did not shut up to each other. A conversation started between them about Terminator and the other three were exiled from it.
Noelle replaced Mandy driving, and her and Brian sat in the front seat. "On the road again?" Brian joked.
"Sadly. I love my foster dad, and I love Darien, but I hate my hometown. Too many bad memories." She said. And he could remember why. Her mom, Uncle Danny, Travis. That place was chalk full of bullshit.
In Los Angeles she was a different person. Noelle Hillis, producer and engineer, known for her work with The Used and Escape The Fate. Back home she was Ellowyn Clarke, a burden to the state until she was adopted, the girl with the dead dad, and the girl who still talked to imaginary friends.
He wondered if anything happened after he left that could've been worse.
"So the guy who returned the notebook," Brian feigned stupidity, again. "What's his deal? Ex boyfriend?"
To his surprise, Noelle laughed. "No! No. No way. Travis is a fuckface of epic proportions. He got kicked out of prom for having a 1/4 gram of weed in his jacket pocket. it was hilarious. But in all reality," She took a deep breath. "He bullied me. Awfully. The reason I keep my hair short is because he cut a chunk out of it my junior year of high school and I realized how vulnerable long hair made me. Never hurt me like beat me up or anything, just grab me and taunt me and push me and pull me. Went on for years, and I was a small kid, all bones."
"Did you ever fight back?" He already knew the answer.
"Nope. I was scared. Especially after, uh, something happened when I was twelve. I only really started fighting back after my seventeenth birthday."
Seventeen. Months after they left. "What happened your seventeenth?"
She went quiet. "I don't really like talking about it." She finally said, almost a whisper. "But let's just say, telling people I gouged someone's eye out is always a fun party story."
Brian had to stop himself from screaming. "WHAT?! Who? Travis?"
She shook her head. "Oh, no. Not him. I don't think he would've had the balls to show up on my doorstep if I'd gouged his damn eye out." She turned the stereo up a little in the back of the car, then telling Brian in a more private voice. "When I was twelve, my uncle assaulted me. I would say rape but he didn't get far before my dad knocked his fucking lights out, but..." She stopped. "Yeah. And then, a week after my restraining order expired on my seventeenth birthday, he came back when I was home alone. Must've been stalking us, overhearing our plans for a while. And he succeeded."
They sat in silence for a moment. "I'm really sorry Noelle."
"Yeah, me too. But anyway, he got through and passed out, thinking he was safe I guess because my dad was on a trip to buy me something I had been harping on him forever about for my birthday. And I was just looking at this guy, thinking, if I get up he might come after me. I can't choke him out, what good would a kick in the balls do, and I'm too small to hit him hard enough to do any good. So, I was quick, and I lodged one thumb into his eye socket and pushed down on that hand with the other. He started convulsing and then I called my dad."
"That is badass as fuck. Holy shit. What did he do?"
"My dad? Well it took him thirty minutes to get home. And I was just sitting over a limp body, half naked with one hand covered in blood. He said it was like coming home to a horror movie. He called 911 then dragged the fucker out to our front lawn."
"Dead or in prison?"
"Prison." Noelle nodded. "With the permanent 'child molester' label on him. So I'm assuming what was done to me has already been done to him ten times over."
Brian was fuming on the inside. Angry that even if they had still been there, there was nothing they could've done. Angry the world had been so cruel to her. But curious. "How do you have such a sunny disposition about it all? You don't seem... Bothered."
"I was dead inside those three years after. I won't even lie to you." She set the record straight as she bapped up her turn signal. "And then, I got my internship. And then, they decided I was worth keeping. And then they decided my musical eye was too invaluable to lose. My career kept me busy. And now I look back and I do feel rage. But I more feel... I feel sad for her. For the girl who had to live that day. Everything bad in my life, came to a head that day. I want to hug her. And I know I can't change what happened."
He took her hand, squeezing it. She had no clue why the action didn't make her uncomfortable--or why she felt so comfortable in the first place spilling a part of her life story to her client.
"So. Travis?"
She laughed slightly in awkwardness. "It was my old journal. He said stories I wrote were in it or something. I'm kind of excited to read it. I guess he works as a gym teacher now or whatever, same school we went to. And he sees the students get tortured in the same way I was. And now, only now, 8 years of radio fricking silence later, he feels bad for his actions."
"Fuck him," Brian said, more knowingly than she ever could've guessed. He didn't believe that prick meant it for a moment. He didn't regret fucking Noelle up so badly, he just felt guilty. "Preferably in the ass, with a cactus the size of the balls this man must have."
Noelle couldn't help but laugh. "My sentiments exactly."
☼
"They're so cute! they're like little babies," Noelle said, looking in the backseat to their three friends. Mandy was in the middle, Matt and Jim leaning on her shoulders as the three slept. It was dark out besides the flourescent lights of the WaWa gas station beaming in on them. "We should let them be." She looked up at Brian.
"Alright. But I'm headed into the bathroom. I'm changing into pajamas if they get to sleep."
"Don't have to tell me twice." Noelle grabbed her PJ's from her bag, as they headed into the WaWa.
They got on their pajamas, meeting each other outside the bathroom. "Okay," Brian said, grabbing the list they had made. "Potato chips, Arizona iced tea, pork rinds, god, why are pork rinds on this list?" Brian fake gagged.
"They're mine and I love them. Just grab as much shit as you can fit in your arms oh Mister Rock Star." She smiled, mocking him. And he took that seriously, grabbing all the 8 packs of tea and soda and little bags of name brand chips he could fit into his rolled up shirt pouch and his arms.
They got to the cashier, a 43 looking year old woman who was less than thrilled at these kids laying down dozens of items of junk food on her table at 2:23am. "Cash or credit?" She asked.
Brian said credit at the same time as Noelle said cash. This resulted in a small fight over who would pay before Brian slapped his card on the table which the woman snarled before snatching.
"Have a good night," The lady said snidely, one last time. "Didn't your mom ever tell you makeup is for girls?" The lady let one comment slip.
They were both turned around with their bags in their arms by that point. Brian took a deep breath, and just kept going. "Fucking smarmy bitch." He shook his head as they got out.
"That happen a lot?" She said, as they put the snacks in the car. They both stood outside as Brian lit his cigarette.
"Yeah. People don't really like the whole self expression thing the farther midwest you go." He shrugged, inhaling. "Is what it is."
"I keep asking myself why I'm so comfortable around you." She said, almost to herself. "We've only been friends for a few months and it feels like forever."
"It's 2am, you're probably just tired blabbering."
"No, like earlier." She shook her head. She became small, compact and quiet with her actions. "I haven't even told Mandy about my assault. That's why I turned the volume up back there and made sure they were lost in conversation before talking."
"Maybe I'm just an easy person to trust." He said. "I know I trust you."
A crack of thunder interrupted the talk as rain started pouring down from the sky. Huge droplets collapsed down as Noelle flinched, the cold water startling her back to full awareness. "Shit!" She yelled.
Brian put his jacket he had changed out of over her head, as they rushed back in the car. "Anything to kill the moment, right?" He wiped the now wet hair from his face.
"Yeah," She smiled at him, beyond confused with herself. "I guess so."
This time Brian took his driving shift, and Noelle reclined the seat to curl up. She didn't mean to fall asleep, but she did almost as soon as her eyes shut.
Triple checking that the three in back were asleep, and that they were on a back road that ne could cruise down easily, he put a hand on her back, rubbing small circles in it. He knew it was stupid to raise her suspicions further but he couldn't stop himself.
"We're in a library, one that feels like it goes on forever full of all your favorite books and many, many others. You're running down the aisles, taking any books that look good to you. You call out for me, and I'm right beside you. I read one of the books to you. You fall asleep on my shoulder. You're peaceful."
"What the fuck." Mandy said from the backseat, as a startled Brian quickly braked.
"Shit!" Matt screamed, Jim also jerking awake--he woke up swinging, accidentally hitting Matt in the face somehow. "Holy crap Brian! Drive much!?"
Noelle just woke up sheepishly, looking relaxed and sleepy. "Warning next time, please. I was having a nice dream."
They kept driving, and Brian looked in the rearview mirror to Mandy giving him a confused and dirty look as Matt and Jim re-nuzzled into her shoulders.
Well shit.