"I feel like I don't deserve you tonight
It's in the way that you hold me.
I need you, don't let me go."
-Deserve You, Justin Bieber-
Valentina
The morning started off as a day of hope, the day I would know who my parents were, how much they loved me. But right here, in this living room, I feel like my soul has been ripped apart, shredded beyond repair. My world seems to have completely stopped, my mind a blank.
The only word it keeps repeating is Xavier.
Xavier.
My Xavier.
The man I love.
The man who gave me everything.
How can I leave him, and marry someone else after that?
Oh God, he'll be in indescribable pain.
Can I ever bear how much he will hate me?
"I need to clear my head, Fiona. Can I please talk a walk somewhere here, and be alone for a while?" I asked, my voice quivering, the tears rolling endlessly, silently.
"O-of course, dear. There's a park nearby, just a block away. It's always empty because of the location," she replied solemnly, her eyes swirling with guilt and regret as they looked at the wall beside me, like she couldn't look me in the eyes anymore.
The park nearby was empty, just like she said, a small playground decorated the corner, and I sat on a swing, my mind spinning out of proportions.
This feeling is exactly like when I was stuck in my old life, with nowhere to go, no escape. But I did find an escape, I did find a solution. However, that solution only risked my life, if I got caught, I would have been tortured beyond imagination.
If I try something like that now, I'll only be risking Xavier. I can never risk his existence. I would never want him to be in my life if that means someone will harm him.
I guess that's what love is, you can never be selfish, it isn't all about possession. The need to protect his life, is more than the need to have him and hold him.
But right now, I need to see him. I have to see him.
Fiona called me as I stood up from the swing.
"Valentina, Bryce was here, and I sent him to pick you up at the park. Please don't tell him anything. My son has done nothing wrong; I can't see him bearing the punishment instead of my husband. Please," she said, her voice low and urgent, pleading.
"I promise I won't. I'll talk to you later about everything you told me. I just, really need to be somewhere now," I said, and she sighed.
"I understand, dear. But remember, there isn't much time. Think of everything when you make a decision," she reminded me, and I said goodbye, hanging up right as Bryce pulled up nearby.
The windows rolled down and he smiled at me.
"Bunny, you want me to push the swing or you're heading back home?"
I smiled back and walked to his car, getting in the passenger seat.
"Home it is," he said, turning towards the highway.
"So, how was it?" Bryce asked in anticipation.
"Uh, it was great. She told me about my parents, how they met. They were amazing people," I said softly, and Bryce laughed.
"Duh, they were amazing. I remember this once I dropped my ice cream cone on the floor while you were chasing me, but none of our parents noticed, and I thought you'd get in trouble if I tell anyone. So I kept quiet, but I was really sad about the ice cream. Uncle Victor handed me a new one and patted my head saying 'I gotchu kiddo'," Bryce chuckled at his memory.
I smiled, wanting to cry, my heart aching, because of what I heard, and also because I wish my parents were here. They would protect me; they would make it easier. They would never let this happen.
"I'm really sorry, Valentina. As a kid I always used to wish that I could bring them back for you. I knew that wherever you are, you're extremely sad that you lost them. I realized I can't do that, but I'm always here for you. Now that I've found you, always, I mean it," Bryce flashed me a warm smile, his blue eyes turning a deeper shade, sincerity reflecting in them.
"Thank you, Bryce. That means a lot, more than you know," I replied.
"Can I ask you something, it might be a bit intrusive," I said, and he chuckled.
"Shoot, Val."
"What have you thought about marriage?"
"Woah, where'd that come from?"
"Nothing, just wondering."
"Did my mother say something? Damn, I told her not to mention all of that," he mumbled the last part to himself, frowning.
"Mention what?"
"Uh-well, my entire life I was always told that when I'm older I'll be marrying um-well, you," he sheepishly replied, and I was taken aback.
This is crazier that I apprehended. The threat must be dangerous than ever, for Fiona to go against what she wanted and prepare Bryce for something like that.
"I guess it's something our parents wanted, but I never really thought about it that much. I just wanted to find you since I missed you. You were my only friend when I was young. I kind of had a stutter and the other kids in my class bullied me because of that," he explained, and my heart melted.
Seriously, how I wish I can remember my best friend. He seems like an awesome person.
"I mean, I'd love to marry my best friend, don't get me wrong," Bryce replied and something intense flashed across his eyes, which made me freeze.
"But, when I saw you with Xavier the other day, it looked like it was meant to be. The way he looks at you, it's obvious he loves you, Val."
My soul, which was already shattered, felt like it had been trampled on all over, again and again.
"I know, I love him too," I sighed softly, looking out the window.
"You're happy, and I'm happy for you. So, it really doesn't matter what the past was like," Bryce smiled, tapping my cheek with his finger playfully.
The car stopped in front of my apartment, and I didn't seem to have the courage to step outside, but all I wanted was to be with Xavier right now.
"Bryce, I need to ask a favour from you," I said, and he looked at me, but his smile turned into a frown when he saw my serious expression.
"Sure, Val. Is something wrong?"
"No. I just need you to promise me something."
"Anything, Bunny. Name it."
"When I need you, will you be there?"
"Val, seriously."
"Bryce, answer me. Will you be there?"
"Definitely. Immediately."
"No questions asked?"
"No questions asked, Bunny."
"Good. Thank you," I smiled at him gratefully.
"You're sure you're okay?"
"I will be," I whispered as I stepped out of the car, more to myself than him.
"Bye Bryce, thank you for today," I waved at him, and he smiled again, however, his eyes held a sense of concern.
The door of the apartment was staring down at me, weighing in on me like a ton of bricks, making me feel like I should just disappear.
I hesitantly placed my hand on the knob and the door suddenly opened, leaving my palm hanging in the air.
"Princess," Xavier stood right there, face lit up with his beautiful smile, wearing a black tank top and sweatpants, his soft black hair now wet from a shower.
"I was just about to open it," I said, and walked inside as he closed the door.
"I knew it was you somehow," he mumbled, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at me, adoration prominent on his expression.
I smiled back, my mind forgetting everything that happened, absorbing the moment in front of me, the man I love more than anything in the world, smiling like I'm all that matters to him.
Before I could say anything, he scooped me up in his arms, and we were on the sofa, my arms wrapped around his neck, his hands securely placed on my waist, and my forehead on his.
"Fuck, babygirl, I missed you more than anything. Don't leave me again, yeah?" he whispered, his voice husky and low. Xavier pulled me impossibly close to him, and his hands smoothly reached for the curves on my waist inside my dress.
"I left you a note though," I said, sighing softly as the warmth of his strong palm against my skin made me want to melt in his hands.
"Mhmm, let's see," he reached into his pocket to retrieve the note I left him.
"Read it, love," he smirked, and my eyes went wide with surprise.
"Um-I think we all know what's in it," I replied nervously. Xavier's quirked his eyebrow at my response and handed me the note.
Withholding his signature smirk, his lips landed on my shoulder, and he softly kissed my soft spot, right near the dip on my neck, almost making me moan as I moved closer to him.
"Please, sweetheart," he cooed in my ear, his warm, minty breath spreading down my neck, as he peppered kisses everywhere.
"Uh-Hi baby. You looked so peaceful and um-delectable in your sleep; I didn't want to wake you up. Seriously, I could uh-eat you for breakfast if you were awake. Bye, darling," I finished reading, and he looked right into my eyes with his mesmerizing dark orbs.
"Guess what, love?"
"Mhmm?"
"I'm awake now," Xavier smirked, and he moved closer to my ear, slowly placing a kiss behind my earlobe, "and I heard I'm on the breakfast menu."
"Well, um-I was hungry since you didn't make me pancakes and I don't think straight when I'm super hungry. Hence, the uh-note," I explained, but Xavier's deep chuckle vibrated beautifully from his sculpted chest when he heard my reply.
"I'll make you pancakes now, babygirl," Xavier said, softly kissing my knuckles as he held my hand in his.
"But I've been feeling kinda hurt," he pouted, and I tilted my head to look at him with confusion.
"What'd I do?"
"You forgot to write 'I love you' on my note," he playfully scolded me, taking the note and carefully tucking it away in his pocket.
"I can fix that though," I replied, and he seemed very interested.
I leaned into him and placed my lips on his, hands on his shoulders as I kissed him with every inch of burning passion in me, every inch only for Xavier.
He immediately wrapped his arms around me and erased the space between us, kissing me back like his life depended on it.
"I love you, Xavier," I whispered, slightly out of breath from our intoxicating kiss.
"You sound so fucking sexy, every time you say my name," he said, his thumb softly tracing my swollen lip.
"I wonder how much sexier you'll be when you scream my name," Xavier smirked, pulling me in for another kiss as my face turned into a beetroot shade of pink.
"Babygirl, let me take you out to dinner tonight," Xavier called out from the living room.
I was deep in thought, my mind playing today's events in a loop, the secrets Fiona revealed, the decision I have to make and the text I saw right under Xavier's picture. Everything created a tornado of helplessness in my head, one that I was getting swept away with.
"Princess?"
My train of thought stopped, and I walked out of my room, sitting on the sofa beside Xavier, but he placed me on his lap instead.
"Dinner?"
"Yeah, sweetheart," he said, his thumb tracing circles on my bare thigh.
"We didn't quite get to finish what we started yesterday," he added, winking at me as I blushed, and he placed a kiss on my cheek.
"And what are we going to finish?"
"How about I tell you after a romantic dinner?"
"Tell me what?"
"About the things I want to do to you, love," his finger brushed against my core through the thin shorts, and I bit my lip to restrain a soft moan.
"I should get ready then," I said, and he smiled at me, letting me go as I walked back to my room.
I need more time, I need time with him, to figure out what to do. Maybe going on a dinner will help put my options into perspective. There has to be a way out of this way, a way which will let me be with Xavier, and not make me hurt him.
I wore a peach satin bodycon dress with a deep neckline and paired it with some nude heels and nude lipstick, winged eyeliner, and some mascara.
Xavier softly knocked on my door and I swung it open, only to be rendered speechless. I've seen this man in a suit almost a hundred times, but he leaves me mesmerized every single time.
His beard was evenly covering his sharp jawline, the suit clinging to every inch of this man's sinfully heavenly body.
"Babygirl, I have to ask, how do you do it?" Xavier practically sighed as his eyes travelled over my form.
"Huh?" I managed to say, my mind occupied with how perfect my boyfriend is.
"How do you look like a Goddess descended from heaven, every day, every minute?" Xavier took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles, softly placing my arms around his neck as he tugged me closer to him. The intoxicating scent of fresh soap and mint from him was driving me insane, taking over all of senses.
"Baby, if you look like that, I'll probably have to skip dinner every time we make plans," he softly kissed me, his large palm holding the nape of my neck, making me moan into the kiss.
"Skip dinner?" I asked as he pulled away gently.
"I would but I promised you would never be hungry while I'm alive," he reminded me, and I almost cried at the memory.
Xavier Knight saved me, from my life, from myself.
He saved me when I was already deep into the darkness, I owe everything to the man I am so desperately in love with.
"Let's go, love," he intertwined our hands as we stepped out of the car and walked to the restaurant. The fancy interior was very sleek and sophisticated, and after Xavier mentioned his name, they led us to our reservation, a small cozy private table where there was minimal noise.
"I'm your waitress for today, sir. What can I do for you?" The waitress bends over onto the table a bit more than necessary, trying to get her face closer to his, batting her eyelashes.
"Two alfredo shrimp and two glasses fresh mint lemonade for my beautiful wife and me," Xavier stated coldly, not sparing a single glance at the woman who huffed and walked away to place our orders.
The word 'wife' made my heart skip a few beats, and Xavier seemed to notice it, his sexy, smouldering gaze locked on my every minuscule movement.
"We're not having wine?" I asked and he smiled his best smile, his palm taking my hand in his.
"I plan to get drunk on you tonight, so no wine," Xavier smoothly explained, and I smiled nervously as he chuckled at my innocence.
"Now tell me everything about today, love," he asked, comfortably leaning on his chair, his gaze trained on me.
"About today? W-uh-what about today?"
"What did you learn about your parents?"
"Oh, they were amazing, Xavier. They loved me more than anything. I wish I could remember them," I softly sighed, but Xavier gently squeezed my palm.
"Just remember that they were amazing people, and I had no doubts about that. I mean look at how stunning of a person their daughter turned out to be. Did I mention she's also my girlfriend?" his intense gaze made my knees weak, and my eyes slightly watered.
Xavier, if only you knew.
I don't deserve you darling.