Warning | involves grief, graphic depiction of tragedy/trauma, graphic depiction of a car accident scene, character death
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chapter x. sweet melody-2
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Looking back, you would sometimes compare your life to the stories that you have read from those romance novels that you have loved so much when you were younger.
You were sixteen when you began to harbour a crush on your brother's best friend. Both of them had been inseparable since junior high, especially after they both entered the basketball team together, and Aron had always spent a lot of time at your house to allow you to ogle at him at every chance you got.
At first, you had known that it would be impossible for him to reciprocate the feeling that you had for him, and yet you did nothing to stop it when the feeling had developed at some point when you kept on seeing him around. Still, you didn't think much of it when Aron started spending more time at your house, sometimes stealing his chances to slip away from your brother to be able to see you even if all he did was to tease and joke around with you like an older brother would.
It wasn't until you were eighteen years old when Aron finally admitted his feelings, followed by kissing you in the hallway right outside of your bedroom—all while cursing the fact that he had failed to become your first kiss—before he finally asked you properly out on a date.
Dating your brother's best friend had been both amazing and thrilling, especially when you have an overprotective older brother who had sworn not to let any of his friends come too close to you.
Aron would come to the house using your brother as his excuse, only to secretly find you whenever Minhyun wasn't looking. Things had started to become a bit easier when you started college and left the house, with no more sneaking out of the house whenever Minhyun wasn't around so you could go on a date with your sweet boyfriend. After a lot of stolen moments and hidden kisses, the secret about your relationship was revealed when your brother caught him leaving your dorm room on the very same morning he was there to drop the care package that he and your mother had made for you during your sophomore year. Of course, Minhyun wasn't happy about it. But after the two of them had it out with Aron allowing your brother to break his nose as a punishment for stealing his baby sister, Minhyun finally gave his blessings and you began dating Aron publicly ever since.
The life you had with him wasn't all unicorns and rainbows, but it had been quite sweet and remarkable in its own way.
You were happy then, and together, you worked and supported each other to reach your dreams. You were on your way to finish culinary school, while Aron was on his way to becoming a doctor. After five years together, Aron finally bought you a ring and offered you a forever, and of course, you had said yes.
It had happened during one Christmas night, right in front of your families who had been celebrating Christmas dinner together, and you had imagined a winter wedding where you would be wearing an ivory gown that would sparkle together with the white snow. But Aron still had another year of residency at the hospital in the neighbouring city, so you waited patiently for that year to quickly pass by, hoping that you would be completely ready to be his bride when the day would finally arrive.
Yet, fate had decided to turn the entire course of your life around only a few months before the day of your wedding would finally come.
You still cannot recall what had made him decide to join his fellow doctors in training to spend the weekend on the mountain lodge that winter. But Aron had been spending the past three months at the hospital without the break that he deserved, and you had watched him going through the toughest residency period ever that you admitted that he deserved to have the short break that he needed more than ever before the holidays. You had been wary about going with him, but both of you had simply brushed it off with the notion that perhaps you were feeling uncomfortable about meeting the people you weren't too familiar with. After a lot of consideration, both of you were off to take the trip on his beloved old truck that he had been using for years.
The trip to the mountains had been quite challenging, with Aron taking the wheel and you were not used to travelling through the wilderness.
And yet the weekend had ended up being splendid, when you found yourself relaxing at the lodge while being surrounded by the amazing people that your fiancé had spent months working together with. Until the moment when the hospital called, and the weekend off was cut short when Aron and a few of his friends had to return to the city to provide some extra help as the hospital had to deal with the overwhelming number of patients coming in due to the terrible weather.
To this day, you still wonder what would have happened if only you had done something different on that very day.
Perhaps if you had been trained properly in driving through the snow so you could take over the wheel when he was too tired to drive.
Perhaps if you had left the lodge five minutes early, or maybe five minutes late.
Perhaps if Aron had listened when Minhyun joked about his tires needed a change.
But all the wondering had meant nothing when fate played its part in letting everything fall into place.
On the road down from the mountains, the weather suddenly grew worse. The snowfall began to grow thicker, covering your line of sight and making it hard for any of you to navigate through the road properly. And it didn't matter how meticulous your fiancé had been when it came to driving, because he couldn't stop nature from taking over. All it took was for the tires to slide across an icy spot on the road and nothing could stop the car from falling out of its course, sending it veering off the main road when Aron lost total control of it until you started to roll down the hills below.
It had happened so fast that you can no longer remember all the details of what had truly transpired then. The only thing you still remember is the shock and panic that you felt right at the defining moment, the fear that engulfed you like the storm going on outside when there was nothing you could do to stop it when the car kept rolling upside down, when the sound of metals and glass breaking was so deafeningly loud, that you couldn't even hear your own voice as you were screaming in both pain and fear.
But what had broken you the most was opening your eyes the moment everything simply stopped, only to find your entire world splintered into nothing when the love of your life was left as a completely broken man, when you found him bleeding horribly while being completely immobile in his seat, not giving you a sign of ever opening his eyes no matter how hard you cried out his name.
Perhaps if he had kept his seatbelt on and had been focusing on himself instead of throwing himself over you to cover your body and to keep you safe as it all happened.
Perhaps—
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"Would you like to join us for dinner?"
Nothing could have prepared you for it when Seokjin suddenly made the offer only moments before he walked out of the cafe. You had been stunned into silence, not sure if you had heard him correctly and not knowing just what you were supposed to say, even if your chest had been filled with butterflies and fireworks upon having him inviting you to go with them.
But your words simply died on your tongue when the wheels inside your head kept spinning, and you suddenly started questioning yourself—
Would it be a good idea?
Would it be too soon?
You had only found out a few days ago that Seokjin had ended his new relationship. He had confided in you about it when you sat down with him during his visit to the cafe one day. The fact that you had just gotten the old routine back—from his regular visits to the cafe and your late afternoon talk with him and Soojin—had made you second-guessing and wondering if this invitation had been merely a friendly gesture or if it was meant to be something else. Before you managed to find your answer, Soojin was pulling at your waist apron and you turned to find her looking at you with her wide, adorable eyes as she pleaded, "Yes, Miss _______. Come with us! We're going to have pasta!"
With her adorable puppy dog eyes looking up at you full of hope, and the way Naeun was quick to start pushing you from the counter and promising to close up the cafe for you, there was no way you could even think about saying no to them.
And that was exactly how you had gotten here, settled right in the booth inside Bambini, the Italian restaurant down the street, sitting down as a guest instead of waiting on patrons for a change. You have Soojin sitting right next to you while babbling on as she is trying to choose her dinner, though you can feel the heat of Seokjin's gaze while you are trying to help the little girl by reading the options from the menu booklet together with her.
"Are you sure you're not going to order your usual?" Seokjin asks her when she is taking too long to pick between her favourite pasta or to try out something new, which is a regular occurrence when it comes to Soojin.
It is simply amusing to be witnessing her doing so at another place than at your cafe. Suddenly, you feel as if you have been given to experience a lot of new things all at once, to finally step out of the little bubble that you had created for yourself to keep yourself safe from the world outside, and you simply want to relish this experience, to savour this beautiful moment with this lovely girl who has lighted up your life and the beautiful man who has made your heart beat differently once again.
Meanwhile, the girl simply hums without looking away from the menu booklet that you are holding out for her, before she finally nods and leans away from you to talk to her Dad. "Okay, I'll eat the one I had last time. Can I also have a cheese bread, Daddy?"
Seokjin raises his eyebrows. "Haven't you had enough bread today already?"
Soojin quickly shakes her head. "Noooo, that was different. This is cheesy bread. I want to eat it with my pasta. You can't eat pasta cream with cinnamon bread, Daddy. Right, Miss _______?" She turns to you all so suddenly for support and you cannot help but feel your chest swell as you softly laugh at her cute antics.
"No, I suppose not," you answer her while sneaking a glance at her father who is watching both of you with an amused look in his eyes. "But you have to promise not to have leftovers and finish your dinner. Okay?"
"Got it!" the sweet girl says to you, making both you and Seokjin smile.
"What would you have?" he asks you right after, and your face instantly grows warm under his gaze. You have already picked your choice, since Bambini has become your favourite place to go to ever since the first time you opened your cafe and your brother had taken you here to celebrate after opening day. Though it has been quite a while since the last time you had indulged yourself in their lovely dishes of homemade pasta and their authentic pizza that you want to try everything. Except that the way he is looking at you now is making your nerves start acting up, and the hunger you had felt before feels feeble inside your belly.
Once again, you find your voice magically disappears under his intense gaze, until you avert your eyes and play it off as if you are still reading through the menu. "I'd have the eggplant lasagna with garlic bread on the side, please," you answer him after you find your voice back, surprising yourself when you sound calm about it.
The way Seokjin's face lights up with his handsome smile taking over his face when you look at him has you nearly squirming in your seat. Thankfully, he looks away just before you begin getting even more flustered by the way he seems to be watching you so intensely.
"Great, I guess that means we're ready to order."
Seokjin summons the waiter by pressing the button on the table, and soon he begins ordering food for the three of you, adding his own choice of pasta dish and a family-sized pepperoni and cheese pizza to share to the table. As he is busy with the waiter while also dealing with the curious little girl beside you who seems to be having trouble making up her mind, you cannot help but feel a little light in your head, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with this new situation that you find yourself in. Trying to shake yourself out of it, you take a look around the restaurant to take it all in and take a moment to clear your head a little.
Bambini has always been known more as a family restaurant, so it is not surprising to find the place packed with tables housing small families and with only a few tables at the corners that are being occupied by young couples sharing a platter of pizza or a large-sized pasta. Looking between the groups of family around you and to the two amazing people you are sharing your table with, you begin to wonder just how all of these people would perceive this moment and what would they see if anyone should look this way and see you sitting there with Seokjin and his daughter.
Does this look like a portrait of a family in the eyes of the other people looking in?
Do you somehow fit in the picture?
Or do you seem out of place, an addition to the beautiful family that doesn't seem to belong?
Just as the waiter walks away from the table, Seokjin turns back to you with a smile on his face and your heartbeat immediately starts racing again. "Thank you for joining us tonight, I know it was so sudden," he simply says, while you can feel Soojin relaxing beside you, not paying attention to the adults talking as she is swinging her legs without a care in her seat and keeping herself occupied with the colouring booklet that the restaurant provides for young patrons and little children such as herself.
"It's actually a pleasure," you finally answer Seokjin with a small smile while hoping that your cheeks won't burn when you force yourself to keep your eyes on him. "I don't think it would've been easy to refuse your invitation when Soojin had been such a sweetheart about it."
Seokjin chuckles while you brush your hand down Soojin's hair, before he suddenly asks, "So it was only because Soojin had asked you?"
Heat rushes up to your cheeks the moment you hear his question. Pressing your lips together, you try your best to hide the bashful smile that is threatening to show itself when you recognise the glow in his eyes and the teasing tone in the words he gave you. Yet, as if Seokjin notices your struggle to stay calm and decides for himself that he isn't going to let you go easily, he leans forward, resting his elbows on the table to get a bit closer to you.
"So, be honest with me now. Was it really because of Soojin that you agreed to join us tonight?" he asks again, though you can no longer tell if he is genuinely wondering about it or he is simply teasing you.
So you decide to tease him back, "Does it even matter who I'm here for?"
"Maybe, maybe not. The only thing that matters to me is that you're here with us, honestly," he says teasingly at you with a wink, while you feel the heat rushing back to your face from hearing what he just said. "Or perhaps I'm just curious to know who had won your favour the most. I'd hate to lose to Soojin at this one."
You don't even bother to hide it when you roll your eyes on him. "Fine, if you must know," you begin teasing him, leaning forward a little to give him a taste of his medicine as you play along. "It was hard to refuse when Soojin was looking at me like I would crush her if I'd said no," you say to him, stopping briefly before adding, "But I also don't mind spending some time with the father too."
Seokjin's eyes grow wide, no doubt for not expecting to hear you being so truthful about it or to play along with him. You have known him long enough to recognise his expression, and you are surprised to see that he seems happy, and a bit pleased with himself when he heard you.
"Is that so?" There is a hint of humour in his voice as he says this, and you realise just how much you enjoy making him react this way. For him to loosen up and be happy. And you love it even more to know that the reason for him to be able to do so is you.
"It is so."
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Seokjin keeps finding it hard to focus on his meal throughout dinner, no matter how good Bambini's chicken pesto tastes tonight. It is simply hard for him to give the attention that his fancy meal deserves when he cannot stop watching you the entire time.
Even if this is the first time that you are doing this with them, to be spending time with them outside of your comfort zone, enjoying dinner together with them without worrying about your duties the way you would if they had been back at your cafe, it simply feels like this is nothing but a normal occurrence. There is nothing awkward about having you here with them, no matter the different setting you find yourself in, and it just seems like tending to Soojin's needs is nothing but an easy task for you as if you had done this your entire life.
He has yet to see any sign of a frown, no scowl plastering on your face as you patiently continue to meet Soojin's requests. Either when the girl wants to talk about the meal, comment on her surroundings, or to simply ask for your attention. The only thing he keeps seeing is your smile, and the adoring look in your eyes when you are looking at his little girl. The look that remains in your eyes even as you look away from Soojin to return his gaze.
For a brief moment, he wonders just how easy it seems for you to fit in with them and to deal with his sweet little chatterbox. But then he stops questioning it the moment he realises that you have been doing this for quite some time already. For the past year and a half, you have been acting like the bridge that he needed to connect with Soojin when their entire life had to change, and you had become the best remedy for his daughter to help her open herself up to others.
And those are not the only things that have easily caught Seokjin's attention.
As the dinner carries on, he can feel your walls crumbling bits by bits, and he is beginning to see a part of you that you had never shown him before. Starting from your unbidden smile, the way you keep your guards down and simply let loose, to how you are beginning to talk about yourself more as he carries on the conversation. He also loves the way you were flirting with him earlier, and he knows just how much he wants you to keep doing so.
But the one thing that he simply cannot ignore is how comfortable it feels to be around you. He has felt this comfort throughout the period of time he has known you, but every single time, he had always believed that the setting and the cafe's ambience had been the reason why. He had thought that going back to your cafe felt like coming home, which had become the reason why he had been coming back.
Seeing you now and having all these feelings blooming inside him, Seokjin finally realises that he had been wrong. That the true reason for him to feel this way had always been you. And that you had been the one responsible for helping him feel again.
How the hell had he miss it? How had he not realise this until now?
Seokjin cannot help but wonder how stupid he had been and how close he had been to losing you for good. He may not know what this simple dinner would lead to, but at least he knows now that he has a reason to hold on to hope.
As you suddenly turn to look at him at the exact moment he is thinking about this, he feels as if fate has been playing a silly game with him, taunting him with everything that he had failed to see before, everything that had almost slip right out of his grip because of his stupidity. But right at that moment, right when you return his smile, Seokjin promises to himself that he would no longer take everything for granted. He would bid his time instead of rushing things, but he would make sure that he would not let you slip away again, or to allow himself to get lost in the dark the same way he had before.
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"She's completely wiped out," you whisper to Seokjin as you turn to take a peek at his little girl who has fallen asleep in the backseat. With her tummy full with her dinner and her favourite dessert and her heart swollen with so much joy, you cannot blame her for sleeping with so much content.
Not even the sound of you talking to his father had woken her up.
Seokjin had driven you back to your apartment right after dinner. As if neither of you was ready to end the night or simply put an end to the ongoing conversation that the two of you had been sharing, you simply remain seated inside his car as he keeps it parked in your apartment's parking lot with its engine and air-conditioner running to keep the space inside chill enough for you to relax and for Soojin to calmly sleep.
That was more than half an hour ago.
Since then, you have talked near to everything about your life. From your life back at school, the way you had almost left this silly little town if not for your parents, and many other things about your personal life that he had questioned you about, including having you admit to your fear of driving. You have shared almost everything about your personal life, while expertly avoiding answering or telling him anything about your life before the cafe. The life you had before and after Aron. A part of you wants to tell him about it so badly, but you also know that you are not ready to open up that wound and show him the vulnerable part of you yet.
Each time you look into his eyes, you know that Seokjin can sense it. He must have known that you have this big secret inside you that you want so badly to share, but the warm look in his eyes and the way he keeps holding back from questioning you directly about it lets you know that he understands. And he is telling you without so many words that he will be waiting until you can open up to him completely.
Seokjin turns to follow your gaze, smiling softly at his sleeping daughter before he chuckles. His gaze remains soft when he looks at you again, but you notice how much closer he has shifted because you can feel his warmth when he whispers, "I can't walk you in with her sleeping like this, but can I at least open your car door for you?"
His kind offer warms your heart. You hadn't even considered the thought of him walking you to your door, but you are pleased to find that he had at least cared enough to consider it. "Sure, of course," you answer him with a sheepish smile, and then watch as he climbs out of the car and makes his way around to open your door.
An awkward tension builds up between you once you step out of his car to find him standing out there, waiting for you. Leaning back against the side of his car, you watch as Seokjin seems to be wracking his brains, as if he has lost his voice and is now deciding what to say to you.
So you do the one thing you have learned to do best ever since you met him, which is to speak first and ease his mind a little to get him to open up. "I had a great night. Thank you for sharing it with me," you tell him honestly, and you know that he is pleased to hear it when your words bring a small smile to his face, even if he suddenly falls silent right after.
It is hard to read what is going on inside Seokjin's head when he looks at you, when his gaze seems both intense as he is taking you in while at the same time feels so distant. He remains that way for a brief moment before he shakes his head, as if brushing his thoughts away, and then his smile returns. "I'm glad that you joined us tonight. I still have a lot to thank you for all the things that you've done for both me and Soojin."
"It has always been a pleasure of mine," is the only thing you can say to him, despite the fact that he had meant so much more than either of you could even realise. Taking a deep breath, you shake away this odd feeling inside your chest that refuses to see him go. "So, thank you again. I should go up so you can hurry up and take poor Soojin home."
You try to walk around Seokjin, heading straight to your apartment building, when his hand suddenly lands on your elbow, making you turn back to him again. "Can I perhaps invite you to another dinner?" he suddenly asks you, catching you by surprise. Looking at the way his eyes widens for a fleeting moment, you realise that he had surprised himself as well for asking you this so suddenly and so soon. But he is quick to recover, and he has a determined look in his eyes when he slowly adds,
"Except that—" he starts to speak, sounding a bit sheepish when he does it. But then he clears his throat as a way to muster his courage and then slowly moves closer to you. "Um, well—would you mind if I take you out to dinner with just the two of us?"
"A dinner? You and me?"
"Yes," he says, sounding even more firm and resolved this time around when he speaks. "Just you and me."
Your mouth falls open, not quite sure what to say at first. Your words come out as a stutter when you can finally question him, "Like a date?"
Seokjin chuckles softly at your reaction, and he seems to visibly relax a little after that. "Yes, exactly a date."
Once again, butterflies start spreading their wings inside you. Unfortunately, the words simply slip away from you. Knowing that he had left you speechless, Seokjin hides his smile as he carefully takes a step closer.
"We've known each other for quite some time," he says, reaching out to hold your hand. He slowly leans in, getting so much closer until you can feel his warmth and breathe in the scent of his cologne. His eyes are intense as he looks at you even when his touch is gentle, and you find that you are unable to look away, even when his words send your heart racing when he adds, "But I would love to have a chance to get to know you a lot better. To be able to personally know you, and to know the real you, if you would let me."
You have never been this close to him, to be so close that you are almost touching and you can feel his warmth radiating from his body to engulf you against the cold night breeze. His presence has never felt so strong and so intense the way you are feeling it now, but instead of making you feel intimidated and small, he makes you feel safe, comforted, and even more so when he suddenly says, "I know that you have a story, and I'm here to listen whenever you are ready to share it with me."
All so suddenly, you feel like you are completely bare in his eyes. Your secrets and your pain are out there being displayed for him to see. It wouldn't surprise you to know that maybe he had been able to see your pain the same way you had seen it in him. For the first time in your life after so long, you feel seen. You no longer feel invisible or forgotten, and you no longer feel like you are simply a shell of your old self.
His eyes flicker to your lips, and you can almost feel it, the ghostly touches that he is giving you as he runs his gaze across your lips with some kind of longing in his eyes. And it is enough to make you feel all the things that you had never thought you would be able to feel again. It is enough to make you want. And the last restraint comes crumbling down into pieces.
"And are you sure you won't run away?" you question him with a shuddering breath, and his voice is once again firm when he answers you,
"I would never."
"Then, in that case—Yes, I'd love to," you finally answer, looking at him straight in the eyes when you say, "For the date. For everything."
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