Sorry for the late update. Post vaccination effects hit me hard 😶
As I am still not fully satisfied with the chapter I think I'll re-edit it.
***
|| You were unsure which pain is worse -
the shock of what happened or
the ache for what never will ||
***
A daughter's first love is her father.
A statement that Manik did not quite believe in. He was close to his father too. He looked up to him too. He shared his secrets with him too. He was his first hero too. Then why is a daughter's love different? He often thought about this, but didn't get a satisfying answer to calm the inquisition.
Probably, because he has never seen the way a daughter and a father bond, he never understood the essence of it. The two girls he has seen closely, Alya and Mukti, they never shared a relationship like that with their fathers. Amyrah too, never quite had that ideal relationship with her father.
Today however, as he stood in Rehaan's room, watching Nandini go around the chamber, with an indecipherable gleam lining her eyes, he could understand a little about that purest form of bond.
Nandini hadn't uttered a word since they've entered this room. She had gone still silent. A lot was going on inside her, so much that even words fail to portray that picture. She was trying her best to not cripple. To stay strong, not for her, but the man behind her.
Has anyone ever been able to stop memories?
So couldn't she. All the facade she had put up, melted when she saw a photo frame, kept on the side table, and her will power broke. And in a way, she couldn't control.
Almost as if sensing it, Manik looked at North, who stood on the threshold of the door, to leave them alone. Being Nandini's consort, Manik had equal power to order North and he did obey his command.
It was a picture of Nandini who looked not more than seven, looking at a person who apparently was Rehaan, while he strung a tune on his guitar.
The longing in Nandini's eyes, pinched Manik, making him truly speechless. He wanted to comfort her, but did not know what combination of alphabets can actually do that. Which can give her the love she yearns for.
As he did not have any tricks up his sleeves to pull, he just kissed the side of her forehead, making it known that she has him with her. She is not alone. Even if he can't understand what she feels, he is there to ease it.
"Anjana aunty took this picture", Nandini's hands caressed that framed picture as if it was glass and will break if she puts pressure. "We were on a picnic, and Appa...he was singing a for me", that smile of morose reminiscence that came across her face, made Manik yelp. How much of a torture it was for her!
And all he could do to give her a little consolation was, to nod and give her that little hug of encouragement when he can.
"He always knew Manik. He always knew what to say, what to do, what to sing, what to do to make me smile. Even in that hospital, he just...", she trailed off as her voice gave way to the tears streaming down her eyes.
Ah! How much it pained Manik!
There was a string of feverish 'okays' from Manik, but they didn't manage to comfort the flame of anguish burning inside of her.
Manik heaved a sigh of relief as he felt Nandini wrap her hands around his waist, meekly hiding her face in his chest, in a bid to let go of some of that weariness. "I miss him so much Manik. I miss him", these were muffled words, but carried the grief suppressed within her since years.
"Nandini look at me", though he had to fight his way, he made Nandini's tear stained eyes, look at his slightly hopeful ones. "People come and people go, but their impressions on your hearts remain forever. You may not have your appa with you right now, but his memories, his teachings, everything is alive in your heart and that is what matters the most".
"You carry him, in your heart wherever you go. It doesn't matter if you can't have him with physically. He's there watching out for you, smiling at how his little girl has grown up to be such a beautiful woman"
"You have been such a strong girl all this while, and he would be really proud of you", Manik completed with a kiss on her head. That monologue, was something Manik hadn't prepared for, but it actually gave Nandini exactly what she needed.
The spirit to carry on, leaving behind the wallows of past.
Her tears had dried, replaced by a strange smile. A smile of contentment, as she looked through the windows, onto the green stretch of gardens down. "You are right Manik. No parent ever likes his child crying for him". And hearing her even Manik's smile widened.
"Come I want to show you something", suddenly Nandini was up in action, taking Manik's hand and dragging him with her to the garden. "Where are you taking me?", Manik's question got a visual answer, "Here".
Standing in front of him, was a colossal structure, made entirely out of glass , standing tall in the middle of the garden. With windows framed by golden frames, Manik for once thought if it's golden colour or the actual gold metal. And yet, more spectacular was the meticulous ceiling painted by hand, which reflected on the floor as shiny as a marble.
"What is this place? This looks like out of a Disney Movie?", it was the only thing that had caught Manik's eyes in the mansion, and Nandini couldn't be happier about it. Also, the more surprising fact was this was that place where Nandini spent most of her time here.
"This used to be my solace Manik. The place where I have spent countless nights. Singing, sketching, planning, everything. Whenever I used to feel overburdened or stuck at something, I found myself aching to come here", the shine that Nandini's face had conveyed all the importance of this patio.
"This was the place where I used to get my music lessons from Appa. That is the place I used to sit and Appa sat there beside me", Nandini pointed at the middle of where a different colour marbled laid out making a square. "I spent some of my best days here".
"And it was from here that...", an abrupt realisation stopped Nandini in her tracks. And almost instinctively, she raised her head to look in that same direction, and the same building stood in front of her eyes at a distance. Only the top part of it was visible while the rest of was hidden behind the lofty Maple and Eucalyptus trees.
"What is that?", asked Manik as his eyes looked at the same structure where Nandini's seemed to have got stuck.
"That is a place, where I found redemption", Nandini's words were confusing and so were her actions. "That is the Orphanage where Amma lived", Manik stilled upon hearing her words.
How could he not take this into consideration? A huge chunk of his life entwined with her chaos here. How could he forget? With the realisation came another question. Will he be able to build up his courage and face that place where his beloved Badi maa breathed her last?
Manik was caught up between these haunting questions when a hand wrapped itself around his arms, and gentle orbs locked with his. The same daring that Manik was promoting her to do, now her eyes wanted him to do the same.
Conquer his fear with his valour.
"Let's go", two words from Manik and even Nandini was energised with a magnetic liveliness. An eye to eye order was passed to North who stood at a distance, letting him know of her intentions. He was prompt in understanding and then acting upon it.
~•~
"This is beautiful", finally an architecture that made Manik marvel, now stood in front of him. Just like Nandini's mansion, this too was an old structure, with French exteriors. The difference being the state and the grandeur. While her mansion, looked regal despite the damage, the orphanage was reduced to shams. Paint came off at various spots, while a thin sheet of moss spread across the roof. All in all, it looked like a warrior who has lost it's sheen and agility.
The thing that left Nandini astounded was how was this orphanage was left to rot. How could it be? She has been fucking signing cheques of lakhs for it's maintenance. How she wished she had heard Aryaman's repetitive advice of going to the place once and checking if it was being put to some good use.
". Get in touch with my secretary, Payal and get the information behind my monthly transactions of donations to the orphanage. Investigate where has the money been going. By today evening, I want the information on my table", ladies and gentlemen, that's how Athena commanded his tropes and when she did, no one had the courage to say 'no'.
"Yes Madame", he bowed down in prideful acceptance. Nandini never 'had to be' the commanding person. It was in her blood to be a person of power and give orders. Something that no one has taught her and yet she has mastered.
"Back in time, this garden used to be as lively as it can get. Children running, toddlers crawling, shrill cries of infants piercing your drums. It was a chaos", Manik could see in front of his eyes the picture Nandini painted with words. "Amma maintained this building, to it's best. Not a dirty corner you would find", she recalled all those times when she found Sulekha herself dusting the area, in spite of having many helpers.
Manik's lips curled up in a smile. She was always like this. Never has she tolerated a speak of dust in her home. Manik remembered those days when he would come and hug Sulekha after practice, being all sweaty and she would let him hug her but take a bath instantly afterwards. Though she was a cleanliness freak, she was also a loving Grandma who would never refuse hrr grandchild.
Nandini stopped in front of the room, at the further end of the corridors, from where the backyard began. "This was her room, wasn't it?", the moment Nandini had stopped Manik had understood it.
With Nandini's go ahead, Manik opened the door, not knowing what it hides, what memories will it contain, what is waiting for him on the other side.
The empty room on the other end was quite the anti-climax for the two eager souls. Sulekha Malhotra's room, which used to look like a colourful fiesta now was left with morose shades of greys and whites. The walls which earlier had photo frames after photo frames, now hung empty. It was mortifying for Nandini to see that room like it.
"What the hell has happened to this room?", Nandini's anger was evident in her words and North won't lie. He was scared of what will be the outcome of what he says next. "Madame, the day the care taker died, we were ordered to empty her room", his eyes kept glancing at the black and white floor tiles for no one dares to look in the eye of an angry Athena.
If only it was possible to see the flames she emanted. Nandini felt her on fire. How could she! Was all she thought. "Calm down Nandini", although Manik was as angry as Nandini, he didn't want her to take any step in anger that she may repent later. He too was denied to feel his grandmom, closer to him, probably for the last time in his life.
Nandini stormed out to the backyard, not wanting to stay a minute more in that chilly empty room. But walking out to the backyard, alone, was not the best decision.
On an impulse, rushing back to her were the visions of that day, in front of her eyes, being as real as they could get. Nandini remembered it as if it was yesterday.
Three black jeeps, with no plates, sped into the fence, bringing it down along them. The debris of that fence remained in the yard till today. Fourty men, armed with AK56s came down from the Jeep, along with that one Devil, who she had just defeated.
Nandini could pin point those exact spots where those forty people stood, where she was held, where Aryaman was, where Sulekha was kept hostage, where Dhruv was. It was just too clear in her mind.
The sound of cries for help, the sound of Sulekha's begging. The monstrous laugh of the Devil, the deeply felt angst, everything was going inside her yet again, and blindingly.
Nandini covered her ears to stop the voices from coming in, but those were the voices her heart was making and not what her mind was perceiving. With all that conundrum around, even taking a breath more felt a herculean task for her. As a result, she was left panting with no energy left to even stand. She kneeled down with her head in between her palms, clamping her ears.
Darkness spread in front of her eye, and her hands went cold and numb. A stinging discomfort rose in her chest, forbidding her to take another raging breath. She gasped to intake air instead, her head felt dizzy.
A shaking Nandini could feel the unknown catching up to her. Those voices increased and so cleared up the helpless picture. Nandini's vulnerability caught her from the throat, and fisted her heart in it. Pulling her, along with it caging her to the shackles of woes. The last word, before she lost herself to it that she was murmured was
'I failed Manik'
***
Just one more chapter is left before their rendevous to Belgium ends! After it, it's time for some celebrations for our newly engaged couple.
Better the response, more is the motivation to write and faster are the updates🌸
Take care people.
Love Iris 🦋