Author's Note: Hi everybody:) Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. I had a terrible day mental health wise and just wasn't in a good place to write. I apologize if the sad comes through. Please like or comment. I would really love to know people's thoughts an opinions.
Song Inspo: "Out of the Woods" by Taylor Swift
"So, tell me. Are you guys dating, a situationship, friends with benefits?" Em laughs while drinking a cup of coffee, "also, can we discuss the very specific type of man you choose to have feelings for."
"Haha, what can i say? I'm into old men," I sip on my own cup. "Let me just be clear, older men totally know how to please a lady. He's done things to me I didn't even know I liked. He was great and there was never a lack of orgasms. But Bucky, he's just something else. I can't put into words the things he makes me feel. The way I feel when he's with me..."
"Ooo, you're making me blush. Look at you. He left not even 20 minutes ago and you're already hot and bothered again. Are you gonna ditch me again for him tonight?"
"No. No. I'm not gonna ditch you. He had to leave for a mission, and he said he would be gone a couple days up to a week depending on what they find out. So you're stuck with me until then," I can't help but feel a little worried about what the mission is. Unfortunately, my position with S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't let me look at what missions there are. I just usually get to help clean up the mess the Avengers leave behind.
I guess it's probably for the best. Knowing me and how my brain works I would probably sit there and read everything until my head was full of so many terrible things it exploded. Plus if I knew what Bucky was doing out there, I'd just worry about how many things can go wrong. For now, I can just pretend he's just spying on people from a distance and collecting information. Not getting involved physically.
Those flag smashers put both Bucky and Sam through their paces, and stupid John Walker also laid them out.
"I know I won't hear from him so it's just a waiting game. I don't know, I think I'm getting ahead of myself. We spent two nights together... and I think he enjoyed it as much as I did... Nope, not gonna overthink it. Im gonna shut up about him and you're gonna help me focus on other shit." I refuse to wrap myself around Bucky like I lost myself in Steve.
"I don't blame you. He's a really nice guy. Kinda of dark and broody, but I've always liked him. And it seems really obvious now that he's always liked you," Em looks back up at me smiling and pats my hand. "Just promise me you'll take it easy. I know you're still in a vulnerable place and I want you to take care of yourself first."
"Yeah, I know. I'm trying to just get my shit together. I mean classes start again in a month and then I'll have no life between studying and work. I don't really have time for a full relationship," the thought of my impending workload is enough to give me stress.
"Well, we still have a couple weeks before shit gets crazy. Today, is strictly reserved for watching our shows because we have like a month's worth of binging and it's crappy weather so there's nothing else to do."
"Okay, fair enough. I didn't get much sleep this morning a lazy day sounds good. Oh, don't look at me like that. We talked a lot too."
Emi smiles over her coffee, "yeah, I'm sure the neighbors would disagree. Thank god I don't live next door to you."
"Okay, we're ending this discussion. It's probably not gonna happen again," the thought of not waking up next to Bucky ever again makes me a little sad.
"Yeah, sure! Whatever you say, Charlie."
For the next few days, I spend a lot of time at work. Between everything that happened with Zemo, the flag smashers and the Power Broker mission, there's no shortage of paperwork to file. The day speeds by, I'm calling foreign agencies and politicians. Trying to smooth things over with the John Walker case. There's so much paperwork my hand goes numb from diligent note taking for my bosses. I forgot that this level of work brings me a strange peace. As chaotic as it can be, it takes my mind off of my personal life.
I'm at home, after a more than normal aggravating work day. I'm so glad it's the weekend, I hope I don't get called in for anything. Thankfully, Sam seems to operate within the rules more than Walker did. Having a Captain America that doesn't go around hurting civilians makes my job a lot easier.
I'm getting ready for bed and brushing my teeth, and then I hear a knock at my door. I peak through the peep hole and see Bucky. I hurriedly unlock my door and swing it open a little too aggressively.
Bucky doesn't say anything. He just pulls me into his arms. Toothbrush still in my mouth. We stand like this for a few minutes. Him pulling me into his chest. His arms wrapped almost too tight around me.
"Let's close the door. Come sit down. I need to get the toothpaste off my face. I'll be right back."
Bucky gives a deep sigh, kisses the top of my head and then let's me go. Still saying nothing.
After I come out of the bathroom I take a second to look at him properly. He looks tired. He's got a couple scrapes, cuts and bruises. And there's something else but I can't put my finger on it just yet. He looks up at me and holds his hands out. Pulling me down into his arms.
"Bucky, what's wrong? What happened?"
"I can't talk about it yet. I have to debrief with S.H.I.E.L.D. I just needed to see you. And hold you. It was bad," he pulls me tighter into his arms.
"I'm sorry, Bucky. I'm glad you're back safe. I was worried. And from the way you look I feel like I should've been more worried. Come with me into the bathroom you need some of these cuts cleaned up."
We walk into my bathroom and he sits down on my toilet. I get out my first aid kit. I used to do this a lot when he would come back from missions. It wasn't long before I became skilled at basic first aid and I can even lay a couple of deep stitches. He was always too "noble" to let a nurse or doctor take care of anything he considered minor.
"This is going to sting, but this cut on your cheek is pretty deep. You're going to need a couple of stitches. Something or someone hit you really hard to leave a mark like that..." I trail off. Not wanting to upset Bucky.
He doesn't look at me. His mind off somewhere else. He just sits there thinking, while i clean his wounds. He doesn't even flinch when I stitch his cut closed. Once I'm done he gets up and strides out of the bathroom. I take my time cleaning. I don't know exactly how to handle this version of him. It's a side I've rarely seen.
"Bucky, do you want some medicine for the pain?" I ask quietly.
"No, it looks worse than it is," he's looking out my window onto the streets below. I'm not sure what to do so I make us some tea, it gives me something to do instead of just watching him. I hand him his cup and he gives me a small smile. "I'm sorry I'm not much fun to be around right now."
"It's okay, I know how hard some missions can be. I remember when Steve... sorry, fuck," the pain in my chest still stabs at me when I say his name. Bucky doesn't say anything. He just wraps his arm around my waist.
"Is it wrong of me to ask to stay here tonight? I have to leave early to go debrief and I have a mandatory therapy session, but I want to be here."
"You can always stay here, Bucky."
We climb in bed, my head laying on his chest. I'm so tired I fall asleep almost instantly.
I wake up to my head on a pillow. Bucky's not in bed. I get up and check the living room. But he's gone. There's not a note or anything from him. I check my phone but no messages So I text him.
I have a hard time falling back asleep. I think I get a couple hours in total. Thoughts of how upset he looked last night flashing through my mind.
As I go about my day, I'm actively trying to not worry about Bucky. He's clearly been through something. I want to help but I don't know what to do for him. So I call him, but my call goes straight to voicemail. I try a couple more times, but still there's nothing. So I leave him a message: "Hey, Bucky. It's me. Charlie. Again. I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you're okay. Please call me back. Or even come over. Just... something."
*two weeks later*
Bucky has completely ghosted me. Before he left for that mission we spent two very good days together. Maybe I got too invested too quick. It was too much. I was too much. Emily was right I was vulnerable. I exposed myself to getting hurt again when I haven't even recovered from everything before that night at the sushi bar.
I shouldn't have let him in. I scared him away. What was I thinking...
*Monday Night*
"Confidential Memo:
Flag Smasher Faction:
Regarding explosions at GRC resettlement camp. Total casualties estimated at 107 victims. More analysis necessary for final count. Explosives used contained radioactive substance. Full decontamination of survivors and property complete. Efforts to keep situation out of mainstream news successful. Further investigations, led by Captain America and Sargent Barnes, into new faction leaders necessary. Will need international cooperation to ensure timely eradication of threat."
I let out a heavy sigh after reading the memo. This is what happened. It explains the cuts and bruises. Why he didn't want to or maybe couldn't talk. I wonder how close to the explosion he was. And why he was at that camp. Was it on purpose? Did they wait until he and Sam were there to attack?
I decide to grab my stuff for the night. There's nothing for me to do right now. I grab my things. Tucking the copy of the memo into my bag. I want to read it again when I get home.
As I walk out the door of my office, I hear the director's voice down the hall. I peak my head around the corner of the hall. "Barnes, I get it. But I didn't set the rules of your parole. If the good doctor says you need more therapy then that's her call. Your pardons are contingent upon your compliance with her rules. Unless you'd like to join Zemo on the Raft. Heard you two are friends again."
"Zemo and I are not friends. We just parted on neutral terms." Bucky looks annoyed with the director. I pull my head back, hoping neither one of them sees me. I pull out my phone. Hoping the appearance of me on a call is enough to stop either from saying more than a hello.
"Agent Coulson! May I ask why you're still here? Your supervisor left at least 4 hours ago," Fury stares me down, his one eyebrow raised. I quickly hang up the call. Bucky looks surprised to see me here. Like this isn't the place I've been working the last five years.
"Sorry, Director. I had a few things to wrap up and didn't realize how late it was until a friend called. I was just leaving. Have a good night, sir. Sargent Barnes." I give both of them a quick nod and walk away. "Have a nice night, Agent," Fury calls out.
I hear footsteps coming quickly after me and I know it's him.
"Agent Coulson, can I speak to you for a minute?"