red [Bucky Barnes x OC]

Begin Again

Author's Note: still not having the best of mental health days. But writing sort of made me feel better. Also I've decided to try to work in lyrics of the chapter title's song into dialogue. If you think you find them leave a comment and I'll let you know if you're right. Enjoy this chapter and as always if you feel compelled to like or leave a comment it would make me feel better <3

Song Inspo: Begin Again by Taylor Swift

CONTENT WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL 18+

"Oh, I'm just Agent Coulson to you now? Well, Sargent Barnes, I don't have a minute. I'm off duty. Goodnight." I turn on my heel and walk away.

He takes a couple of long strides and reaches out to touch my arm, "Charlie. Please. Give me five minutes to explain."

I jerk my arm away, "You have until I reach my car and that's it, Sargent Barnes."

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TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of PTSD symptoms and Depression/Anxiety symptoms
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He flinches at his work name, but quickly falls in step with me. "Charlie, I'm sorry, that mission. It messed with my head and I didn't want you to see me like that. I pushed you away because I was scared to hurt you. I was having nightmares about the mission and I saw your lifeless body in my dreams."

"So why didn't you just talk to me? I saw the memo of what happened out there. I would have understood if you just talked to me. But you shut me out. And after everything I told you... I thought you were done with me..."

I have tears rolling down my face, I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of feeling shitty and like I'm not enough. "I would have understood if you needed space, but you just disappeared. It was a shit thing to do."

Bucky takes my hand in his. Pulling me to a stop. "Charlie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've told you what was going on. I should've texted you back. I should've called. I should've shown up. And I didn't. I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. Just don't give up on me yet, doll."

"Bucky, I have to think about it. I don't know if I'm... I don't know if I can. I don't want to be hurt anymore."

He walks me to my car. Still holding my hand. I can tell he's thinking carefully about what he wants to say next.

"Just listen, please. I am sorry. I hurt you and you didn't deserve that. I just want to make this right. I won't stop until you believe me."

"Goodnight, Bucky."

When I get home I take a hot shower. Washing off all the hurt I feel, standing under the water until my body is red from the heat. When I step out I hear my intercom ringing. I check the screen and see that it's him.

"Hello? Is anybody in there? Hellooo?"

"Yes, I can see you. I'm not letting you in."

"Oh, well I-I brought you dinner. Chinese, all your favorites. I know you didn't eat dinner yet. Buzz me in, please?"

I let out a long sigh. Not sure if I have it in me to handle this situation. Against what my brain is telling me, I push the button. A minute later and he's at my door. The smell of food is too tempting once it's in range. And I let him in. We sit down to eat at my table. Not talking. I'm not even looking at him, but I can feel him looking at me.

"Can you please just get mad at me. Yell at me. Do something. Anything is better than this silence from you. We have to fight so I can apologize and tell you how stupid I am. And then I can fix things. You're not even doing that cute dance you do when you eat good food," Bucky is looking exasperated.