After Li Han sent me back to Yongshou Palace, he stayed for dinner. Since then, Li Han was secretly visiting me every night. He liked hugging me to sleep, placing his face on my stomach. Then he'd tell me to pat him to sleep.
'Do I look like his mother? Is he a dog? Why does he like patting so much? Wait.. he's really a dog!'
"Do you remember years ago, you told me that you admired me so much?"
*cough*cough*cough* Bastard! Stop saying nonsense! I spent the next several minutes coughing and choking on my own saliva.
"Don't misunderstand me, your highness. I really think highly of you. I admired you so much."
"Are you.. mocking me?"
"Mocking? No. No. Instead, I'm confessing to you, your highness with all my heart."
My eyes widened in horror. Why did he have to mention that?! Father! I almost died at my own spit. The male lead was always one to hold a grudge.
"That.."
"Why'd you lie to me?" His tone changed, it got heavier, my face paled.
Closing my eyes, I bit my lips; "No, Your Highness. I— I won't dare."
"So you admire me." His voice turned cheerful again.
'Lifting a rock only to drop on one's toe'— I think I just heard Mom. These Chinese saying really suited my situation right now.
Li Han started playing with my fingers like a child. There were traces of his teasing grin on his lips, illuminating his bright face. While my entire being was stiff like a log— my body, my face, my smile. My eyes could only rested on the roof. I sighed.
Another torturous night.
My back hurts, limbs numb. Nervously sitting on my bed like a statue, I glanced at the man who again fell asleep on my lap.
This is.. worse than death.
I am a wallflower. I'm useless. I wonder what would've my teachers say if they see the situation I'm in right now. The eldest daughter of the Prime Minister was equivalent only to a pillow– a soft pillow to the Immortal Nan King.
"Your Highness, I don't think.. this is right. I am an unmarried woman. How can you.." This is historical settings. We're in an ancient era where people here are very conservative. So male lead-sama, you can't do this!
I tried to withdraw my hands from his hold but Li Han would even gripped it tighter.
'That's my hand! I have a right to take my hand from you! You dog bastard! Give me back my hand. Stop kissing them. You vulgar man! Pervert!'
"So you want me to marry you? Lady Bai, are you proposing to this prince?" His bedroom voice made my heart skipped a beat and then it began to pound in my ears.
"No. No. I—" That's not it. 'Don't twist my words, you dog!'
"So.. you don't want to marry me?"
"Y-your Highness.. I.." Speechless. I am genuinely speechless. Fucking speechless.
Inside, I'm panicking. To the point of wishing to throw myself to the lake, so frustrating! 'The male lead wants to marry me!'
"Bai Suxin, you are not allowed to reject this prince. If you dare—" He chuckled, then lightly bit the scar.
"Huh. Let's see how I shall deal with you if you dare." Li Han's voice became dangerously low. A cold sweat automatically broke out on my forehead.
Li Han was supposed to fall in love with Chu Wanwan at first sight. 'Emperor and I' novel is a sadomasochistic love story in a historical setting. The male lead is a sadist and the female lead is a masochist. So thank you, I'm not planning to be part of any of that.
I don't like being in pain and I never take sexual pleasure at hurting others. I didn't even watch Fifty Shades of Grey or 365 days movies, not because I am that innocent. But because it's not just my definition of romance okay.
Morning came.
As expected, the male lead was gone. Huge dark bags under my eyes. I lose so many sleeps for almost a week now. I was tortured during those nights. I can't sleep because I'm too scared that if I disturb the sleeping dog, he'd go crazy and bite me again.
The male lead, I don't know what to do with him. This is not good for my heart.
After my morning routines, as I stood by the bedside, I subconsciously started pacing back and forth. Ah, this is also becoming my habit.
"What to do? What to do?"
I glanced at my scar left by the male lead. I cried without tears. My heart was in turmoil.
I know something's wrong with Li Han. What's wrong with him?! Why is this happening?! The male lead is acting out of character.
Did he like me? No. No. No. I'm just hallucinating; ha ha ha. I'm silly. Compared to the goddess Chu Wanwan, Bai Suxin is manipulative snake. She's plain and boring. Who would like such venomous girl, right?
But the male lead wants to marry me! Me! The green-tea villainess! Crazy dog!
"Lu Kai, report."
Lu Kai knelt on one knee, "My lady, there are movements on Nan King's side. Yesterday, Nan King arranged an ambush to the eighth prince at Xuadong Pavilion. Prince Li Xie is severely injured. He also ordered General Gao to dispatch hundred of troops in the Summer Palace, in the pretense of protecting the first prince, Li Sheng."
Everything were just like in the novel, so why..
Li Han's voice sounded in my head. "I'm gonna lock you up. Chain you in my bed so I can eat you whole. Then every night, I'm going to claim you.. fast, deep, hard."
My soul screamed. I wanted to runaway.
I remember that few days from now, the female lead will make her come back in the grand palace. In Jinling Mine, Chu Wanwan will save a side-character, grateful to her, that person will help the female lead out of her bad situation. Then he will take her with him back to the capital and Chu Wanwan will again enter the grand palace to retaliate to Bai Suxin and Li Cha.
There's still hope. Taking a quick breath through my nose, I asked; "How's the preparation?"
When I recovered, Concubine Zhi can only regretfully allow me to go back to Prime Minister manor today.
I cannot wait to lock myself in my own room— away from that dog male lead, I have to defend my purity. I cannot surrender the flag. I must persevere.